So yea, its one of those long survey things that no one will read that I'm doing out of boredom...

1) Last thing you burned while attempting to cook?
An omlet.

2) Describe yourself in 3 words?
Laffy, Rambunctious, and Unique.

3) How long does it take you to get ready for your day?
An hour and fifteen minutes.

4) Favorite place to blow $50?
Urban Outfitters.

5) How many people have you thought were "the one"?
Zero.

6) What is something that turns you off from the opposite sex?
Being extremely annoying.

7) What kind of car do you drive?
99 Honda Accord.

8) What's in your CD player right now?
Rilo Kiley, Coldplay, Missy Elliot, Eisley, and A Rap mix.

9) What celebrity would you have coffee with?
Natalie Portman/Uma Thurman.

10) What celebrity would you NOT have coffee with?
Toby Keith.

11) What kind of toothpaste do you use?
Crest Sensations Vanilla Mint.

12) What time do you go to bed?
Around 12 on school nights, hah.

13) Last movie you saw?
"Yours, Mine, and Ours" hahahaha.

14) Last TV show you watched?
Survivor

15) Who is your best friend?
My Girls know who they are...

16) Who in your family do you best get along with?
My Brother...

17) Who do you lust after?
Touching... ;)

18]) What time is it?
11:42 p.m.

19) Are you planning a vacation/travel?
I'm going to Hawaii with Drama during Spring Break.

20) When/Where was the last time you traveled?
Summer '04.

21) How many times have you been in love?
Zero.

22) How old will you be in 10 years?
26

23) Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Somewhere that I'm myself and happy.

24) Sinful snacking weakness?
Gah...just about everything. But currently...Danish Wedding Cookies.

25) Rollercoasters?
Hell Yeah!

26) Ever run out of gas?
Not yet...But i'm the kind of person who will go for days with the empty light on...

27) Ever been on a train?
Nope.

28) Ever been on a blind date?
Nope.

29) Ever been to Europe?
Nope.

30) What would you do if you could be the opposite sex for one day?
Cook...just like a woman should...BAHAHAHA [kidding]. I would sit around and talk with my "girlfriends" about sexxx.

31) Would you tell anyone it was you?
I would brag....???

32) Ever been arrested?
No.
33) Have a crush on anyone you work with?
Hah, not where I worked.

34) What is something you believe in?
The power of music.

35) What is something you fear?
Death.

36) Big or small?
Whoa now...do you know who you're talking to?

37) What is the worst pain you have ever experienced?
I had surgery this summer, and when I woke up from it....talk about paaaaiiiin.

38) What is your favorite television show?
Big Brother.

39) Ever photoshopped yourself to look better in a picture?
If I knew how...I would.

40) Tell us something about your childhood.
I got stuck in a tree...literally.

41) What would it cost for you to flash the person next to you?
A drink.

42) Best time to catch you in a good mood?
You can't plan it...I'm a headcase.

43) If you could be anything for one day, what would it be?
A bird.

44) Most prized possesion(s)?
Freedom!!! Bahahaha

45) Would you ever sell it/how much?
Suck it!

46) What is one of your pet peeves?
When people are wrong, and won't admit it.

47) Favorite kind of ice cream?
Starbuck's Coffee Almond Fudge.

48) Coolest thing that happened today?
Ashley Marshall had a cabage patch doll that moved its mouth.

56) What do you usually order from starbucks?
Yay!!! Grande Chi Egg Nog Latte.... :)

57) What is/was your biggest mistake?
Being an immature kid and aiding in the decline of My dad and I's relationship.

58) Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Looooooooooooooong time ago.  Like I said, immature kid.

59) Say something totally random about you:
I like to dance...a lot.

60) Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Not that I can recall.

61) Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
No, they put me in a creepy mood.

62) Did you have braces?
No, but I am being told I need to. Pssh.

63) Are you comfortable with your height?
Very much so.

64) What is the most romantic thing done by someone of the opposite sex?
Bahahaha. If only you knew my past with women.

65) When do you know it's love?
When you know who you are completely, and they are part of it.

66. Do you speak other languages?
Espanol!!

67) Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
No, but part of me wants to try it out.

68) What magazines do you read?
GQ

69) Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Yeah, for my 16th Birthday.

70) Has anyone you were really close with passed away?
Yes, my grandfather.

71)Have you ever watched MTV?
Um....yeah.

72) What's something that really annoys you?
Fights with my mother.

73) What's something you really like?
Touching. ;)

74) Do you like michael jackson?
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

75) Can you dance?
Aha! Yes I can.

76) What's the latest you've ever stayed up?
I've gone well over 24 hours with no sleep.

77) Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?
I think about that a lot, you never know.

78) Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
No.

79) Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?
Honestly...not at all. Unless I like them

80) Who did you take this from?
Lexie.

81) Whats your full name?
Nicholas Ray Hawkins.

82) If you had to pick another city to live in... but it was in the same state what city would you choose?
Cool Springs? Is that a city?

83) Favortie place in the world?
What kind of question is that?

84) Best feeling you ever had?
Hahaha...I will not be vulgar or obscene.

85) Life goal or dream?
Find acceptance with myself.

