dear phusebox:

i am cheating on you with Facebook. it's not that i don't love you; you were my first love. but i just feel that i am in a place in my life where i need to branch out and meet other people...so let's just be friends, ok? thanks, babe...

   love, Cari

so wow. All-State was last Thursday-Saturday, and it was freakin amazing. i couldn't believe how much fun i had! granted, i thought my legs were going to have to be amputated, but it was worth it! firstly, our conductor, Dr. Snow, was fantastic. she was one of the nicest women i've ever met. secondly, everyone was really awesome, especially the Siegel kids i met. i honestly thought that i would end up hating them, but they were all so much fun! (although apparently, i am quite the harlot for going to get ice cream with two guys at night....ha.) but yeah. we got to go see the symphony at the Schermerhorn, along with other performances like that, and to top it all off, we got to do our big performance in the Schermerhorn as well! Let me tell you, it was amazing! The acoustics were out of this world, and our choir definitely sounded the best! (not that i'm biased or anything...) i mean, like, we got a standing ovation in the middle of our performance!

anyways. yeah. things are kind tough right now, and i realize that a lot of it is my own doing, but that doesn't really make it suck less. but governor's school is like, 6 or 7 weeks away, which is definitely a good thing. also, i have my voice recital coming up on May 3rd! yay rah! i'm singing two songs from Wicked, and i hope that they'll be ok. also, i found out yesterday that i have to go to the Awards Banquet for some award, but i don't know what it's for...weird.

so right now i'm in the process of attempting to break away from an extremely deep friendship, but i'm not really telling anybody (at least not anybody who would tell him...i think...) because i just want to quietly break away. but the whole thing is rather excruciating to think about, because i know how much i am going to miss him. i honestly love him so much, and i'm not sure what i'm gonna do without him next year. maybe things will change. but probably not, and that means that i'll probably have to be best-friend-less again next year. but that's ok. i feel like this is something that God is calling me to do. i just want to do it right this time around. this friendship has been affecting me mentally and spiritually for much too long, and it is time to put an end to all the internal warfare. but i have faith that if God takes him away, He will bring someone/something else along to fill that void. anyways, i have to go to bed, so i'll post more later. goodnight everyone! much love---Cari  

so. life is good, and pretty much the same as always. no boys, lots of work, but plenty of Jesus to make up for the things that stink. i just started the coolest devotional that i found in our computer desk. it is truly amazing.

When you know that God doesn't want you to do something, and yet you want it so bad, it makes for a very interesting situation. This boy...gracious. I love him so much, but I love Him more. I know that he is not God's best for me, and I believe that if i am patient, God will bring me someone. (Or He might not bring me anyone, and that's ok, too.) I just have to keep believing that something else will come along, and I tell myself that I can't give in and do what I want. But God has been so faithful to fill up that void for now. And the cool part is, the closer i get to Him, the less i feel as though i need "him". But it still doesn't make it any easier to be around him.

Nayways, other than that, life is peachy. School is almost over, thank goodness, and i have yet to fail chemistry, so that's a plus. I made an 84 out of 90 on my Free Response (i'm thinkin only APUSH kids know what i'm talking about), and things are, as i said, peachy.

but on a more depressing note, i really miss Bruce lately. I just can't believe how much i've grown up since he died, and i often find myself wondering what he'd be like if he had grown up with us. i miss his friendship, and how he was always there for me. I miss our deep conversations, and i miss him telling me about his walk with Christ. It's been a long time since i've had a conversation with a friend about that. i wish that William and I actually agreed about anything. but we don't, and that's ok for now. the arguing just makes things hard. i swear, if people didn't know us they would think that we were married because of how much we fight. it's a bit ridiculous. anyways. i'll stop boring anyone who actually reads this. much love to you all---Cari

so, i have been meaning to post this for forever...i wrote this at the beginning of the year for English class, and though there are some rough spots, i really liked it. i hope you all will read it, though it is a bit long. let me know your opinions! thanks  and much love to you all!!!--Cari

                               One Nation Under Whom?

       Throughout the ages, religion has been an essential part of the human race. It gives us hope and a sense of purpose. Even if one does not identify with any sort of conventional religion, in the United States, he or she is not penalized for or prevented from practicing (or not practicing) it. In this country especially, religion is an integral part of our history. To exclude it from our lives and culture would truly be a tragedy.

