you call me up now, "pick up the phone" i say
but i can't help but look back on that blackened day
where i did the same, and look where i am now..
i felt lost and weak, and how i got there, i don't know how....

you know how i hate depression...
and i hate this conversation
we're walking in circles
with this talk that's at hand
but if i don't say "i love you"
regret will hang in my head
i was trying to sew gold
from a worn out string
where all that stood
was a distant dream
so i guess with every step
we're simply sealing the end
it's better now i guess
instead of simply playing pretend

(chorus)
but i have no regret.. yeah i have no regret..
i said all i could to win us back, i did no wrong
so when you look back now, you can sing your own sad song
if you regret what happened just take comfort in this
that you were the one to end it, i gave you our last kiss
it's over...
(end chorus)

so long it seems it's gone, I dream
but looking back i'm still not angry..
i'm rather puzzled,
and i'm rather quite unsure
i'm looking through the cracks
to see what's mine is yours
and if you ever need me
just scream it out
i'll be there in a flash
don't need to fret or doubt
but i don't believe
that that will ever happen
yes it's over and done
and i feel that's what deeply saddens me...

(chorus)

you really got me going now...
are you feeling happy, are you feeling proud
you really know how to stab a heart
you really know how to tear a boy apart
(repeat)

(chorus)

See some days,
I just stare at the walls,
And think about,
Growing some claws,
So I can tear em' all down,
Cause'n a heap of rubble,
Out my heartache and trouble..
But no..
I just sit and think of the end
Where everything was nice,
In every way my friend..
I want you to know
I miss you with every word I don't say
I can't help but think, it didn't have to be this way..
But I hope you hear this,
And you see what I'm sayin',
That I'll love you always
But you let this happen
And I've given you chances to come back
I've tried my best to keep the door open
But if you finally come back
It might be too late..

Guy:
Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting for better company
I can't accept that it's over...
And I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
So just say how to make it right
And I swear I'll do my best to comply
Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together?

Girl:
I feel i must interject here...
You've getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave
So please back away and let me go

Guy:
I can't my darling I love you so...
But oh, oh...
Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together?

Girl:
Don't you feed me lies about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

Guy:
I know that I have made mistakes and I swear
I'll never wrong you again

Girl:
You've got a lure I can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye

Hey guys, here's a song I wrote today.. I hope you all enjoy.

-----------


---------

I stand on the foundation of promise
The sun shines it's light on me
A short run on the highway to Better Days...
And I know it's for my survival
With every step, I feel You're there with me
Just make sure you'll send me revival...
When all me is burned away...

But I'm trying my best, Please say you see it (I'm going strong)
I'm running over hills in hope of better days...
And if we just keep talking, I'll make it..(Please pull me on)
I just want to feel, this is the only way...

And I can stand on what you say will come true
I'm waiting for that better purpose..
I'm open armed and waiting for a change....
Please let me hear those words of promise
Let them ring, to encourage what's left of me..
And I know this is for my survival.. but
Pain's not going away.....


But I'm trying my best, do you see it?  (I'm going strong)
I'm running over hills in hope of better days...
But if we just keep talking, I'll make it.. (Please pull me on)
I just want to feel this is the only way....

I can hear the desperate cry of hope, it echoes up
From the crowd below
But it's times like these, they don't get it... (I'm going strong)
I'm chasing the light, to see me through....

I'm trying my best, do you see it?  (I'm going strong)
I'm running over hills in hope of better days...
But if we just keep talking, I'll make it.. (Please pull me on)
I just want to feel this is the only way....

I can't help but feel
I am the victim here
Caught between the sheets
Bleeding thoughts
Crying out with the words
"God Help Me... please"
Though it's not crying..
It's scrapping them out..
I catch my breath only to cry out again
"What does it take to get ahead here?!"
"Why did she have to go?!"
"If everything was so great..."
Why is she no longer here?
If she can't give me a reason..
"Why did it happen?"
I never hurt you and never would
You let me go, out of mystery...
It hurts, and I can't deny it..
I'm trying to let go... but come back to
"Why'd you let me go?"
I loved you.. I just can't
"Get over it...."
I can't help but think that
"The end came without reason..."
If you were scared
I would have calmed you
If you doubted,
"I'd kiss you again..."
What I want is
"To see you again....."

