so...i'm at the WONDERFUL grace's house!!!!  we just watched a movie...August Rush.  (OMGOSH that was [one of the] best movies i have ever watched.  it was seriously amazing.)  I'm cold....my fingers are numb.  ow.  there's some mean guys over here.  like nasel head.  rawr.  he thinks i'm weird.  i'm not wierd and I DON'T HAVE PROBLEMS!!!!  booyah.  this is extremely random.  i'm tired.  aaaaaaaaah!  so yeah, i guess that's really all.  i had a wonderful birthday, by the way!  thanks to all of you that called me and whatnot.  (sorry megan, i was in the movie when you called and frankly, i hate talking on the phone.  so, no offense, but i don't want to call you back.  so thanks for the call!!!  lylas)

My Rhapsody Playlist

and i do love someone....but no one knows.  :) 

.....not even him.....

but he can probably tell...because i'm crazy just talking to him.

i guess....that's what you do when you love someone!

"I just hung up the phone, you got a way of changing my day, you proved me wrong when i was convinced it wasn't love...yeah, that's what you do when you love someone....that's what you do when you love someone..." <3

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
i don't know but i'm sure there's something
2. When was the last time you threw up?
thankfully, almost a year

3. What's your favorite curse word?
i don't choose favorites and duh, i don't curse
4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?
Deven, Grace, and Jarred

5. What were you doing at 8AM this morning?
sleeping
6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
playing uno!!!  yes!! (i lost....duh.)

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
no siree i sure have not

9. What is the last thing you said out loud?
AAAAAAAAAAAH

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
mint chocolate chip

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
coke..bad carmen.

12. What are you wearing right now?
clothes duh.

13. What was the last thing you ate?
um....PUMPKIN PIE!!!!

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
does a purse count?

15. When was the last time you ran?
like yesterday

16. What's the last sporting event you watched?
PACKERS AT LIONS!!!  go lions!

18. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?
don't have one...sorry.

19. Ever go camping?
HECK YES

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
no

25. What did your last text message say?
i don't text either

26. Are you someone's best friend?
DUH!!!  i was just thinking about that!  LYLAB tyler!

27. What are you doing tomorrow?
i am not sure...probably something like this
28. Where is your mom right now?
in the kitchen

29. Look to your left, what do you see?
a bunch of........stuff.   and a dog.

30. What color is your watch?
i have like 3...pink, pink, and silver

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
hotsenpillar.  (long story)
32. Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
OH YEAH

33. What is your birthstone?
Topaz or Citrine
34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive through?
it depends.

35. What is your favorite number?
3.141592654.....i like pi

36. Do you have a dog?
YES!!!

37. who was the last person that you talked to on the phone?
Deven

38. Have you met anyone famous?
um yeah.  a few people

39. Any plans today?
yes, i'm about to go see MORE family
40. How many states have you lived in?
1

41. Ever go to college?
no i haven't been but i'm goin

42. Where are you right now?
in the office
43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
oh there's lots.  relationships.

44. Last song listened to?
some song by lincoln brewster

46. Are you allergic to anything?
you
47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
BOOTS

49. Are you jealous of anyone?
no thanks.
50. Is anyone jealous of you?
probably

51. Do you love anyone?
oh yeah

52. Do any of your friends have children?
well some of my family is my friends too so yeah

53. Do you eat healthy?
most of the time, surprisingly

54. What do you usually do during the day?
SCHOOL.  blech.

55. Do you hate anyone right now?
not hate, per say.  dislike with the passion of 1 trillion burning suns is more like it.

56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
DUH

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
well...i guess 15 since today's my birthday!  lol

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
uh huh

60. How did you get one of your scars?
by having a wound

so happy Thanksgiving ya'll

be thankful because there's SO much to be thankful for.  you may not think you have much, but really, you have A LOT!  you have life and breath, don't you?

i do!  i was born on this day, 14 years ago!

it's my BIRTHDAY!

and thanksgiving.  yes.....i get to get fat on my birthday!!!!!!  lol

(p.s. check out this AWESOME band!  they are so good! 

www.rhapsody.com/wavorly

i love their song Praise and Adore.  they are REALLY AWESOME)

One Way

Add to My Profile | More Videosthis is my sweet little cousin singing one way, a whole new world, and jesus loves me.  I LOVE HER!  (this is Ainsley, keep praying!)

help fight world hunger!!!

www.freerice.com

what this is is a website and every definition you get correct, 10 grains of rice is donated to a needy country or family.  that may not seem like much, but i donated 1020 grains of rice!!!  woo!!  plus, it's educational and helps with your vocabulary skills.

OH YEAH i'm going to see the bee movie!!!  ok sure it's with a bunch of little kindergarteners on a school field trip thing, but hey i still get to see it!  plus i bet all of those little kids are cooler than you guys anyway!!  ;)

so to jacob, keri, and megan:

PUT THAT IN YOUR JUICE BOX AND SUCK IT

WITH 2007 COMING TO AN END...

