^^ Bloc Party...I'm obsessed with their Silent Alarm Remixed CD. Freaking amazing.

^^ I love this picture of Marie.

Saturday night was Mary's Halloween party. I waited til about five minutes before the party [literally] to think of something to wear. So I called Maegan. She said I could be a "Raver" with her, and I agreed.

Oh yes. But I can't get all of the glitter off of my hair and face. It will be there for a couple of weeks probably. So please, noone say "Hey...there's glitter on you"

Marylane was a gypsy, or the girl who just looked through her closet on her way out. Mary was a kitten in heat, and Marie was nothing else but a poker table. The party was fun. I met new people, saw people I haven't seen in a long time. It was nice.

Today I called Anna, and she met me at Maegans with her sister-in-law Valerie, Who's 21 and really cool. So we went to Starbucks where about half of M'boro was also.

^^ Oh Anna...

Then we went to Anna's house. And she has two baby ducks!!!!

Damn!! They are so adorable. Freaking amazing. I want them. I'm stealing them. BLEH!!! Arg. I'm suffering from Baby Duck Withdrawl...

So yea, The cast list for "A Charlie Brown Christmas" was posted. And I wanted Snoopy. Well the list said Snoopy.......Nick Hawkins/Caitlin Weller.

?!?!? Both of us got the role!!! What!! It completely shocked me. I mean, I'm upset that I didn't get the role for myself. And I kinda feel like its saying, I'm good, but not good enough to do it myself.  But then again, I will be Snoopy. I'm assuming for 4 of the 8 shows we're supposedly doing. Its just I'm not sure what to think because I didn't expect both of us to get it. So I can't be totally upset because I did in a way get the part I wanted. Its just going to be weird. And I'll have to go to all of our practices, just to do half the amount of shows that everyone else is doing. I dunno. We'll see how this works out. But I am excited. I just wish I didn't have to share a role.

I really  need to start doing my homework from now on. I keep telling myself I will, but I never do....

Its crazy how being around certain people, or certain mixtures of people...can make you so happy.

'

Variety show was fun, but frankly I'm sick of talking about it. But the best part of the whole thing was in our night show. When Michael asked the audience "Are any of you out there in relationships?" and then 29!!!! (Allison Kennedy) raised her hand and yelled, "WITH JESUS!!!!" I miss that girl. She was trill. I also got to see Erika!!! Gosh, its just not the same without you guys. And ghetto dancing backstage with...well pretty much everyone was fun. And watching nuns...a lot. But I swear, if one more person comes up to me and says anything about peanut butter. I'll die.

So we had auditions dor "A Charlie Brown Christmas" tonight. It wasn't as stressful as I was making it out to be. I think I did really good. I want the role of snoopy. Gah, I really hope I get it. It's going to be such a good show, no matter who gets what roles. I can't wait.

I almost died though. We planned out rehearsal schedules, and there was practice on November 11th, the day of the LCD Soundsystem concert that I wont stop talking about. But yea, they changed it to an after school rehearsal, so I can still go.

Anyways, I didn't get out of auditions until about 8:50. So Andrea met me at Starbucks, where we talked and sat somewhat pointlessly. Tomorrow I'm shopping for my Halloween costume, and going to Mary's Halloween party. Other than that, I'm open...

Give me a call....anyone, lol.

Got some new cd's. A copy of Claire's Ani Difranco cd, "Knuckles Down". Bloc Party's "Silent Alarm Remixed" Which is extremely addicting. I love Bloc Party.They're just so damn catchy. And finally, Sufjan Steven's "Illinois". Not a burned version from Maegan that skips every two seconds.

My car is a black hole. I find Maegans hair ties and clips everywhere. I found Marylane's socks. Marie's doedorant ( ??? ), her polka casette, and her steak-n-shake coupons. And about 50,000 water bottles.

Okay...Humans are so lazy. I've noticed this thing that I do, where I'll be walking down the hallway and I'll see someone I know. But instead of waving or smiling or saying hi. I just make my eyeballs really big. What the hell is that? I've seen other people do it too. I mean are we that lazy that the only way we can greet our friends is by opening our eyes really big. Its sad, I'm resorting back to hugs.

Trust me...sometime soon I'll have something substantial to write about...

Today turned out to be amazing. I didn't read my chapter or take notes for history, and I didn't do my writing workshop for English. I also didn't do my chemistry homework. I did my spanish. But I was running late and left my spanish book at home. But as it turned out, she didn't even take up our spanish homework. And then out of no where we had activity period, in which I took notes over the chapter for History and did my writing workshop. And as it turned out, my chemistry teacher wasn't at school today. So therefore my chemistry homework wasn't taken up. Yess...

Days like this make me happy. And I had spaghetti for lunch...it was great, although I looked like a big nasty eating it.