Yeah this position of mine
It hasn't changed... seems hours..
But I'm doing just fine..
Though my thoughts are on their 21st round
I think I'm alright...
the view of watching you leave has not changed...

what went wrong?
What went wrong?
just tell me's all i ask...
i feel if i loved you so much
it's a right i have to know...

and i sit for a few moments
of my everyday..
just to think of your smile
and wish you were here today..
though i haven't heard a word nor seen a sight
I pray one day all will be alright again..

what went wrong?
what went wrong?
should i have known it all along..
that the world had turned..
and left me here dying...

i wish it be known i don't need you
i want you, cause you seem to make life right
i want you to know that i did nothing wrong
and i'll stand by that... and i'm still loving you strong
just come back please, oh God, I beg you please
bring her back.. bring her back... bring her back......

i don't need you, but i want you here...
you make me smile from ear to ear
make me feel the way i want to feel
oh where did that go....
oh where did that go....

I want to see you..
I want to hear you..
I want to feel you..
I want you here or me there...
I want you back...
I feel pathetic...
And I have no idea what to do or what happened....
I have too big of a heart to give up...

Don't listen to that chilling voice..
The one who says it's over...
The minute you give in...
Only then is it done...
Keep fighting til' you know with your eyes
There's no more to be done...

I never believed the saying
Nothing is perfect
But for a while I believed I'd found
The dividing factor...
But while it doesn't amount to a waste of time
It ended in painful defeat and confusion...
I'd go back there now if I could..
If anything to try and change what happened.. if I even could...
Who knows if it was inevitable...
Maybe I wasn't ready... maybe YOU weren't..
I'm not angry but saddened that the great time I spent with you
Had to end....

Well Murfreesboro, so long.... for now.....

Henry is a stuffed animal that stands at about 2 1/2 inches and is about 6 inches long.  He is a skunk with a bushy tail, and a nose you would die for.  He stands in a room I've never seen or been in, as protection from a cat who once tried to tear him apart.  I bought this for you the weekend of our first week because I thought you were amazing.. I saw him in the gift shop of the Henry Horton hotel and just had to buy him.  After being chased by an actual skunk while talking to you.. it was the only choice.

For a month and twelve days, you were my rock.  With my life moving so quickly, I knew I could call you for just a moment to relax.  And now you're gone.. I know not entirely what went wrong.  I'm hurt and confused and constantly going back and forth on what i should do next..

You say it's not my fault and that everything was going fine..  You said we'd be together for a while and that you couldn't imagine breaking up with me.. Nor I you..  So now I sit and ask,"What Happened?"

I'm still crazy about you.. and I still hope for the best... But as I sit here at this early morning hour.. I ask myself,"Will I ever get to hold her hand again?"....

I know God will take care of it... But for the time.. it doesn't take the pain away..

Let it all out (get it all out)
Rip it out, remove it
Don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed
Cuz we're so scared to find out (what this life's all about)
So scared we're gonna lose it
And knowing all along that's exactly what we need

And today I'll trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow upon hearing what I did,
I'll stare at you in disbelief
Oh inconsistent me! ...crying out for consistency

And You said, "I know that this will hurt,
but if I don't break your heart, things will just get worse.
If the burden seems too much to bear,
remember...
The end will justify the pain it took to get us there."

And I'll let it be known (times I have shown)
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me, there is strength

And You'd promise me, that You believe
In time I will defeat this
'cuz somewhere in me there is strength

And today I'll trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
I'll try my best to just forget that that man isn't me

And You said, "I know that this will hurt,
but if I don't break your heart, things will just get worse.
If the burden seems too much to bear,
remember...
The end will justify the pain it took to get us there."