Oh my spiritual figure!!! Tegan and Sara are coming to the Exit In in Nashville...Tuesday...aslkjfsdiut;iolusadrtu!!!!!

That sucks, because its a school night, and I have drama practice from 3:30 til 6:00. BLAH!!!

So there is no way my mom will let me go. It doesn't start until 8, and there are other people playing, so it would be over until laaaaaaaate.

They are one of my top five favorite bands of all time. And i'm going to miss their show. I saw them at Dancing in the District. I was Front and Center. And this time, I wont be there at all...  :(

Someone...comfort...me....

So Friday was bleh. I didn't get to hang out with Sarah Gearhart...So that sucked. I ended up going around town with Maegan to stores and such...

^^ It looks like that pole is stuck up the [manakin's] butt...

The only thing I bought was the new DDR game for Xbox...

Today, I listened to my iPod...

Then, I called Marylane...

And we ate at O'Charley's. It was good. Then we attempted to hang out with Maegan and John. But plans didn't go through. And everyone else was busy or not home. Soooo. Marylane and I  sat at my house...BORED LIKE NO TOMORROW!! But, I enjoyed it, because I missed her and its nice to be around her...We played perfection and guess who. We ended up just going back to hastings later on...where I saw Sean Donnovan. He is my all time favorite person ever. I miss hanging out with him and everyone else [Molly, Amanda, James] Hanging out with those people...I felt like I could be myself and have no worries. Just thinking about what we used to do brings back a rush of emotions that came along with it. A part of my life will forever be dedicated to the four of you...hahaha. But seriously. Completely amazing times. We should hang out again, and I mean it, and I will actually call some of you...hah...Yeah. Speaking of the past, I'm found my anti-Bush shirt...

So yea, I hate my yearbook picture...a whole lot...like seriously... {Claire, hahaha}...

So yeah...I used to have long hair...

...and I'm so glad its gone...

"Can we get together? I really, I really wanna be with you. Can you work it out with me? I hope you, I hope you feel the same way too. Do you believe that we can change the future? Its just an illusion, I don't care. Do you believe I can make you feel better? There's too much confusion, come on over here."

Yes...M.I.A...Everyone go listen...now...

Nicholas is tired...So he's going to go get some sleep before his school schedule is completely lost like it usually is during breaks...

He's off to dream...about certain { people }, places, and things...

And cuddle with his pillow and pretend that it's a warm body keeping him company...

Yes....Happy Thanksgiving Everyone...

My day was good, then a little bad, and then good again....

My mom was on edge all day. Anyways, I went to my dads house around 1...

^ My stepsisters..

^Stepsisters with my cousin...

I haven't seen my dad, stepmom, or stepsisters lately. Actually, any of my dads side of the family. So it was nice to see them again, and have no confrontations about anything. I enjoyed it. A bunch of relatives from Florida came down, and my dads cousin from Michigan and her boyfriend. it was kinda the first time meeting her. I really liked her and her boyfriend. They were northern, businiess oriented,  and they were moving to San Francisco. They were fun. So we all ate, and then played DDR...Hah...

My brother playing DDR was downright hilarious...

The highlight of the day,was getting to see my nephew!

And my brother....

And his wife, who had to leave early to be a nurse...

Then I lost track of time and I was supposed to be at my stepdads house at 5, and it was 5. And I was at my dads house, and I still had to go back to my moms to pick up some pies and potatoes. So I was 45 mintues late, and they were already done eating, and My mom was crazy pissed off, and I was really upset because I felt bad...But then I just ate some more,

And my mother and I got along...

So this Thanksgiving was completely different. It was the first one with my "stepfamily" It just didn't feel the same like it used to, but I guess nothing does anymore. And i'm sure everyone cares about my family doings, hah....

Well I have no plans for tomorrow. Except put up the Christmas tree in the morning. So call me...anyone...please...

I hope everyone had a very gangsta Thanksgiving....

And that my friends, is the quote of the night....lmao

I was supposed to pick up Marie around 2:30, but I was a tad bit late, So I picked her up at 4:00, heh.  We went browsing. At Sugarees, I had a very good conversation with the lady who I think owns it. About how safe sex should be taught in schools instead of abstinence. and how her store used to carry car fresheners and the scent was gay. lol, how that's a scent, i'm not sure I want to know...

Anastasia's is now Anastasia's and Seans. Too bad the guys clothes aren't that good. Then to hastings. Now that was fun. We sat and laughed at books. mostly books on dating from the christian section.

I saw "Rent" With Marie, Andrea, Jesse, Jeff, Britney, Lindsey, and Christina. At first I was annoyed and hated it. But now I like it, It grew on me, and I kinda want to see it again without being so cynical at the start, heh. "Merry Christmas Bitches!!!!!!!!" my favorite line of the movie. So...in the previews, I saw a girl who looked just like Alanis Morisette, and I was excited to see her in the movie. Turns out that it was a transvestite. lmao, Wow, definately not Alanis Morisette...

So there were some cool people at the movie theatre tonight, I didn't get to talk to all of them, [haha, isn't that right Andrea] And i kept dropping everything. I"m becoming more clumsy by the second. I completely destroyed Andrea's chapstick when I went to get some.  I swear it just flew out of the stick and disappeared into the black hole...