1. Have you had any relationships this year?
no

2. Have you had your birthday yet?
no siree...on thanksgiving!

3. Kissed two people in the same night?
um no not nadda

4. Been on a diet?
sorta
5. Pulled an all nighter?
HECK YES
6. Drank Starbucks?
always
7. Went Camping?
a few times...gosh i remember that campout.
8. Bought something(s)?
uh you don't know me very well do you?
9. Met someone special?
not really...wait take that back yes i have!  someone very special.  how could i forget my wonderful Deven (stanley)
10. Been out of state?
a few times

11.Skinny Dipping?
no i'm a good kid...you think.

12. What are you thinking about?
well...a few things and a few people
HAVE YOU:
1.) Hugged someone?
yes
2.) Slept in someone elses bed?
uh huh
3.) Got a job?
not really..but kinda
4.) Loaned out money?
no

5.) Gotten in a car accident?
thank God, no

6.) Gone over your mobile phone bill?
i dunno

8.) Done something you regret?
plenty of things

LASTS:
Last Person you hugged?
prolly...um...mrs. Shawn Davis
Last Person to call you?
i don't know no one ever calls me.  well kaelynn called me like last monday.  thanks!

When was the last time you felt stupid?
i don't know they all sorta run together
Who did you last yell at?
i think i yelled at...hallie?  yeah.  hallie.  but not being mean
What did you do today?
retarded butt lickin school
TEN FACTS :
01. im gay:NOT  your mom

02. im not: stupid or short, really
03. Initials? CCF

04. Hair style? cute and blondie

05. Eye color? BLUE LIKE THE OCEAN
06. Height: 5'5.5''

07. Pets: like....6 or something.
08. Mood: frustrated and confused
09. Where would you rather be: with my guy

10. What was the last thing you drank? water
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE:
01. Have you ever been in love:i thought
02. Do you believe in love? occasionally
03. Why did your LAST relationship fail? never had one! and i'm proud of that.

04. Have you ever been heartbroken? yes i've been totally crushed.

05. Have you ever broken someone's heart?: at least i don't think so 
06. Have you ever fallen for your best friend? actually yeah.....lol
07. Have you ever loved someone but never told them? yes...well until like a week ago.

08. Are you afraid of commitment? no

09.Do you want to be in a relationship? i don't want to and i'm not ready to

10. Have you had more than 5 different serious relationships in your life? uh no i'm only 13

EMOTIONS:
01. Are you missing someone right now? omg yes
02. Are you happy? working on it...but kinda

03. Are you eating anything?sorta

04. Are you mad at anyone? pretty ticked and like kaelynn said, freakin disgusted at their immature behavior (i added the freakin for...crap i forgot the word.  well i added it for some more descriptiveness.  don't you hate it when you forget a word?  gosh it's on the tip of my tounge.  AAAH emphasis!  yay.  i added it for emphasis.)

this is for one person and one person only.  i don't mind if you read it, but it's only directed to one person...if they decide to care.

--------------

I now know how it feels to lose a best friend.  (Me and Tyler are still best friends, don't worry.)  But, I'm talking about someone else.  Sometimes, I wonder if he has any idea how much I used to look up to him and how I still wish I could.  Or how I loved talking to him and if he gave me the chance again, I would be so happy?  Or that I told him things I'd never told anyone else before?  And do you know why I did?  because I trusted him, with the utmost faith that he would never let me fall.  And he didn't.  It's almost like I slipped through his fingers and it's not that he didn't want  to catch me, he just didn't quite realize that I was slowly falling.  And now, I'm too far away from him and the only way I can be pulled back onto the boat is if he throws me a life jacket.  I think he trusted me, too.  Sometimes I don't know.  All I know is that I DO miss him.  And honestly, I'm having an extremely hard time knowing that all I seem to do is want to fight with him.  It's not that I'm mad, I'm just bitter and hurt.  I hope he didn't mean to push me away.  I think he's better than that, but now that I'm lost at sea, he won't throw me a life ring!  I need him to help me.  I miss his friendship so much and ALL I want at this moment is just to talk like we used to.  Just hang out like we used to, just be friends again.  Because I miss him.  And if you don't know who this is to, don't worry about it.  But I hope my friend is reading this.  If he is, I want him to know that these words are my heart yelling to him.  I've poured my heart out, and I pray he listens.

 

"You may not be my friend, but I'll always be yours..."

I like danger, but common sense sure don't

Tonight I like your sweet lies,

But tomorrow my heart sure won't

These are just some things I love

That are bad for me...

But of all the things I shouldn't do,

Number one is lovin' you

There's a fatal charm

In your faithless arms

Why is everything that feels so dang good

Bad for me?

Boy, you're one of those things I love

That are bad for me.

 

well...i'm tired.  i got the new iPod nano!!! WOOOT.  wow....for the first time in a long time, i'm not feuding with a friend or running all over the place.  i'm having fun!  i think i'm going to the movies on wednesday...(something i haven't done in a while) so i'm cool with that.  only 2 days of school this week. AAAH i can breathe, my party is finally over.  that was so crazy and hectic.  wow.  well...please, tell me about your week.  i really do want to know.

okay...for all of you who said i wouldn't ever...

