November 09 2006
A while back I wrote (on facebook) that I hadnâ€™t found good sushi in New York yet, and I guess somewhere in the back on my mind I didnâ€™t want to find good sushi. You see, I love sushi in Murfreesboro. I love going to Sakura with my dad and my sister (and sometimes Bethany and Jonathan and Matt) and getting the Las Vegas and Yum Yum Rolls. I love the good conversation and the familiarity. Good sushi = home and comfort; bad sushi = not home and discomfort. So Iâ€™ve only half-heartedly looked.
The last few weeks - months if I'm really honest- of my life have been a series of uncertainties mixed with a heavy dose of discontentment. I have realized (again) how terrible I am at committing myself to anything for longer than a year. It almost killed me just to get through college, and the last 2 years I traveled around most of the southeast just to escape. And then I moved to China and then I moved back home and taught 8th grade and then moved here. One day a friend called me and asked me what exactly I was running from. Iâ€™m sure I made up some excuse or probably attempted to justify my actions, but she was right. I was running.
I guess, in a way, Iâ€™ve always been running. Iâ€™m not sure what from â€“ Iâ€™ve got a great family, the worldâ€™s best friends, a fantastic home church, etc. To some girls (especially single 25-year-old girls) settling down is crucial. And yes, one day soon Iâ€™ll probably want that. But Iâ€™ll be the first to admit, the idea of doing the same thing every day for the rest of my life scares me. And thatâ€™s not to say that owning a house and having a career and (yikes!) getting married means the adventures stop â€“ I know this is totally untrue. I just think I have a fear of monotony. I am a classic escapist.
Iâ€™ve known this for a long time, but havenâ€™t really known what to do about it. Iâ€™ve always been one to focus on whatâ€™s next, what adventure Godâ€™s going to bring me (or send me on) after this one. While thatâ€™s not inherently bad, I forget to enjoy the moment. I focus on the future so I don't have to think about the present. Some days I get so consumed with my job and my life (thatâ€™s surprisingly monotonous â€“ oh, the irony) that I forget where I am. I forget to look up. I forget to be grateful that I got exactly what I asked for and I need to enjoy my stay in New York City while it lasts.
This morning I woke up and felt something was different â€“ I was happy to be alive and happy to go to work. I walked up the stairs from the subway and I just stopped. Surrounded by metal and tall buildings and hordes of people with their own agendas, I was overjoyed.
â€œBe here now,â€ He whispered.
Today at work we ordered sushi for lunch. And it was incredible.
July 28 2006
2. I'm going home this weekend! I am so excited! Not that I don't love it here, but HOME! Hopefully I'll see some of you at church.
3. I really love Jesus. Not an update, but I just wanted you to know.
June 23 2006
So several people have asked if I was planning on doing updates from
NYC like I did when I was in China...i really hadn't thought about it,
but figured it would be a good idea. if you don't want to read them,
let me know...but i can assure you they won't be sent too often, so ya
might as well, right? Right.
Anyway, this past week has been good. I need a job, for
survival reasons of course, but more so because I'm bored. I'm not
skilled at sitting around the house. Free time hasn't been this easy
to find in a long time. I think I've read 6 books...maybe 10...I've
I'm living on the upper west side (sounds swanky, huh?!) with
my friends maria and ellie, but this is just a temporary situation. at
the end of july maria is moving out, ellie is moving to back to TN, and
i...don't know yet. i've heard that you shouldn't start looking for an
apartment until 2 weeks before you need it because they go so fast
here...so i'm trying not to jump the gun.
As far as a job...i had an interview this morning and i think
it went well, but you never know. it was for an administrative
position assisting the president and the general manager of a company
that makes documentary films on education issues...mostly k-12 schools.
sounds like a good job for me...but again, we'll see. i'll keep you
last weekend i got to play tourist (because i still feel like
one) and we went to the east village, soho, and noho. i really like
that area. last night a friend and i went to the upright citizen's
brigade theatre to see a show called "we used to go out" which was
hilarious. it was a fun night in the city, and i was (still am)
grateful to be here.
the next few weeks will consist of diligently searching for a job and learning my way around this giant place!
prayer is needed and much appreciated...here are some specifics:
- job and apartment (obviously)
- current living situation - 3 people in a 2 bedroom can be
difficult - it isn't yet, but there's always the possibility, so let's
pray that we will be wise with our words and actions.
- The Gallery
Church, the church where maria and ellie work and i am now attending -
it's a chuch plant. pray that people will get and stay involved, that
the staff/team there will be encourged, and for the 7 (SEVEN!) interns
from all over the country who are here until the end of July.
...and i think that's it. thanks for reading!
P.S. After i wrote and sent this, I got a job interview with HGTV and I'm REALLY excited! Keep me in your prayers on Tuesday!
April 08 2006
This is something my friend elizabeth (the other one) wrote on her myspace and i love it. God has been teaching me this recently. My past is not a part of me in the sense that it is me. I am redeemed. I am a new person! God rescued me (of all the attributes of God, I like this one the most. Today, at least) from...well, me. I can talk about my past. I can talk about the horrible things I've done, the unwise decisions I've made and I'm no longer ashamed. Because I'm free. (I feel like saying, "So THAT'S what they mean by freedom in Christ! I get it now!)