Yeah, then a pretty heavy talk with Marie. I realized that I am who I am, and its best for me to come to terms with that and if I have to make some changes, then I need to. But as of now, i am very happy. especially because of recent events, things are looking up.... finally, hah.

So Marie and I took these pictures like a week ago, its when we decided that we weren't photogenic. I always look like a big stupid....Hah.

Meh, we are crazy kids....

I've decided to make a landmark decision in school....start a tribal dancing club. Once a week, at night, we'll meet in a field dressed in loin cloths. We'll play bongos, dance in blood, and scream and chant songs in tribal languages. Its cultural, come on... okay, I just like making tribal noises...*shrugs*

So this girl in my geometry class, Janelle, is completely insane. The other day she sat on me and molested me. Big time. Rubbing her ass all  over me. She even licked my hands. She was trying to "eat my armpit hair" so she says, lmao. Like, does she smoke before every class or something? Who does that?!?! But yeah, then she kissed me on the face, and tried to do it some more. Phew. I tried to get Sarah Gearheart to save me, but she merely laughed. And the other day I watched her take out her weave. Its entertaining.  It ain't yo momma's geometry class...

Nine more days until my glasses are gone. For good this time. I am getting contacts. Yes. I am sooo excited. They will be so much easier. But...I will miss it. I'll look better though, heh, maybe?

Don't worry, when I go to Northwestern College in Chicago. I'll be sure to come back and visit my peeps...

So i'm pretty convinced that a black hole exists in the universe. Seriously. I lose things all the friggin time. And I can never find it. And really, things just cant comepletely disappear. There is no other explanation.

Today was sooo easy...We had a spanish fiesta in first. It was really just a big breakfast thing. I brought a skillet. And eggs. And yes, I made scrambled eggs in class, on the spot, and the were amazing. Yessss. Then I just talked through second and went to do the SACS thing for the rest of the day. Which no joke, consisted of my and Chloe, Sonia, Jimmy, and Kelvin, sitting in an empty conference room from 12 to 3, doing absolutely nothing. We played cards. We helped the committee members in no way because they did nothing. So yea, it was good to get out of class, but I was bored out of my mind.

And I had the bright idea to go bowling tonight, but when I got home after practice I just wasn't in the mood. And I heard that Maegan and Anna were skating. So Andrea and I decided to go with them. Well when we got there, there was a total of like eight cars there, and through the windows we only saw little kids. Like tiny kids. So we finally swallowed our egos and went up there. And they said it was "Flashlight Night" where the turn off the lights and you skate with flashlights, and they wouldn't let us in without a flashlight, so we ran away. We wasted the night away basically. We went to the Underground. Man did that bring back memories. I remember spending day after day after day there. Thats where I met sooo many of my friends and where I made lasting bonds with people. And now its like non-existent. It was nice to go there again. Then we had trouble meeting up with Maegan and Anna, we went to espresso joes (where they were) but at the same time, they went to the underground (where we were) so we basically jsut switched, But espresso joes was closed, hah. So we went to starbucks (who would have guessed?!?!) [and I saw Lexie there, haha, happy?]then to Hastings, where we saw Casey, I love that girl soo much!!!! Damn, I want your number, we will hang out. You don't read phusebox...so yea...

Hopefully this break will become more eventful....

My phusebox never says I'm online. I am always online, lol. Seriously. IM me...its doovhies. Anyone...hah...

asldkjsldkjs.... i love my iPod...

Pretty sure that effing huge for a mini, heh....

Bleh, it sucks when you like people,....but they have no idea. I don't have enough confidence to confront people about it. So it stays where its at...which is merely a silly crush...*sighs*...Maybe one of these days....

^^Yeah, speaking about love thangs, I've been confused about my sexuality lately...I'm attracted to a deer...And I dont know what to do?!!?!? Haha. Yeah, That deer and I have a special connection. No, in reality i hate hunting. But, i'm too much of a hypocrite to become a vegetarian. I really wish I could, but I lack will power. But I do lash out about it often, especially hunting for sport...BLEH!!!

^^ Look!!! Thats me on her shirt!!! Heh. Yea, I'm snoopy in our school play. Double cast, but whatever, lol. So everyone that I know better come out and see me. I'll post dates later. And makes dates later, *nudge nudge wink wink* Um...no...

I love those lyrics...

So I cleaned my room today, without the help of Lareisa, hah. Then we put up christmas wreaths, oh boy did that get me in the spirirt. I freaking love christmas. I may not be very religious, but christmas is still absolutely amazing...Gah!!! I am sooo excited.

I went to hastings and bought a christmas cd. A fantastic christmas cd. Oh yea, And I listened to it all day long, and I can't stop smiling when I listen to it. And I went to starbucks and it was all christmas-ized. I saw my history teacher from last year, Coach Shelton, he's great. I think the people at Starbucks are starting to remember my face because one of them recognized me and had a conversation with me. Yes...recognition for when I'm 18 and apply there....

I also bought the new Madonna cd, yea I said Madonna. And guess what? I like it...a lot.

Mr. Bowman!!!! Ahh!!! lol, He is my favorite teacher of all time...

*groans* *moans* *sighs* I...love...Rilo Kiley...