               Most people, excepting sociopaths, have a conscience. This conscience tells one what is right and what is not, and also helps to define those situations which are not so black and white. Was this conscience created only to be left alone to its own devices? I think not. This instinctive moral code is found in almost every religion, especially Christianity, which was the impetus that compelled the English separatists to settle this nation, and the foundation from which it drew its ideas and system of government.

               The tenets of almost every religion emphasize doing right, i.e. the Ten Commandments and the Jewish Talmud, therefore it is ridiculous to say that including and/or incorporating religion into schools, government, or anywhere else is dangerous. Granted, there will always be those who use their religion as an excuse to hate, and even to enact violence on others who do not agree with their beliefs. But those actions of small sects of radicals do not justify the complete removal of a pillar of our society.

                In response to a critic, Thomas Jefferson once said, "Among the most inestimable of our blessings, also, is that…of liberty to worship our Creator in the way we think most agreeable to His will; a liberty deemed by other countries incompatible with good government and yet proved by our experience to be its best support." This statement was reflected in the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, which provides citizens with freedom of religion, among other freedoms. This country was formed on the foundation of Christianity, a religion highly compatible with the ideals of democratic government, as it values sacrifice, selflessness, peace, and high moral character, among other such noble qualities. Christianity also respects free will, and, while it doesn't accept other religions as absolute truth, does not advocate the persecution, coercing, or killing of those who do not agree with its theology. How does one consider a religion which urges one to "turn the other cheek" to be violent and threatening?

                If anything, incorporating religion into schools and government strengthens tolerance. It is when one is shut off from learning about other beliefs that intolerance is bred. By telling our nation's children that they are not free to practice their beliefs, people are creating within their highly impressionable minds confusion and eventually contempt, which in turn could result in a downward spiral, leading to the downfall of this country. I am by no means advocating a theocracy, because many leaders have used theocracy as a weapon. As the saying goes, absolute power corrupts absolutely. But a line must be drawn somewhere. The American government, as well as the American people, seems to have developed a phobia of offending others. If the Whigs had not "offended" King George III and Parliament, there would not be a United States of America as we know it. It also seems as though it is acceptable to offend certain groups, while tip-toeing around others, an example being Christians. People complain that they are offended by the inclusion of the words "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance, and millions speak out in agreement and angrily protest. And yet, last week, when I was called "ignorant and small-minded" because of some of my beliefs, I heard no rallying cry of support. No one stood up and came to my defense. This person was considered "brave" for calling me out on my intolerance, while, in truth, only showing their own. When did such hypocrisy become an admired quality? The day that we become what we claim to hate most is the day when we lose our souls. America has truly become the prodigal son.

                Some have also complained that they have had religion shoved down their throats and argue, therefore, that an absence of religion would be the best solution for America. But this idea itself is backward and utterly hypocritical. For one thing, a complete and total absence of religious belief/the belief that there is no God is a religion called atheism. Secondly, imposing this religion on those who are otherwise affiliated would be equally as unjust. Thirdly, the opinions of the loudest mouths are not necessarily the consensus view. We should not allow ourselves to be bullied by a whiny minority. In a time where the fool speaks loudest, it is utterly wrong to not stand up and fight for what is right. Some of the main problems with this nation are the lack of accountability and the lack of bold men and women who will stand up and speak out against what they know to be incorrect. What is going to have to happen before we realize how far we have fallen? The people of our nation are actually listening to quixotic babblers who have nothing aside from their own interests in mind. How is that people have become so milquetoast in their pursuit for truth and justice? In the words of William Butler Yeats, "The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity."

              I do not fear, because I believe that this world, this nation belongs to the One who is omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent. However, I will not insult people's intelligence with some Panglossian fluff. History is cyclical, and if we do not learn from it, it is destined to repeat itself. There are those who are slowly but surely trying to expel God from every facet of this nation, and the day that they succeed is not a day that I will want to see. Nowhere is it written that America is invincible or that our present way of life is permanent. Our nation is frighteningly comparable with ancient Rome, with our increasing appetite for violence, the overwhelming sensuality and perversity, and the pervasive materialism. I hope that this nation will learn from Rome's rejection of God and never forget, "For heathen heart that puts her trust in reeking tube and iron shard--- All valiant dust that builds on dust, And guarding calls not Thee to guard. For frantic boast and foolish word, Thy Mercy on Thy People, Lord!" (Rudyard Kipling).