Anyway, the hail yesterday was awesome at my house. I've got pictures that I'll post in a minute! And last night - fabulous. I love theatre, good food, and good conversation, and last night was all three. Plus hanging out with john and olivia...always fun. and the lightening was unbelievable on our drive back to m'boro- we kept saying, "Do it again!"
And that's all for now.
April 06 2006
much. The Cross is the point where God and sinful man merge with a
crash and the way to life is opened - but the crash is on the heart of
God." (Oswald Chambers)
God has been doing a lot of renewing in my heart - I can't really explain it, but it's like a breath a fresh air.
March 03 2006
My cover's wearing thin, I believe.
I'd love to start again, go back to innocent, and never leave.
Don't give up now.
A break in
We could be found.
There's nothing wrong with me.
It's just that I believe things could get better.
And there's nothing wrong with love.
I think it's just enough to believe.
Rescue is coming.
Rescue is coming.
Rescue is coming.
Rescue is coming.
And there's nothing wrong with you and nothing left to do but believe something bigger.
And there's nothing wrong with love, I know
it's just enough to believe.
Don't give up now.
A break in the clouds.
We could be found.
Rescue is coming now.
February 07 2006
Please stop posting huge pictures on phusebox. It takes forever for my page to load and it gets on my nerves.
No, I don't have dial-up.
p.s. I apologize for the icy mint sprite entry, because i'm sure waiting for it to load got on your nerves too.
February 07 2006
power (the fact that we are dejected proves that we do), and we never
dream that all the time God is in the commonplace things and people
[- Oswald Chambers]
January 26 2006
There is no meantime.
I used to find myself saying meaningless phrases such as "...in the meantime" as well as counting down the days, hours, minutes until [fill in the blank].
Seriously. I started counting down the days til my 16th birthday when the number was 180.
Until this year, I've always known how many days were left in the school year.
In China (the 5 month time), I knew exactly how long I'd been there
and exactly how long til I went home.
Life is not prison.
God didn't place you where you are for no reason, so you could only look forward to something else IN THE MEANTIME.
The last year of my life has been hard. I've been in a place (literally) that wasn't necessarily my first choice, but it was safe and comfortable and easy.
I've looked back with longing and looked forward with impatience.
Now, I'm standing still. I'm finding that place in my life of absolute satisfaction. I'm looking back with joy and forward with joy and here and now and everything in between with joy.
Life is captivating. Life is beautiful. Life begins now.
January 05 2006
So Bethany and I came up with a plan: make our own. We went to Walgreens and bought this:
I won't go into too many details here, but the next few HOURS (minutes, really) consisted of getting the mint to sprite ratio exactly right. I would tell you, but it's now a secret elizabethany company recipe.
After we figured out exactly what our recipe should be, I made cool new labels.
Finally, the finished product. Matt said it was fantastic. My guilt for having forgotten Matt's Christmas present was gone. All was well....
November 09 2005
And God is your authority. Submit to that.
I could write a whole book on the insecurities of females and how they allow themselves to get sucked back into unhealthy relationships time and time again...WHY?
My life is this giant cycle. And this time, God will prevail.
November 08 2005
Hayrides, hoedowns, and free pumpkins
The phrase "I'm jazzed"
Driving in the wilderness to get to the world's worst family restaurant
Giant ears of corn
Gene Simmons impressions
3 1/2 hours of sleep...totally worth it.
November 03 2005
And I have realized (on a somewhat non - related subject) that I actually have people in my life that I can trust. I mean, people who I can tell my silly little girly secrets, and they won't tell anyone or make me feel stupid for my feelings. Not only that, but people who consistently speak truth into my life when I most need to hear it. I can be vulnerable before them and that's okay. In fact, it's encouraged.
Everyone needs friends like Moses had:
"But Moses's hands were heavy. Then they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat upon it; and Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other. Thus his hands were steady until the sun set."
November 01 2005
"If through a broken heart God can bring his purpose to pass in this world, then thank Him for breaking your heart." - Oswald Chambers
Also, check this out: Words...
October 31 2005
I realized today that sometimes I'm scared to talk to God ...and many times, it's not because He'll say no, but because He might say yes.
October 28 2005
Jesus Christ did not say "Go and save souls" (the salvation
of souls is the supernatural work of God) but "Go and teach
(disciple) all nations" and you cannot make disciples unless
you are a disciple yourself.
He continues to talk about the challenge of such work, which is my relationship with Him, not the difficulties of salvation. The only thing I can do is to make sure I have "boundless confidence" in Christ.
October 19 2005
Okay, I know it's just the back of them, but my friend emailed me this pic of Justin and Cameron from the other night!
October 17 2005
I saw Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz this weekend. It was one of the coolest things ever.
They were in downtown Memphis, complete with bodyguards and an entourage. And yes, they look the same in "real" life!