Two days of school until the break. I cannot wait...Gah!!! I want to hang out with people that I never get to this week. *cough sarah  cough* And all of my other newly aquainted friends and my regular ones...

I love phusebox. It really is this little community. Especially since most people on it are from M'boro. Its amazing. I've met so many new people who live near me that I might of never met. And I have grown closer to others. Its nifty...

So yea, what's with those can/tub things of chapstick. They freaking suck. You have to get your finger sticky, and you dont get as much as the stick. The stick of chapstick is the only way to go. I mean, its called chapstick for a reason....

Please, everyone who has HBO, watch the movie "Yesterday" It comes on monday, november 28th. It looks completely amazing. Like maybe one of the best movies ever. Watch it!!!

Yes. I love this picture. It was normal, but then I screwed it up on my computer on accident, and I looked at it downstairs on another computer, and this is what happened to it. It could be like...modern art, lol. I printed it off as a flyer, and had to take a picture of the flyer to get it on here. If I knew how, I'm blow it up, and put it in an art show. lol. I'm obsessed.

Friday was soo tiring. I stayed up until 1:30 doing a project on Thursday night.  I've been like that a lot lately. They say you need eight hours of sleep everynight. So before this morning, I should have had 48 hours of sleep for six nights. Instead, I was living off of 30 hours. Thats 18 hours that I lost. I was so tired I couldn't function friday. But I made up for it by Bawls. I love that stuff. So Friday was a big mess where we didn't do much work. We tye dyed [sp] T-shirts in chemistry...

Marie didn't use gloves... But unfortunately I left mine and Katie's shirt in the drama room and I wont get it til monday to wash it. I hope it doesn't ruin, heh. Then I had practice. And then I went out to eat with Heather, Andrea, and Chris. It was the first time I hung out with Chris. Heather usually keeps him underwraps. He's a nice guy, and I'm glad he and Heather are doing so well in their relationship. It was so weird to see Heather again though, its been almost forever. Which makes me sad because we used to be soooo close, and then she got a job and a boyfriend...I guess I'd understand if I had someone.   :(

Then we saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire at 10:15. I have two completely different opinions of it. One part of me thinks it was compeltely amazing. ITs the best of the movies so far. The effects were spectacular, and it was very close to how I saw it. Everyone gave such a great performance and I was awstruck through most of it. Everyone should see it. I'll end up seeing it at least two more times. Wow, its so good. BUT, I was soo disappointed. They switched around TONS of things and details that made the book so good. And it seemed like the whole movie was a race to get the movie over with in a reasonable amount of time. It was just thing after thing and it never had time to slow down. They had no time to show Harry, Ron, and Hermoine just sitting around, having a good time, gossiping about teachers. Those parts are what makes it interesting and emotional. Oh well,  I still loved it, it just could have been better. But they did my favorite book of the series justice...

I didn't get home until 1:15, So I was exhausted, I slept until 1:45 this afternoon. Then I lounged around the house, home alone, singing loudly in the shower and throughout my house.

And I made up with Maegan. It feels soo nice. I hated the awkwardness and us just passing each other in the hallway without a word, and us going on with our lives not hanging out and hearing about her having fun and me not being there to have fun with her, Its just a big relief to be around her again. I hope the feeling is mutual.

Ate at Don Pablos with her, Then Carla and I went to see Rocky Horror at MTSU. My second time. This time we bought the audience participation packets, we missed just about every one of them, except for the bell and the newpaper. It was sooo different this time though because the first one I went to was a small show before it opened to the public, and at this one tons of people were there and people kept screaming out little sayings and such. It was entertaining. Brad's mic didn't work though, it was sad. I love that show though. I'm going to buy the movie and the soundtrack.

Then Marie and I went to starbucks and determined that we suck at life...lol...

My lips are chapped due to bad weather...

My mom was being oh so trendy...lol...

Two more days of easy school left. We wont do much, and we get a breakfast party in spanish. wooo!!

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*sigh* I'm a lonesome soul....

Today was strangely good. Except for me having to skip lunch to get some homework done. Meh, I guess thats why they call it homework.

So I'm an escorts for the SACS (Southern Association of County Schools) committee on Tuesday from 11:30 til 3:00. I feel kinda honored in a way that Mrs. Nichols thinks I'm a good representative of the school. I'm a bit nervous though. I just don't know a lot of specific facts about our school. At least I'm an afternoon shift so all of the big questions are out of the way. But its supposedly a big deal, some teachers are freaking out. The funny thing is that since its the last day until Thanksgiving break, almost all of my teachers are either having a party or watching a movie. A great impression.

So I tend to talk a lot. And Today I kinda got in "trouble" if you call it that in drama class, but Salty was just playing around. First I lost my chair for talking and had to sit on the floor. And then I almost lost breathing priveleges, and then He had to duct tape my mouth, and I was a smartass and took it off with my tongue, so Salty duct taped it more...

Its the first time I was duct taped and couldn't get out of it. I couldn't talk though. But it sucked because it ripped out my hair and almost pulled off my ear when I took it off

It was most definately a highlight of my day. Lol! Andrea's pictures crack me up.

Mmhhmm, then english sucked ass. And in Chemistry, we pretty much did nothing but mess around and tape bags to the floor.