Went to Stones River Battlefield after school today. Saw about every other person who takes APUSH there too. I watched some video about the war, got a brochure and a stamp, and then left. Everyone was saying how they were dreading it and how pointless the video was and how much the whole thing sucked. But I'm a freak, and I really liked the video, and at one point, It made me really sad, and affected me. lol. And I read every little thing that was posted on the walls. I just like history for some odd reason. You'd think I'd read my history chapters then...

So yea, saw this on lexie's xanga a while back...

Five things you may or may not know about me.

One: I am lactose intolerant. It sucks, because I looove cheese. And anything from starbucks or espresso joe's. And ice cream. But whatever, I'm used to it, and I usually eat all of those things anyways.

Two: I am a huge reality show fan. Not those stupid love ones, but like Big Brother, The Amazing Race, Survivor, The Apprentice, America's Next Top Model. Those kinds. Sometimes it borders on the verge of obsession, but I enjoy it.

Three: I'm scared of just about everything. Terrified of the dark. (yea yea, you know you are too), Spiders, Snakes, Heights, Needles, etc. The list goes on.

Four: I had surgery this summer. I had some weird kind of hernea that I wont go into details about. But yea, I was a blast when they were drugging me up. There was some black nure by me, and I started screaming her name in a really ghetto accent. And I kept saying that my hand with the IV in it was my strong hand, in the same voice as the guy from scary movie two. They had to make the incision right above my "dirty zone" lol. So they had to shave around there. And then the nurse was shaving. I started screaming, "She's peeking!!! She's peeking!!!"  Yea, kinda graphic, but whatever. I had a lot of fun having surgery, lol. But sometimes my scar still hurts...I should probably get that checked out, heh.

Five: I've been thinking of an  idea of what I want to do when I grow up, but I'm too nervous to tell anyone. I've been thinking about going to some artsy kind of school in Chicago, and majoring in something dealing with fashion, and then minoring in something dealing with business (just in case). I've always enjoyed clothes. But it makes guys come off as feminine when they enjoy clothes and want to design them or do whatever career with them. But I don't care. I like it, so eat me. Then some point during college, I'm going to apply for "The Real World" lol. I think I could make it easily. And I would be hilarious to watch, because the other people on the shows are usually stupid and un-educated, So I would have fun messing with them. And then I would have recognization to get started in the fashion business. So that would be awesome. Many of you are probably thinking. Bad idea, not realistic. Well maybe it is, and maybe its not. But what the hell. I'll probably die when I'm 30, so why not.

Yea, not very important matters, but It was entertaining for me.

So yea, pretty sure I knew it was Deja vu and I couldn't think of how to spell it if my life depended on it. Just looking at it makes me feel stupid, lol, day ja voo.

"I'd rather dance with you then talk with you"

^^^ I love the Kings of Convenience. A lot.

I know you dont spell it day ja voo. But I like the way it looks, and its easy. Okay, I just don't know how to spell it.

I just had day ja voo FIVE times. In like 15 minutes

So yea, my thoughts on what day ja voo is are completely contradictory to all of my other beliefs. But I don't care. Because I like my theory.

I believe that Day Ja Voo, is a reminder. Like everyone has their life already planned out for them. And so when a person gets day ja voo, it serves as a reminder. A reminder that you are exactly where you're supposed to be, and the exact time that you were meant to be. Its crazy to think about. but I like it

Although I don't believe our lives are planned out, and who would plan it out. And that its probably just some mental screw up. I like theories.

But no conspiracy theories for homework that I haven't started because I'm distracted by Claire

So yea, pretty sure I'm stressed out again.

Variety show practice from 6-9:30, and soooo much homework. I didn't even get to eat dinner. And I'm hungry. And tired. And In the mood to complain.

So I was in a rush today, so I just slipped on some shoes. Some checkered shoes. That matched my checkered shirt. I "over-matched" and it was awkward...

Mmm. I've discovered Salty's microwave. And now my lunch is delicious and warm. Just the way I like it.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. Three more days. And thursday will be a breeze. Its tomorrow I have to look out for.

All I want to do is sleep!!!

I've been thinking about colleges lately. And I'm seriously considering Northwestern Chicago. Or whatever its called. lol. So when I say I'm seriously considering it. It means I really want to live in Chicago and my parents said it would be fine.

Sorry all of this is so utterly random, but thats the mood I'm in.

It sucks to watch friendships diminish....

But its great to make new ones...

...which i've done, and I like it.

NINE  days until Deathcab for Cutie. Arg.  I cannot wait.

TWENTY THREE days until LCD Soundsystem.

THIRTY FIVE days until Thanksgiving break.

SIXTY TWO days until Christmas break.

See, I count days instead of doing homework.

