This makes four nights in a row that I've had bad dreams. Something strange is going on.

I know I already wrote about this, but I'm serious. This weather is absolutely incredible! I want to sit around a fire tonight. I get off at 10:30. Anyone up for a fire? Call me 615-397-0339.

You people complaining about the cold and wet. This weather is great! I was driving down the road (yes on the bike), when I smelled something that invoked memories of fire in a fireplace, cuddling up next to someone, drinking hot cider. I'm starting to get excited.

In other news, I finally got my license renewed. I was there for a little more than an hour and it cost me $30, but I'm legal now.

With a little research, I found out that because of my little joke last week, I can now legally officiate weddings. This could be very interesting.

In other news, I have created a list of life goals. I think this might help with the whole what-to-do-about-the-future thing. Some of the things seem like normal everyday life tasks, but I have struggles with them. I don't know if looking at the list motivates or depresses me. The future and my success (or lack thereof) seem to be just about the only things that can get under my skin and affect my outlook on life. I'm normally energetic and positive, but I don't know about this future stuff. It's ironic that this is the topic we covered in our J-Group leaders meeting. We're supposed to talk about this stuff in our next J-Group.

Ok, time to stop rambling.

-- EDIT --
To clear things up... yes I can officiate weddings. Yes this is legal. I'm an ordained minister *tounge in cheek*, at least as far as the state is concerned. Cool, huh?

Tonight was ultra wierd. I don't know how it got to be that way, but it was.

I met with my J-Group tonight. That was good. I had been praying about that and three guys came. I think we connected so I'm happy. Continue praying for that.

Intercession was different tonight. We went on campus and prayer walked. It was a very interesting time.

Some friends of mine played a prank on some other friends of mine. I got stuck in the middle. I don't know how or why, but it happened. It sucks too cause they're just playing around with each other, but both sides aren't happy with me. I didn't even do anything! I had absolutely no part in the STUPID prank! I'm just stuck in the middle.

Damned if I do; Damned if I don't --unknown

Ok. So I broke down and did it. I wasn't too surprised about where it put me. Although, I feel that I'm quite a bit more conservative than the graph suggests. The graph is not accurate as far as where and how large the different portions are. I guess it wasn't created by someone with a degree in sociology. Not a very good poll.

My dot was next to Donald Trump on the Famous People graph... maybe that's a good sign?

Also, when asked what law I would dictate, I wrote, "Rapists and child pornographers should be castrated, ESPECIALLY if they have repeated offenses." I think it's reasonable.

You are a
Social Liberal
(60% permissive)

and an...
Economic Conservative
(65% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Centrist



Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

I'm now Reverend Nathanael Robert Tallman... at least according to the Universal Life Church.

In other news, the stars were so clear last night! Work was busy. I was setting up stuff for Chris and Emily's wedding. Saturday night, I get to tear it all down and set up for Sunday morning too! Woo hoo!

After work, I went up on the roof for about half an hour just watching the stars. It was amazing. I saw two shooting stars as well. Does that mean that my wishes cancel each other or do they multiply? Oh well. Doesn't matter much anyways, right?

The stars are amazing tonight. No moon. No clouds. No street lights. Just clear and shining stars.

I started thinking about where I was last year at this time. I thought about where I've been since then, the experiences I had, the stupid mistakes I made (many), the good decisions I made (few). What lessons have I learned over the past 365 days? What impact have I made on the world? What difference have I made in lives? What have I accomplished? How was I with God?

At first, I was a little excited. I tried not to be, but I did smile a little bit. I even sent a txt message to someone because of my excitement. Here I am two hours and twenty-nine minutes later. The excitement has worn off a little, and I'm wondering what I'm going to do with my life from here on. How am I going to spend my NEXT 21 years?

I dropped my 8:00am class yesterday. It was a little difficult to get up and get to class at 8:00am, especially on Tuesday and Thursday when that was my only class. I was a little worried about missing too much and failing. Dropping the class eased up my load considerably. Tuesdays and Thursdays are totally school free for me now.