Carla is one of the best people that I know. She is freaking hilarious, and almost always has a positive attitude. She has been through so much, and out of all  of my friends, she inspires me the most. I'm going to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show  for the second time on Saturday Night with her!!

I got distracted from taping garbage bags, so I taped up Katie's boobies. I am so  glad Katie and I are friends again. I love her sooooo much!!! Damn!!

Lmao, Sierra. I'm going to start actually talking to her. As of now I just give her semi-creepy looks from across the room.

So now its time to work on a project for English. I would rather eat smushy apples.

My drama practice was cancelled for Saturday day/afternoon. That means I'm open...

I"M SO EXCITED!!! Tomorrow I am going to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!!! Holy crap. I can't wait. I cannot comprehend it. It starts at 10:15. I'm going to practice, then out to eat with Andrea and Heather, then I'm making a mandantory stop at Starbucks, and then to movies or whatever. YES.

Hey...wanna go makeout???

I pre-ordered a Metric CD from Hastings today. I can't wait.

So...all I can say is wow. They cut Lisa. I thought she was crazy, but I loved her. Now the show will be somewhat bland. Jayla should have been eliminated. Mmhhmm, I like reality shows.

So I've been thinking lately. The general public keeps saying that our country is in a state of moral decline. That the morals of Americans are non-existent. Well frankly I'm sick of hearing that constantly. The lack of morals isn't whats making America decline, its our unstable foreign policies and our focus on morals. The public is so ignorant that they dont bother informing theirselves about government so they take a stance against something thats easy to point a finger at. All of this talk about morals and decency is just a bunch of assholes who think that what they believe is more important then what others think. They make up this big deal about morals. Let people do what they want to do. Who cares if sex is becoming mainstream. A sex drive is a natural instinct that we are born with. Modern day rules of society frown upon sexuality because our puritan ancestors viewed sex as the devils work instead of nature. Who cares if two women or two women want to marry. How does that affect rich white republicans and middle aged soccer moms? All of this goes straight to present day religious discrimination. Everyone thinks their religion is better than the next. Well this is freaking America. We have freedom of religion for a reason. Lets not enforce nation wide laws that are based on one group"s opinions. [ This part is kinda random, but I'm also sick of how people display majiuana as a horrible, terrible epidemic thats attacking innocent teenagers. After all of these people get done saying whatever about it, they go home and have some drinks and go out to the bars when their kids aren't around. Alcohol results in more deaths, more injuries, more addictions, and more long term health problems than weed. Dont mis-interpret me, I'm not a stoner, I just think alcohol is something that the government allows to be legal so the public doesn't feel restricted and they can have an outlet. And cigarettes. They're horrible. And yet, its completely legal. Big companies are making millions off of killing people. If they can legalize so many things that harm so many people, then can't they legalize the things that are better for you, in whatever twisted way its better.] And the politicions who are speaking of this moral decline, are not even taking a stance on other important issues...Moral decline isn't whats disrupting American society, its arrogant fools.

Psychiatrist? That would be a fun job...

Detective? Now thats just too much Law & Order <3

I got a haircut today. I never really like my hair after a haircut. It takes a week or so. But some good news is that they're bringing back the stuff I used to put in my hair. I'm happy.

Today was a good day. All of my classes were entertaining. Had a big spanish test today. It consisted of drawing a picture of a woman with a flower for a head and a banana for a body, I was thouroughly amused.

Mr. Bowman put a map in the corner of the room, and Marylane sits in front of it. It cracks me up when I look at her because she looks like a weather girl.  Mr. Bowman was crazy today. He kept talking about the students who left his class and paraded to something for spectrum. And when he was talking about Martin Van Buren, he said that he looked like he got electrocuted, and then his eyes got huge and he made a really weird noise and shook violently. The best laugh of the day.

I got my report card today. I broke my straight A streak. I made an 88 in History, which I deserved because I slacked off, and a 90 in English, which I dont care about, I hate that class, I never pay attention. But I do enjoy the people in it. Katie..."GIT CHUR LIIIIICNSE!!!!"  I spent english class eating fruit and pudding. Tomorrow I'm advancing to spaghetti. I also told a story about the band Blackalicious, and how they're a new kind of music that sounds like emo meets hip-hop, and they sound just like The Monty Monts. Lmao, I'm so glad I got moved beside Katie.

Harry Potter on Friday...

You think our school could just fix the freaking fire alarm...

So today I woke up with a swollen eye. It hurt quite a bit, and it wasn't just puffy, it was swollen. I looked like a retarded caveman. So I wen to school with a droopy eye. And I'm still not sure why it was swollen, maybe I hit myself in my sleep. And its still slightly puffy, oh well. Then I was drinking my diet peach snapple, and I dropped it, in the hallway, during break. Glass and Snapple went everywhere, and I felt really bad. Its kinda funny now, but at the time it was just another thing going wrong. And to add to that, and the fact that I blew my tire Saturday and I've been sick, I have tons of homework, and assignments due later in the week, and tests and quizzes. I'm gonna die. But the good part...6 school days left til Thanksgiving Break. And Harry Potter 4 comes out Friday. I'm going Friday night, around 7:15 I think, (heather?) If you wanna go with me, get your ticket, or let me know, heh.

