searching for something to say... searching for something of meaning to describe how life is... to describe how i feel. i feel so many different things right now... confusion, excitement, wrestlessness, joy... so much... all at once. i'm happy to be home... and yet... i can't wait to go back to school. i really love it there. i know it sounds crazy... but i do. i can't explain it. i think God has replanted my heart there for some crazy reason. i dunno... some days i wake-up... and wonder what i'm doing... why i am i chasing the major i'm chasing... why i'm going to a school that everyone critisizes me for choosing. why i so badly want to prove them wrong about me. and yet... i wonder... what am i really trying to prove... and who i'm trying to prove it to. then i get up and read my Bible... and remember... that i'm not fully going to understand the answers to all my questions... the reason why i'm at this school is because God led me there... the reason why i'm in this major is still beyond me... but i know God's still in it... all i really just want to prove is God's glory... i'm trying to prove that He really did die for the world (yet... i know God's word proves itself... i know that it's not up to me)... i just want prove that He really does use sinners like me... i want to prove that God can use me inspite of me. i can truely rest in the fact that even though i have no idea where life goes from here... God's got it all planned out... and better yet... He's left me a road map and a guide... His own Word.

i've got all i need. :) ~Hope

hey hey... it's up and running. how cool is that?!

"i'll remember the suffering your love put you through, and i'll walk through the valley... if you want me to."

I'M HOME!!! i love it at PCC... i really do... but it's nice to be home. i have to tell you... i got through by God's grace alone. there's been frustration, drama, and arguements... i mean... yeah... we're human. but there's been a lot of good things too. i think God really began taught me what it means to trust Him... if i had known how many times i would make a complete fool of myself or stress or barely get by... i wouldn't have gone. but i'm glad that God knew and He placed me there anyways. it's been awesome... and in a way i can't wait to go back... well... for now i'm glad to be home. i missed you all!!! and i hope to see you while i'm here for the next 5 weeks :) ~Hope

1 Thess 5:24 "Faithful is He who hath called you, who also will do it."

*this week has been so hectick... tonight i pretty much come to the end of all this preperation... i leave tomorrow after church to go to Alabama... and from there we head of to Pensacola Christian... i'm filled w/ mixed emotions. i'm not sure what i feel.

*the past few days have been filled w/ final goodbyes... tears... and hugs. today Amber gave me a note that made my day.... i mean... we're talking the kind of note that you hide in your pillow case and take out and read until it falls apart. the kind that makes you happy and sad all at the same time. i'm going to miss that girl... and everybody else too. you each mean soo much to me. and since this may be my last post for a while... everyone have a great semester... be good... wear your seatbelts... and stay close to Jesus. (He leads the way :) I LOVE YOU ALL!!! TAKE CARE!!! ~Hope

"Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things; which thou knowest not." -Jeremiah 33:3

if you wish to contact me... email me at HopefulinTN06@yahoo.com (i'll only be checking this address on the weekends from my sister's house... so i'll email you back from my PCC address once i get it)

*this time next week i'll be sitting in class. scary... isn't it?

*so today i started my serious packing. i never realized how much stuff i have! i hope it all fits. i'm still pretty calm... so far so good :)

*lately i've been studying Jeremiah in my quiet time. before i really didn't know what it was about. so far it's God calling to His children and just pleading w/ them to turn from their false idols... and He's asking them over and over again what has He done for them to turn away from Him. He asks them if their idols have made them... or if these "gods" can really save them from destruction... or if they show mercy and grace. and you know... as i was reading it i was thinking (like everyone else) ,"how foolish they were.".. but then it hit me. how many time do we do the same thing? we make things... or fame... or praise... or sometimes relationships the focus of what we live for... yeah... maybe we'll keep God in the picture... but He doesn't get top priority... how many times do we take a moment out of our day just to sit w/ Him.. know Him... talk w/ Him. we say a short little pray that's to our benefit... but what about praising Him? God wants to be our greatest love. and it's such ashame that we aren't willing to love Him the way He wants to be love. i mean... never spared anything for us b/c He loves us soo much. He gave His Son for our eternity! THAT'S LOVE!!! so God's call to you and me today is "Love Me." do you? ~Hope

dun-dun-duh!!!! 4 DAYS! HECK YES!!! College... here i come!!!

