This has quickly become one of the worst weeks I have ever had. Ah, I'm just so utterly pissed off and lost and comletely out of touch with reality and my priorities aren't straight at all and I dont know what I want and I feel like everything is crashing down and I feel like everything I'm around is a comlpete charade and I'm just so stressed and depressed.

Three zeros in AP U.S. History.

Two zeros and a 67 in Espanol Tres

I used to be such a good student. And now look what I've become. There so much stress and crap going on in my life that the only time I have to myself I spend indulging myself, finding some way to maintain happiness for a brief moment in time. 

 It seems like everytime things start looking up again, you look up, and it falls right on your face. My family has been getting along great lately. With the exception that My dad and I haven't talked for four and a half weeks. Doug has been so nice and my mom has been....are you ready.....happy. And in turn, doug has been happy. And you know what that made me...happy. And then all of this school stuff came crashing down and I have reports and projects and tests and essay and zeros and my family doesn't stress grades with me. SO its just myself putting pressure on myself. You are your own worst enemy they say. And then tonight. It all goes to hell. I actually started doing the work I had zeros for, And I was going to study. Then Doug (my moms boyfriend/fiance of 12  years who is pretty much my "stepdad") drives me over to the lot where we are building our new house. On the drive home, he starts bitching at me. He said I was self-centered, he said I never did anything to help around the house, he said I was spoiled, he said I was selfish, he said I was a burden to my mom, he said that no matter what happens to me in my life that I should be happy just because my mom gives me things. I was furious. But in my family, only the adults can show emotion. I have to sit back and take it, take everything, everything they always throw at me, everything I get that they store up against other people. So yea, We get home, my mom comes home, I'm upstairs, and I hear screaming. Screaming between mom and doug. I wont go into details, because its personal. But bad things, profanities, And it happens a lot, so i'm used to it. Doug is always the instigator. I try to ignore it like I always do, I'm distracted from homework so I was a few minutes of tv. The next thing I hear is. "Nick!!! Get your butt down here now!!! NOW!!!! Get you butt down here right now!!!!" and I'm like, shit what do I have to go through now. And then He says "We have a crisis" and I go into soccer mom mode. I was frantic and wondering what the "crisis" was. So the closer I get downstairs, the louder this weird spewing noise gets. Our water heater had...not exploded....but broken and began to burst and spew from some wierd hole thing. Water is everwhere in our garage. The next hour is full of my mom and doug yelling, me getting yelled at, water going everywhere, mom crying, everyone bitching, me cleaning up everything while doug sat and pouted, Me losing it and flinging my broom around like a psycho out of pure rage and making my mom think I've gone insane. So it wouldn't stop leaking. At all. So we had to turn off the water that ran to out house.

So now...we have to running water. No brushing teeth, no showering, no flushing the toilet, it royally sucks ass.

I mean really, could my week get any worse

My mom and doug were planning on going out of town to Tunica this weekend. Thats in Mississippi. From early Friday morning until late Sunday night. I was going to have some....fun.....times. I have no clue if they will make up and still go. I sure hope so. Because I need a break. The house to myself is like my own quiet, peaceful, refuge.

My grades are going to plumit. And so is my happiness and well-being. I'm going to have to wake up at five in the morning to find someplace to shower and do all of my morning routine things. Most likely my grandparents' house.

And like always, I'm as lonely as humanly possible....

Bleh....I just want it all to go away.