so last night i had a super weird dream involving some of my friends...very,very strange...and a coupla nights ago, i had a dream about Bruce. we were just sitting on a porch swing and catching each other up on life. and it was really nice, because it was like i was able to just have a little visit with him. yesterday i went with my mom up to Carthage for the funeral of her Great-Aunt Grady, who was apparently quite a staple in the family. i met a lot of people that i never knew, including a lot of granddaddy's brothers. all in all, it was a pretty well-spoken funeral, but the pastor was reeeeeally long-winded and quite repetitive. but at least he wasn't one of those screaming preachers. after the burial and stuff, i went to dinner in Gordonsville with my grandparents and aunts and uncles, and that was a lot of fun. i really love my mom's side of the family. they're all so fun to be around, and it's a lot nicer now that my granddad has mellowed out so much. nayways, i guess what i'm trying to say is, that with the combination of all the deaths that have happened recently, love your family while they're still here, because you really never know when they could be gone. much love to all---Cari

thought for the day:

if it's a woman choice of what to do with her body, why don't you choose to not sleep with people and therefore ensure that you don't get pregnant? birth control anyone?

**edit** i really shouldn't be so trusting. i kinda wondered if George Carlin actually said any of that, being as it was the opposite of just about everything he normally says...but w/e. so kudos to whoever actually said it. I'm just sooooooooooo sorry Will.

ha...i found this quite funny, and quite true to my own opinions...

"I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it's good..... and I'm proud that "God" is written on my money.I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

And what is going on with gas prices... again?"

---whoever actually said these...

nayways, so this weekend, i got to go on a surprise vacation to Hilton Head Island, SC! WOOT! it was beautiful. we got to stay in a condo for free, and we went to the beach, and to a pier, and a lighthouse, and all that jazz. i got a pretty good burn but it'll turn into a tan soon. i saw dolphins (up close), a manatee, sea turtles, a giant scary prehistoric-looking crab, live sand dollars, and a bunch of other stuff, while swimming in the ocean. and man, there's nothing like walking on the beach at night, under a full-moon, listening to Jack Johnson...dang. i heart the beach. wow. 'twas amazing. nayways, a bunch of my church homies are in St. Louis right now, so i'll be prayin for them. anyways, i'mma hit the sack now, cause i'm dead freakin tired...'nite.----Cari

p.s. ---one of Laura Beth's classmate's mom died this morning, very suddenly, so pray for their family. this little girl is going to have to start high school and everything without her mother, and i can't even imagine how hard that's gonna be. so keep them in mind.

**edit** I"MMA GOIN TO HILTON  HEAD TOMORROW!!!!!YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! this week just keeps gettin better and better....

so uh, yeah. i don't even know what to say. i led a friend to Christ tonight....gahlee! i can't believe God would even use me like that! i came to church, not at all expecting to even really get anything out of tonight, and lo and behold, guess who shows up, but Marlene...first time i've even seen her in almost 2 years, first time she's been to Belle Aire, and so we get to talking, and i ask her if she's ever asked Jesus into her heart, and she wanted to so badly, but she just said she didn't know how, so we talked more, and she let me pray for her, and then i helped her ask Him into her heart!!!!!! OMGOODNESS!!!!!! how exhilarating...i just still can't get over it...and what a testimony she is going to have...AHHH! I can't wait to see what God is going to do in her  life! WOW! so yeah. pretty exciting stuff. but the coolest thing is that it was alllllllll God....it was just Him coming through me, so i (thankfully) can't take any of the credit. I am just so thankful that he used me like that! nayways....yeah. good day. much love to you all, and don't forget that God can do anything, because we take that so for granted...---Cari

so, i'm feeling much better today. God's given me a real peace about it. i dunno what that means, but i'm sure it's good.

in other news, do me this one favor:

if you've ever liked me at all, tell me at some point soon. i'd just like to know. maybe i liked you too...haha.

