searching for something to say... searching for something of meaning to describe how life is... to describe how i feel. i feel so many different things right now... confusion, excitement, wrestlessness, joy... so much... all at once. i'm happy to be home... and yet... i can't wait to go back to school. i really love it there. i know it sounds crazy... but i do. i can't explain it. i think God has replanted my heart there for some crazy reason. i dunno... some days i wake-up... and wonder what i'm doing... why i am i chasing the major i'm chasing... why i'm going to a school that everyone critisizes me for choosing. why i so badly want to prove them wrong about me. and yet... i wonder... what am i really trying to prove... and who i'm trying to prove it to. then i get up and read my Bible... and remember... that i'm not fully going to understand the answers to all my questions... the reason why i'm at this school is because God led me there... the reason why i'm in this major is still beyond me... but i know God's still in it... all i really just want to prove is God's glory... i'm trying to prove that He really did die for the world (yet... i know God's word proves itself... i know that it's not up to me)... i just want prove that He really does use sinners like me... i want to prove that God can use me inspite of me. i can truely rest in the fact that even though i have no idea where life goes from here... God's got it all planned out... and better yet... He's left me a road map and a guide... His own Word.

i've got all i need. :) ~Hope