              In conclusion, I do believe that all of this was well summarized by Ralph Waldo Emerson when he said, "A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming."  

so guys. how ya'll is? life is good as usual! i am currently babysitting my favorite kids in all the world! the thompson 4 are so unbelieveably amazing!

tomorrow is formal!!!!!!! woohoo! i can't wait.. michael and i are going to look so cute!

lemme tell ya...some times people make it hard for me not to like them. but that's ok. i'll never tell him again because i don't want our friendship to go the way that it did last time. i know it sounds funny, but it's like i love him too much to tell him so. but man....if he decided to be Baptist, ooh girl....we would be gettin married!!! ha. j/k. well, Clayton's screaming at me, so i guess i better go! much love--Cari

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."

                ----1 John 4:4

so. life is interesting lately. friendships are very strange, and i no longer advise a girl being best friends with a guy. things get weird. you know that things are different when you're riding in a minivan with him to Kroger to pick up a prescription. i swear, it's like i'm married to this guy. it's quite silly to decide you will never date a guy, but then hate it if he likes/dates/thinks about dating someone else...being a girl makes you silly, apparently. also, being exactly like his ex (whom he had a not-so-pleasant breakup with) is quite unsettling. like, it really weirded me out last night. and here's another tip...don't ever go to Hastings with someone you like, because you just might leave the place not liking them at all. that's happened to me twice. i don't know what it is. and here's another question for ya'll: Why do i end up getting emotionally attached to people that i shouldn't? Why can't i find a good, Christian best friend? I had one for 3 years, and then he had to go off and die, so that sucked a lot. not to be totally depressing or anything. it's just very weird. i always end up with a person who influences me negatively. is that because of a spiritual deficiency on my part? Am i just a silly girl who needs to stop worrying? What worries me most is this: is this what my future relationships are gonna be like? But in that sane vein, i really do trust God. i guess i just get caught up in me sometimes, and that is definitely not a good thing to get caught up in. I've noticed a trend of selfishness and superficiality in my life lately. i think that i definitely need to stop constantly talking to william and start talking to Jesus. cause william can't solve my problems. he hasn't known me since before i was born. he didn't create my brain. he's human. and i love him, but he's human. and he brings out qualities in me that aren't Godly/good in the least. but at this point, the only thing that's gonna get me farther from him and closer to Him is a whole lotta prayin' and a whole lotta Word, cause i'm invested in this boy. i'm talkin', hardcore, seriously, unrequitedly invested. but then....there's this other boy. and he gives me a lot of hope. not in the sense of, were gonna get married and have 13 kids...he makes me want to be Godly. he spurs me on to a better relationship with Christ. instead of wanting/needing to constantly be around/talk to him, he makes me want to be around/talk to God. he has every right (by the world's standards) to be needy, emotionally disturbed, and sinful...but he's not...(well, we're all sinful, but you know what i mean...) and that makes me really happy. there are good ones out there. i wish he had some idea of what i think of him. maybe i'll tell him at some point. until then, i want to be content in my identity in Christ. that's definitely harder the older i get. my flesh really wants to take over. i get smart-aleck, mean, judgmental, negative, and just generally stupid sometimes. but i know that Christ in me is more powerful than Satan trying to get at me. i just pray that i will have the desire to stay close to Him so that He can fight for me, cause i know that i can't do it on my own. The only thing that i like about going through weird times and growing up is how much closer it can bring me to Christ. i just love it. anyways, i better go do my chem/english homework! much love to you all! ---Cari

so wow. it's been two months and my life has taken many a turn. first off, the good news....I MADE GOVERNOR'S SCHOOL FOR VOICE!!!!!!! woot! i'm so utterly excited...i just can't even believe how much God has blessed me in the whole music thing lately...He's been so good to me, even when i'm so not good to Him.

school is...well, school. but that's ok. i do love it. and things aren't nearly as stressful this second semester. Music Man is this coming Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at 7:00 and Sunday at 2:00, and yes, we are behind, but i'm sure it will turn out fine in the end. i just love getting to be a part of it all...

i'm a little upset because i have to miss One Weekend (because of the play), the Gulfport Mission Trip (because i have to get my wisdom teeth out on Spring break..oh, the fun to come!...), and i'll be @ G-school during the charleston trip and Big Stuf.....poo. but that's ok. i guess God wants me to take a break and work for Him here in the Boro...i can't wait for G-school too, because i think that it will be a fantastic opportunity to be a light for Christ in a very dark place! i know that He can do it... i just hope that i'm up to the challenge.

i definitely hit a mailbox on the way to school about a month ago, and busted the side mirror off of my passenger side door, and i haven't driven since...my parents won't let me until i raise the money to pay for it.