so nayways, some people kinda stir my apples lately...oh well. i'll live. secondly, others make me smile. you've just gotta wonder what's going on when you find someone whom you have just about everything in common with and can talk to forever...and then they have to move away...what is this? who knows...but i know i'll make it. it's just no fun when it seems like things are dangled in front of you, only to be taken away. but i've got to keep reminding myself that God is not like that, and he doesn't want to harm me. i realize how narrow my vision is in the grand scheme of things, so i just need to shut up and let him do what he does best, which is everything. i think that i am going to make a committment not to date at all in high school. not because i'm sad and lonely, or because i think guys are stupid, or because i am trying to get something out of God, but because i think maybe He's calling me to do that. also, be praying for me about whether or not i'm going to go on the New Jersey Mission Trip on July 8th-16th...i feel like, thru my quiet times and prayer that God is wanting me to go, but He's gonna hafta provide those means, especially financially. so yeah. we'll see. nayways, much love to you all! ----Cari

gahlee. i am such a girl. a 16-year-old girl at that. why on earth am i so attached to this person? i barely know him, and yet i feel like i've known him for a million years. and guess who that reminds me of? i honestly feel like i've finally met someone worth my time, and he's leaving. and besides, nothing would ever happen. he probably doesn't even know that i feel that way. gahlee. how can a level-headed, cynical person like myself just fall head over heels? over someone i don't even know that well? i feel like, for the first time ever, i have actually experienced that whole love-at-first-sight thing....which is retarded, because it's completely illogical. i've been trying to figure out if there is something else that i'm needing to deal with that is manifesting itself in this totally retarded and yet not retarded crush...but i can't find anything. gah. i just want someone to love me back the way that i love them. for once. and yes, i know that God does. but, well, you know. i guess i'm just much too insecure. but for now, it just all feels a bit too real. much love to you all ---Cari  

ok...humor me for one moment:

gahlee....why is it that i finally get to know someone right before they have to leave? it especially sucks when that person is really cool....argh. i'm getting tired of waiting on boys. i really think i'm just not girlfriend material. like, really. i cannot see myself dating anyone without it being weird....gahlee.

so nayways, Saturday night @ 7:00 and Sunday nite @ 6:00, i am in "The Hiding Place", @ Belle Aire Baptist Church...it's a play about Corrie ten Boom and her endeavors during the Holocaust. it'll be pretty cool. come see me be a sad (and ironically quite Aryan-looking) Jew, and see Brian King be an angry Nazi.

on to other news, i watched "The Butterfly Effect" yesterday. GAHLEE! i watched the director's cut today, which has a few extra scenes and a different ending...OMGOODNESS...it was awful (awfully good, that is...) and it made me cry... gah. great movie, except for all of the F-bombs and a few implied sex scenes. also, DO NOT RENT "FREEDOMLAND"....that is the dumbest movie in the world, and sooooooooooo not worth your money. it is k-tarded. well, this Jew gotta bounce. g'nite! much love to alla yous guys ---Cari

so today, i was thinking a lot on the way home from McMinnville. and i thought a lot about war and soldiers and all the ethics involved in it. now, don't get me wrong, i haven't been "indoctrinated" or anything, and though i support our soldiers, i'm not too sure how i feel about the war right now. i think that there were good intentions in the beginning, and now i'm pretty sure that we probably can't get out of it, but i think it needs to stop. but i'll guess we'll never really know what might've come, but it could've been horrible and the war stopped that....i dunno. i just wish it didn't have to happen. cause from what i hear, war is so terrible, and though i know that currently they choose to go over there, i still wish they didn't have to. i just think about all of the families of fallen soldiers, and i look at some of the crap that our country quibbles about, and i almost think maybe we need to be shaken up a bit...America has taken its freedom for granted far too long. when our founding fathers drafted the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, i doubt they figured there would be a need to write in a clause or amendment about gay marriage or abortion, because such things just didn't happen. people like Cindy Sheehan march through the capital and bash our president (who is not perfect, but i'd like to see her do his job...), who is doing his best to defend her very right to do so...and spreading that same democracy to other oppressed countries...now granted, some tension in government is good, because absolute power corrupts, but c'mon...i'm so tired of seeing nothing but protests and pundits blowing hot air up each other's arses and going on and on about how crappy Bush is, and what a shining, moral, and compassionate party the Democratic (or liberal) party is....gahlee...we need to stop worrying so much about our "rights" and start respecting our leaders. when President Bush sleeps with a White House intern, then you can start bashing him. until then, LAY OFF!!!

this is exactly what's wrong with the U.S. ---the good stand down and stay silent, while the corrupt and wrong are the loudest...if anything is to change in America, we have to stand up and defend our way of life. i'm tired of being called intolerant and closed-minded because i don't accept lifestyles or other things that are not right. i believe that there is forgiveness for all, including myself, who needs it just as much as the next person, and i believe that God loves all. but He is a holy God and cannot accept sin. and that means gossip just as much as murder. so, stand up, and defend what you know is right!

ok, thus is my political rant for this Memorial Day ....GOD BLESS AMERICA!