Reach out to me, make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for You...for You...

And you know, and you know
When You touched my heavy heart, you made it light.

this silence is thunderous
with the roar of a storm
just bursting out my insides..
if nothing's wrong
then tell me why
it had to change.....
tell me that it'll pass
the sea will go to rest
and we can continue
to go on course....

Things could be a lot worse.........

Well  a lot has been going on in Aaron world.  For starters since it's right in front of me... I'm blogging from my fresh new laptop.  I'm enjoying it very much.  Um, I also got a cell phone yesterday.  (796-8082, for those who want it.)  I'm now sitting here contemplating taking of the US government... only because V for Vendetta has inspired me to want to.... not really.  But that was an amazing movie.  But I'm really sitting here with Cameron who's half asleep and listening to Pink Floyd simply reflecting upon the day.

As far as the girlfriend, things are going AMAZING.  I can honestly say I've never been happier in my life.  Sadly, I'm leaving soon for TTU and it'll be hard... what can I say.. I'm a hopeless romantic...

Well until later.... chow!

Hey guys check out the link below.  I made a video and am looking for feedback.  PEace.!

My Video!!!

This is for all those people who have never really seen me play drums.  This includes those who have come over to movie night and seen me mess around.. This is definitely me at the top of my game.. Check it out.

Me Playing Drums Here...

---

Whither to waste In the hours it takes To feel sober...
Freedom today Will lead you to say That it's over...
Every day is the same or so we claim Cause of boredom...
So often we speak of changing each week But do so seldom...
In your eyes I can see all that you could be, But you're standing...
Sing the same old song, waiting to be pulled along like a lemming...
I hope one day we find it, just what we're looking for...

Perhaps the thought of losing your mind
Is just one of God's little signs
To warn you of what's to come...
Just building you up for the fading glimpse
Of all the greatest memories on your finger tips
Strengthening you for the end....

No I believe in things called miracles
And to say you're one is not just bold
But for me it holds the truth...
Maybe this heart, is just who I am..
You may not see, or not understand
But who I am, is surely me...

Hey guys,
this is a mini little art project I was inspired to do tonight.  I was fixing to go to bed when I looked up at the ceiling and saw the amazing color spectrum from one of my cds.  And the writing that goes with this just kind of hit me.. Anyway.. I worked hard on this and I really hope you guys enjoy it..

---

"The Spectrum"

with every light's beam
a certain surface is revealed
and from its dark recesses
it comes out, unconcealed
baring all grudges, flaws,
and blood covered hands
revealing all dark secrets
concealed by man..



the light shines on us

just hoping we find the way
leading us forward
to the realms of a better day
and yet with path revealed
so many still turn their head
it makes me sick
and sometimes wish I were dead..


if only we'd just see that
glimmer upon His eye
that look of hope that'll
sometimes cause us to cry
maybe then, we'd all live
different, yet Christ-like driven lives
We'd all pray for our flaws just
to help all our fellow guys...

but no we just swallow the darkness
and so often say good night...
so many seem to give in
without a fight...
so many go on living
by ignoring what they know is true..
they're sealing their fate
to a non-desirable doom...

I say to you now friend,
I know it's hard, but don't let go..
sometimes the hardest fights,
show from within, what you didn't know..
I've been here once, I've been here
so many times before...
and because of it, makes me fight for
you, all the more....

oh, I know the dances each have their own
distinct and separate moves..
but if I can learn them all, then
I'm sure that you can too...
I've got your back, dear friend
just follow the path of light..
and I'll help you back on track,
should you lose your sight..

but this isn't just for them,
no, it's for me, as much as you
I wish for you all to join me
and how I hope it's soon...
just take my hand, we'll do it together
and maybe, as one, we'll come to find
That loving Creator, Him, The One
Who healed the sick, and cured the blind....