boys will be boys

October 10, 2006

hey guys have blogged in along time imiss you guys especially all my high school grads but i need to vent so here it goes.....

I lost the only guy i ever truly loved to another gir; my heart fills like a hole I don't like it we talked for a while about it and im not mad at him but i guess we could never be. I don't think i will ever find the right guy for me. I think i was made to be alone the boys see me as friends the girl who can kick thier butt in football or any sport at that matter but none of them are even close to liking me as more than a sports buddy. man i wish i acted more like a girl sometimes.....

Untitled

April 24, 2006

I keep this paint brush with me,

wherever I may go,

 In case I need to cover up

so the real me dosen't show.

I'm so afraid to show you me,

Afraid of what you'll do-that

you might laugh or say mean things.

I'm afraid I might lose you.

I'd like to remove all my paint coats

to show you the real, true me,

But i want you to try to understand,

I need you to accept what you see.

So if you'll be patient and close your eyes,

I'll strip off all my coats real slow.

Please understand how much it hurts

to let the real me show.

Now all my coats are stripped off.

I feel naked, bare and cold,

And if you still love me with all that you see,

you are my friend, pure as gold.

I need to save my paintbrush, though,

and hold it in my hand,

I want to keep it handy

In case someone dosen't understand .

So please protect me, my dear friend

and thanks for loving me true

But please let me keep my paint brush with me

until i love me, too.

Untitled

April 24, 2006

Life isn't about keeping score. Its not about how many people call you and its not about who you've dated, or are dating or haven't dated at all. It isn't  about who you kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. Its not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In Fact, Its not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and its not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that . But life is about who you love and who you hurt. Its about how you feel about yourself. Its about trust, happiness, and compassion. Its about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. life is about avoiding jealousy,overcoming ignorance and building confidence. Its about what you say and what you mean. Its about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, its about hoosing to use your life to touch someone elses in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise, these choices are what lifes about.

Untitled

April 21, 2006Today I woke up and looked in the mirror and saw a person that I had never seen before, someone who is beggining to grow and becoming something actually worth being when I hit walls i find the key and walk through instead of letting them get me down.....when I can't sleep I listen in the silence to gods voice telling me what I need to do. I pray more, I love more, I am me more and no matter what anyone else does that can't take that away, I admit that I struggle alot with many things but have found that if you place it in gods hands it will be ok......if you let him lead you will never want to leave because the peace that you feel when he is around is unmistakably awesome. He is the only one that can take away your pain and calm the storms that crash around you and when you are down and theres no one to talk to he there. he hears your voice even in the tinest whisper he knows how you hurt he sees what you are going through. he cares so why don't we just place our problems in his hands?

Untitled

April 20, 2006                Life is a bottomless pit it sucks you in and keeps pulling and pulling till you have no strength left to fight, no love left to give, no light lsft at the end of the tunnel because it burnt out when you gave up....on everything...theres nothing left to hide cause everyone knows nothing to be scared of cause everything that can hurt you has. You see your friends slowly becoming just like you and you try to do evrything you can to help them but you are so far away you can hear them but you can't reach them. what do you do?