And there has always been laughing, crying, birth, and dying
Boys and girls with hearts that take and give and break
And heal and grow and recreate and raise and nurture
But then hurt from time to times like these
And times like those
And what will be will be
And so it goes

And so it goes. . . life. No matter how heartwrenching it can be, life goes on. You grow out of pain and strive to be your best. I wish I could tell him stories from my life-- he'd laugh hysterically if he knew I changed oil. Though, I guess he does know. A few months after he died, I was listening to a song, and I had this. . . vision? image in my head?. . . of Him in Heaven.

"At least your not 300 lbs and redheaded." -Uncle Bobby, to me; Thanksgiving 2003

This entire week has felt like a test drive with my new work schedule starting up.  I've been studying a whole lot for History, but I halfway feel like I'm not retaining as much as I'm reading. I also need to be looking over Electronic Media-- Prof. Heinrich said the tests wouldn't be too in depth, so I'm hoping he'll stick to that. I never knew how overwhelming studying could be.

I hate feeling like I'm stuck in the middle.

My skin is pathetic. I've basically forgotten what it's like not to have red irritation somewhere on my body. Ugh. Bring on the tanning bed. ((fyi-- my dermatologist even said the fake bake helped my skin, so don't give me any poop about it)).

Praise Jesus.

Over the past couple of years, I've gotten pretty good at knowing when a guy likes me, especially if I've just met him. This can be annoying, for I know the only reason the guy is even talking to me is to try to get a date. Now, there's nothing wrong with a date, but I don't feel comfortable being one on one with a guy if I don't know him very well. Now, the simple solution is to hang out with the guy in group activities without feeling pressured; however, I have yet to find a guy who doesn't mind doing so.

That's my afternoon rant for the day.

My life has come down to nothing but school, studying, and work. I'm now working Mondays, Fridays, and every Saturday. I study between 12:30ish - 2:30ish on Tuesdays and Thursdays at school, and on Wednesday, I try to make a little more time for myself since I get out at 11:15 and am free the rest of the day.

I hate having to take general education requirements. They may as well keep us in high school two more years.

Introduce yourself in one bold, honest paragraph.

I'm Anna Miller, and I'm nineteen years old. I'm a Christian, but I often struggle, especially in reading His word on a constant basis. I love my family and cannot imagine marrying a guy who didn't love his either. I'm probably going to double major in Spanish and Electronic Media Production because I have a passion for both. Although I'm thin, I'm very much capable of eating a LOT. I do my best to tell my honest opinion when asked about something, even if I know the other person won't like what I have to say.

Tell me what people think about you.

I'm not sure. . . I guess a lot of people think I'm a good listener, seeing as though they come to me with their problems.   

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I've taken somewhat of a cynical approach to some things, and I'd like that to change.

Have you ever felt at home with someone?

I feel at home with many people, especially my family ((parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings)), friends, some former teachers, and people I randomly meet.

Describe your appearance.

5'7''ish, long honey colored hair, blue eyes, thin, big head. . . yeah, lol

Biggest revelation to date?

so basically the biggest revelation i've ever had? God is real. He is there, and He wants you more than you can fathom.

and all guys are capable of being vulnerable.

Biggest issue weighing you down?

School.

Theme song?

Watch Me Shine- JoAnne Pacitti OR Constellations by Jack Johnson

Give me some final parting advice.

do as you're told

I went back to my former elementary/middle school with my Aunt, Uncle, and cousin tonight for a PTO/Showcase thing, and I was flooded with all kinds of memories from the moment I stepped in. It's so hard to believe that those four short years of high school separates me from who I was at Lascassas and who I am now. I spoke with a fw of my teachers back then, and they remembered me and seemed happy to see me, lol.

From sixth to eighth grade, I was known as the filmmaking/screenwriting wannabe over there. During high school, those dreams diminished, and I started focusing more on Spanish, figuring I would major in it and probably teach it. About this time last year, I started re-thinking the idea of doing something in mass communications. This time, though, my long term goal is a little different. Yeah, I'd like to work in television and movie production, but I REALLY would like to see an all Christian ((something like that of MTV)) television station based out of the Nashville/Franklin area. The most common response I get from people are "You'd think they would already have that." Anyway, what I want to do now is what I wanted to do in middle school, only now I'm stronger in Christ and would like to go in that direction. I've been thinking a lot about how God was working on me in high school to bring me to this point. Back to where I started, only with a different vision. Ah, and another really cool thing? I found out there is a local Spanish television station in Nashville. It's small, but it'd be pretty cool to work there.

Alright. I'm staying at Taevan's for the time being. To make a long story short, I thought I was getting laid off ((long, complicated story-- don't ask why)), but I'm not. It's funny how often I get asked the same questions over there when I'm ringing customers up. The most popular are:

"Is your name really Bob?" ((yes))

"Are y'all [the crew] related?" ((no, that's why we get along so well-- my manager told someone that, lol))

"What made you decide you wanted to get into this business?" ((i needed a job))

"Is he [referring to Taevan's baby's picture beside the computer] your baby?" ((oh, no!))

