God is so amazing, he is working with me in so many ways right now.For the last month i have felt so diconnected for some reason, and it was torture to feel the way that i did. I was desparately seeking his face, and couldn't figure out what was holding back. I didn't even recognize who i was anymore, so i prayed that he just take hold of my hand and pull me back to him, and there were certain situations that happened this weekend that directly placed me back at the place that i needed to be, mistakes that basically showed me, the old me doesn't exist anymore, and that the reason why i don't know who i am is because he is still working on me, he will always be working on me, but right now i am going through some major reconstruction.  I have had a lot of thoughts processing through my mind, and a lot of debri hit me, all of which was strong enough, that it would give anybody the urge to just give up, but that is not the answer, his timing!!!!!I keep rminding myself that he has PERFECT timing, sometimes that is a hard thought to grasp hold of, ok lets face it God himslef is a thought that is hard to grasp hold on, but Faith is helping with that. Last night, God was definitely present, He basically held my hand, and guided me throuh a situation that could have been very nerve racking, but he was by my side the whole entire time, and with Him there evrything that needed to be said was said, and a common ground was reached. I am glad that the situation went so well, and it is helpng me GROW!! Man there is so much to learn, and with that i know now that the thing that happened with the first guy mentioned in earlier blogs, was to show me that it is just not time for me to be in a relationship. The same with the newer guy, because he has really been an example to me, and i want to thank him for that!!! God has truely used you, to help guide me. WOW I HAVE JUST POURED  MY HEART OUT. I guess we can only sit back and enjoy the ride, God has so much to show us all. Til next time God Bless!!

Homecoming!!!!!!!!! WHAT A WEEK.....i have been pompping paper for the Sigma Chi ZETA TKE and AKA float for the last two weeks. But last night was the highlight of the experience. After waking up yesturday morning at 8 AM, then  had my longest day in class, then straight to work... i ended up at the Sigma Chi house at 11:45 maybe 12am then pompped and glued til alomost 7 in the morning. NO SLEEP FOR ALMOST 24 HOURS. That is rough. So after my grandmother got on to me for not sleeping i took a 2 hour nap then got up and got ready for work. 11:30- 6:30, NOW i sit here waiting to go to another homecoming competiton, and still working off of 2hrs of sleep...... who needs it....college kids don't sleep!!!! Well i am kinda grouchy, and i am sure that when i get the chance to sleep i will sleep REALLY GOOD!!!!! Well i guess i will just have some more caffine til then!! I am out!! GOD Bless!!!!!

I am pretty sure that i am just getting over this one guy, and now i am finding that i have crush on this other guy, why? That is soo not cool!! First of all i know that it is so impossible , that nothing cold ever be made from it, so why, may that is why, i don't know well I know God has me in his hands, and that if it is meant to be............

Remeber to SMILE!!!!

Wow it has been over a month since i posted, and alot has happened, it has litterally been an emotional rollercoaster. With the guy that i liked ( ok who am i kidding, i still kinda like him) dating another girl, and snubbing me, and just me thinking that i am superwoman ( burning the candle at both ends) and me feeling like blah!! i had a horrible dream last week, and it involved two different guys that i go to church with, ....... lets not go there, it is that bad!!! Idk i just don't know what is going on with me i feel so lost, in every aspect, i just don't feel like i am me any more. It is just mush right now!!!

Well it is Labor day weekend, My birthday is on Tuesday, and My grandparents do something for me every year. So i am going home, it will get me away from a lot of the crap i am going through here, and i think that i need to some time for my self. I will be coming back for church tho, no place like home and Bell Aire Baptist Church is about to become my home. So i guess i catch you up later.

Au Revoir

Ok it is the next morning, and i'll tell you the truth, i didn't sleep well at all. I went to bed around 12:30, right after i blogged for the first time, and i was almost in a deep sleep, when my aim started sounding off, all it really did was scare me a bit bc waking up to it i didn't know what it was. This guy, and this is the one that the friendship has been smugged just a little bit, he wrote to me telling me that everything was going to be ok btwn us, and it was a bit of a relief to know that bc i really needed to hear someting like that, with the state i am in. ( to him i say that i appreciate the message, and i know that in Gods time things btwn us will be normal.) But normal is not what we have right now, and i completely understand. On the other subject it was what i was thinking about as i was going to sleep, so i had this horrible dream about it, the guy i like was being so mean to me, and like a mean that i haven't incountered in my life, he was also rubbing this new found relationship in my face like it wasn't going to hurt me. Oh i was so glad to wake up from it, that would be about the time that one of the many girls in my support group right now text messaged me, so once again i was jerked awake by a shocking noise, The text included the verse Phillipians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Which is a verse that i am going to carry with me through this very exausting trial.

so i went back to sleep only to dram of this horrible dictator, runnung our country, and kicking my gradmother out of her home, in this dream i was running around trying to gather all her stuff for her so he wouldn't kill her, and i was standing right next to this girl that he just decided to shoot in the head, what a random dream i am glad that it was only a dream!!!

so the forcast today, still broken hearted, slowly moving on with my life, trying my best to be strong, putting it all in Gods hands, todays out look :(. ih and i think i am getting SICK, hince the soar throat.

So i never knew that i could be going througth so much crap rigth now!!! I know that everything happens for his Glory and that God will carry me through all of it, but man do i need to vent about so much!!!! I am sitting here almost in tears because i am being stretched to my limits. I have made mistake along the course of the last few days, and have endured so much heart ach! Why do we have so much emotion that runs through our body, that makes us feel as if we can't breath anymore? Why do i feel like a horrilble person and a jerk over something that i accidentally let slip? Now i have hurt this amzing friendship over a silly slip! Why do i punish my self over it all. Why is it that i completely still like this Guy, and it has just been revealed that he like this other girl, and i am CRUSHED!!!! He knows or he did know that i liked him, it has been a long summer, and things have changed, but my heart still has these feelings for him, and now the reality of him never really feeling the same has hit, and now i feel hopeless!! why does this always happen to me? ALWAYS IN THIS ORDER/ WILL IT EVER BE MY TURN? Now i have to sit back and watch as this relationship develops and hurt. Why does it hurt? I also have to act like it doesn't hurt like i am ok with it all bc i don't want to weird him out, plus i know that it is all in Gods Plan for him, and i want him to be happy, there i am, always putting others feeling b4 my own!! God i just pray that you will give me strength to get over this carry me through the next couple of months,and help me grow closer to you and Glorify you, Lord, and I hope that you bless this new developing relationship between these two People, Lord, let it all be for your Glory!!!!
And we know that God causes everything to work together[a] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 29For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn, with many brothers and sisters. 30And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And he gave them right standing with himself, and he promised them his glory.
Romans 8:28-39 (New Living Translation)

Well that is all for now just to let whoever reads this know that my heart hurts so much now, and i can't breath, but i trust that God will lift me up, and take care of me!
GOD BLESS!!
rEnEe