I opened this up to write some insightful comment. I wanted to write about His faithfulness, His grace, His neverending love towards us. I wanted to write about how He answers prayer. I wanted to do all these things, but I can't. My mind is soo clouded right now. The junk of life keeps looming overhead and raining on my thoughts.
I guess one comfort is that time keeps on ticking. No matter what is going on, no matter how good or bad, time passes by one second at a time. Before long a second is a minute, then an hour, then its a new day.
God says He is rich in mercy. I guess I'll look for new mercies in the morning.

--EDIT--
I realize now that my post came across as complaining. My life is good. I can open my eyes to the despair and hopelessness found in the people on campus to see that my life is very good. A bad day while knowing the love, contentment, and peace found in Christ beats a good day not knowing the One whose grace is sufficient even for me.

Life has been extremely busy. Between working almost full-time and school and pulling all-nighters like last night, I haven't had much time for anything else.
Here's the latest:
Found an apartment. Will move in ten days hopefully.
I'm seriously considering saving for a laptop. I don't spend enough time at home to work exclusively on my desktop.

Onto a different train of thought, His fellowship is amazing. When there's no pressing needs and when all is going well, it is so sweet just to enjoy His companionship. Just something I've been learning more of lately.

It's been five days since I've posted... woopdy doo!

Is it possible to have good things that aren't God things? Today, I had a good thing happen and I don't know if it's a God thing. I guess time will tell.

One not-so-good thing is that I'm still looking for a new habitat. Dunno whether it's going to be an apartment or a house. I guess time will tell.

I emailed my J-Group tonight. Haven't gotten any replies back, but it is early yet. I'm going to try to meet with them on Monday. I hear I may get a few more guys, but I'm not positive. I guess time will tell.

Monday night, at intercession, I spent almost the entire time praying about a specific issue. It's amazing how God does His thing. A few things might be starting to change. What does the future hold? I guess time will tell.

P.S. A good friend of mine is having a baby TODAY (Friday)!!!! I'm so excited. He's going to be a daddy to a little baby boy! I couldn't be happier for him. It is truly amazing how God can turn circumstances for the better. Tolkien called it eucatastrophe. Whatever the case, Pray for the baby and family.

Long story short...

Thursday, I moved into my new abode. Seven hours later, I moved out. The landlord demanded that I get a cosigner. I refused. Also, the rental agreement wasn't up to par and he wouldn't budge on it.
So, I'm looking for yet another place to live. I may have found an apartment, but I've got to make a few phone calls first. We'll see.

I thought things would settle down a bit when school started, but that hasn't happened yet.

So recently (as in the last several months), I have discovered the world of independent music(ians). Why hasn't anyone told me what I was missing!?!? This stuff makes me want to empty the iPod of all the junk and fill it up with the good stuff.

In other news, tonight (or rather last night) was the first mid-week gathering at AO. It was incredible! I have prayed so hard for so long that God would use AO and everyone in it to accomplish great things. Tonight was a huge answer to prayer! Turnout was great, but more importantly, we were able to connect with many students (both old and new) and make them feel welcome and loved.
My heart is for the student who comes in and knows absolutely no one and feels extremely uncomfortable with the big group of people socializing with itself. This is one area that I feel AO has been lacking in for sometime. I say that because I used to be one of those students. I don't want the "little" people to fall through the cracks because they don't know the right people and don't have the social skills or confidence to approach anyone.
You should see the stack of signup sheets of students interested in J-Groups (small, accountibility groups) and care families. To be honest, the numbers are somewhat daunting, but I know that God has a plan and will bring forth the leaders and families to meet the need as He sees fit.

I have just a few more little things to take care of before the routine schedule finally kicks in and I can abandon the overused run-run-run-with-no-sleep mode. Moving Thursday is one of those tasks. Hopefully, it will be my last move for a while.

Well, I've been home for an hour (left at 1:00AM) and I'm a little tired. I have class at 8:00AM so my alarm is set for 6:45AM. If anyone wants to call me to see if I'm awake ::hint hint::, my number is 615-397-0339.