So as many of you know, I haven't talked to my dad in like three weeks. I've been wanting to call him so bad. Just cut the tension and get it over it. To make a fragile attempt at getting back the relationship we had before he got re-married. And the variety show is coming up. I'll be dancing as usual, but this year since i'm in drama two, I'll be in some skits. And no matter how pissed off (but secretly sad) I am with my dad, I want him and my stepmom and stepsisters to come see it and see me. So I swallowed my pride, stomped on my ego, picked up the phone, and called to invite them to the show.

My stepmom answered. She is a very talkative person, so even after three weeks of awkward silence, she still has a lot to say. So before I can say why I called she assumes i'm calling because I was told to. She says, "Hey what's up!, Oh...I guess you heard what happened with Nana (my grandma)?" And I immediately go into shock mode. I freak out and say no and she tells me that early today my nana, who is elderly and lives my herself now, went to get the mail in the morning and fell down. Now my nana has a long history of falling down and hurting herself. She's supposed to wear this necklace with a button to push if she ever...well falls down and isn't able to get up. But she never wears it, I don't blame her. I wouldn't either. But not to digress. She fell down, and layed in the middle of the driveway for along period of time and no car would stop to help her. And she lives on a pretty busy street, so that just shows how shitty people are. She crawled to the house and called my aunt. My dad has been at the hospital all day. She either broke her elbow or dis-located it. And she's on a lot of pain medication and she was in a lot of pain. You would think my dad would have called me to let me know. That I would be a priority on the list to be informed. ...Nope. Not one call. I had to call them. I thought I was calling because an important matter came up that the family needed to know about, That matter being the variety show. But my own grandmother gets put in the hospital and is in immense pain, and I don't even get a phonecall. I have to find it out myself. THis is rediculous. Is he that stubborn that he wont give in and call me first that he won't even inform me of her situation. This just makes me absolutely furious. And terribly sad. I can't believe it. Well in all honesty I can. And it makes me sad that we have resorted to elementary measures in talking to each other.

Then Ronda starts another conversation before I get to talk. And tells me about Saturday when they went to Family day at Nissan. And of course I was like. "Oh.......family day.....nobody thought to call me....?" and she tried to cover it up as they didn't stay that long. But I'm not buying it at all.  My dad and I used to go to family day every year together. It isn't the fact that I missed family day, which isn't that fun anyways, its the fact that I've always went with my dad. Its a tradition. Something that my dad and I could share together and bond during. But now that he has a new family. It has no meaning. He didn't even let me know that it was Saturday, He had to know a week in advance. He always does. Is it that he still doesn't want to give in and call me or talk to me. Or is it that he just doesnt want me around or doesn't care that i'm not around. And that makes me sad. We would never miss it. In a way, its like the last thing that we still had together, is now gone. And it goes beyond the fact of me missing family day. Its that He went, and enjoyed it, with his family. And my name wasn't even brought up once.

All of these things are happening in both of our lives that we want to be a part of, but we are both to stupid, and stubborn to give up this rediculous charade that we play. But I like to think that I'm being the bigger man. I've made twice as many efforts as he has to mend things. And I've only made two. So that leaves him. With a big, hurtful, ZERO efforts. And its like, everytime I think I'm doing good and trying to call or see him or involve him or just talk, I get shot down. Shot down by not being cared about anymore. I mean they don't tell me about family day or my own grandmother being sent to the hospital. Its tearing me apart. And There's nothing I can do, because I've started trying, and it gets me nowhere fast.

I'm weak, but I keep pretending I'm strong. And its showing in more ways than one...

I'm completely new to this whole thing. But this seems simple enough. Not near as confusing as my space. And there's a lot of stuff to do with pictures. Which I like. I just need to find everyone I knows my space so I wont be alone.

Yea, big AP U.S. History test over chapters 6-9. I didn't read the chapters. And I haven't studied. And lets just say I didn't pass the quizzes entirely on my own intelligence. I'm screwed. I supppose I  should begin to study. But in all honesty. I probably wont. School has lost all priority to me. Which is good because now I'm focusing on happiness and having fun. As long as it stay under control. Heh.

Halloween is coming up. I want to party. And I will. So give me a call.

I'm very upset that one of my favorite shows has finished its first season. I need "Weeds". Its such a great show. Get showtime just for that show. And latenight porn. Haha, I'm kidding...but no really.

 I'm just upset because I missed three episodes. they need to play a marathon. Or put it out on DVD. *sighs* "Weeds"....

I cant stop thinking about the Deathcab for Cutie show. I'm going to rape someone.

And then after Deathcab. I'm going to LCD Soundsystem in November. Which will be am amazing show and I hope to meet people there that spark my interest. Thats my second motivation for going to shows. To look at all the beautiful people who dont live anywhere near M'boro. And I sulk in my lonelines.

But yea, I'm excited.