it's technically not the 8th anymore . . . but i haven't been to sleep yet, so i suppose i can still wish you all a happy tennessee secession day.

happy holidays!

i haven't written on this thing in forever, so here is a brief recap of the past few months in my life:

i went on a fun blind date on valentine's day . . .

i went to the zoo and had lots of fun there . . .

i had way too much fun in walmart . . .

i hung from a moving vehicle . . .

i stood on the window sill of a moving vehicle . . .

and i did cosmic battle with amy powers . . .

and i guess that's about it.

hope everyone's been doing okay. :)

In the middle of service this morning, I really had to pee.

So, after a fiasco removing myself from the pew, I made my way to the back of the sanctuary and out to the bathroom. Inside, I could hear the conversation taking place between a father and a son in a nearby stall.

"I don't want to have to do this . . . but you've left me no choice."

Unseen, a little boy sniffled.

"I don't like hurting you, but you have to learn discipline."

I could almost hear the boy's knees knocking.

"You'll thank me someday."

It was almost full-fledged crying now. I heard the sound of a few sharp blows to the rear.

"I have to punish you because I love you."

Funny how that works, isn't it?

where will i be from may 28 until august 4?

new york city.

i was appointed by the tennessee baptist collegiate ministry to do missions based out of the bronx.

there is much praise and excitement in my soul.

i don't really know, for sure.

i know falling in love exists. i've been there. i've felt that.

when that person walks into the room and your heart beats faster. when you can't help but think about them every minute of every day. you call them just to listen to the silence knowing they are there on the other side.

i also know that the feeling doesn't last forever. eventually, it fades. and what remains is a choice. the choice to keep caring . . .

or to quit.

i've said before, "love is a feeling, loving is a choice. never stop loving."

because really, it is a choice.

do i believe that a woman can look her husband in the eyes after twenty years of marriage with three kids and say that she doesn't love him anymore and mean it? yes, i do. it's her decision. it might be due to his actions, but she made the choice.

love isn't a contract you sign on your first date or your wedding day.

you can always make the choice.

the worst part is when two people who have fallen in love choose differently concerning loving. that can destroy hearts and lives.

something many of us know all too well.

so do i believe in love? yes. do i believe in loving? yes. true love? maybe. that depends on your definition.

if true love is two people deciding each morning that they will continue to love each other for the duration of their lives, then yes, i believe.

if it is a feeling that God dishes out to two people as a gift to last forever, then no, i don't.

love, like everything else in life, is something you have to work at. nothing is perfect.

"there is no such thing as a free lunch."

love doesn't just happen. you aren't going to get married one day and be happy forever "just because."

"happily ever after" isn't real. it's more of a "happily each moment."

so don't listen to disney.

because love isn't the destination, it's the journey.

and that goes for all kinds of love, whether romantic or not.

that's one lesson everyone could stand to learn.

i need to change something. anything. i'm just sick of the way things are.

maybe i'll rearrange my furniture. that always makes me feel better.

grr.

we two have paddled in the stream,

from morning sun till dine;

but seas between us broad have roared

since auld lang syne.

for auld lang syne, my dear,

for auld lang syne,

we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,

for auld lang syne.

so i really wasn't in the christmas spirit until i went to see mom's side of the family; they reminded me what christmas is.

christmas is food. lots of food.

christmas is listening to a performance of "twinkble, twinkble, wittle stwar" by my 2-year-old cousin.

christmas is teaching my 5-year-old cousin how to walk like jack sparrow.

it is also getting mercilessly destroyed in a game of ddr versus my 15-year-old cousin.

and saying the words "crap" and "screw" in front of all of them, evoking horrified gasps.

i love my cousins. all 17 of  them. and another one on the way.

christmas is rounding the mocassin bend in the tennessee river for the 19th year in a row and looking into that muddy water under the cloudy gray december sky.

christmas is playing games like spacemen and face with my little brother. and poking him repeatedly and annoyingly from the backseat.

christmas is my mother's annoying laugh.

christmas is love and family and joy.

christmas is peace.

and, despite everything, i like it.

and you can't take that from me.

so the one night that i decide to try to get to sleep, do you know what happens?

the idiot in the room above me decides he needs to start hammering mercilessly.