So yeah... things are great. today i was thinking... so how awesome is it that Christ freed us all from the influence of our sin?! i mean... yeah... we're still going to fall and make mistakes.. but how amazing and how blessed are we that we don't have to feel hopeless... that we don't have to live our lives as slaves to sin?! HOW WONDERFUL!!! WE'RE FREE!!! and it really makes me ashamed that i don't always live like that. i'll have a bad attitude.. or i'll just feel alone... and i'm not. i have and AmAzInG SavIoR!!! so why not just live my life in praise of that.. why not get a lil "crazy" and tell someone for once. why don't i share God's saving grace? i mean... it's not just for me! Christ died for the world!!! and the world doesn't even know it! anyways... i just thought that i'd share that. i love you guys! ~Hope

*so today i realized what an awesome brother i have. i mean... niether of us are perfect... and we usually fight allot (which we haven't done so much this summer for some strange reason)... but my goodness. i just realized how much my brother looks after me and takes care of me. today he gave me some of his notes from freshman theory... he's going to lend me one of his hoodies since i can't take my favorite UofM hoodie... and he's going to help me plan my schedual. it's just little stuff like that. i know that God is really working in him. i can see it. i hope that senior year is a good year for him. i really do. anyways... just thought i'd say that. hehe. just don't tell him that i said any of this ;) ~Hope

*last night i went w/ Am and Mikey to see the Brothers Grimm. i liked it okay. it was good for a PG "scary movie". ya know? lol. anyways.. i had fun.. my last time to hang w/ Mikey poo. i

my heart is restless in me
my wings are all worn out
i'm walking in the wilderness and i cannot get out...

i need you, oh i need you... blessed savior come
i need you, oh i need you... fill the every longing of my soul!
oh how i need you Lord! i need your perfect Word
with tearful eyes i see the sin that i afford
i need to weep and pray for all the thousand ways that i have failed you just today...

my bed is soaked with sadness
my sadness has no end
a downward spiral of despair that i keep falling in...

i need you, oh i need you... to you my soul shall fly
i need you, oh i need you... Yahweh, how i love you more than life!
oh how i need you Lord, i need your perfect Word
with tearful eyes i see the sin that i afford
i need to weep and pray for all the thousand ways that i have failed you just today...

your silence is like death to me
so won't you hear my desperate plea!
today my soul is soaring
way over mountains high
tho i can see the valleys... they're all just passing by
it's not that i am stronger! look at my feeble wings

but i've been lifted higher... Yaweh's lifted me in His own strength!

oh how i love you Lord! i love your perfect Word
with tearful eys to see the God that always will endure

now i will celebrate for all the thousand ways that you have showed me grace
and made my heart in grace to stay
i need you , oh i need you!

*so today was my last day. they had cake for me... made me cry. i love those people so much! i have done so much growing up there over the past 2 years. i can't believe i don't work next week. i can't believe that i'm leaving and not coming back after a week. it's so insane. like... my mind can't even comprehend (sp?). in one way i'm sad...

*but at the same time... on the other hand... i'm so excited about school. i can't wait to dive into weekend ministry and orcestra! i'm also planning on taking sign language on Sunday afternoons. that's so awesome! i can't wait to see what all God has instore. Music Ministries is going to be an awesome major!!! and i can't wait to spend time w/ my sister's family. i love my neices! they are so cute! ahh... i'm just bubbling over w/ joy. i hate to leave people behind... but this is how it is... and i accept that.

*next week is filled w/ last goodbye's and packing. bring on the tears ;) PCC HERE I COME!~Hope

"I have decided to follow Jesus,
I have decided to follow Jesus
I have decided to follow Jesus,
No turning back
No turning back

The world behind me,The cross before me,
The world behind me,The cross before me,
The world behind me, the cross before me,
No turning back
No turning back "

*so things are going great... yesterday i went to Walmart to get my boxes to move all my stuff... it's funny b/c the cart was so full i had to walk on my tip-toes to see over. the cute guy at the door laughed at me... can't i really say i minded tho. lol.

*mom is actually surprised that i haven't freaked out yet... my cousin is quite nervous about starting MTSU next week... me? presently i am "calm as a cucumber" (as my mom says)... we'll see how that is next week tho.

*they had a going away "fellowship" thing at my church for me Sunday night... they gave me money... like 188... and then wednesday one of our older ladies gave me a 20... so i've got 208 dollars... i was blown away!!! God is seriously taking care of me!!

*Amber's my soul mate!