I'm still proud to be an American.

much love ----Cari 

 quite possibly one of the most beautiful poems in history:

"To be, or not to be; that is the question; Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing, end them. To die: to sleep: No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to; 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished. To die: to sleep: To sleep: perchance to dream: aye, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long life; For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely, The pangs of despis'd  love, the law's delay, The insolence of office, and the spurns That patient merit of the unworthy takes When he himself might his quietus make With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear, To grunt and sweat under a weary life, but that the dread of something after death --- The undiscover'd country from whose bourn No traveler returns --- puzzles the will And makes us rather bear those ills we have Than fly to others that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all, And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought. and enterprises of great pith and moment With this regard their currents turn awry, And lose the name of action."

          ---William Shakepeare, Soliloquy from Hamlet

What do you think?

dang....The Producers is a funny movie...and Will Ferrell is my hero..(right up there with Martin Luther...ha, j/k.)...

so...people who copy off of other peoples' phuseboxes kinda make me wanna hurl...

in other news, last night was my little sister's 8th grade graduation. i wasn't sad, but gahlee, she sure was. she was bawling, and she never cries...dang. i felt kinda bad for alla them. but i don't think they realize that as soon as they get into high school, they're gonna love it. they'll make new, better friends, and have way more fun.

so. went out to lunch with a friend yesterday, whom i will probably not see all summer. too bad. he's really funny. in fact, i won't see a lot of my friends this summer. i wonder if junior year will be as different from sophomore year, as freshman was from sophomore...hmmmm...who knows? i'm still trying to see if i can get through high school without dating. ha. we'll see, i guess. it's goin great so far....

so yesterday, i was thinking about how easily people change. like, there are so many friends that i've had that've completely changed over the past couple of years...including myself...some for better, some not. but it's also amazing how people can just be blown by every wind that comes their way. people who, as soon as they find a new person to obsess over, leave you in the dirt, and start actin 'afool...i just don't quite get it. especially when i can see what this new obsession is really like, and yet that person can't see it....gahlee is that frustrating. but i'll live.

also, i told you all that i was trying to stop dwelling on guys and such. i've been doing pretty good. but there's one person that keeps on tugging at my mind. and he's not really all that great. but something draws me to him. i just don't quite get it. but then again, there's obviously a lot that i don't get. w/e. i just have to keep telling myself that if God means for it to pan out, it will. if not, it won't. and i just have to be content with that. well, i must go. bye for now yous guys! much love ----Cari

watched The Ringer today....i can't believe i would actually suggest it to all of you. it was pretty darn good! not heartless and cruel like i thought it would be.

nayways, main point of this entry..

Yeah, so i think Martin Luther is my new hero. i've been furiously studying for my History Final, and i came across Martin Luther again, the founder of Protestantism! he was sooooooo cool! he totally stayed true to what he knew was right, and was obedient to God, even though it meant being excommunicated from the church he had devoted most of his life to, plus other persecution. through studying the Bible, he realized that the current Catholic Church of the time had it all wrong, what with indulgences and such...see, many priests and other were trying to convice people that they could attain salvation by buying indulgences, which was of course completely wrong. Luther challenged this, and taught the idea of "justification by grace, through faith", which is what i believe....how cool...it's so neat to see how Satan has tried throughout history to squelch advances in the faith, and how God always intervenes. neato bandito. nayways, just some thoughts...it's not good deeds or ceremony that gets you into heaven, it's God grace alone, and your decision of whether or not to accept it. how cool is that? --much love to you all...by the way, i made a 69 on my Algebra II final...i'm smart. ha. ---Cari 

to begin, a few lyrics:

I am not skilled to understand

What God has willed, what God has planned

I only know at His right hand

Stands one who is my Savior

My God, He loves, my God, He lives

My God is always there for me

My God, He was, my God, He is,

My God is always gonna be...