I got a B on a Psychology test and a Theatre Appreciation quiz. Not bad grades, but they need to be A's.  I started laying out my schedule for the next two semesters, and I'm thinking about taking Writing For Electronic Media next semester. We'll see. There's a book I'm re-reading right now, and I'm thinking about making it into a script.

There's something else, I'm sure. Oh well. I need to bathe, eat, and study.

People, do me, along with oil changers across America a favor: If an oil technician is motioning for you to turn your wheels to the left or right, do NOT continue keeping them straight! We're not trying to steer you into the pit, we're trying to keep you out of it. Gaaah, I don't know how many times I had to tell people to stop and back up because they wouldn't do like I motioned.

Business is back. We did 39 cars today. 30 of those were from 11:15-5:00. There were four of us there, and we didn't get to sit down until 4:20 to eat the pizza Taevan ordered three hours earlier. Ah. . . off till Wednesday. How nice.

I've ((more or less)) made a pretty big decision concerning my major. No, I'm not changing it, lol. I had planned on applying to the canidacy of Electronic Media Production spring '07; however, after seeing that the next EMC class I need to take requires two lecture periods and a one hour lab each week, I've decided to push applying back a semester. In doing this, I will take 16 hours of Gen. Eds. next semester, leaving just three more for Spring 2007. Along with that, I will take Sight Sight and Motion ((EMC)), Spanish-- I'll finally get to start on my minor-- and Black and White Photography. I'm giving myself more time and space, and it's so relieving to have that.

Welp. I guess that's it.

Well, school is well underway. I have a quiz in English and questions due for History on Friday, a draft due in English and a Theatre Appreciation test over chapter one due Monday, and a critical book review over Narrative Life of Frederick Douglass due in History and a test over Deathtrap on Wednesday. Thank goodness I'm off Saturday.

I bought the score to The Chronicle's of Narnia. I recommend you do the same. It's awesome!

RFC kicked off the semester last night with a chili supper followed by the weekly devo. 'Twas a lot of fun. I intend on going to more of those this time around.

I've been pricing more camcorders. cNet.com is a lifesaver.  Seriously, if you're interested in purchasing ANYTHING in electronics, go there. They give you prices from many stores throughout the country.  I'll probably buy from there and save at least a hundred dollars.

He's H.O.T, She's H.O.T.: What to Look For in the Opposite Sex

**The Three Things Everyone in this Room is Looking For:

1. Acceptance- The desire of every person's heart is to have secure, meaningful, enduring relationships that are based on trust and mutual acceptance.

2. Approval- Having success and worth in the eyes of others.

- The place where this begins is at home particularly with your father.  For better or for worse, your father's ability to express unconditional approval of you is fundamental well being.

- If your home life has left you with an unmet need, you MAY find yourself expressing bitterness or rebellion... OR you may be shopping around for another source of approval.

*You must find these before you seek them from a guy/girl.*

~There are too many people who try to find their identity, security, and self worth in being "hooked up" with someone.

Adam was "very good" by himself.  What was not good that he was alone.

Can you see yourself as very good without someone in your life?

Before God says, "I have *insert person's name* for you," He says, "I have ME for you."

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires if your heart.  Psalm 37:4

Seek HIM first.

Well, I've finally settled on a camera.

My only setback?

It's $1,400.

I think I can do it.

Have you ever been in a place where you really sensed that people didn't know Jesus, and you got a really uneasy feeling about it? Like you were out of place, but you knew that God had your back? That happened to me today.

After being getting soaked in the Gulf Coast in 40* weather, losing my BRAND NEW PHONE for 30 seconds on the BEACH ((longest 30 seconds of my life)), getting asked by a random ((hot)) guy if I thought he was weird for wearing velour pants on the beach, doing a lot of Jesus praising, going to Wal-Mart for tampons and arch supports, getting sand in my camera and having it basically die, sharing a king sized bed  with Becky and Laura, stopping by every gas station in the state of Alabama in our five mpg van, getting a flat tire, and stuck in a traffic jam, I'm finally back.

And I have to do laundry.

School strarts tomorrow.

So, Taevan fired a guy yesterday morning, and another guy quit during his lunch break today. No two weeks notice, nothing. So, if you know someone who isn't a complete smart butt, a pothead, and doesn't mind working on cars that needs a job, let me know.  They asked if I knew anyone that needed one, but everyone I know either has a job or wouldn't be suitable for it.

I also witnessed a high speed chase today. It was exciting.

I got my psychology book/study guide from Amonett today.  Afterwards, Tim and I went to Blue Raider so I could get Intro to EMC, and so he could get a Calculus book. Then I road with him to Phillip's so he could get a lab workbook. Fun stuff. I still have to get my English book, Theatre Appreciation stuff, and whatever I need for History.

I leave for Florida Friday morning. Prayers for our safety and health are appreciated. Prayers for Panama City in itself are going to be needed, seeing as though Laura and I will be reunited after three months.