DBS Formal is March 10th, and i'm sure Michael and I will have tons of fun!

but one of the not-so-good things i've had to deal with lately is a certain relationship. so...there's this guy. and he is definitely my best friend. and to be completely honest, i have loved him for a long time. and things were going just great. and then december came. and things kinda went nuts. to all the guys out there, don't ever tell a girl that you like her (even if you do...) if you have no intention of dating her. it will only screw things up. so yeah...we both confessed that we liked each other. and things didn't get weird, as i had expected. but we did get closer. unreasonably so. and i realized that i was beginning to put him in the spot that Christ was supposed to be occupying in my life. what's more is, i know this could offend some, but, yeah, he's Catholic. that's the only reason that nothing could ever happen between us. the differences between what i believe and what he believes are just too big of a deal to just pass by. so anyways, this week i had to call him and tell him that we needed to tone down our closeness, because i was much too attached emotionally, and i think he probably was too, though he might not admit it. a wise man said to me that night, "Cari, you have to follow Christ, not your heart...", and i immediately knew what i had to do. and it really sucked. i felt awful for making him so upset. but what i felt more awful for was the neglect i had shown to my relationship with God as the result of this relationship. i was so ready to compromise and just throw out all the growth God had allowed in me, just to make this guy and myself happy...but...when all is said and done, i knew that, even if i never marry, even if i never even date, that's ok, because i would rather have Jesus say to me "Well done, good and faithful servant," than to have this guy like me for a little while and then move on. in the words of Sara Groves, "trying to please the world, it was breakin' me down..." so now, me and this guy are friends, but not nearly as close as it was, at least for me.

anyways, yeah. life is quite good right now. i am so blessed, even when i want to see the crappy elements of life...i just love the way that God continues to pursue me, even when i kick and scream and try to ignore. why do we as humans do that so often? who knows. all i know is that i love Jesus and i know that He loves me back, and truly, that really is all i need. i know it sounds so very sunday-school, but it's true. well, i gotta go read APUSH, so i'll be back later. much love to all of you! ----Cari

Merry Christmas everybody! I hope that you are all having a blessed break celebrating the birth of our Savior!!! I know I am!

much love--Cari

hmmm. strange how a new twist on a relationship can bring up old memories...

being a girl is interesting. so many facets of all kinds of neuroses. i wish someone would tell me how to make it uncomplicated.

but on a less emo note...

life's good!! school is so almost done...i do still have the exam from Hades coming up (APUSH)...but that's ok. i guess i can wing it.

so here's a song that is totally what i'm feeling....

 Hello Lord, it's me your child
I have a few things on my mind
Right now I'm faced with big decisions
And I'm wondering if you have a minute, 'cause
Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

I don't doubt your sovereignty
I doubt my own ability to
Hear what you're saying
And to do the right thing
And I desperately want to do the right thing
But right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think you are telling me to wait
And though patience has never been mine
Lord, I will wait to hear from you
Oh Lord, I'm waiting on you

Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I think you're whispering

hmmm...sara and God...they always seem to know just what's in my heart...---Cari

goodness gracious. today, my car was searched for drugs and/or weapons by 2 SRO's. what the heck? they scared the living crap out of me. they told me that they had brought the drug dogs around the parking lot, and one stopped at my car and detected narcotics, which i'm pretty sure is a lie. if this tells you anything, Kelsey Shearron, Chris Hardman, and David Bunting all got searched (i.e., some of the best kids in our school...like, i'm talkin squeaky clean like me...) so yeah, they made me cry uncontrollably, and i really thought that someone had left drugs in my car or something...gahlee...it was horrible. but now i'm just mad.

in other news, today i actually told the guy that i liked whom i shouldn't like that i liked him, but now i don't like him anymore, so i can go back to liking the sweet, good guy. well...now that i've sufficiently bored ya'll to death i'll finish working on my project---much love---Cari

so. i am officially 17! but with that age, a lot of weirdness has suddenly come upon me...

why can't i like the good, sweet, Christian guy who may actually like me back for once in my life? why does it always end up being the other guy that i end up liking? the guy who i know likes someone else? will someone please tell me why, when i have liked someone very much for a long time, and they begin to seem to show any interest in me, i immediately stop liking them and like someone else? why do i like someone whom i've known a long time and never been attracted to, but suddenly am now? do i simply want what i can't have? am i a glutton for punishment? i'm pretty sure that God would not want me to be with this person. and i wish i could just make myself stop liking him. and i wish i could go back to liking the other person...but i just can't right now.  