g-reat song. so. news? not much to speak of. graduation was kinda boring. not too sad, at least not for me. i find it sad that i get attached to new friends right at the end of the year. pretty sure i won't be hanging out with them over the summer. oh well. school is almost out baby! woot! can't wait. but i do need a job...OH! that reminds me, tonight i went to Hastings. WOW! they did a great job remodeling, and their new little coffee shop inside is great! i am officially replacing Starbucks! and is Cocomocha not the best word ever? so, have you ever just wondered if anyone in the entire world has ever had a crush on you? not dwelling, just a thought that crossed my mind earlier today...i guess i wouldn't mind an ego boost...ha.,but it could end up being an ego killer too....hardy har. nayways, i will leave you with one last question: What the heck kinda question is "Have you ever seen me without pants on?" ...(????????) i wouldn't wanna know the answer to that one...much love to all of you! ---Cari

so tonight was DBS voting. i guess i can't say much about it, but it was kinda annoying. people are mega-petty sometimes. i had to speak up about some folks, but i felt that what i said was valid. neeways, gradjiation is tomorrow, and i'm gonna be pretty sad to see some of my homies go. but i'm also gonna be a junior next year! woot! anyways, this whole not dwelling on guys thing has really been great for me. it's really cool how when you ask God to help you He always comes through! i can't believe that i don't like any guys right now...it's like someone flipped a switch. so yeah. cool. much love to allaya. ---Cari 

the above is one my father's many amazing quotes, such as "that almost gave me the shrivels" and "you're bruisin!" ---i love my dad.

nayways, first order of business:

does anyone have a TI-82 (maybe 83) calculator that they don't need anymore, and would like to sell me? i really need one for next year, but i can't afford $100...so, uh...lemme know.

next order of business: SCHOOL IS SO UNBELIEVEABLY CLOSE TO ENDING!!!!

no more algebra II, no more history....de-ang. i gots that summer fever...yearbooks came out yesterday...muy cute...ish. on another note, i love my friends. they are too much fun. nayways, random thoughts, just for you. i find it sad that i only get an average of 3 comments on a good day...i'm just gonna hafta be more interesting...much love to you all! ---Cari

yeah, i know i'm black. that's how i roll.

so....on a less retarded note, SCHOOL'S OUT FO SUMMA! (almost)...i think i'mma have to take my algebra dos final...which means i'm gonna have to kill myself. ha. nah. i'll be fine. but i'm gonna miss mrs. simmons next year...movin on to Mrs. "You- gotta-change-your-running-shoes-every-4-months" Carr....she's a hoot. nayways, it's really funny how much you can grow to just love someone to death, (in a non-romantic way) in a rather short amount of time. like, i really love being around this kid. but he worries me a lot. and makes me really sad a lot of the time, but not cause he's mean, but because he seems so sad....gahlee. cheer up emo kid...knit yourself a sweater and buck up. oh well. went back to the ol' alma mater (ha), McFadden...had to get a little choked up when i saw the loft in ms. conatser's room. i miss those days. wow. things really change quickly.

ok...so. rant of the day (i'm trying to refrain from these lately, but i just can't resist, and it's been on my mind like a mug lately):

PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE ANY ORIGINAL THOUGHTS OR OPINIONS ABOUT ANYTHING! drives me c-razy...geez...it really stirs my apples ( props to holly) when people grow up  and somehow decide that they are so much more enlightened because of what their professors or friends or whoever spoon feed them. GAHLEE! (i deal with this kind of crap @ school everyday) and then, because they're so "open-minded" and "tolerant" they decide that they should force their opinions on everyone else...granted, some tension in political matters is a good thing, because absolute unquestioned power on either side is not a good thing, but i think it's rather stupid to decide that everyone else who doesn't agree with you is wrong...especially when one is sooooooo open-minded...enlightenment is not forsaking everything you were raised on just because you were raised on it...and just because you grew up believing something doesn't mean it's wrong either....and ppl seem to think for some reason that it is. on the other hand, another thing that bothers me is fundamentalists that try to "convert" me...I AM A CHRISTIAN! a Bible believing, Jesus-worshiping, conservative Christian. i am not a harlot because i wear a little bit of mascara every once in a while, or because i cut my hair and don't always wear skirts. and Belle Aire Baptist is far from a "liberal" church. i am so done with all of this legalistic crap that i am fed on a daily basis. GOD DOES NOT CARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE ON THE OUTSIDE! granted, you should be modest, and you should act like a Christian and remember that you are a representative of Jesus Christ, but He does not care whether or not i wear a skirt. i am not going to Hell for wearing eyeliner. Man looks at the outside, but God looks at the heart. so many different Christians seem to miss the whole point, because they are so wrapped up in these man made laws regulations. i am for the 10 Commandments and such,  but you CANNOT take one scripture/ passage out of context and call it a rule. also, the whole speaking in tongues thing. (?) people trying to convince me that i'm not saved because i don't speak in tongues. what about this verse : "If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing...But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away..." --- 1 Corinthians 13:1-2, 8

i don't think that it's wrong, but i hardly think that it is the definitive mark of the Christian..."There are different kinds of gifts, but the same spirit. there are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men." ---I Cor. 12:4-6

