In the middle of my weakness thats where i find my strength......in the middle of my pain thats where i learn to love........In the middle of my hate thats where i learn to live and in my dreams thats where i hope to find these things cause they could never be real because in real life weakness=pain,pain=hurt,hate=death and all these things make up the people we are thats why we are dying........and life to us is just the norm thats why people are hurting and thats why we are dying alone.

Have you ever wondered how you could make life better or yourself for that matter................I have been trying for the last 3 years to make myself better or just to feel better.I can't seem to find the person i want to be............I'm just lost in a dream that can't happen because thats not who i am. I want people to see me for me and no one does that i don't want to have to hide me past because i'm afraid that people will judge me for it. I guess i'm just tired of being me and not being able to be free.I could never be good enough i'm not that strong i'm not good enough for god or anyone.I have no one to trust anymore everyone has left me i can't talk about my pain because i'm supposed to be strong,strong for me and everyone else..............I just don't know what to do anymore i'm lost in a place that has it grip tight around me.and it seems i will never be free not even god can help me.......right?

I hate st.patricks day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I told everyone today that i was not going to wear green i just said that if anyonhe pinches me i am going to slap them!!~!(so no pinches guys!!)anyways wore my hair down today got lazy this morning and decided not toput it up so i just stuck jell in it anyways..................so heres another poem for you what do you think still another unfinished i can't figure out what to say after the last line................hhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmm.......

Im going away,

to a place in my dreams

a place where i can even be free

a place where my life

is filled with great things

cause only that life is found in my dreams.

so let me know what you think, i like to hear from u guys

So hows everyone?so last night at church we were talkin about different religons and my youth pastor said something that made me think he said you need to figure out who you are..........and i thought about it and was like i don't really know who i am or what i want from god or even what i am doing on this planet..........man life is screwed up.so anyways i am still trying to write but my poems are stuck ........still.........

one day i woke up and turned my head

i finally realized my life was finally dead

i suffocated the person in me

only i knew i could never be free

free from my past which haunted me in my dreams

free from the pain that surrounded me,

free from the life that.......................

i really wish i could finish these but even when i do i will go back and revise them and change life half of it?oh well will post more later

This is for justin!!!!!!What do you think!!!!!(Lol)  I love you justin(hahhahahahahaha)

Im so happy we got to skip drivers ed.........again.......mr. johnson keep showing up late so he lets us go to the "market" or the gas station last time we went to mcdonalds....uggggghhhh.....i hate mcdonalds.anyways so what is everyone doing im bored so everyone share some stories with me so i can be unbored.......going to church tonight i love church get to talk to all my cool friends and ......jesus......jj anyways i am in physical science so i  will write more laterr

some people have amazing talents i found these on the internet and was like omg this is awesome!!!!!!!

 These verses are for all my friends who are struggling this show that you must have faith in god he will never let you down. it shows the power of faith the walls of jericho fell because of the faith of people. My friend kale told me to read hebrews chapter 11 when i was stuggling and it has showed me so much and gave me the faith that god is with me through it all.

¹Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

³Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.

 ⁴By faith Abel offered unto God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, by which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts: and by it he being dead yet speaketh.

⁶But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

²⁵Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;

 ³⁰By faith the walls of Jericho fell down, after they were compassed about seven days.

³⁹And these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise:

   ⁴⁰God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect.

so..............................I don't really have anything new to post today i haven't finished my poems yet so i can't really post that......................hummmmmm.......anyways. Have you ever wondered who you really are i don't know I am struggling to find out who i am i have changed so much in the last year its like i can't seem to really be able to find myself anymore..........but i guess change is for the best......right?

I decided to put these verses in to show that u really have to trust god in all things bcause he is the only one that can bring you through....and sometimes god puts you through suffering to make you a vessel

   ¹⁰For it became him, for whom are all things, and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons unto glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings.

¹³And again, I will put my trust in him. And again, Behold I and the children which God hath given me.

¹⁵And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.

¹⁸For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted.

I found this poem on the internet and it really caught my attention i thought i would share it with you guys:

Darkness surrounds me.
I cannot see the light
At the end of the tunnel.
And so I try to fight.
The more I try to fight,
The more I seem to fail.
Hope seems so distant...
So thin... So frail...
I cannot make it.
I know that it's true.
Despair is all I feel.
I know not what to do.
Now I see beside me,
A sad looking man.
He's reaching out to me,
With his nail-scarred hands.