*anyways.. i'd better skoot... talk to you guys later... leave me remarks... or die!!! well. maybe not... but still... leave me remarks! ~Hope


**update** so i went to work tonight... and guess what?! I GOT ACCEPTED FOR THE CHICK-FIL-A SCHOLARSHIP!!! PRAISE GOD!!! MY SCHOOL IS COVERED FOR THIS YEAR!!! (i mean... the scholarship is only a thousand... but i already had 6 thousand. so yeah!!! yay!!!)

oh... and i've already told a few people... but i think i've found what my calling is... young people. i know that that sounds crazy... and i still don't know where all that's going... but man... i just want to tell teens that God loves them... and i know that i don't always do a very good job... but oh do i want to reach teens. they are my burden. i think that might be why i want to work at the Wilds so bad. i didn't get hired last summer... but i talked to Ken Collier (the camp director for the Wilds) and he said not to let one summer discourage me. so maybe this will be the year... and if not... i'll apply for west branch (it's the west camp for the Bill Rice Ranch)... and if not there... then God has some other plan for my summer... i know i sound insane... i think it's b/c i'm tired. lol. night!

aaaah! i'm starving!!! i just realized that it's 2:43 and i haven't eaten since 9!!! lol... i think i'll get something before work... i know it was random... but that's what i'm feeling. lol

p.s. 12 more days!

Friday is my last day at Chick-fil-A... i guess i have mixed feelings about it. i'm ready to move on... but not ready to let friends go... Friday will deffinately be tear filled... that's a given.

13 days until i leave for college!!! woohoo!!!yeah... life is crazy... summer is wrapping up. but i think it's in a good way this time. i love you guys!!! ~Hope

"My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of His correction: for whom the Lord loveth He correcteth; even as the Father [correcteth] the son in whom he delighteth." -Proverbs 3:11-12

*Lauren's post seriously spoke to me... the thing that stood out most was when she said "That's why He's my saving grace" how amazing is that?! i mean seriously... can you personally say that Christ is your saving grace?! i'm so thankful that i can!!! here i am this *mess-of-a-person*, i fail countless times... and STILL... Christ loves me... when He sees me He doesn't see my sin anymore... He sees what i can be... His sees the plan that the Father has for me. wow! He's fully freed my from my sin and grief. so why shouldn't i rejoice?! why shouldn't YOU rejoice?! if you haven't yet... talk to God tonight/today... ask Him to free you too... He can and He will!

*"Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not." -Jeremiah 33:3

Free -Ginny Owens
Turnin' molehills into mountains
Makin' big deals outta small ones
Bearing gifts as if they're burdened
This is how it's been
Fear of coming out of my shell
Too many things I can't do too well
'Fraid I'll try real hard and I'll fail
This is how it's been
'Till the day you pounded on my heart's door
And you shouted joyfully, "You're not a slave anymore!"

Chorus
And you're free to dance
Forget about your two left feet and you're
Free to sing
Even joyful noise is music to me
And free to love
'Cause I've given you my love and it's made you free(free) Free!

My mind finds hard to believe that
You've become humanity and
Changed the course of history
Because you loved me so
And my heart cannot understand why you'd
Accept me as I am but you see
You've always had a plan and that's all I need to know
So when I am consumed by what the world will say
It's then you're singing to me as you remove my chains!
Chorus
Oh free from worry, free from envy and denial
Free to live, free to give, free to smile!

*it stormed today for a little while... Mike was playing around... and decided to dare God (big mistake)... he said "Okay God... let's see what you got?!" and at that moment... guess what? the lights went out. they were out for like... i dunno... 30 minutes to an hour? we couldn't do anything... except stock... and the back cut lemons and stuff. i'm serious... we couldn't serve dinks b/c the fountain is somehow electrical... we couldn't keep the food heated... we couldn't ring stuff up... we couldn't do ANYTHING!

**so now i'm thinking back on it... and it hits me... just like Chick-fil-A has to rely on the power of electricity... we have to rely on the power of God... but you know what's awesome? God never has a power failure! His power supply is endless!!! isn't that amazing?! nothing is too big for Him!

*Jeremiah 32:27 "Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?"

Amber: "you're the warrior that i've been waiting for!!! you're my defender!" :o)

Mom : "Man, he's got his motorcycle PiMpEd out."
Me: (laughs hysterically)

*hmm... guess i don't have that much to say... my daddy went to the hospital this morning... i slept through it all... my cousin called earlier to tell me he can take me to work if i need him to... so he told me about it... something about my dad hurt his back... so i dunno... but i think he'll be okay..