also, these "Christians" who say to me things like, "AIDS is God's punishment for gay people, " or, "God hates fags..." or "that's what they get for being sinners" or anything along those lines...that is hardly a Christ-like attitude. now don't get me wrong, i DO NOT believe that homosexuality is acceptable, right, anything....or that certain other things are acceptable...but i believe that i deserve to get AIDS just as much as any gay person...and you certainly can't tell me that children and ppl who get it without from things other than sex/drugs deserve it for any reason...if we really want to talk about what we deserve, we (including myself) all deserve hell. it's only by God's grace that we are or can be forgiven and spared from that.and in case some of us have forgotten, Jesus didn't hang out with the Pharisees. He hung out with the tax collectors and the prostitutes, not because he was "low-class" or going for good PR...He came to heal the sick. anyways, just some thoughts. and i am by no means trying to come across all "holier-than-thou" or pretend that i am some amazing Christ-like example for everyone else. these are just some thoughts that have been nagging me lately. so. yeah. i still love you all, and i hope that you love me despite my many, many shortcomings. much love to all of you!---Cari

yeah, i know i'm black. that's how i roll.

so....on a less retarded note, SCHOOL'S OUT FO SUMMA! (almost)...i think i'mma have to take my algebra dos final...which means i'm gonna have to kill myself. ha. nah. i'll be fine. but i'm gonna miss mrs. simmons next year...movin on to Mrs. "You- gotta-change-your-running-shoes-every-4-months" Carr....she's a hoot. nayways, it's really funny how much you can grow to just love someone to death, (in a non-romantic way) in a rather short amount of time. like, i really love being around this kid. but he worries me a lot. and makes me really sad a lot of the time, but not cause he's mean, but because he seems so sad....gahlee. cheer up emo kid...knit yourself a sweater and buck up. oh well. went back to the ol' alma mater (ha), McFadden...had to get a little choked up when i saw the loft in ms. conatser's room. i miss those days. wow. things really change quickly.

ok...so. rant of the day (i'm trying to refrain from these lately, but i just can't resist, and it's been on my mind like a mug lately):

PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE ANY ORIGINAL THOUGHTS OR OPINIONS ABOUT ANYTHING! drives me c-razy...geez...it really stirs my apples ( props to holly) when people grow up  and somehow decide that they are so much more enlightened because of what their professors or friends or whoever spoon feed them. GAHLEE! (i deal with this kind of crap @ school everyday) and then, because they're so "open-minded" and "tolerant" they decide that they should force their opinions on everyone else...granted, some tension in political matters is a good thing, because absolute unquestioned power on either side is not a good thing, but i think it's rather stupid to decide that everyone else who doesn't agree with you is wrong...especially when one is sooooooo open-minded...enlightenment is not forsaking everything you were raised on just because you were raised on it...and just because you grew up believing something doesn't mean it's wrong either....and ppl seem to think for some reason that it is. on the other hand, another thing that bothers me is fundamentalists that try to "convert" me...I AM A CHRISTIAN! a Bible believing, Jesus-worshiping, conservative Christian. i am not a harlot because i wear a little bit of mascara every once in a while, or because i cut my hair and don't always wear skirts. and Belle Aire Baptist is far from a "liberal" church. i am so done with all of this legalistic crap that i am fed on a daily basis. GOD DOES NOT CARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE ON THE OUTSIDE! granted, you should be modest, and you should act like a Christian and remember that you are a representative of Jesus Christ, but He does not care whether or not i wear a skirt. i am not going to Hell for wearing eyeliner. Man looks at the outside, but God looks at the heart. so many different Christians seem to miss the whole point, because they are so wrapped up in these man made laws regulations. i am for the 10 Commandments and such,  but you CANNOT take one scripture/ passage out of context and call it a rule. also, the whole speaking in tongues thing. (?) people trying to convince me that i'm not saved because i don't speak in tongues. what about this verse : "If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing...But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away..." --- 1 Corinthians 13:1-2, 8

i don't think that it's wrong, but i hardly think that it is the definitive mark of the Christian..."There are different kinds of gifts, but the same spirit. there are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men." ---I Cor. 12:4-6

