What would you do if guys never saw you as you wanted them to?

Just the girl the come to when they need a break from reality.

When they pretty much use you to get over someone.

But it didn't work so they just stopped talking to you.

Even though all you wanted was a friend.

Hypotheticly speaking ofcourse,

this would never happen to any of you.

Just me. 

how about i don't like boys anymore.

cause they're confusing.

sometimes when you care about someone,

you have to think of them....

instead of yourself. 

the lyrics are wonderful,

the video's a little strange.

...but you should get the point 

YAY!

I get to see my Daddy today,

we're making plans on the summer.

I'll be staying with him after July 4th.

I'm so happy guys.

I get to have a Dad.

c:

I was crying last night because it made me

so happy, like I wish

you could feel the joy I feel.

c: 

Let's think about me and you.

Nothing but Wonderful things have appeared in my mind.

When you touched my hand,

Nothing but Wonderful feelings appeared in my tummy. 

And when I think about you, and who you are...

You're Nothing but wonderful.

No matter what. 

do you ever just want someone to just tell you they love you?

Even if they don't mean it? You just want to hear it.

Sounds weird, but I'm sure if someone randomly went

"Hey Kaelynn, I love you, because that's what you'd want to hear right now"

I'd laugh and tell them that they rocked,

but that's just me.

This song describes my mood,

in some odd way? 

This is just a good day,

today my best friend Ashely came over.

And she's just made me feel amazing.

Like she always does, I kinda wish that I could

clone her into a male form. So that'd be the man that

God would want me to be with. But until they make a

clone machine, I'll always have my best friend. Even if

they make a clone.

She's always gonna be there.... she's never confused me.

Always been 100% honest, no matter what.

I love that girl, I wonder if God makes boys like that?

If so, do you have to order them? Do they come in a box?

Or is there just the kind I like that never like me back?

I shouldn't say that. But I do.

I'm tired of being the girl guys just lean on.

I want something real. Not like my previous relationships.

I don't want lies. I don't want reruns of the same bull.

I've been praying that God would tell me when I'm

gonna meet him, like when I'm older? Like 30?

Or 20? 40? I just wanna know? But hey....

I'll always have Ashely. 

beautiful song.

just thought it was appropriate for now.

feels good to hear it

I got my first real night of sleep.

because God said "Kaelynn, stop trying

to plan everything, stop being so controling,

You use to be so laid back and bubbly. Give

yourself a brake from you. Go to Bed."

Yea God's pretty blunt.

he gave me his answer about all I needed to know

for right now and he said "Let me handle it." 

so I'm feeling good, and confused.

according to my last thought that made no sense I'm sure you all caught the confusion. Well I like him. I've fallen in like with the most confusive guy ever.  And I think he knows.  But I'm 100% unsure about how he feels about me. But I'm use to it. I don't think that dating is like my forte'. And I've probably spelt that wrong. But hey if its meant to happen, it'll happen. Man that's such a cleache' but I guess that's my style. I was pretty mellowed out today. Like I've thought about everything all day. I mean everything, life, dogs, trees, everything.

feels good to be goofy. 

try and voice your opinion.

try.

TRY!

did they hear you?

Really?

not a word.

I stop telling adults how I feel,

because they judge me.

I can't have feedom of expression

If they keep tearing me down.

"Let's be normal kids"

what's normality?

conformism.

Representation of a certain crowd.

Conservative.

Coperate American.

Look like a the teenager they want us to,

uhm I prefer not.

I'll gauge my ears thank you.

I'll chop my hair, even if you mind.

And the more colors, the better.

I'll wear my facial peircings, even if I don't look good.

Looking good doesn't matter to me.

I feel good looking how I do.

because that's just me.

I can still worship God no matter how I look.

Would you deny a boy with Make up if he asked for a Bible?

Would you deny a girl with scars on her wrist if she asked about God?

That boy with make up would learn something.

That girl with scars could feel accepted.

But how would we know, I mean really.

But my opinion doesn't matter.

believe me, I've given all I have.

But it's not good enough.

it never is. 

So I just wanted to say sorry about it,

some crap happend right before I got there and then it all hit me?

It was insane.

I hate to cry, I've done it often but I hate it.

Just thought I would let you know that's not something I planned on. 

so right now life's going great.

I don't care what they say..

I'm in Love with you

They try and pull me away

but the don't know the truth,

my hearts crippled by the vain

that I keep on closin

You cut me open and I...

Keep Bleedin, Keep Bleedin,

In Love. 

"burned"

by ellen Hopkins

read the book over 500 pages in one day,

you won't want to put the book down,

it'a frigg'n amazing man.

1. How many people have you held hands with within the past month?

3 

2. What's your middle name?
Danielle

4. Will you have a valentine this year?

that passed, and I did have one

nope 

6. Do you have unlimited texting?
technichly yes, but never use it?

7. Wheres your girlfriend/boyfriend at?
somewhere when I'm ready

8. Are you on a desktop or laptop?
desktop

9. Do you have fast reflexes?
nope, except when I fight.

10. Can you make yourself cry?
No? why would that be an accomplishment?

11. What are you planning to do today?:
chill with kenneth, emily, fuzzy, robert, lauren, dustin s., etc. Maybe go eat at strattons...

12. Do you have a crush on someone?
YEP.

13. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
No, I've come to realize we all make mistakes. I just so happen to waste a fraction of my life I'll never get back

14. What are your favorite colors?:
rainbow/tie-dye (yes they are colors)

15. Have you ever had your nails done?
yes.

16. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing right now?
The Childrens Shop

17. Have you ever kissed someone who's named starts with an M?
Matt :)

18. Have you ever passed out?
yessss. haaaaa. amazing

20. Are you easily confused?:
when it comes to the opposite sex; yes

21. Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?:
nope. I'd leave him. It's in my blood to leave. So I'm just gonna live in sin with the love of my life? when I find a new one. Or I'll get a male-order man.

22. What's your favorite kind of ice cream?
orange

23. Have you ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
Plenty, controlling is like crap too right?

24. Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?
mostly yea

25. What color are your socks?
hate socks

26. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it?
yep.

27. Do you fall for people easily?
nopee. it takes alot for me to say "I Love You" it's not just three words you throw around?

28. Everything happens for a reason?
yes.

29. Have you ever dated someone more than once?:
nope, try not to. second chances never matter, people never change. Unless Rehabs involved.

30. Who have you texted in the last 24 hours?
nobody

32. In your last relationship did you break up or were you broken up with?
I broke up with him.

33. When is the last time you talked to number 1 on your top friends?
a while

34. What are you listening to right now?:
Spongebob... brothers are watching it extremely loud

35. What does your last incoming text say?
i miss you

36. What stands out about the person you like?:
his tats. lol

37. Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can't?
nope, I've already told everyone what I've needed to say.

38. What is your biggest turn off?
when someone tells me about another girl; when i like that person? stupid.

40. Who was the last person to stay in your bed?

Dustin Hoggatt. not fun. 

41. Do you prefer being single or taken?
I'm not sure? I've realized right now datings not my thing, since I like someone and I don't know if he likes me back? happends alot. I usually have feelings for someone who doesn't like me back?

42. Do you love anyone?

kinda? it's a feeling of love but I'd never be with him?

(Hugh Laurie a.k.a HOUSE!) amazing isn't he? 

43. Last person of the opposite sex you said I love you to?

Tim, the first person in a long time, but as a brother.

44. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?:
yes.

45. What is it you truly want right now?
a nuclear explosion. destroy a certain state. mwa ha ha ha.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. Do you like blue cheese?
nope

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
uh no I do not believe so

3. Do you own a gun?
yep, just incase he comes around.

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
sweet tea

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
yes

6. What do you think of hot dogs?(animal-scrap)
I don't eat hot dogs, or hamburgers.

7. Favorite Christmas song?
uhm "i wish every year there wasn't christmas?"

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee

9. Can you do push ups?
nope

10. Can you do a chin up?
whats it gonna prove? nothing.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
my gages.

12. Favorite hobby?
writting

13. Ever been in a car wreck?
yes.

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
uhm no.

15. What's one trait that you hate about yourself?
my face.

16. Middle name?
Danielle

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment..
1. I wanna chill with kenneth
2. I don't care.
3. I think this one guy is kinda pathetic

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
1. chicken
2. a shirt
3. coke... a cola.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
1.) coffee
2.) amp
3.) sweet tea

20. Current worry?
acuna matata= no worries

21. Current hate right now?
none

22. Favorite place to be?
my yard

23. How did you ring in the New Year?
I don't remeber

24. Where would you like to go?
africa

25. Name three people who will complete this?
tyler (already has), grace, i think carmen

26. Do you own slippers?
no

27. What shirt are you wearing?
tree huggers are better than baby killers shirt.

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
uhmmm no

29. Can you whistle?
nope

30. Favorite color?
rainbow & tie-dye again

31. Would you be a pirate?
nope. A ninja, they're better than smelly pirates.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
free style

33. Favorite girl's name?
Williow, Godsisters name "Willow Robyn" she's 1 and amazing

34. Favorite boy's name?
Kadyn Shay

35. What's in your pocket right now?
I don't have pockets.. HA HA HA!

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
not having pockets!

37. Best bed sheets as a child?

ninja turtles

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
dog bites

39. Do you love where you live?
nope.. not one bit

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
3.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
josh

42. How many dogs do you have?
ZERO!

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Honestly I don't care?

45. What is your favorite book?
too hot too handle

46. What is your favorite candy?
skittles twizzlers

47. Favorite Sports Team?
none

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Bright Eyes Land Locked Blues "And we can trade places play musical gaves, until we're free start runnin away"

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
waiting

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
and you are?

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

my favorite poem, random.

but i saw it.

and it made me smile.

"Desperate for changing,

starving for truth.

I'm closer than where I started

chasing after you.

I've fallen even more in love with you

letting go of all I've held on to

I'm standing here until you make me move

just hanging by a moment here with you."

-life house-

"hanging by a moment"

goshhh.

i'm ready to give up...

i'm tired of hurting and longing for comfort.

it's annoying to think you're gonna

have your old life back when you

wake up in the morning but in reality your not.

But the brightside is i'm dealibng with it.

kinda?

I've realized that life is kinda scary.

me and matt broke up.

because of my fear of being hurt again.

i feel like crap.

but life goes on.

(i was there when this video was made)

This guy is amazing.

He gave me his cd when me and emily went

to this christian rave thing.

so cool!

ahh!

He doesn't beat around the bush he's striaght forward.

And he talked about Clinton in one song

he goes

"The systems a lie I mean

When our Presidents smoke weed and Cheat on their wives"

and when i heard that i screamed "CLINTON!!!"

HA HAH A!

hope you guys like him

So here's what happened:

So have you ever heard of soul tithes? Well a soul tithe is bad.

It's where you have a heart ache for someone you shouldn't be thinking about. In order to break a soul tithe you have to be honest and tell that person how you feel. It was my way of clearing the air so I could breathe again. Well I pour my heart out to this person whop I am attempting to break my soul tithe with, and you know what happened? It turned into a conversation I would never have with anyone. I mentioned something I shouldn't have and it turned around to reflect on "what a bad person I am" Which honestly the things that were said hurt me very badly. So I just avoided everything and turned off my phone and left my house. Here's what happened after I left my house, I went to a friend, who would maybe try and talk some since into me about just forgetting about it but instead here's what happened. I told him WORD FOR WORD about the conversation I had with this previous person, and instead of getting the whole yelling speech here's what he did, He hugged me and said "That guy isn't right for you. You did the right thing by telling him how you felt, but he's the one who's missing out." Which he showed me compassion, and understanding. NOT YELLING, NOT BRINGING ME DOWN, NOT MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I WAS ALONE AGAIN. NOT MAKING ME FEEL LIKE IT WAS MY FAULT!!!!! Which was a big deal. But you know it doesn't always happen. But I'll be fine. I just decide to erase a fraction of my life from my memory. I now realize his opinion of me doesn't matter. That I am now a very different person. I am now a much more viberant person. That I am now very independent. I now realize that the person who makes me want to die is just another person, another face in the crowd. And I'm one of those faces too. We all make mistakes? So that does't mean you can make yourself perfect for one person. I mean you can't controll someone you don't even care about. You can't be paranoid about something you're never gonna fix.

So get over it.

check out some of my pictures on the web.

flickr.com/kaelynns_art6114

I've been randomly checking it but you should check it out.

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*peace*

-kdsm-