I figured with an 8:00 classes, I would end up sleeping through it sometime this semester... I just didn't expect it to be the third day of class. Not a good way to start the semester.

Blah blah blah, another typical "first day of class" post.

I was a little nervous about today because I haven't been in school for a year. All in all, it was pretty good. I'm comfortable with the class load and times. I will be more comfortable when I can actually get a good nights sleep.

Last night, I was laying in bed at about 12:45 thinking that I was actually going to get a decent night's sleep when the phone rang. My ex-girlfriend was on the other end and had a shaky voice. She said she needed to talk. Given the time and the sound of her voice, I thought it might be serious, so I agreed reluctantly. She came to the house and we sat on the front porch.
She was upset about something that happened with me that she didn't know about. She thought it was her business when it didn't have anything to do with her. She was angry and upset.
The thing was, that this was something she wasn't ever going to know. I only told six people and assumed that it was in confidence. However, one of them ended up "accidently" telling her.
She ended up leaving at 3:30 this morning. I ended up getting a little more than three hours of much needed sleep.

Every time I think this stupid, soap-opera-ish, tiring relationship crap is going to end (it's been nine months), something comes up and screws it all up!

I'm so very tired of this. Seeing the grief that has come out of this relationship, I don't have the desire for a dating relationship. The headache and heartache from this one is enough to last many years. I feel like I don't have the emotional energy to give to the friends I care about. I'm drained.

Lots to write, but I don't have time for it all here. I will write about the leadership retreat later.

Tonight, I had to do something that I really didn't want to do. I'll write more about that later too. I'm too tired right now. I'm literally falling asleep.

Goodnight.

A few weeks ago, I posted about "Lessons". There were several suggestions about what God may be trying to teach me. I think I may have stumbled upon the answer.

God is sovereign. Most of us have heard this many times in church; I've always acknowledged it in a passive sort of way, "Of course, God is sovereign. Duh.". I'm beginning to comprehend just how sovereign He is. Throughout the recent past, I've been/am in situations where I have no/little control. I've been in helpless situations before and started the lessons in dependence and patience. But, previous experiences had not begun the lesson of sovereignty.

Current situations, while strengthening my patience and dependence, have forced me to open my eyes and realize that God's sovereignty is the father of all these other virtues.
Just like King Nebby in Daniel, "All the inhabitants of the earth are reputed as nothing; He does according to His will in the army of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth. No one can restrain His hand or say to Him, "What have you done?"" --Daniel 4:35 I am patiently depending on His love and righteousness because I am totally out of control.

His sovereignty will ALWAYS prevail!

I leave for the AO Leadership Retreat in about eight hours. Pray for unity and humility in the 31 people going. Pray that our bodies will be refreshed for the whirlwind of a semester we have coming (a few of us are running past empty in preparation for it all).

It's been forty hours since my head last touched the pillow. In seven hours, I'm to be at the church to open up. Until then, I need to do laundry so the churched people won't complain again.

Tonight was fantastic! I got off work early and was invited to go with the Bonins and Jennifer Hood to Curb Cafe at Belmont to see a guy I met last weekend play. We met Justin Vance, Kayla, and Natalie up there. The music was great, but the people in the crowd wouldn't stop talking! Jennifer and I were going nuts and about to go off on people, but the music overcame and soothed.

The Gist: I had so much fun tonight!

I got up today and went to work on my day off cause I was needed. Then I helped watch 17 kids until 9:00PM. I stopped by the youth lock-in to say hi to my sister and ended up staying until about 4:30AM helping a friend of mine. We left there and went to unload a trailer full of audio equipment. It's 5:39AM and I just got home. I'm going to take a shower and eat some breakfast before I go to the Apartment move-ins today at 8:00AM. I will do that until 2:00PM when I go to work and work until 10:30PM. Tomorrow morning, I go to the church at 6:30AM to unlock the building, and I will stay until the last person is out of the building tomorrow night when I lock up (somewhere around 9:30PM).

...I'm beginning to wonder how long I can keep this up.