He seems to know
My sorrow and my pain.
He seems to know,
What road I have ta'en.
But how can he know?
How can it be?
How could he hear?
How could he see?
How can he possibly
Know or understand,
This sad man,
With nail-scarred hands.

I can't ignore him.
I must give in.
I know, by myself,
I cannot win.
This man will keep me
From many harms.
So I reach out to him,
WIth open arms.
He will help me.
I know that it's true.
I know he knows
Exactly what to do.
He holds me close
And now I understand,
This happy man,
With nail-scarred hands.

I've been thru the tunnel,
And now see the light.
Now I see so clearly,
That my descision was right.
I did not do it
On my own.
He helped me find
My way home.
He hsa helped me
In my life.
He has taken
My pain and strife.
I gave in
To a winderful man
That reached out to me,
With nail-scarred hands.

I dunno this poem almost made me cry and knowing me i don't like to cry but it shows gods love and how hes always there it is so amazing!!!!!!!!1

Each day is full of curveballs and soul-searching, but out of our most vulnerable and defenseless periods often come the most valuable lessons of character, spiritual sharpening and insight to the questions that weigh heavy on our hearts

I think this shows that maybe sometimes god puts us through stuff to help us learn and grow...........what do u think?

monday again........that means 1 more week till ...................

     spring break.......................

i'm excited i get to sleep in all week hells yes anyways I am stuck in the middle of being a teenager and an adult i don't know what to do with life anymore everyone wants me to be a leader and to be an adult, but i don't think i'm ready for that step yet..........but anyways church was awesome last night we have a visiting preacher from michigan his name was Rich Strawcutter he was awesome. I wish he could have stayed longer i always enjoy people like that. so i started writing this poem but couldn't finish what do you think?

theres this lonley feeling

deep inside of me

no one to fill this gap

no one to hear my pleas

I tried to ask god for his help

its like he never knew

the broken pieces of my life

could never be renewed.............

writers block i wrote this poem and heres where i stop, cause this poem is me and maybe the reason i can't finish is cause i haven't found a way to fill that hole.

I read thiss sign in my teachers classroom it really made me think so i wanted to share it with u guys it said:

you are not a failure if you have weaknesses you fail by giving into them.

....................think about it.....................................

so anyways still writin poetry i've had writers block but i'm begginning to get my ideas back.............i dunno that happens sometimes......but i have this one poem no matter how hard i try the right words never seem to come out and i can't make my oems what i really want them to be....................the only time i can write is when i'm sad,its then when my poems start to shine.

brandi

yes..................no school tommorow i am so syched!!!! anyways i am incredibly happy today!!hum.......thats wierd oh umm i think i have finally got over the boring unexciting part of being single, until i find a guy i don't care......i'll be happy alone who needs boys to make you happy anyways....well me....(lol) anyways i saw the coolest guitar today i so feel in the big L word.......love.....it was the coolest thing ever. ummmmumumumumummum...........i love my church we have some really cool people there like last night i went and was all just walkin around and saw brian and he was all like hey you wanna talk and i din't even say anything it was like he just knew.......kinda creepy, but anyways it felt good to have someone to talk to again and someone to trust........it makes me happy to see there really r cool people still left in the world.....not much more to write so i will catch u guys laterz,

brandi

take this quiz ......

              maybe youwill know me..........................

       http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz.php?quizname=060308120641-880127&     

oh wait.....i forgot one thing in my last post i think i am in like with this guy i am not going to say the big L word cause in my dictionary thats a cuss word....i just wish he could really see me i mean he looks at me but never really sees me man that sounds so wierd but i could never have him hes in love with someone else i would never b good enough. oh well i've learned better than to get to close people aren't good enough anymore all they care about is theirselves so this world is on a downwardspiral and its taking us all in..............hummmmmmm think about it....

anyways....I am sick the whole sinus thing......it sucks i hate being sick...i feel like i have a papertowel in my head....but anyways i am fighting with jesus right now i think i am losing really bad  anways i don't got anything else to say except ilove you guys i will try to post more later

see yas,

brandi  

I GOT MY CLASS RING!!!!!!!
       i am really excited it is so cool... anyways want to say hi to all my friends i love you guys........but still trying to learn bass not as easy as i thought it would be. anyways i don't have to work again till friday so.... i get to hang out all week yeah.....no big mac day for me uhhuh uhuh.... anyways tommorow is freshman orientation:( like we need anymore freshman om my god freshman drama.... but we were all there at one time they will grow up, i hope. lol but anyways got some work to do leave me some remarks i am bored..

brandi

HEY GUYS.....