also, these "Christians" who say to me things like, "AIDS is God's punishment for gay people, " or, "God hates fags..." or "that's what they get for being sinners" or anything along those lines...that is hardly a Christ-like attitude. now don't get me wrong, i DO NOT believe that homosexuality is acceptable, right, anything....or that certain other things are acceptable...but i believe that i deserve to get AIDS just as much as any gay person...and you certainly can't tell me that children and ppl who get it without from things other than sex/drugs deserve it for any reason...if we really want to talk about what we deserve, we (including myself) all deserve hell. it's only by God's grace that we are or can be forgiven and spared from that.and in case some of us have forgotten, Jesus didn't hang out with the Pharisees. He hung out with the tax collectors and the prostitutes, not because he was "low-class" or going for good PR...He came to heal the sick. anyways, just some thoughts. and i am by no means trying to come across all "holier-than-thou" or pretend that i am some amazing Christ-like example for everyone else. these are just some thoughts that have been nagging me lately. so. yeah. i still love you all, and i hope that you love me despite my many, many shortcomings. much love to all of you!---Cari

it makes me laugh when people give me advice. not in a bad way. just in a, well, way. i wish that people could actually see the thought processes i have, so that they could see that my end result is not completely random or stupid. does anyone know what i mean? i usually take advice (with a grain of salt) from most people, mull it over, and maybe act on it, depending upon who it's from. but sometimes i just don't. and people get offended. oh well. i just wanna do what would bring God the most glory. So usually, when i try to give people advice, i try to make sure it's backed up with scripture and/or what God says, not necessarily just me...but it's also kinda funny to me because people seem to ask me about things that i have no experience with. anyways, just a thought. so i'm really ready for school to be out. i'm not really looking forward to not having much to do, but i am looking forward to not having homework everynight. i'm also looking forward to being done with Algebra II ---goodness...the bane of my existence. i think next year, i will most likely be hanging out with a different group of people. or at least i hope so. not that i want to "separate myself from all those sinners"...i just feel like i might be being too influenced, and even if i'm not, i find myself between a rock and a hard place as far as loving compassionately, and accepting/advocating lifestyles and behaviors that i, as a representative of Christ (even one so full of short-comings as me), should not be associated with. next year, i really want to live boldly for Christ, and i want that to be obvious. i want that to be the main characteristic i am recognized by. anyways, i think that next year is gonna be an awesome year. challenging, but awesome. i also think that i am gonna attempt to stop thinking so much about guys. i really need to fall more in love with God before i fall in love with anyone else. besides, high school dating, from what i've seen, is pretty pointless, and just kinda sets people up for drama, and/or heartbreak. i'm not saying it's wrong, i just think it's wrong for me. if i actually ever dated, i would give up dating for a year, but since i don't, i think i'm just gonna commit to letting things like crushes go, and focus more on other things. well, i gotta go, but i'll be back later! much love to you all---Cari

so, Jazzfest last night was muy divertido...but now i have a sneaking suspicion that someone is mad at me. but it actually solved one of my problems, so i guess that makes it ok. mostly hung out with Jared, but i saw about 1million people that i knew...i felt extra popular....ha! the clay cup is a really neat place. almost better than Starbucks! (gasp!) the OHS Jazz Band rocked the casbah....seriously, Josh martin and Chris Johnson were great....and Spencer Blake killed on that bass...congrats to all ya'll who did so well! 'twas super fun. so last night, i had a dream that i was married to a certain person, but we got the marriage annulled after a few days. 'twas very weird. and at some point in the dream, i was pregnant...weirdness. my subconcious kinda freaks me out sometimes...sometimes i wish i could see into the future, so that i could know who i'm gonna marry (if anyone) and if it will work out, so that i could just stop liking people. it gets old when nothing ever seems to come of it. but whatev. i guess there's some sort of purpose in all of it. well, i must go. tata for now, nuckahs...much love to you all! ----Cari

well, i'm not gonna finish my last entry. ya'll will just hafta watch the movie for yourselves. so. what's been goin on lately? gateway exams....always good. kinda like high-school TCAP...woot. ok. so i've had this on my mind for a long time, and i figured that this would be a good thing to get off my chest. this is a letter that i will probably never write to 2 people, whom i probably should write to. but w/e. maybe eventually they'll get it. and please, don't try to guess who you are, because i probably won't tell you.

to person numero uno:

wow. i wish i had the guts to tell you these things in person. i won't say i love you, because i don't think that i know you that well. but it comes pretty close. you have made me less cynical about people, because i now know that there are people like you in the world. it's really weird, because i love you like a brother, and yet for a while, i kinda liked you otherwise. i wish that you knew that. you are an amazing person, and as long as i live, i will not forget you. i can't wait to see what God does in your life, because i know it's gonna be great.

