so i have done something that i regret, but i wouldn't trade for anything.  i'm embarassed and confused...it still doesn't seem like it really happened.  i feel like i'm walking around in a dream, like right after i say something, it disappears.  why didn't i just stay there, in that moment, instead of pulling away?  maybe it wouldn't be so awkward like it is now....!.  why, if i saw it coming the whole time, did i not stop it???  and why if i really didn't want it, would i never trade it???  i feel almost...guilty?  like i did something bad.  but i didn't.  i did nothing wrong.  i feel so strange....and stupid...and more than anything, embarassed beyond words.  i can't even tell you how much of a loser i feel like right now.  i've got to tell someone.