dag. no bueno. but i'll just have to pray about it. being a teenager is quite confusing. anyways. i've kinda been in a funk lately. i think it's because i haven't been to church in a while...plus i have really been slackin' with the quiet times. it's not that don't want to, it just seems like i never have time. but i should make time. anyways, i gotta go study! much love to you all --Cari

so wow. long time no post...

lot's has happened since November 18th. i made 3rd chair All-State in 2nd Alto (wooooot!), and all the glory goes to God for that one (along with everything else i've ever been able to do that is good), because He's the one who enabled me to do it, and i thank Him so much!!!! DBS Initiation was Monday night, and was great, although it took way too long. congrats to all you new members!!!

i started going to my small groups, and de-ang, it's amazing...i love my small group like a fat kid love cake. i also looooooove my Sunday School class...ms. rhonda and ms. wendy are just possibly the coolest women in the world ( after my mom and Ms. Donna...)

formal is coming up soon, and hopefully the person i asked will be able to go with me...cause it would be extra sad if he didn't...

school is most definitely kicking my bum...but God has been very merciful in helping my teachers to chill out and helping me to understand most of my work...except chemistry...thank goodness i don't want to be a doctor anymore...gahlee...

i went on a college visit to University of Memphis and Rhodes College on Thursday. U of M was okay...but Rhodes was a-mazing. i wish i could post the pix i took....omgosh...i would love to go there...problem is, it costs $36,000 a year...so no Rhodes for Cari....oh well. i'll be content with wherever God sticks me.

so what have i been learning lately? God has really be teaching me about having freedom in Him...how we are no longer slaves to sin, but slaves to righteousness...and that's not to say that we should try to be perfect or focus on works, because being perfect is impossible and works don't save....but just realizing that we can say no to Satan, and resist temptation. and yes, i fail on a regular basis. especially where my mouth is concerned. but it's so cool to see how God can change my heart when i am willing and i ask Him to. also, i started reading the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, and it is awesome. i just feel so much more confident, but not in that, i don't need a man to complete me because i'm a modern amazon-woman (hear me roar)...i just mean that, i feel like i can wait for exactly the right person to come along, and in the mean time, i don't have to worry about it. i can totally focus my energies on God because that's where He wants them to be. cool beans.

everybody needs to come to my mom's concert tomorrow night, Sunday, December 3rd, 2006 @ 6:00 PM @ Belle Aire Baptist's sanctuary. i'll be singing in it as well! woot!

also....DECEMBER 7TH IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!! and i'm not even doing anything...bah-humbug....hah...kidding. i'm just layin low this year...like every year. ha. well, i gotta go ya'll. much love---Cari

if i ever get married...this is the song...

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart
our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer
at least for most of the questions in my heart
Why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together

Mmmm, It's always better when we're together
Yeah we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
just might find their way into my dreams tonight,
But I know that they’ll be gone
when the morning light sings
and brings new things
for tomorrow night you see
that they’ll be gone too,
too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
i was somewhere in between
With only two,
Just me and you,
Not so many things we got to do
or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree now,

Yeah It's always better when we're together
Mmmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

I believe in memories
they look so, so pretty when I sleep
And now when, when I wake up,
you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
There is no, no song I could sing
and there is no combination of words I could say
but I will still tell you one thing
We're Better together

what just may be the best song ever.....

The new day dawns
And I am practicing my purpose once again
It is fresh and it is fruitful if I win
but if I lose, ooh, I don't know
I'll be tired but I will turn and I will go
Only guessing 'til I get there then I'll know
Ohh, I will know

And all the children walking home past the factories
Can see the light that's shining in my window
As I write this song to you
And all the cars running fast along the interstate
Can feel the love that radiates
Illuminating what I know is true

And all will be well
Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself
All will be well
You can ask me how but only time will tell

The winter's cold
But the snow still lightly settles on the trees
And a mess is still a moment I can seize until I know
That all will be well
Even though sometimes this is hard to tell
And the fight is just as frustrating as hell
All will be well

And all the children walking home past the factories
Can see the light that's shining in my window
As I write this song to you
And all the cars running fast along the interstate
Can feel the love that radiates
Illuminating what I know is true