love, me.

to person numero dos:

ha. i can't believe i am writing about you on this blog. it seems like we have been friends for a million years. i love you to death. and yet, for so long i was, like, madly in love with you, and you never quite got it. i find the whole situation quite ironic, and yet i'm glad it turned out the way it did. though i'm sure we will eventually part ways after high school, you have made these past few years fun, and i thank you for that. you know that i would do anything for you, and i love ya.

love, me.

to person numero tres:

gahlee, do i miss you. for the longest, you were my everything. which was probably not a good thing, but oh well. you were the first person to show me what a real Christian looks like, which is kinda ironically funny, because you also taught me how to cuss and such. you gave me a standard, and a Godly one at that. it feels like i haven't seen you in forever, but i know that eventually, i will see you again. and i can't wait. i love you so much, and i miss you. love ya like a fat kid love cake---

love, 4-hed.

to person numero cuatro:

we have been friends for many years, sometime not as much as others. i'm pretty sure that we have the exact same brain, and that makes for some good times. i have a feeling that we also may part ways after high school, but that's ok, because you are a great friend in the present. just stay true to who you are, no matter what anyone else says or does. i know that sounds cheesy, but i just don't want you to lose your identity amidst all of the fakers out there. never forget the unholy three (lol).

love, me.

to person numero cinco:

wow. it's truly interesting how people can be the best of friends, the worst of enemies, and then just kinda forget about each other. we actually kinda have a history, which i'm sure i will never forget. you made me want to go into law, and then you made want to stay as far away from it as possible. (ha). i wish we could've stayed as good of friends as we once were, but i think it all has a purpose nonetheless. i miss you, and i'm sure great things are going to come about in your life. i love you!

love, me

there are a million more people i wish i could write out all my feelings to, but that would just take up waaaaayy to much time. but just know how much i love you all. i don't think that i say that enough. aside from God and my family, you guys all make my life a little bit happier. thanks for being the awesome people you are, even when i get mad at you or treat you like crap. much love to you all---Cari

i am officially going to Africa.

i just finished watching the movie Hotel Rwanda. OMGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

talk about your emotional rollercoasters. i was screaming at the tv, yelling for the rebels to kill the Hutus...

so....this is the story..(yeah, this is gonna be an extra long entry...)

in Rwanda, there are 2 types of Rwandans, Hutus, and Tutsis. There is no real difference between the two. The Belgian colonists that came there picked out the Rwandans with the fairest skin and the thinnest noses, and that sort of petty thing, and like, interbreeded and intermarried. they then made these more "desirable" people the rulers over the others. and some took on too much power or became tyrants. so eventually, the Hutus grew to hate them. so in 1994, unrest came to a head. the Hutus decided to form an army and begin a campaign of ethnic cleansing when the Rwandan president, (Hutu) Juvenal Habyarimana's plane was shot down over a Kigali airport. Almost immediately after, a newly formed militia, called the Interahamwe, were gathered to slaughter all Tutsis and those who tried to protect them. through the use of propaganda, many were coerced into following them, and were even given incentives such as food and land. Over 1,000,000 people were killed, for no reason. and the UN did not intervene. wow. what on earth? i can't imagine such a thing. there was a part in the movie where Paul Rusesabagina and one of his workers, Gregoire, were driving on of the hotel's van back to the hotel, and they began hitting all of these speed bumps. so Paul got out, and i'll finish this later because i gotta go. be back later.---

one question: what was your first impression of me, honestly?

Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you your wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong

I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear

I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands, place them in your hands, place them in your hands
He will be strong

1. On your current playlist, put it on shuffle and pick the first thirty songs that come up, no matter how embarrassing.
2. Write down the first one or two lines from each song.
3. Have your friends comment and see if they know any of the songs - no cheating!  No Google!
4. When someone guesses correctly, bold the line and add at the end of the name of the song.  Bold and indent when the artist has also been guessed and write it at the end of the line also.

1.) And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson/ Jesus loves you more than you will know... ("Mrs. Robinson---Simon and Garfunkel)

2.) It's not the pale moon, that excites me/ That thrills and delights me... ("The Nearness of You --Norah Jones)

3.)The moon is high and the sunset fades/ And all the lullabies have been sung...

4.)Morning by morning, I wake up to find/ The power and comfort, of God's hand in mine...

5.)The sea is foamin like a bottle of beer/ The wave is comin but i ain't got no fear...

6.) In times like these, in times like those/ What will be will be, and so it goes...

