dear boy...

May 23 2007
dear boy,
i wish you wouldn't have hurt me so bad. i say that i'm strong and i will make it, but it still hurts like crazy...and i feel like you've ripped out my heart and torn it up as many times as you felt like it.

all of the promises you made, apparently were just made to be broken. i can't believe i thought you were telling me the truth about everything. you lied to me and stole my happiness. i thought my life was hard enough already, and then you go and do this to me.

you are the third guy in my life in the past 6 months who have done this to me. i gave you the benefit of the doubt, even when i knew about your past. how could i have believed it? am i really that oblivious? apparently. the reason i didn't give you my first kiss was because i was testing you to see if that's the only thing you were out for...i don't know if that was the case, but, it happened the way it should have. i'm glad i didn't give it up..even though i planned on it for our next date.

everything that you told me...i was amazing, beautiful, pretty, cool, a great you still think that? or did you ever? was it all a lie like everything else? i can't even tell with you anymore.

my self esteem was already low when you started saying those words to me, i believed them because they made me feel good about myself, i now know how vulnerable i am..thank you for pointing that out. what was wrong with me? please tell me, i'd like to know.

don't expect me to be your friend right away..i have to heal and get past the realization that it's true that we won't ever work out. you were my first real boyfriend...and you'll always be special to me. believe me. it will take a lot to disreguard all of these feelings. just give me some time to heal...then we'll see how it plays out after that.

i loved you.
guess that doesn't matter anymore.

thank you for making my first date the way it should have been...
i just wish it could have been different.
this ends the first chapter in relationships..
and so far, i don't like it.

i don't think i'll be dating for a long time.


May 23 2007
eh, man. i've had only one "boyfriend" and that whole shinanigan was just.. stupid and hurtful. i never made out with him like he wanted, but he grabbed my butt. i didn't care. he only went out with me to get over this other girl. and then dumped me TWO WEEKS later when he felt better. i'm still friends with him. i like him. not like-like. but. yeah. it sucks. but i was twelve, hahaha. i always said i wouldn't have a boyfriend and then i liked him so much that i gave in. it was dumb. i don't know. i really don't want to date until i want to get married. i want that to be the intent of my relationship. but i don't know. i'm sorry. i know how you feel though. (same stuff KIND OF happened with shon, that guy in the picture with me, except......... we didn't go out and.. other things. eh)


May 23 2007
eh yeah.. i'm sorry. i hate that.

whitley groves

May 24 2007
your eyes are weid in that picreis(girl)


May 24 2007
haha.. i never really noticed? <Br><BR> um. i wish i had something wise to say.