And all will be well
Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself
All will be well
You can ask me how but only time will tell

You got to keep it up
And don't give up
And chase your dreams
And you will find
All in time

And all the children walking home past the factories
Can see the light that's shining in my window
As I write this song to you
And all the cars running fast along the interstate
Can feel the love that radiates
Illuminating what I know is true

And all will be well
Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself
All will be well
You can ask me how but only time will tell

All will be well
Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself
All will be well
You can ask me how but only time will tell
You can ask me how but only time will tell

I GOT MY BRACES OFF!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOT! i'm so excited...my teefs' is so pretty! but seriously, it's really nice to have them off. i mean, i've had them since 8th grade. but dag yo....my gums are swollen. they hurt like crap.

so this morning, i decided that i will never again set foot inside the IHOP on Old Fort Pkwy. today after i got my braces off we went there. so this really tall, muscular, and quite intimidating dude seats us. and he starts talking, asks us what cameron's name is, asks if he is in kindergarten, and if he likes his P.E. teacher, since this dude was apparently a P.E. teacher before. (wonder why he got fired?) in other words, being totally intrusive when we're just trying to have breakfast. so then, when mom tells this dude that cam is homeschooled, he's all,  "Well, why? He needs to interact with other children." and starts acting insulted about it. then he tells cameron to look at him or he is going to take his crayons away, and then says something about positive reinforcement. all i could think is how badly i wanted to grab this guy by the huevos and spout a few racist remarks. i don't know if he had some sort of weird cultural upbringing thing going on, or if he was just nuts. but i really wanted to throw my coffee in his face. what the heck? he was being so freakin weird the whole rest of the time. whatev. so. in conclusion, don't go to the IHOP on Old Fort Pkwy. much love---Cari 

so. last night was fantastic. like, the chili cook-off was aight...i'm still gonna have to pay like, $20  because people wouldn't buy tickets from me. sad. but then, i got to go out to dinner w/ mayah and a bunch of other people for her birthday, and it was mucho divertido. but to my great surprise, guess who was bellied-up to the bar, tippin' back a cold one? freakin' Mr. Huffman...dude...it's so weird to see teachers outside of school...especially when they are slightly tipsy....ahahahahahahahahahhahaa...j/k.

so after that, i was happy, but also kinda upset that i hadn't gotten to see a certain friend all week. but sinced he called during dinner, i called him back, only to discover that we were on the same side of town...like, the same street, so we met at Hastings' and it was mucho fun also. i just love talking/listening to certain people. so yeah. that was such a God thing. very encouraging! well anyways. yeah. life's good. once again...i just can't make this thing go away. i wish i could read people's minds. i just hate not knowing how someone really feels about me. but i guess i'll live. maybe one day they'll finally tell me once and for all. maybe i'll tell them. who knows? question: is it better to tell someone how you feel, and risk hurting the relationship, or should one just hope and pray that they feeling is mutual and go on silently? c'mon now, i want answers from ya'll. much love---Cari 

 "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord.   On the contrary: 
   'If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
      if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
   In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Justin did a great job delivering the message, and i was truly encouraged. so today i get to school, and i hear that a person, whom i speak to on a daily basis and who even goes to my church, has said that Bruce Gilley deserved to die because of what kind of person he was. I honestly almost threw up when i was told this. and the first thought that came to mind, was that scripture and last night's message. it's funny how many times we ask God to change our hearts or to move in some way in our lives, and then we are all shocked when He does. i think that through this kind of scenario, God is trying to get this love thing through my head. but man, it still makes me mad as all get out. gracious. how on earth could he say that? if you, and you know who you are, read this entry and want to get all angry and tell me that "Bruce said stuff about me or made fun of me...", let me tell you, i don't want to hear it. you obviously didn't know him in the least and didn't care to ever learn. but i forgive you, and i know that he would too. well, i gotta go do my homework...unfortunately. i love you all regardless. much love---Cari 

word.

so. it's been a while, hasn't it?

life's going pretty good. wednesday night was pretty awesome. i hadn't realized how much i had missed Chris's preaching. it had been a long time because for the past couple of months i had only heard Clint or Justin, or someone else. but yeah, that was cool.