I laughed a lot today, which was good. "Git chur book!!!!" HAH! Yea. But then I got really pissed off at the end of day. I'm just so annoyed with immature and rediculous people. Yea, I'm just being bitchy here lately. Well, its not even that. I just feel like I listen to people a lot, and I never really get to rant about anything thats bothering me without getting interrupted about something that the person I'm talking to did. I guess I'm just tired of being ignored by some friends.  (I mean really, I already apologized, I already felt horrible, you aren't in any trouble, what more can I do, just let it go, please, or do you just like making things awkward and making me feel even worse?)

Drama practice is fun, but you can only be around some of those people for so long, ya know? Then they really start to bug you. I'm just tired of a few people in there who are attention-whores and don't know how to relax or take a joke.

But I'm ignoring that, because today was very good for the most part.

Sometimes I wonder why I decided to take Spanish 3....

I organized a car bash for homecoming week...Marie enjoyed it...

I love my peppermint patty...

Maegan looks like Lenny Kravitz...

*sigh* good picture. i love neon.

Finally, a picture of Marie, I like this one, it shows a naivity and vulnerability...

So yea, today was short, and weird. I find myself thinking. Where did the day go?

So I watched the movie "A Lot Like Love". Yea I know, A cheesy movie with Ashton Kutcher thats very stereotypical and over-done. But I'm a sucker for a romantic comedy. Anyways, it got me thinking...about plans. I'm currently in the middle of a struggle of trying to plan out my life. I get sick to my stomach because I dont have a plan for myself. I dont know what I want to do, or what to major in, I dont know what college I want to go to. I mean the only reason I want to go to Chicago is because I love the city. I dont know where I want to live when I graduate college, I dont know if I'm even going to leave this town. I just dont know anything about what is to come. But the point is that the movie made me realize something about focusing on plans. You can't plan out your life. At all. Sure you can "decide" on what you want, but you have no clue what will happen in the future that could disrupt your plan. Some people might even throw good things away and ignore oppurtunies and miss out on love and life because their sucked into some plan. Well you know what? Fuck plans. I'm switching my priority from planning out every detail of my life, to enjoying life while I'm living. I blew my tire the other day, who's to say that a car might run into me tomorrow and kill me. I'm not stressing out about whats to come, i'm going to enjoy the now.  I'm so happy when I relax and think about how much I love who I am and who I surround myself with and what I'm involved in. I'm happy. So screw everything else. I'm just going to go with what life throws at me. I'm going to do good in school, but not if its going to make me miserable, because there's more to life than that.

*sighs* yeah.

This weekend I did a lot of thinking. And I'm excited to see how I'm living in the next few weeks.

Now that i'm not planning what is to come, I'm more anxious for whats going to happen in my life. Ah...excitement.

I fooled around with my space again, and its just too confusing for me.

I want my own house, so I can decorate it, and live it it, and make it my own. I just want to be on my own. I know I'm not that restricted on anything, but I feel restricted. Mostly just because I have to rely on so many people. I just want to be fully independent. And out of high school!!! I'm so over it. Over high school. I'm done, lol. I just want it to be over!!! Why didn't I graduate early?!?! lol. Life is so much more than high school, oh so much more.

I get lonely easily...I want to find someone.... Its just difficult...

So yea, I woke up this morning, put on my new shirt

and planned out my day; go to drama practice, then go to cool springs and buy some neat stuff, and do all of it while listening to sexy music. Well as I was driving to drama practice. I was listening to some sexy music and then a sneeze came upon me. [so when I sneeze, its big, and I sneeze out of my mouth because I wont let it out of my nose, and I close my eyes the whole time] So I sneezed, and heard a huge pop and crunch sound, I open my eyes and and I'm on the curb/sidewalk going down siegel road. I flip out. So I pull away fast and as I drive I heard this horrid crunching sound. So I pulled into the middle lane to see the damage, I was expecting some scratches on the hubcap. I mean its not the first time someone has hit a curb. But no...It looked as though someone had took a knife and ripped my tire apart. It was completely shredded. I was rollin on pure rim. And yea, it was a sneeze, not my fault [but while we're mentioning the sneeze....WTF!!!! I mean come on, a freaking sneeze!!!] but what makes it worse is that my "stepdad" had bought me my new tires a few months ago. Bleh, I felt horrible. So yea, He came and gave me his truck and he told me to go on to practice and he would put on the spare and drive it home. So after practice. My mom is waiting by my car at the end of siegel road. The spare tire had been flat, and thats as far as it got. Damn. *sigh* so a tow truck came and towed it the whole one and half miles home.

But yea, I still went to cool springs with Andrea. Who is only a friend.

Hah, I love this picture. She reminds me of a bunny.

We ate at the food court, and watched people, and had very good conversation, and  I enjoyed it.

We ate noodles.

Then we had to book it to make an appearance at every store that I wanted to go to. We stopped by Express where my Erika will be working soon. I was very disappointed. I only found two items. And I desperately needed winter clothes. The last ten minutes was like a movie, it was Andrea's mad dash to get ice cream.

 I then came home, talked with my mom, and I'm going to get some sleep.

I know its not too ghetto.

Oh yes, I'm in love...

With Missy Elliot. And I'm not ashamed.

I'm also in love with the 500 -something seconds song from "Rent" I have the soundtrack.

AND....I'm in love with "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". I went to the play at MTSU tonight. I had never seen the movie before. The play was amazing! They did such a good job. I'm going to go see it again. I'm also in love with the people in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" haha. Yes.

"This song reminds me of drums!"

I am so Depressed. No Kidding. I feel like nothing. I am so emotionally and physically drained. I'm so empty and sad and mad and I feel ike I've hurt everyone around me and that's because I have. I'm sorry.

I'm so sick of trying to fit in. Some feelings you get are instinct and you should learn from them. One thing I've learning this weekend. Is that I need to make drastic changes in my life and surround myself with people and things that are positive and are a positive influence on me.

I feel like a horrible person, and its because I've been acting like one.

Damn, I just can't stop posting...

So today, after announcements this weird tribal movie just appeared on the TV. It was called "The Gods Must Have Gone Crazy" It was soooo werid. Like it just came on for no apparent reason. Our class watched the beginning and Ms. Salty's class watched the whole thing. It was about some african tribe that is united and then they find a coke bottle that was dropped form an airplane and it destroys their tribal unity. Strange. Mrs. Knox was friggin obsessed with it.

So yea, I wonder how much money Kanye West and that movie "Jarhead" have made. It seems like everywhere I go I see a preview for Jarhead accompanied by the song "Jesus Walks" Bleh, Kinda makes me sick that I cant do anything without seeing that commercial.

Parents are going to Mississippii. Leaving tomorrow morning, coming back late Sunday night. I'll try not to get into too much trouble. Although, today I found out that more people than I thought already knew that....weird.

So yea, not sure who watched "The Apprentice" tonight. But it was jacked up. The part I saw had Trump in the boardroom talking about sex.  Talking about homosexuality and how thats why restuarants have menus so people can choose what they like. Yea, really intelluctual there Mr. Trump. And he was being semi-mean to this Jewish guy about how he hasn't had sex and that he hopes he has a lot of sex when he's older because "its great" and that trump himself has had a lot of sex and it got him into trouble. And he was calling people anti-semetic. What the hell is wrong with this guy??!!?

So yea, the events over what happened last night over-shadowed my amazing weekend.

Friday night, I went to the Deathcab for Cutie show.

Stars opened for them. They were really good. I enjoyed it a lot.

Mhm. The girl reminds me of Karen O. of the yeah yeah yeahs.  But we all know that Karen O.  wins.

I bought their CD.

Then it was time for Deathcab for Cutie.

Wow. They were so amazing. All of you who said they aren't that good live are bastards. It was such a signifcant moment for me, being there and seeing them live.

I wish I would have talked to the people around me more. But I had plenty of fun with Maegan.

I only wish that they would have played "Gwenevere" (sp). My favorite Deathcab song. *sighs*. But every song they did play was just about perfect. I was like one of the only people singing and getting into it. But it was a pretty mellow concert. Maegan wore a nifty hat...

I love and adore this picture.

They said they're coming back soon....

Then Saturday was my Halloween partay!!! I had sooo much fun. Everything went really well and it was all worth it. I loved having my friends there. The group that came really seemed to fit well together, well for the most part, heh. I had most of my closest friends there. And I liked it that way.

Maegan was a raver...and this is one of my all time favorite pictures.

Anna has amazing eyes...Well...amazing colored contacts.

Heather was dressed all sexy.

And Anna was dressed as an....asian.

mmm...sassy.

So yeah. Party consisted of Eating, playing an intense screaming game of Pit, then some good ole fashioned Apples to Apples. Then....EXTREME FOUR_SQUARE. Yeah I know. A real sophisticated party. But I enjoyed it. Claire was by far the best player, haha.

So yeah. Then some days went by. Now for randomness

Check out those earmuffs. They're technically called "180's", but whatever. I am obsessed with them. I wore them during school.

I have no clue why I look completely stoned in that picture. And I'm not being sarcastic.

So yeah, Monday was halloween. I think. Anyways, My family come over to my house and I took my nephews trick-or-treating.

SDJFHAS;YRO;SDS;HDT!!! Thats the cutests little baby in the whole entire world!!!! Gah, it kills me.

So I didn't dress up. But I could have been a soccer mom, I had a track jacket, a short "trendy soccer mom" hair cut, hah. And I flashlight. I also caught myself saying things like "What out for that car" when its 10 miles away.  and "Be careful, its dark" hah. I'm a dork.  While trick-or-treating, I met up with Claire and her brother Jay, not Jake, Jay is his name. It was nice.

So I leave you with the most adorable thing you will ever see.

My little baby nephew James dressed as a tiny giraffe.

This has quickly become one of the worst weeks I have ever had. Ah, I'm just so utterly pissed off and lost and comletely out of touch with reality and my priorities aren't straight at all and I dont know what I want and I feel like everything is crashing down and I feel like everything I'm around is a comlpete charade and I'm just so stressed and depressed.

Three zeros in AP U.S. History.

