"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."

                ----1 John 4:4

so. life is interesting lately. friendships are very strange, and i no longer advise a girl being best friends with a guy. things get weird. you know that things are different when you're riding in a minivan with him to Kroger to pick up a prescription. i swear, it's like i'm married to this guy. it's quite silly to decide you will never date a guy, but then hate it if he likes/dates/thinks about dating someone else...being a girl makes you silly, apparently. also, being exactly like his ex (whom he had a not-so-pleasant breakup with) is quite unsettling. like, it really weirded me out last night. and here's another tip...don't ever go to Hastings with someone you like, because you just might leave the place not liking them at all. that's happened to me twice. i don't know what it is. and here's another question for ya'll: Why do i end up getting emotionally attached to people that i shouldn't? Why can't i find a good, Christian best friend? I had one for 3 years, and then he had to go off and die, so that sucked a lot. not to be totally depressing or anything. it's just very weird. i always end up with a person who influences me negatively. is that because of a spiritual deficiency on my part? Am i just a silly girl who needs to stop worrying? What worries me most is this: is this what my future relationships are gonna be like? But in that sane vein, i really do trust God. i guess i just get caught up in me sometimes, and that is definitely not a good thing to get caught up in. I've noticed a trend of selfishness and superficiality in my life lately. i think that i definitely need to stop constantly talking to william and start talking to Jesus. cause william can't solve my problems. he hasn't known me since before i was born. he didn't create my brain. he's human. and i love him, but he's human. and he brings out qualities in me that aren't Godly/good in the least. but at this point, the only thing that's gonna get me farther from him and closer to Him is a whole lotta prayin' and a whole lotta Word, cause i'm invested in this boy. i'm talkin', hardcore, seriously, unrequitedly invested. but then....there's this other boy. and he gives me a lot of hope. not in the sense of, were gonna get married and have 13 kids...he makes me want to be Godly. he spurs me on to a better relationship with Christ. instead of wanting/needing to constantly be around/talk to him, he makes me want to be around/talk to God. he has every right (by the world's standards) to be needy, emotionally disturbed, and sinful...but he's not...(well, we're all sinful, but you know what i mean...) and that makes me really happy. there are good ones out there. i wish he had some idea of what i think of him. maybe i'll tell him at some point. until then, i want to be content in my identity in Christ. that's definitely harder the older i get. my flesh really wants to take over. i get smart-aleck, mean, judgmental, negative, and just generally stupid sometimes. but i know that Christ in me is more powerful than Satan trying to get at me. i just pray that i will have the desire to stay close to Him so that He can fight for me, cause i know that i can't do it on my own. The only thing that i like about going through weird times and growing up is how much closer it can bring me to Christ. i just love it. anyways, i better go do my chem/english homework! much love to you all! ---Cari