7.) Feelin' tired, by the fire/The long day is over...

8.) There's not much goin on today/ I'm really bored it's gettin late...

9.)Good day, sunlight, i'd like to say how truly bright you are/ You don't know me, but i know you, see you're my favorite star...

10.) The more i see you, the more i want you/ Somehow this feeling just grows and grows..

11.) In my eyes, indisposed/ In disguises no one knows...

12.)I will praise you, Lord, my God/ Even in my brokenness, I will praise you, Lord...

13.)You swing just like the sun/ But what happens when the sun doesn't stay...

14.)Mount up, move on, may you find your way back home/ Down and down we go, down into bright October...

15.)I had a big idea, had a crazy eye/ I broke the sacred seal, told a lazy lie... (Jars of Clay)

16.) I waited til i saw the sun/ Don't know why i didn't come...

17.)If it hurts kiss it better, you wear skirts i write nice letters/ Never said nothin with flowers, though we always talked for hours...(Jefferson Aeroplane ---Relient K)

18.)She's just waitin for the summertime, when the weather's fine/She could hitch a ride outta town and so far away from that low down, good for nothin, mistake-makin fool...

19.) Am i at the point of no improvement? What of the death i still drown in?/ I try to excel, but i feel no movement. Can i be free of this unreleaseable sin?

20.) Do me wrong, do me right. Tell me lies, but hold me tight/Save your goodbyes for the morning light, but don't let me be lonely tonight... ("Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight"---James Taylor)

21.) Hello again, your words they make me smile/ As i drift away in my little room upstairs...

22.) Twenty four oceans, twenty skies, twenty four failures, and twenty four tries/ Twenty four finds me in twenty fourth place, with twenty four drop-outs at the end of the day.... ("Twenty-Four----Switchfoot)

23.)If i were a painter, i would paint my reverie/If that's the only way for you to be with me...

24.) If i leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?/ Well i must be travelin on now, there's just too many places i gotta see...

25.) You're a prison i can't escape, you're a decision that i never make/ Hardly laughin, you heard me weep and moan...

26.) You n' me, we come from different worlds/ You like to laugh at me when i look at other girls...

27.)  You come out at night, that's when the energy comes/ And the dark side light, and the vampires roar...

28.) She sits alone by a lamppost/Tryin to find a thought that's escaped her mind...

29.) I'm just a waste of her energy, and she's just     a'wastin' my time/ So why don't we get together, and we could waste everything tonight?

30.)From the highest of heights, to depths of the sea/Creation's revealing Your majesty... ("Indescribable" -- Chris Tomlin)

so hey guys! well, the debate was on Thursday. i think it went pretty well. it was kinda funny to me that most people were on the side of ID rather than evolution. it's also really cool to see that there are some matters of faith that you just can't argue. but one of the things i really learned was how not to go about discussing things with people. you can't jerk them up by the collar and tell them they're going to hell. you can't just throw scripture at them or take scripture out of context to convice someone of their folly. the one thing that no one can argue with is your testimony. no one can tell you that God hasn't done something amazing in your life. and He has really been reinforcing that to me. but He has also been teaching me that if i don't live my life to back up what i say, then it doesn't show anybody anything but a hypocrite. and the coolest thing, is that i can't even do it on my own. it's God who makes me not a hypocrite. He is one who changes me. how cool is that? anyways, just thought i'd share that with you guys. so, on another thought, have you ever had a dream in which you confessed everything to someone, only to wake and find that it's still all in your head? ha. my dreams are kinda funny. oh well. life goes on. w/e. i gotta go, but i'll all of ya on the flip-flop...much love to you all-------Cari

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

 

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

yeah. so i'm feeling much better than the other day. thanks for the remarks guys. nayways, it took a good hard talk with my mom to figure some stuff out. i was just being really self-centered. big surprise. anyways. yeah. so tonight is a big night at church. i'm excited. Josh is speaking. it's been sooooo long. plus, i'm excited about the debate that we're about to do in biology. in fact, that's where i'm sitting right now. bio class. awwwww yeah. pretty dang gangsta. oh well. today is also elections for SC. i dunno if i win or not, but either way tis cool. so easter is quickly approaching. i don't think i've ever quite thought of it the way i have lately. how amazing. that a perfect man, who didn't really have to do it, laid down his life, for us that, on a regular basis, spit at him and slap him in the face with the way we live our lives. man. wow. so yeah. feelin good up in this mug. i'll see all you sucka MCs tonite @ church. all the resta you, should come. much love to you all ---- Cari