*yesterday me and mom went shopping for another formal... i found a pretty one that goes great w/ the shrugg mom made for the othe formal. yay!!! i'm set!!! it was fun just to spend some time w/ mum... i know that this whole college thing is hard on her... but i know she'll be okay... she told a friend of ours that when we were all kids she told herself that we were all "visitors"... haha... i got the biggest kick out of it! how did she know my brother was really an alien?! i mean... i took me a few year to catch on to that one. lol ;) anyways... i need to shut up and go.. love you guys! ~Hope

yup... that's umm... let me get a calculator... hmmm... 3x7+2=23days! i can't believe that i leave for school in 23 days! that's just madness! i don't think it will really set in until the last week before college. i can't wait to see what God's got instore... i know that this is going to be a time to draw closer to Him. i know college isn't going to be the cake walk that high school was... i mean... you're talking to the girl who didn't try and got B's all the time... i'm sure i'll have to work for C's! that's going to kill me! but i'll be good. anyways... i know that was so random... but that's what's really on my mind lately. lol. ~Hope

ohhh the bliss! lol. i came over to shelby's house... we "watched" Million Dollar Baby. ewe both actually fell asleep. hehe. anyways... we had pizza for lunch and then we headed to the mall. i got a pillow thing for my bed at schoo. heck yes!! anyways... i'll talk to you guys later. ilu. oh... and comments are appreciated. ;) ~Hopes

so there's been a friend from work who i've been praying for for... over a year now. as far as i know... she doesn't know Christ. like... i can't tell you the burden that God has given me for her. and like... i dunno... sometimes i just feel so helpless... b/c i dunno... i just hurts sometimes. tonight she got a call that her grandmother has cancer... she was so upset (i would be too i'm sure)... but my GM grabbed me and Amber... and asked us to lead in prayer. so we got to pray over her... and i know you're saying..."so what? you prayed over her... you've done that for other people." and yeah... maybe that's true... but she's never allowed us to do that. that's huge to me! i really just want to ask you guys to pray for her.. pray for her grammy... and pray for her.. that this would draw her to Christ... and not push her away from Him.. pray that she'd see her need for Him. pray that i would be a testimony and encouragement to her. thank you, guys. i love you all...

-Third Day
Who is this King of Glory that persues me with his love
And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words
My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need
Who is this King of Glory who offers it to me

Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace
Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries
My spirit’s ever longing for His grace in which to stand
Who's this King of glory, Son of God and son of man

His name is Jesus, precious Jesus
The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart
The King of glory

Who is this King of Glory with strength and majesty
And wisdom beyond measure, the graceous King of kings
the Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
Who is this King of Glory, He's everything to me

The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
He is the King of glory, He's everything to me

**1 Chron. 29:11 "Thine, O Lord, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty: for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine, thine is the kingdom, O Lord, and thou art exalted above all."

just 11 days until i hit the 10 month mark of not dating. (which mean i just have 2 months an 11 days left!!!) it's so amazing. in one way it feels like this year has flown... and at the same time... it feels like it's been a long time. i'm so glad that God has totally changed my focus... and yeah... somedays are still major struggles... i'm still a girl... i still have a desire to grow up and get married.. but i want to wait on God's timing... i want to use the time i have as a single to reach out in other ministries... experience some of the things i won't get a chance to later. it's crazy... b/c it feels like marriage is just around the corner... and yet... it feels like it'll take an eternity. but i know that the wait will be so worth it. one day i'm going to look back on all the tears and struggles (maybe even mistakes)... and be overjoyed everything that God did through it all. i hope that my story only point to His goodness and glory. i can't wait to see what He's got instore for this next semester!!! i'm pumped!

1 Chron. 16:10 "Glory ye in His holy name: let the heart of them that rejoice the seek the Lord."

1 Chron. 29:11 "Thine, O Lord, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty: for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine, thine is the kingdom, O Lord, and thou art exalted above all."

I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more then I can bear
I feel so empty

Your strong, I'm weary
I'm holding on
But I feel like giving in
But still You're with me

(Pre-chorus and Chorus)
And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Who's love will comfort me
And when my hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me

I know I'm broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
Your always with me

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Who's love will comfort me
And when my hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me
He will carry me

(Bridge)
And even though I feel so lonely
Like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said You'd see me through the storm

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Who's love will comfort me
And when my hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me
He will carry me
He will carry me

*so for the past few days i've had the most random verse running trhrough my head.

