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December 10, 2013

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God, music, drama, writing, dance, photography, art, reading, Steele, mime, horses, computers, being hilarious, watching movies, looking at the stars, horseback riding, clothes, germ-x, anti-algebra clubs, piano, emailing people, hanging w/ friends, talking to my friends, tennis, golf, athletes (mainly baseball players), singing, playing volleyball, talking, smiling, laughing, (lol) Click here to visit Balloonshop!


My mom, WAVORLY, Beethoven, Craig Morgan, Faith Hill, Brad Paisley, Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, Nickleback, U2, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Skillet, Chris Tomlin, Everlife, BarlowGirl, Superchic[k], Enrique Iglesias (lol), Alan Jackson, bluegrass, Alison Krauss, Loretta Lynn, LeAnn Rimes, Broken Heart (my parents), Lonestar, Jackson 5, James Brown, Aretha Franklin, Green Day, Hinder, All-American Rejects, Shania Twain, Lloyd, Will Smith, The Isaacs, Claire Lynch, Dolly Parton, Tim McGraw, Kenny Chesney, Jimmy Buffet, The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Vanessa Carlton, Evanescence, Mountain Heart, Steven Curtis Chapman, Phillips Craig and Dean, Rascal Flatts, Rhonda Vincent, Brad Russell, MercyMe, Casting Crowns, The Fray, Mat Kearney, Rebecca St. James, The Darins, Panic! At the Disco, Patsy Cline, Rascal Flatts, Shania Twain, Bon Jovi, Eric Clapton, Diamond Rio, Leeland, Kristian Stanfill, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Terri Clark, FM Static, Linkin Park, Fall Out Boy, Boys Like Girls, Fleetwood Mac


MOULIN ROUGE, Princess Bride, Benny and Joon, Benchwarmers, Napoleon Dynamite, RV, Back to The Future, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Flicka, Facing the Giants, Sahara, Stick it, John Tucker Must Die, The Wizard of Oz, The Cat in the Hat, The Spongebob Squarepants movie, Bring it On, Bring it On All or Nothing, The Three Musketeers, Chasing Liberty, Forrest Gump, Drumline, Remember the Titans, Kingdom of Heaven, Pirates of the Carribean, Cars, Meet the Robinsons, Day after Tomorrow, War of the Worlds, Forrest Gump, Center Stage, The Ghost in the Darkness (thanks Amber!), Delta Farce, Spiderman 1 2 and 3, Ice Princess, Uptown Girls, Miracle Run

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Bible, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Loser, WHEN HITLER STOLE PINK RABBIT, Lord of the Rings, Junie B. Jones (lol), and so many more...i just have a lot of "random reads", To Kill a Mockingbird, Bridge to Teribithia, Dragon Rider, Chicken Soup books, Don't You Know There's a War on?, Boy at War, The BFG, George's Marvelous Medicine, The Witches, pretty much anything by roald dahl, The Horseshoe Trilogy, Myspace Icons
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so i've experienced something this week that has been really wierd for me...painful...but still strange.  it was definitely a learning experience.  you can give trust to people who haven't earned it and don't deserve it, but the same thing will happen every time.  they will take your words and turn them into something they aren't and if you aren't careful, it will turn you into something you aren't.  you'll want revenge.  but i realized that no matter how much said person hurt me or made me angry...i couldn't deliver rightful punishment.  sure, i could ruin their life...but it wouldn't be my responsibility.  of course there's a part of me that thinks they should get what they deserve, but i can't do squat about i let it go.  that's really hard to do...especially for me, being as stubborn and headstrong as i am.  i know none of you know really what's going on...and i don't really plan on telling you because it's partially my fault.  (another thing that's hard for me to admit.)  so...just know i learned something...and i haven't posted a thought in a while so i thought i'd catch ya up!  :) have a wonderful life.

(p.s.....i made mid-state choir.  that's a good thing :] lol)

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Quick Remark: should know...

You'll never know how much pain you cause me.

That is, unless I tell you.

So here I go.

You cause me more pain that you can imagine.


You'll never know how much I love you.

That is, unless I tell you.

So here I go.

I love you more than you'll ever realize.


You'll never understand how it feels.

That is, unless I tell you.

So here I go.

It feels worse than anything I've ever felt.


But most of all you'll never know what I think.

That is, unless I tell you.

So here I go...

I think that if you would open up your eyes a little more, you would see what has been in front of you for years.  I think if you let yourself, you could understand.  You would know all these things.  You would know how I feel, you would know how it hurts, and most of all, you would know how much I love you.  Maybe you do.  If you would only let yourself, you could feel it too.  But I can't try anymore.  I have nothing left to give to you.  I want you to know that you changed my life...and you still are.  I can't stand to be without you.  I need you to hear me.

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i haven't ever realized until the past 2 weeks what regret really feels like.  Not regretting doing something, but not doing it.  Not saying what you really mean, while you have the time.  Because before you know it, time is taken away.  Not taking chances while you have the chance...not really feeling while you have the opportunity.  Not loving while love is staring you in the face.  Then it gets taken away, snatched rather, and you have no more time.  You'll never get the chance again.  Never get the chance to tell someone how much they mean to you or what an impact they've made in your life.  How much you loved them, or how you never wanted to let them go.  You never say anything.  They tell you time and again how much you mean to them, that they never want to let you go, and you remain silent.  Knowing in your heart you want to say the same, because you feel the same, but you're afraid of being hurt.  You don't have fun because you figure you have all the time in the world to ride that one watch that one have that one kiss.  But the truth is, you don't know.  You hope.  Another chance will never be given, so you must take it.  Say what you want while you still have the time.  Even though they are not dead, they are gone.  Go back...find them, tell them what you really feel for them.  Hurry, before it's too late.  Make them listen, understand....

EVEN THOUGH I DON'T.  Those are my only questions now.  I love you.  I want you to know that.  But you never will.

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...there are no words to title this thought.

so i have done something that i regret, but i wouldn't trade for anything.  i'm embarassed and still doesn't seem like it really happened.  i feel like i'm walking around in a dream, like right after i say something, it disappears.  why didn't i just stay there, in that moment, instead of pulling away?  maybe it wouldn't be so awkward like it is now....!.  why, if i saw it coming the whole time, did i not stop it???  and why if i really didn't want it, would i never trade it???  i feel almost...guilty?  like i did something bad.  but i didn't.  i did nothing wrong.  i feel so strange....and stupid...and more than anything, embarassed beyond words.  i can't even tell you how much of a loser i feel like right now.  i've got to tell someone.
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Quick Remark:

it's for you!!!!!

so, this is for know exactly who you are!  the flowers might be pretty, and they may smell wonderful, but that electric fence could kill brain cells!!!  :) :P  but seriously, you could grow your own flowers.  <3  remember.  and here's a song for you!
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