God only knows what you could have to hammer at 10:30 at night . . . but then again, this is memphis, so maybe i don't want to know.

and as if that wasn't enough . . .

i was startled from my comfortable bed by the fire alarm.

that thing is loud enough to wake the dead . . .

the dead in siberia.

so i spent 30 minutes in the frigid cold trying to keep warm in a huddle with a few of my friends. and why was i forced to undergo such torment?

because some idiot in the kitchen downstairs burned eggs. or bacon. there were two stories circulating.

i personally started the rumor that he was cooking waffles.

so the moral of the story is don't try to go to sleep early when you are really tired and fighting off a cold.

and remember, kids:

smokie says don't cook breakfast foods late at night.

i want to scream and break something.

and possibly throw in a long string of obscenities.

or just jump from my window.

if i had a roommate, i would totally kill him for the free 4.0 right about now . . .

i think you should give me a hug.

on dit qu'au delà des mers,

là-bas sous le ciel clair,

il existe une cité

au séjour enchanté

et sous les grands arbres noirs,

chaque soir,

vers elle s'en va tout mon espoir.

j'ai deux amours

mon pays et paris . . .

i'm excited.

so i opened up the paper this morning to see that there is a controversy over the name of a building at mtsu.

the building's name?

forrest hall.

as in nathan bedford forrest. you know, that dirty racist that founded the kkk?

please disregard the fact that the kkk was originally a confederate veteran's organization.

please disregard that when the organization's purpose began to turn towards racist activity, forrest publicly denounced and ordered the group to disband.

please disregard that he was a tactical genius and a local hero who saved the city of murfreesboro in a daring raid.

his name clearly doesn't belong on a military science building.

clearly.

and why stop there?

george washington owned slaves. he's clearly burning in hell right now. let's kick him out of history. i can see it now.

teacher: "and the second president of the united states was john adams."

2nd grader: "who was the first?"

teacher: "it doesn't matter, timmy, he's in hell."

goodbye washington, jefferson, monroe, madison.

goodbye andrew jackson. you should have been nicer to the indians.

excuse me, the native americans.

stonewall jackson, argued by many to be the greatest military genius in history (ranked in the top three with napoleon and alexander the great), never owned slaves. he taught sunday school for the local slaves and taught them how to read and write.

oh, but he faught for the confederacy. kinda like general lee, who freed several hundred slaves upon inheriting them.

they're obviously in hell, too.

goodbye lee, jackson, and forrest.

and all the presidents that subjugated natives in the west and harrassed the south american nations? they should leave, too.

goodbye, teddy roosevelt.

speaking of roosevelts, f.d.r. had all the japanese put into camps. we'll forget he existed, too.

because it makes sense that, when your history offends someone, you should forget it happened.

i mean, really.

you can't respect the past AND people's feelings. duh.

oh, but remember sh*rman? you know, the guy that burned an atlanta full of civilians to the ground? who destroyed train tracks, burned bridges, hanged slaves, and raped women across georgia?

yeah, him?

he can stay. he can even have a shiny statue of himself put up in central park.

dirty racists.

i was in the front, on the floor, 5 feet away from the stage.

you may now burn with jealousy.

*edit*

sometimes, life throws you a curve.

sometimes, that curve lasts until 5 in the morning.

i need to get more sleep . . .

here's to you, two o'clock in the morning, for being an excellent time to get home.

and here's to you, happy feet, for making me laugh and making me want to dance.

and here's to you, james bond, for making me want to be a secret agent.

and here's to you, casino royale, for being set partially in montenegro.

and here's to you, honors program, for feeding me thanksgiving food. for free.

and here's to you, memphis, for having skyscrapers and a nightlife.

and here's to you, irish pub, for having an excellent singer man.

and here's to you, excellent singer man, for the song with the chorus about "santa claus and elvis."

and here's to you, poplar avenue, for never ending.

and here's to you, starbucks, for building 10 or so stores just on poplar.

and here's to you, goo goo dolls, for making excellent music to sing along to while driving.

and here's to you, all american rejects, for having a show in memphis tomorrow.

. . . i think that's it for now.

good weekend.

Thanksgiving (for Brian) Day Eve Eve: Tuesday, November 21

Thanksgiving (for Brian) Day Eve: Wednesday, November 22

Thanksgiving (for Brian) Day: Thursday, November 23

Brian's Birthweek Eve Eve: Friday, November 24

Brian's Birthweek Eve: Saturday, November 25

The First Day of Brian: Sunday, November 26

Brian's Birthday Eve Eve: Monday, November 27

Brian's Birthday Eve: Tuesday, November 28

Brian's Most Glorious Date of Birth: Wednesday, November 29

The Fifth Day of Brian: Thursday, November 30

The Sixth Day of Brian: Friday, December 1

The Seventh Day of Brian: Saturday, December 2

Post-Birthweek Celebration: Sunday, December 3

. . .

Be prepared.

good job, guys. way to go.

sometimes i am embarassed to live here . . .

she said,

"tell me, are you a christian, child?"

and i said,

"ma'am, i am tonight."