I got a new phone. You all have permission to call me now. And I would like it to be known that buying phones out of warranty outside of a contract is not cheap. I'm just glad I didn't have to pay for it.

My hours start going WAY down at work beginning next week. Because of Gulf Coast Getaway, I'll only have five hours. GAH! Once school starts, I'll be back to alternating ten and eighteen hour weeks.

Poor Anna.

((Literally))

Anyone that has ((or knows someone that has)) The Theater Experience 10th edition and wants to loan/sell needs to meet with me. My parents really aren't in the mood to pay $70.00 for a stupid paperback.

<3 that song.

Mom and I got into a big ol' fight earlier. I said I was going to move out ((HA! Way to bluff)), she said she didn't care. I left and sat in my cold car for about ten minutes before coming back in to eat food she'd bought me. I ate, got on here, listened to music, calmed down, and now we're fine. Crazy how she and I work.

At first you may see clearly what God's will is-- the service of a friendship, the breaking off of a business relationship, or something you feel is distinctly God's will for you to do. But never act on impulse of that feeling.  If you do, you will cause difficult situations to arise which will take years to untangle. Wait for God's timing and He will do it without any heartache or disappointment.  When it is a question of the providential will of God, wait for God to move. -Oswald Chambers

I read that last night before going to bed. *Was hit by a ton of bricks*.

Oh yeah. . . I'm having severe issues with my phone. The sound won't work-- meaning, if you call, I can't hear you on the other side. If I call someone, I can't hear the ringing. If you leave a voicemail, I can't hear it. Text messaging IS working, so use that for right now. Or my house phone. If you need the number ((because like, no one has it)), then message me.

We were totally and completely dead today at work. Want to know how not busy we were? They sent ME home. I'M the one who usually stays when somebody else goes home early, and they let ME go. We did thirty six cars Monday, twenty eight Tuesday, and by 4:15 today, we'd done twelve, so my manager was like "Just go home." Lol, it was a nice break.

I've been buying music with a Wal-Mart gift card my aunt and uncle gave me. With it, I purchased Van Morrison's "Bright Side of the Road", Jimmy Gilmer's "Sugar Shack", Casting Crown's "Praise You In This Storm", Lifehouse's "Everything", Natalie Grant's "Held", Emerson Drive's "Fall Into Me", from Aida "My Strongest Suit", from Phantom of the Opera "Phantom of the Opera", and from Nightmare Before Christmas "This Is Halloween". Yeah, random. But man, what great songs.

So today. . . I woke up with my doggy on my back. I went to work at noon to do inventory for the end of the year and to do some major cleaning. I got 23 hours in this week, woot. After that, I went to the movies with my aunt, uncle, and cousin to see Narnia ((my third time, wow)). Affffffter that. . . . I rushed to Kroger to get some food for my kickin' party. I raced home, cleaned the house in an hour, and Aimee and Cameron showed up. Now we're hangin' out waitin' for 2006 arrive!

Happy New Year!

Christmas break has been really nice. I've hung out with Ben, Brian, Cameron, Aimee, Renfroe, and Sarah doing random things like eating out and going to the movies. So far, I've seen The Chronicle's of Narnia twice and Fun With Dick and Jane. Don't waste your money on the latter. It was funny but totally not worth the $7.75 I paid. . . then again, not many movies are these days.

What else. Christmas. Well, Mom paid my car payment, so that was the "big" thing, but I did get several pieces of clothes from Old Navy, the first season of The Cosby Show and the complete set of The Chronicle's of Narnia. Excitement, I tell you.

Guess who stopped by for an oil change today? Salty! That made me happy; I haven't seen him in a long time, so it was nice catching up.

Okay. I must vent for a moment. Can someone PLEASE explain to me how classmates that come to class hung over ((or skip it because they are hung over)) make a better grade than me for the semester?! HOW IN THE WORLD DOES THAT WORK!? Gargh.

Venting finished.

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Extremely true verse. I've seen it happen. It will continue to happen. That's why I won't worry.

I'm getting more hours at work, yay! Now I won't always be poor!

Christmas is very near, yay. I don't really know what I'm getting-- clothes are a given, but I really didn't ask for anything big. I'm more excited about the presents I got people, because this is the first year I'm not buying gifts with my parents money.

I saw A Charlie Brown Christmas last night. I was really cute! Props to everyone that in it! Hollie and I sat together and were laughing about how we knew exactly what was going on backstage right before the curtain went up.

We've got a comic strip at work with three kids sitting on a bench outside the principal's office. The dialouge is as follow:

Kid #1: I said the 's-h' word.

Kid #2: I said the 'f' word.

Kid #3: I said 'Christmas'.

I've had enough of living life for only me
And reaching just for the things that keep destroying me
So sick of envying the lives of so many I see
Somehow believing that they have what I need

The semester is over; the thought of not going to school for more than a month is unreal. As I sit here and think back, it seems like the past three months have flown by. I wonder if I've changed. . . I know I must have. One doesn't just come back from her first semester of college unchanged. I have a stronger foothold in my beliefs and feelings on several issues, and I know I'll only have to continue to hold strongly to them.