Two zeros and a 67 in Espanol Tres

I used to be such a good student. And now look what I've become. There so much stress and crap going on in my life that the only time I have to myself I spend indulging myself, finding some way to maintain happiness for a brief moment in time. 

 It seems like everytime things start looking up again, you look up, and it falls right on your face. My family has been getting along great lately. With the exception that My dad and I haven't talked for four and a half weeks. Doug has been so nice and my mom has been....are you ready.....happy. And in turn, doug has been happy. And you know what that made me...happy. And then all of this school stuff came crashing down and I have reports and projects and tests and essay and zeros and my family doesn't stress grades with me. SO its just myself putting pressure on myself. You are your own worst enemy they say. And then tonight. It all goes to hell. I actually started doing the work I had zeros for, And I was going to study. Then Doug (my moms boyfriend/fiance of 12  years who is pretty much my "stepdad") drives me over to the lot where we are building our new house. On the drive home, he starts bitching at me. He said I was self-centered, he said I never did anything to help around the house, he said I was spoiled, he said I was selfish, he said I was a burden to my mom, he said that no matter what happens to me in my life that I should be happy just because my mom gives me things. I was furious. But in my family, only the adults can show emotion. I have to sit back and take it, take everything, everything they always throw at me, everything I get that they store up against other people. So yea, We get home, my mom comes home, I'm upstairs, and I hear screaming. Screaming between mom and doug. I wont go into details, because its personal. But bad things, profanities, And it happens a lot, so i'm used to it. Doug is always the instigator. I try to ignore it like I always do, I'm distracted from homework so I was a few minutes of tv. The next thing I hear is. "Nick!!! Get your butt down here now!!! NOW!!!! Get you butt down here right now!!!!" and I'm like, shit what do I have to go through now. And then He says "We have a crisis" and I go into soccer mom mode. I was frantic and wondering what the "crisis" was. So the closer I get downstairs, the louder this weird spewing noise gets. Our water heater had...not exploded....but broken and began to burst and spew from some wierd hole thing. Water is everwhere in our garage. The next hour is full of my mom and doug yelling, me getting yelled at, water going everywhere, mom crying, everyone bitching, me cleaning up everything while doug sat and pouted, Me losing it and flinging my broom around like a psycho out of pure rage and making my mom think I've gone insane. So it wouldn't stop leaking. At all. So we had to turn off the water that ran to out house.

So now...we have to running water. No brushing teeth, no showering, no flushing the toilet, it royally sucks ass.

I mean really, could my week get any worse

My mom and doug were planning on going out of town to Tunica this weekend. Thats in Mississippi. From early Friday morning until late Sunday night. I was going to have some....fun.....times. I have no clue if they will make up and still go. I sure hope so. Because I need a break. The house to myself is like my own quiet, peaceful, refuge.

My grades are going to plumit. And so is my happiness and well-being. I'm going to have to wake up at five in the morning to find someplace to shower and do all of my morning routine things. Most likely my grandparents' house.

And like always, I'm as lonely as humanly possible....

Bleh....I just want it all to go away.

So yea, not a very big chocolate person. Although I can destroy white chocolate and recees like nobody's business. But Target has this new line of chocolate called choxie. It is the best chocolate I have ever had in my entire life. I got the white bark peppermint shortbreat bite things. They're bliss. Really, I almost orgasm when I eat it. And the commercials...all the trendy women and vivid visual effects. Its great and it has my approval.

Yea, too busy to write, but I will say that Marie and I ventured out to buy items for my Halloween party. It was fun. Marie acted like she was on heroine half the time though. We danced all through Party City. We couldn't help it, the music was just a bit too catchy to handle.

Yup. I did it. I wore the same outfit two days in a row. And it felt good.

So we had rehearsal tonight. It was so much fun. I can already tell that I'm going to love this play. I don't know if its that we're doing a better play, or if its just the mixture of people. But rehearsal just has a really good vibe around it. And its pleasant, fun, and entertaining. At my request, we're going to try to end every rehearsal by dancing to the Charlie Brown theme song. Oh yes. 

The first 30 minutes of rehearsal were spent talking about peeing in the shower. Turns out i'm like the only person in drama who doesn't pee in the shower. Someone tell me I'm not crazy. I like to get clean in the shower. Not piss everywhere. And I've never peed in a sink, or a bottle. Yea, shoot me, I'm a freak.

Today was one of those days, where things aren't going that great, but you're in an amazing mood for no apparent reason. It was great, I haven't had such a good day, or been in sucha  good mood, in a very long time. I hope its a sign of what's to come.

So yea, Chicago here I come. Looking at colleges in Chicago, Planning a trip to visit colleges in Chicago. I cannot wait. I'm moving on up.

I'm meeting so many awesome people here lately. Expanding your friend circle, feels damn good. Embrace it.

Oh and also, I broke my streak on Saturday when I wore my brown courds. Hardly anyone noticed that I wore the same jeans for 24 days in a row. lol. wow. Don't worry, I washed after three wears. I'm in love with them though. Only because they're the only ones that aren't too big and fall off of me when I walk.

This weekend can't come soon enough. Deathcab concert on Friday. A Halloween get-together on Saturday (since I can't go see Rocky Horror with Macy, Anne, and Casey)

Woo.