I PLAYED PAINTBALL

yes read those words again.  i did it i played i shot people i got shot i did it.  woo!  i'm so...AAAAAH.  it was fun.  and i went to a concert and i'm tired.  and i'm saying bye.

BYE

i'm going to the Steven Curtis Chapman concert!

woo.  okay bye

sorry i know this is thought number 2 but this is cool.

===========================

The sentence below is true.

The sentence above is false.

===========================

figure that out.  and no, they aren't both false.

"this is a way that i say i need you

this is a way that i say i love you

i'm learning to breathe

learning to crawl

finding that you and you alone

can break my fall

i'm living again

awake and alive

i'm dying to breathe

in these abundant skies..."

i still need you and i'm learning to breathe without you.  it's hard, and i'm finding that only you can break my fall.  this is really hard and i'm fighting with myself.  i don't like making decisions like this.....i'm still learning to breathe.

 

HEY guys this is a very urgent prayer request.   My mom just told me that my little cousin, Ansley, has MRSA.  (For those of you that don't know what it is, it's the staph infection that is resistant to antibiotics.)  She is only 3 years old.  The family moved to Texas in January and they have another little girl who is only about 7 or 8 months old.  So please, keep them in your prayers.  I love them so much.

Are you like me?

well...hope this works.

it's a quiz.

i don't understand when stuff like this happens

you are best friends (good friends, anyway) with someone and then one day they decide that you annoy them and that you are to be enemies, sworn to battle.  i don't like this.  people change and i don't understand that.  i've decided that change is my only enemy in life.  well, besides satan.  and evil...and etc...  but anyway, i have a lot of people i totally disagree with.

---------------------------------

totally off subject, but have you ever 'loved' someone and then one day it hits you:

the side you didn't know they had was the one you didn't want to see.  the one you didn't accept. 

i feel like that.  it's like i didn't know this person had a bad side, but i really did, i just didn't want to acknowledge it.  sorry..random.

----------------------------------

back to story.  i have lots of people i totally disagree with, now.  but i do not consider them enemies.  i just disagree with them (one STRONGLY).  i've had close friends to completely turn their lives around in the last little while...good and bad.  some i feel as if i've helped, some harmed.  but then i realize that i didn't make them change.  this is something they brought upon themselves.  back to the other random thing...maybe it's the same with yourself.  have you ever had someone tell you that you are different and you snap and say NO I'M NOT I HAVEN'T CHANGED WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT BLAH BLAH BLAH?  well...maybe you do realize that you've changed but you don't want to accept that side of you.  this is not making much sense. 

----------------------------

i've found that i am considered one of the guys amongst my friends.  deven says it, chandler says it, meatloaf says it, jake and jesse say it, winston, levi...etc.  wow.  well, at least i fit in.  i kinda enjoy being fun.  that's the real me and i'm not scared to act all crazy.  tonight i was really tired and deven asked me what was wrong and i said I'm tired.  he said, but where's the fun carmen, the sunday night carmen (long story) the REAL carmen!  this isn't you!  and it really made me think...you're right i am not a sad person.  i'm happy and cool!  yes.   i am.  woo.  see, on sunday nights we always go out to eat and there are never any girls to hang out with.  so, i eat and talk with the guys and it's FUN!  it's the highlight of my week.  haha for those of you that know my cousin courtney, deven tells me to be a carmen, not a boring courtney.  lol  he said that in front of her!  i felt kinda bad.  but oh well.

golly gee that's long

this is untitled because today, my emotions don't have a title.

"It's funny how someone can break your heart, but you still love them with all the little peices."

-unknown

okay something is going on with some of my close friends...and it's hurting me.  it has NOTHING to do with me...but it's really starting to get to me.  i don't know why, but it's giving me a very bad feeling and i don't like it at all!  i don't think good decisions are being made here....but don't let me be the bearer of bad news.

all i can say is

true love is when all you want is to make the person you love happy, no matter if you lose them...at least they are happy.  their happiness brings you joy.

i see that.

my world is kinda broken right now.  like half is falling off but the other half is awesome.  does that make sense?  i'm trying to live in the awesome side while trying to ignore the bad side.  but i'm still trying to fix the bad side so maybe my world will be awesome.  but i the one problem i can't fix is the one that isn't mine to solve.  the problem that's a problem to me, but isn't my problem to fix.  the one i can't change.  the feelings i can't change.  and the hearts i don't know and the people i thought i knew.  especially the people i thought i knew.  miss them.  love them.  bye

hahahahahahahahaha rotflol  hahahahahahahaha

i just found this note in my bag, i don't know who it's from or who it's to or who it's about...but it's dang funny!!!  it's super random.  i don't know where it came from.

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA these are the exact words.  it reads:

To: Gangsta 1

From: Gangsta 2

He says he's always broke so then he should stop blowing his money on joints, pot, and coffee!!!  He has only himself to blame for his money shortage because he is such a druggie.

HE'S SUCH A LOSER!!!!

okay that's all

i think it was about mr. trondsen because that's the only way coffee would fit into that!!! lol