it's been really neat lately to see how God can change your heart towards people, and just how He, and only He, can even change characteristics of our hearts. i had really been struggling as of late with being soooooooo judgemental and just kinda sitting in my own self-righteous little bubble, especially at school. But as God has begun to break me of my sin and really show me who i truly am, i have realized my deep, deep need for a Savior. many times, a lot of us get to feeling that we're pretty good. like, since some of us, including myself, don't do all the other "bad things" that other people do, somehow we are better than them. but God has really driven home to me that that is just not true. If anything, those of us who are in Christ are the worse sinners, because we know better, and yet still do those things anyway. it's amazing how much easier it is to love people once you realize your own position in the grand scheme, and once you see them through Christ's eyes. i just feel so blessed for Him to even reveal such things to me. i don't know where i'd be without Him.

in other news: I GOT THE PART I WANTED IN THE SCHOOL MUSICAL!!!!!!!!!

i'm so excited. i get to be Mrs. Paroo, who is the lead girl, Marian's, mother in The Music Man. i'm super duper excited!!!!!!!!!!! i'm sure that it's gonna be great.

well, i gotta go, but i guess i post at a later date. much love to you all! ---Cari 

hmmmm...

i am very much an overly critical person.

it's so much easier to harp on what's wrong with everyone else than it is to confront my own shortcomings. why do i do that? why do humans as a whole usually do that?

you know, i was thinking today about how accustomed we are, here in the Bible Belt, to church and the Christian-ish lifestyle. like, not a for real, hardcore, sold out Christian lifestyle, but the pop-culture Jesus.

i was watching primetime tonight, and a guy named like, David Kuo or something like that was saying that we've taken Jesus and made him into a precinct captain or a ploy to get votes. here in America, we've made Him, the almighty God, the Infinite One, into some fish outline on the back of our car, or some sort of spiritual vending machine. and that is truly a tragedy. and i am as guilty of this as anyone. it's just sad to me, and i don't know whether it angers or saddens God. i think that people have put Him in this box because when faced with the all-Powerful, perfect, and holy God, they are scared. we find a seemingly weak and pacifistic "religious figure" to be a lot more appealing and a lot less threatening. today i went to a different church with some of my sorority sisters, and i thought to myself, 'wow...everyone here seems really happy-go-lucky and fun'...and then i realized, that it's quite easy to be upbeat and fun whenever you never get convicted about anything or realize the depth of your own sin. that is something that God has really been hammering into my heart lately. the more i get to know Him, the less and less i think of myself, just like how the more i learn about the Bible, the more i realize that i don't know about God. anyways. yeah, kind of a downer. but we need to quit with the euphemisms and just flat-out lies. much love to you all! g'nite---Cari

I GOT A CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my grandparents gave, yes, GAVE me their 2000 red FORD FOCUS!!!!!!!!!!!! it's even automatic....which is so cool, considering that i have so been praying for a car, and all i had to do was be patient!!!!!!!!!!!! so yes, today has been an amazing day! thank you God for helping me out! and a very special thanks to Grandma Jean and Grandpa Oakley!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in other news, i got to go to the MTSU v. Louisville game @ LP Field last night! it was super dooper fun! Laura Beth and I had to sit by ourselves behind a bunch of drunk Louisville guys, but they were really nice, and they gave us free popcorn, which we probably shouldn't have taken, but did any ways. well, i gotta go, but much love to you all! --Cari

so. i think that God is finally revealing to me what He's been trying to get across to me all this time that i've been struggling with stuff. He wants me to "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than" myself...(Phillipians 2:3). He wants me to realize that even though, yes, i do a lot of good things, and yes i have high morals, that i am just the same as the adulterous murderer in His eyes, and that it's only by His grace that i can be forgiven and made into anything else. I don't do anything good out of my own heart --- it is HIM working THROUGH ME! i realized that i am weak, and i will fall from time to time, but that should not discourage me, because it's not like i could do anything right anyways.  i have had such an issue with pride, and looking down my nose at people just because they aren't Christians, which is exactly the opposite of what i'm supposed to do. I CAN'T DO IT ON MY OWN! i was never meant to. the only way anything can be accomplished is when we abide in Christ, and let the Spirit work through us. God has called those of us who are in Christ to "preserve and flavor" our communities and our schools! But this is not a passive thing. "Flavoring" requires action. We are supposed to be different! And not by wearing skirts and no makeup, and not by never ever being around anything/anyone secular. Our world is so dark, that when we are walking with Christ, the light that comes through us will be in stark contrast to the surrounding darkness. I pray that my light would "shine before men", they may see [my] good deeds and praise [my] Father in Heaven". much love to you all ---Cari 

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." ---Matthew 5:13-16

two words: dag yo.