        I HAVEN'T WROTE IN A FEW DAYS SO I THOUGHT I WOULD UPDATE..............

               GOT TO TRAIN A NEW CREW MEMBER AT WORK LAST NIGHT SHE IS  PRETTY COOL AND SHE LEARNS FAST SO I GUESS THATS ALL COOL........

         I AM STILL LOKKING TO FIND A MAN SOMEONE TO LOVE TIRED OF BEING ALONE I GUESS. BEING SINGLE ISN'T AS GREAT AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE IT TOTALLY SUCKS.

            SO YEAH HAVE TO WORK AGAIN TONIGHT 6 TO 10 BUMMER CAUSE FRIDAYS MY HANGOUT DAY THE BEGGINING OF FREEDOM............

            SO I GET MY CLASS RING THIS WEEKEND I AM SO EXITED IT IS GOING TO BE THE COOLEST EVER. I AM TOTALLY HYPED ABOUT GETTING IT IT MAKES MY JUNIOR YEAR A WHOLE LOT COOLER....

               I AM TOTALLY READY TO GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL EVEN IF I HAVE ONE MORE YEAR LOOKIN TO TAKE LOTS OF EASY CLASSES TO GET SOME EASY GRADES TO TAKE MY GPA UP. THEN I CAN GRADUATE AND FINALLY BE FREE FROM THE HELLS OF HIGH SCHOOL. EVERYONE SAYS HIGH SCHOOL IS THE BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE WHOEVER MADE THAT UP SHOULD BE SHOT HIGH SCHOOL SUCKS......

          READY FOR COLLEGE SO I CAN MAKE MY OWN SCHEDULE AND FINALLY BE FREE FROM P.A.R.E.N.T.SNOT THAT MINE AREN'T COOL BUT SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO GET OUT......

HOPE TO START MY OWN BAND THIS SUMMER I  HOPE TO GET A GOOD ONE AND MAKE IT A LONG WAY FIRST I HAVE TO COME UP WITH THE NAME.......ANY SUGGESTIONS.....AND  THE PRICES FOR THE EQUIPMENT IS REALLY HIGH SO IT LOOKS LIKE A SUMMER JOB AT MCDONALDS IS CALLING MY NAME.....

ANYWAYS IIM TIRED OF BLABBING SO IM GONNA GO READ A MAGAZINE OR SOMETHING I GUESSS...... OR MAYBE JUST  SLEEP? OH WELLZ HOPE EVRYONES DAY ROCKS OUT

LUV YAZ,

BRANDI 

so yeah me and god are arguing right now sooo.......

i really don't know what to write except i won an award for fccla we got bronze which is  bad but i don't really care anyhow i have lots to do got chirch tonight and school tommorow life is a schedule........

to many htings to do........

sooooooo........ i am really,really tired but its friday so its all cool, no work tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yeah, oh yeah, but i have one voice tonight its where groups go and learn 15 new songs in 2 days its gonna be cool. anyways i really don't know what else to write. except i love you guys.

p.s. trish take care of that foot, you might miss out on seein dakota!!!(haha)

ok so todays thursday the 23rd. still haven't found the guy i'm lookin for i don't think real love is out there. its to hard to find someone who really likes you. oh well i hope all you kats have a good day>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

laters'

brandi

so yeah i am really tttttttttttttttiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddd!!!!!!

but thats  ok i am trying to finish writing a song i think it will be pretty

cool i will post it when i am finished and let you guys tell me what you think!!

sometimes i wonder if the darkness on the inside shows if everyone can see it or am i the only one who knows. can they see the heart inside so cold and empty there just waiting for the someone to finally take the time to care, to take the heart so cold and hard and make it all real new so the dead life on the outside can breath a time or two to take the broken heart and mend it just for me to gently handle it with care to mend it with great ease to take the broken pieces that many thought were through and put them back together ao life could be anew the many things that darkness brings makes it hard to thrive for the life thats dying slowly with no hope left this time.