*Proverbs 12:15 "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that harkeneth to counsel is wise."

** and it hits me... how many times do i follow my own way and think i'm just doing great? wow... i'm such a fool. i think God's trying to remind me that i like to take God w/ me... insted of going w/ God. and yeah it may seem like a good idea. but i forget that i serve a God who knows more than i do... in human terms i may seem intelegent... but when was the last time i created an entire universe? when was the last time that i breathed life into someone's lungs? when was the last time i gave my own life for the eternity of millions? and my answer is never. i forget that i'm really "as dumb as a box of rocks" (as Am says). and i forget that it's better to trust God than to be confident in myself. i forget that God sees over, around, underneath, and through my sitaution. b/c sometimes i can't see the forest for the trees. God sees the big picture... i just the see the puzzle peice. anyways... i just thought i'd share that. i know it was random. hehe

* hey guys, not too much new going on...

*yesterday i ran into my former best friend (who i still consider one of my best friends)... who i haven't really hung out w/ in a year... i mean i've tried to call her... and she was always busy w/ dance practice and play practice during the school year... so i wrote her a note and she wrote one back saying that we needed to get together... i went to her play... and called her after that... haven't heard from her since. but we decided to hang out on Wed. i'm so nervous. you guys have no idea the way i feel about her... she's like my sister... and even tho we aren't as close... not a day goes by the i don't remember our times together. and i'm finding out that she feels the same way. it's crazy. i really can't wait to just sit down and talk to her... see what God's doing in her life... see what all's going on. i can't wait :o)

*so i'm beginning to learn more about myself as a girl... you know... i'm not one to sit down and explain or think about how i feel about love.... like.. i dunno... i'll talk about what i'm looking for in a man... and what i think love really is... but i've never really thought about what i as a girl need... or feel i need. guys need respect from love... the kind of respect that isn't always deserved... i mean.. guy don't need to be told that they're jerks.. most of them already know that... but they need for their woman to stand behind them. to cheer them on. girls need to be adored... that's a desire that each one is looking for... we just want someone to be captivated by our beauty... inward and outward. we want our men to just be absolulety satisfied and overjoyed that we are theirs and theirs alone. we want to have their full attention. men need to be praised for their accomplishments and character... and even tho we do too... we want to be praised as mothers and wifes.. we want to be praised for looking pretty or smelling good. we jus want to be considered beautiful. and i know that so many of us don't believe that we are when guys to compliment us... and guys, you have to be understanding... b/c so many of us have been lied to about it... we've been hurt by people who knew how to use our desires for their own gain... who loved themselves more than us. . we've been sweet talked too many times to count. there's girls out there that have lost the one thing most precious to them... the one thing that's really theirs b/c some boy said he loved her. we doubt that anyone can ever really love us for who we are and how God made us. we've built up walls trying to protect our hearts...

**but you know what girls, it's time for us to let God heal us... it's time for us to let HIM think we're beautiful. it's time for us to let God have all our fears of being played again... of being rejected again. it's time for us to trust Him w/ our love stories. it's time to let Him show us that there are godly guys out there that want to love us like Jesus loves the Church. girls, don't forget to wait for God's timing... Rachael is always telling me "God is faithful when i am faithless." Amen, sister. Amen.

*so today i went w/ Whitney to somewhere in AL to a family get together. i really enjoyed it. even tho i really didn't know any of their family... it felt like home... they pretty much welcomed my w/ open arms. i loved it.

*we played wiffle ball... i'm not quite as bad as i thought i was (*key word* quite)... one of the guys smacked into a tree limb and it took a chunk out from under his eye... it was not good. but they took him to the hospital and he didn't need stiches so that's a blessing.

*today was a blessing to just get away... and not think about much of anything but enjoying everyone's company.

*so things are going great... God's laid a few names of people who to the best of my knowledge... don't know Christ... it's exciting tho... b/c i feel like God's begining to give me a burden for people who don't know Christ... like... for a while i knew that i should be witnessing but that really wasn't a main concern of mine... and i think God's beginning to change my heart.

*i need you guys to pray for a friend of mine... i feel like God's placed something on my heart to say to this person... but He's closed the door the last 3 times i've planned to talk to this person. i still believe that i'm supposed to talk to this friend... but i think maybe God's preparing this friend's heart to hear me. so please just pray for my friend please. i'm really concerned.

*anyways... you guys have a great week. i love you all... and i'll post more later.