man...why does this always happen? i am beginning to think that i have a mental problem.

question of the week: if i live with a guy, but we aren't dating and definitely don't sleep together, then is that wrong?

pretty sure i'm currently babysitting 2 kids, and lemme tell ya, Barney is one righteous dude. all that purple and green. plus, i learned today that mini-corndogs are very tasty, as well as the fact that burnt fish sticks are not.

yesterday after church, mom n dad took me and Cameron to the park after we went to the library (total soccer mom/dad), where i had just picked up the Ann Coulter book i had on hold. so i got to sit on a combination park bench-swing thingy and read her book Godless (which is a-freaking-mazing). 'twas a very, very good day. but seriously, i just had some time to sit there and ponder some stuff. pretty sure all of it had to do with God, and it was all really cool. like, in sunday school, we were just talking about how it is that you can read the same story multiple times in the Bible and get something different from it each time.

last night, at the beseeching of William, i watched Flight 93, which apparently made him cry uncontrolably, but the acting was so bad that i didn't shed a single tear. maybe you just have to be in that kind of a mood for it to affect you like that. whatev.

this just in: i think i'm either going to be a nun or a hippie for halloween, so that i can have one last halloween hoo-hah with my little brother. i'm so glad my parents aren't against halloween anymore. that whole thing is just silly.

one last question: if i posted a paper that i wrote about religious freedom for english, would any of you read it?

much love to you all ---Cari

"Make me a channel of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me bring Your love; where there is injury, Your pardon, Lord, and where there's doubt, true faith in You. Make me a channel of Your peace. Where there's despair in life, let me bring hope, where there is darkness, only light, and where there's sadness ever joy. Oh, Master, grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul. Make me a channel  of Your peace. It is in pardoning that we are pardoned, in giving of ourselves that we receive, and in dying that we're born to eternal life."

---St. Francis of Assisi

wow. that's one of the most beautiful things i've ever heard. we sang that at the MTSU Honors choir thing the other night, and paired with the music it's even more beautiful. dang. just wanted to share. word. night ya'll...much love---Cari

please explain to me why it is ok for a guy to totally harass a girl (even if he is "just joking"), and yet if the girl were to do the same, she's a slut. apparently some guys seem to think that since i am currently not dating someone, that i am starved for attention. they don't seem to get that i'm not. just because some guy pays any sort of attention to me does not mean that i'm gonna go all jello-y and just lose it. i really don't appreciate that kinda crap.

nayways, the rest of my day was good. i'm really praying that God will help me to stop arguing so much with my friends. gahlee. i can't seem to go a day without getting into a debate/argument with someone about God, politics, and anything else. but on the bright side, i'm really gonna start hitting the Bible reading hard. i need Scripture to back up what i'm saying, and plus i just need to start putting His Word into my heart and mind on a daily basis anyways. i've been so out of the Word for the past couple of weeks, and it's really starting to take a toll on my walk. also, i haven't been able to go to Wednesday night church for a month, and i won't be able to go this wed. either cause i've got so much blooming homework and a variety show dress rehearsal. gahlee. i miss my church family.

ya'll pray for me when you can remember to. thanks!

homecoming is this week...SUPER DUPER CONGRATULATIONS TO KELSEY SHEARRON on gettin nominated for homecoming court! WOOOOOOOOOOT! well, i'm running out of time, but i'll post more later. much love ----Cari

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering." ---Romans 8:1-3

ha.....william makes me laugh.

sooooooo. long time no post. school has been eating my life. APUSH + AP Eng. 3 = no time.

also, it has prevented me from going to wednesday night church for 3 weeks now, and i won't be able to go next wed. either, cause i've got boatloads of homework, plus the variety show. oh baby. nothing kills your dignity like thrusting your hips to the groovy tunes of Earth Wind and Fire, in front of a couple hundred people.

this just in ---Ann Coulter is amazing. i want to be her when i grow up.

you know what's silly? when guys act like girls...you know. not in a homo way, but in a tempermental, moody kinda way.

nayways, at least school is not cutting into my sunday morning church going. bro. Dean is doing an expository series on the book of John, which is totally awesome. it's so crazy how we can go through life, especially if we grow up in church, thinking that we know all there is to know about God and the Bible. but we so don't! there is always something new that He can reveal to us!  well, i gotta go finish my essay on religion in schools! much love, and i leave you with this amazing quote---cari

"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping, we are becoming." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson