No tears fell from my eyes today as I left. What is funny is that a sense of relief didn't wash over me either. I know from this point on that I will be an outsider, never again will I be a student. I will never belong like I did. Yet, it doesn't feel like I am leaving, but rather like I am taking a break only to return eventually. Siegel will always be my roots, and I will always belong there in my memories..

Go see Mission Impossible 3, its friggin Krunk. Best of the MI movies yet.

Sheesh Joey....

So we had a very interesting weekend.  On Friday night, Joey was working out at Barfield for the Beach Party thing they had.  They had dumped all the sand they are going to use to redo the baseball fields onto the pavement and so the Parks and Rec Dept. of the City (who Joey works for) were making the best of it by doing a kick off for summer.  They had a long jump competition for the kids, and Joey decided he'd do it for fun.  Well, he jumped like 12 feet (or so he said), and when he landed his heel on his left foot went all the way through to the pavement.  This resulted in a rolling back of all that tough skin on his heel.  He had to go to the emergency room until like 10 p.m.  The doctor just yanked at a cut off all the skin that was hanging (OUCH!) and bandaged it up...not sure that was a great idea.  So I've had to take care of poor limping Joey- even made breakfast on Mother's Day!  But we went over to my parents' house yesterday, and he cooked kabobs on the grill in the intermittent rain!  That was nice of him.  And I got presents on Mother's Day!  Not from Joey...I think he meant to, but, well, he hurt himself.  My mom and grandmother gave me some great gifts!  It was neat because it was another one of those moments where it hit me that I am a mother...oh boy!

In other interesting news, the night all that happened with Joey it felt like the baby dropped down- possibly into the birthing position.  This usually means about 3-4 weeks until birth...which would be right when I am term, but a month before the due date (which I've kinda expected).  Now it feels like the baby is going to drop out, and I have to pee all the time!  However, I can breathe and eat normal meals because he's not in my organs.  I have also had cramping which I assume to be contractions...Braxton-Hicks probably.  I am going to ask my midwife today about all of it.  According to the old wives' tale about birth and the full moon, your body will wait and have the baby on a full moon.  There should be another one around June 9th and then again like around July 7th...the full moon we had the other night was when the baby dropped (or at least it felt like it)...weird!  Of course, who knows if all that's accurate, but if it is I want the June date please!!

Well I went up to school this morning. I turned in my last paper and picked up my honor cords. Still hard to believe it's over. I think the worst part is leaving some of  the people. I never thought I'd grow so attached to some of the people I did, and I never thought it would be so hard to leave. And yet I'm glad it's over!

life isn't about how much you do . . . it's about how much of yourself you put into what you do.

you may never take over the world, but if you can take over your world, then you've done the best you can.

and who could ask for more than that?

I'm going to bathe in 75* sunshiny weather!

Be back Friday!!!

so my mother made me get up at 7:40 on my first day of summer [!!!] ... to take my brother to school!!!

did you see Grey's Anatomy!!!  OH MY GOSH!!!!  if you didnt, you should just kill yourself now, cause you missed out!! 

disclaimer: dont really kill yourself, its just an expression...

yea, i'm up @ 2:52 am.

whatever.

but, I was surfing the web, and this is out of control. I love disney, but seriously. a mobile phone service. . .that basically lets parents stalk their kids

http://disney.go.com/disneymobile/

get it together disney

on a side note, I'm going there thursday . loves :)

* Hello*

Sorry I havent written in a while life has been so crazy! Well since the last update things have gotten a little better but also alot of other things have take place! Well as yall know I lost my Best Friend/Roomate back in January due to a bad car reck and this completly changed my world! I have been dealing with alot of different emtiones and some days have been harder then others but I know God has a reason and plan for everythings...I have become Spritually Sick and not where I need to be with God, and I have started doing things I shouldnt and hanging out with people I shouldnt and almost become so numb to things around me I use to care about and people I use to love being around! My mindset has been Blahh meaning I Am hurting soooooo much I have just simply dont care anymore! Not to mention I am dealing with sooooo many other things. I feel like I am breaking on the inside and that if something doesnt change soon I dont know how much more I am going to beable to handel! Why is it so hard to be loved and accpeted at the same time without having to be someone your not? How mnay times do you have to be rejected, how many times do you have to get hurt , or let down or walked all over? I dont get it???? I try so hard maybe one day things will change!Well I promise I wont make it so long again befor I update again! Please keep me in your prayers I need answers and I need to feel Gods love and grace soooooo bad I havent in a long time......I love yall and thanks for everything! *Haley*

    

i solemnly swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth and nothin but the truh now so help me god,
what i testify and what i'm speaking of,
is an eye witness account of experience a kind of love,
i confess right now to what i was,
i'm guilty of makin the son of god shed his blood,
and guilty for the reason why he was hung,
and guily for every evil thing i've done,
and guilty for it all i just can't blame no one,
i'm filthy with what caused the death of his son,
it kills me to think that i'm the one that shed his blood,
i still think think of the way he died and how it was,
it fills me with so much pain i feel like throwing up,
i can't escape, i can't lie, i didn't make it up
i was the one who took life from the holy one
this is the time i confess now to what i've done...
i'm guilty

staying home alone on a Friday
flat on the floor looking back
on old love
or lack thereof

after all the crushes have faded
and all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here
so tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here

searching all my days to find you
not sure what I'm looking for
I'll know where
when I see you

until then I'll hide in my bedroom
just staying up all night just to write
a love song
for no one

I'm tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here
so tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
could I have missed my chance and watched you walk away

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
could I have missed my chance and watched you walk away

I'm tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here
so tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here

you'll be so good
you'll be so good for me
I know you'll be so good
for me
for me

Im never on this thing

Work work work work work. It's what I do. Sucks. Having rent money saved and money to finish furnishing my townhouse... makes everything better.

Move in July 15th... 2 months away.

Life is good, family is good, friends are good (always room for improvement..), I love my boyfriend, his mom loves me... (however it will be awkward, for me, now that she knows about our sex life........) -moving on- I have a bunny rabbit to pet everyday, a big bed to sleep in, no more bunk beds, free groceries, I have a source of income... So I guess im doing pretty darn good.

I have plans for the summer too. Kentucky Kingdom, Paducah/Murray Kentucky roadtrips, Nashville zoo, more dates with boyfriend... I hope I get to do those things.

Havent really talked to anyone from MTSU. Reefer called me last Tuesday before work. My week has been full of early mornings, long work days, late nights... I have been too tired to communicate with many people. haha. Then again I dont really know who I'd talk to... my MTSU buddy list on AIM is empty.. no one has been online. Im just not a phone call kinda gal.

Good news though... my best friend Mary is living back at home. Her and her boyfriend broke up. Dont know why. Im happy though. Maybe we will get to be best friends again and hang out this summer. I sure hope we do.. I have missed my Mary.

My dad graduated from vol state last saturday.... and my sis graduated from mtsu the saturday before. I wanna graduate...

Ummmmmmmm I think Im going to go to bed.

Much love to the two people who read this. (as far as I know) (you know who you are)

Top Ten Problems I have with my life.

(1st being the worst problem)

10. the way I look( what girl is happy with the way they look though..lol)

9.I could be a better dancer

8. totally unorganized

7. im too shy.

6.have a horrible paranoia or saying the wrong thing and making a fool of myself

5.my  parents are divorced.

4.Im not very good at expressing my emotions and/or feelings

3.I have a tendancy to bottle things up inside

2. I could be closer to God than what I am.

1. I am miserable at the school that im in compared to how it used to be at Oakland.

summers so close I can taste it. This summer is going to be wondeful...and its going to be a major time of phonecall to my parents from friends and family begging them to let me go back to Oakland.

help with the struggle.

hmm..i think im going to make a phusebox group that supports me going back to Oakland..!! lol

im going to..and its going to be called

Supporters of Alexanna Going Back to Oakland

join it if you love me.

alexanna

Monday morning, 430am, almost time to go to work.  Normally, I would be dragging myself out of bed grumbling something about "hating Mondays".  But today is different, first, its a short week and tomorrow I fly back to the US to spend some time with my sons (I could grumble about Decy and the girls not getting to join me; but I won't).

I could grumble about not getting to have a decent phone call with my mother on Mother's Day (probably due to Sunspots), but I won't.

I could grumble about having to get up so early and work such long hours; but I won't.

TODAY IS DIFFERENT.  Today is my 48th birthday.  While not a "milestone" year it is still the marking of another year in passing.  Time passes so fast ... so many things happen ... some good, some not so good.  I can feel myself getting older ... especially if I run a very hard hash ... or go dancing all night (yes, I still do that).  Nevertheless, I feel good about my life ... I feel healthy, my weight is under control, I have a large and growing family that loves each other ... and actually gets along.  Perhaps ... just perhaps, I am the happiest man in the world in that regard.

I give thanks to God for my three sons:  Josh, Chris, Paul.  I could write hours and hours about them; but they already know in their hearts how much I love them ... how proud of I am of them ... and how I would do anything for them.

I give thanks to God for my two daugthers:  Chely and Thasya.  Bless their hearts, I have put them through so much over the last four years; yet they continue moving forward, growing, learning, and adapting.  They are wonderful girls ... and I hope and pray the best for their future.

I give thanks to God for Liz and Daniel; daughter-in-law and grandson .... such special people to come into our lives and family.

I give thanks to God for my wife Decy.  While God is the source of my "being" ... she is the source of my sense of direction, of understanding about life, of learning to "relax", of learning to accept what life gives. Without her, I would have physically, spiritually, and emotionally died while living in Indonesia in 2000-2001.  I owe everything to her.

I give thanks to God for my sister and her family.  They have seen me do so many "weird" and oftentimes "unacceptable" things.  Yet, they have stood by me ... and we still remain friends and family.

I give thanks to God for my dad, Poncho.  He came into my life when I was a restless teenager and he stood by me ... sometimes as a friend, sometimes as a father ... didn't matter ... he stood by me.

I give thanks to God for my mother.  God knows how much I love her and how much I appreciate the life long sacrifice she has made.  Surely, there will be a special place in heaven just for her.

And finally, I give thanks to God for God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.  Without their mercy ... I am nothing ... without their protection ....  I would not be alive today ... without their sacrifice ... I would have no hope for tomorrow.

TODAY IS DIFFERENT ... I could grumble ... its 447am ... time to leave for work ... BUT I WON'T.  To everyone reading this message .... God bless you !!!

there is a place that i love

its filled with wonderful people

its filled with a great sence of family

its filled with my best memories

its filled with everything that i need

i love it there

some people would never agree

but i know its true

(btw that is painted on a music stand)

-emily

.I know we frequently say it, but I do feel this is "original," if that makes reading it any more intriguing....

Furthermore

Furthermore, for
what it's worth, there has never been anything of the sort!

Could there be, or
would it be, even considerable?

Fallacy! Never
would I conceive such an abomination!

Furthermore, and
for the record, it couldn't be done with any amount of effort.

What is there to
explain? It's all so insane...Why am I even thinking this way?

Why do I face such
gruesome reality? I'm not capable of such atrocities!

Well... maybe I
am.....

No!

Blasphemy!

Am I out of my
mind, what could I be thinking!

I won't be
convinced! I know I couldn't ever do such a thing! But why even the
consideration....


And why does it
even seem like someone's trying to convince me in the first place!

Who are you! No
one knows me that well!


NO ONE!


Unless....

Unless....

I mean, You're
not!....

NO! It can't be!
I wasn't ever going to....believe.... What? It can't be!...

Can it?

You? You, all
along? In every one of my convictions?

My unexplainable
guilt?

Revealing my true
wretched self....

.....I'm so
oblivious....

It WAS You.... all
along......

All along.....

In the midst of my
internal conflict...

It HAS been You...

My conviction....

My revealer.. of
things... I didn't want to see..

Or even believe,
about myself...

It all makes sense
now.

My ever present
Conscience.

My truth deeper
than my finite mind could see,

And You've always
been there...

O God, I was so
blind!

But You showed me
who I was, when I didn't want to see...

By showing me, who
YOU were,

The Saving
Mystery.

The whisper behind
every guilty thought...

The check behind
every wrong decision..

That pressure when
I was under the wrong thinking..

That rightness
when wrong was pending..

And all this time
I'm knowing..

but unable to
understand..

Until you came and
removed the blinders...

With your all
revealing hand..

Making my
furthermore, and its empty reassurance,

No longer fool me
in their ruse,

Because my
furthermore, has now forevermore,

Been put to rest
in You.

10 Things about Parents that frustrate me:

10. the fact that they are ignorant of teenage reality

9. the way they think we think we know it all

8. the way they think that we have nothing new to offer (especially spiritually)

7. their unwillingess to let go

6. their over-protective nature

5. their habit of misunderstanding

4. their ignorance of what we're really thinking

3. their grasp on our very lives and unwillingness to let us go where we feel the need to go

2. their need of their daily dosage of our time

1. the fact that I love them anyway.

i found wristbands when cleaning. i'm yardselling them. yeah. i'm purging all my crap. score.

i swept the garage. my father told me to put this on. then did so himself. and i fought SARS. and swept.

cleaning my room i foudn this shirt [which i cut the sleeves on and love even more], these glasses in the bottom of a purse and the hat. woohoo.

so i have to have my room finished tomorrow after class gotta do it...and look for a job..more..i dont' want to look tom. tho...shoudl prob. call back the bookstore...

mom says no one will buy my "punk" kit at the yardsale..if not...we'll ebay it..it'll sell there! someone will buy it for sure..

anyways.

think i'm out.

hope you enjoyed the pics.

[they'll be the last except for ones i scan b/c i'm gonna be taking off the pic/txt thing on my phone..so we'll hope for a digital camera for the bday instead...]

nite.
<3

jen

[now playing: the get up kids- new found mass]

Man, i just don't care anymore. Lol is that a bad thing? 

So today is Sunday... Happy Mother's Day.

Tomorrow is going to hopefully go good. Malinda has her choir concert tomorrow night.

I will put up pictures from saturday sometime soon. there are some really cute ones of me and the kids and my little sis.

well off for now.. maybe to bed or to ponder for a while.

its been a looooonnnggg weekend.

So today is Sunday... Happy Mother's Day.

Tomorrow is going to hopefully go good. Malinda has her choir concert tomorrow night.

I will put up pictures from saturday sometime soon. there are some really cute ones of me and the kids and my little sis.

well off for now.. maybe to bed or to ponder for a while.

its been a looooonnnggg weekend.

So I got a new phone today.  It's actually the same one as my old one
except that it works.  So when she tried to transfer the numbers, they
wouldn't go.  So I apologize if I don't have your number.  I would
actually appreciate it if you guys would call me or text me so that I
could have your number.  Please. 

yes im aware i was born in this horrible decade but luckily it was at the end.  but seriously, i cant stand the 80's i mean the fashion, the music, just everything.  u may be wondering why i go off on the 80's like this.  well it has to do with a US history project.  and all i have to say is that id much rather have done 70's.   oh my goodness I HATE THE 80's!!

a throw back to 7th grade mission trip and that crazy little girl.

wow so many things have changed.....

just five days left! oh yeah!

i hate how so many women look at Proverbs 31 as condemning... it shouldn't be... God's word shows us our short comings that it may bring us hope. we have to see who we are... so we can understand who God wants us to be.

here's two of my favorite verses of hope... this is the woman i want to be...

vs. 26 "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tounge is the law of kindness."

vs. 30 "Favour is deceitful, and Beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord shall be praised."

No one falls in love by Choice its by Chace
No one stays in love by Chance its by Work
No one falls out of love by Chance its by Choice

Sure, I give Mommy a hard time.  I spit up on her clean pants.  I yelled when she had a headache.  But I love her bunches.  Daddy helped me make her a card, and I tried to go to sleep when I was supposed to.  Mommy woke up with a migraine this morning, but Daddy and Nana played with me until she felt better.  Papa was teaching a motorcycle class here in Cookeville, so I got to see Nana a lot!  She's fun.  She makes me laugh and plays neat games with me.  And she even changes my diaper!  I miss her, but I'll get to see her next weekend.

I love you Mommy!  Happy Mother's Day!

I used to know this woman who had the most beautiful
tattoos on the top sides of both of her hands
she was forty three years old and as far as I know
had never yet been with a man
its not that she wasn't attractive she was beatiful
but its the way that she interacted
she was aggressively passive to the point where she
would of intimidated any mitt that ever tried to catch her
on the right hand she had a tattoo of a nude girl
she claimed it is what God resembled
but on the left she had a mirrored image of the same female
and this one she explained looked like the devil
I remember once watching her touch her own breasts
how the tattoos smiled as they stared down her stomach
as if anticipating would they be allowed to caress
the sweet flower that they both seemed to hunger (sweet flower)
now maybe I was high but it felt so right
heaven and hell both take to this womans womb
it didn't make sense how she could commence
touching herself with me wide awake in the same room
now if I've learned anything in my years (my years)
I learned I no longer believe in surprise (in surprise)
but what happened next damn near stole my tears
the tattoos came alive right in front of my eyes
they both slowly stood up and climbed off her hands
and showed me why she never took some time with a man
they climbed deep inside of this woman's garden
she closed her eyes and she gently bit her bottom lip
I stepped I left and I don't regret leaving
and I'll never forget all the things I saw that evening
a glimpse of religion a piece of coming closer
to understanding more about what intrigues me most
I didn't get turned on I just got turned
I wasn't as aroused as I was concerned
for each one of em I've hurt
and every time I've been burned
I've got a lot to teach but even more to learn
so now I keep my eyes open hoping to take in all I can
about Woman taking in all she can
and for as long as I breath i'll save a seat in my memory
for that woman with the tattooed hands

There's good and evil in each individual fire
identifies needs and feeds our desires
as long as we keep our spirit inspired
she can bite her bottom lip all she wants

Okay i thought alot over this weekend, and i think im ready for graduation?? maybe..... lol i dunno : / Im very confused! and sad, some people i wont miss but most i will. Guess its kinda too late to tell someone you like them eh?? hehe oops oh well ill keep it my little secret then Shhh dun tell ;) anyway ill keep in touch on here and Myspace sooo you cant get rid of me that fast MUAHAHAHA

Here's my grades from this semester...

Psychology -- B
Calculus -- B
English -- A
Astronomy -- B
Journalism -- B

So now my GPA for freshman year is 3.2.

Sweetness.

See? I am a smart kid. Kind of.

And if one door opens to another door closed,

I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window.

Rascal Flatts "My Wish"

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Rascal Flatts, "Stand"

"What you offered straight to me
With a smile for the last time
Was just so beautiful
That I gave way to tears

Surely, that day
The two of us touched love

We sought for each other
Lost ourselves at times
And found each other at last
So whatever result may be waiting for us

It's nothing but
Destiny

la la la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la la

In the sky you set out for
Stars are shining tenderly upon me

Stay by my side, my love
Crossing over time and changing your shape
You see? The future we haven't yet seen
Remains here like this

Stay by my side, my love
Crossing over time and changing your shape
The future we haven't yet seen
Remains here

Trust me, my love
You live within me
So I'll never
Say good-bye to you

Surely, that day
The two of us touched love"
-Ayu (HEAVEN)

"
-Ayu (HEAVEN)

It's true, I'm back home.  Away from Morehead, which I love so much.  I miss being in beautiful Morehead with Trent and the rest of my friends.  I miss my little dorm room and the daily routines but I'm very excited about Poland.  I feel unprepared and nervous but I'm ready.  I'm ready for God to move in my life to the Polish people and to spend my summer working for Him.  It will be weird not being home this summer.  Not making money, or spending time with my Kim, but sometimes God has bigger plans for you and this is one of those times.

I'm really tired of packing and unpacking.  I packed for at least 2 or 3 days and then I have to unpack so that I can pack for Poland.  Unbelievable.  So hard to keep my mind on it when I'm so bored of doing this.  However, it looks like I don't have that much stuff to unpack, but its more than I want to. 

I need some stuff for the trip and I've got to go get that stuff.  I desperately need some new shoes and unfortunately I don't have a lot of time to find shoes and break them in.  Oh, well.  I can only do so much. 

I did realize that I have an unbelieveable amount of clothing.  How in the world did I accumulate so much?  I don't have enough room for everything.  I don't have any more room and I haven't even done any laundry.  That's not good.  I need to clean out my closet so that I can get rid of some clothes that I do not want of need.

Well, I'm going to continue unpacking so that I can hopefully run out and get some stuff later.  I need to go shopping.  So much stuff to do, and not enough time.

i fear i'm going to end up a homewrecker in this situation...but at the same time, i dont want to wait around (nor do i want to be a homewrecker [well, maybe i sort of do] )...so, i think i will move on...maybe.  or i will claim celibacy, i think that is the best idea i have had all year!!!!

In response to last night :)

Hands Down, Dashboard Confessional

Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep, this air is blessed,
you share with me
This night is wild, so calm and dull,
these hearts they race from self control
Your legs are smooth, as they graze mine, we're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all

My hopes are so high, that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy?
My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury,
Or wear as jewelery, which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted, just lay entwined here, undiscovered
Safe from the earth and all the stupid questions...
"Hey did you get some?" Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear, so we can get some

Hands down this is the best day I ever remember
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights
The scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
And the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
And this walk that we shared together
The streets were wet, and the gate was locked so I jumped it, and let you in
And you stood at the door with your hands on my waist
And you kissed me like you meant it
And I knew that you meant it, that you meant it, that you meant it

ok. I found out from a certain someone who knows who they are friday night that maybe Kate Hooper and (mine)Seth went out in Middle School... I later found out yesterday from someone else that they only went out once and kate had brought him to the church once....obviousely before i moved here. I also found out that since they only went out once, Kate doesn't consider him to be an Ex.. yay for me....lol..

Well Friday night was fun. Meaghan Breuax and I had a nice talk. we both talked practicly about how we can't stand licving with guys but didn't know what we would do without them.

and Thanx again Chris for praying with me Wed. Lord knows i needed it, otherwise he wouldn't have told me to go up to the altar. But i know that for as long as i am living for God that satan will try to tear me down but God never said it would be Easy. He also said he would never leave us.

Well i will talk later...

}{Mustard Seed}{

It's Mother's Day!! I love my Mom oh so much!

Isn't she beautiful. What would I do without her?

So my brother got married this weekend...

I was a bridesmaid...

I had my first father/daughter dance with my father...

my aunt made a face out of her fruit peals and made it look as if it was smoking...

Chilly Willy was taken hostage...

We met crazy drunk people...

and I had a bloody nose while I was reading the prayers of the faithful during the wedding ceremony (but I don't have a picture of that!)

PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ONLY 1 MORE WEEK OF SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone should visit my website RecklessMortal.com. I just put up the gallery, and once I get my digital camera I will continue to post pictures.

"All I am, and all i can be i owe to my mother" - A. Lincoln

so happy mothers day to all the mothers who are on phusebox. so yea i was  watching city 3 (yea i know goverment access channels are very cheesy i know) but this quote popped up and i had to write it down. such awesome words from one of our founding fathers. With all i have done in my past 16 years and all i am to be. i owe to my parents they were the ones who birthed me and brought me this far. so yea figured i would post on that! later- stephen

yep well i am bored...
today is mothers day
and i am going up north for the summer^^
and and 7 day untill school is out for me^^
cuz me not takie the exams*YAYS*
wootness

well i am going soo yeah

and random conversion

"george washington died of old age"-me
"no he didnt he was shot in the-No- oh no wait he did die of old age"-mercades

happy mother's day momma! iloveyou

yeah so i had to cancel my licence appointment and it is scheduled for the 25th...anyone know of a place i can get a job??
last week of school!! heck yes

Dear family, see pics on BD party .... hash .... and mother's day lunch .... sorry, I'm lazy to attach them .... and today is my last day of rest in Angola before I travel again ...

Does anyone like my new pics of me as a kid?

I've walked through the darkness once,
If not a thousand times..
And everytime I've felt so alone
But tonight there's something different.
I feel it in my bones,
a rushing sensation,
Like i've beaten the world,
at it's own sick game.
And it's at times like this
I can't help but sink to my knees
Lift my arms, and I pray
The others feel this with me..

Ok... so a few new things... actually none of them are THAT new... just i havent had time to post pics... so here they are

New haircut!

New room...

Wall 1

Wall 2

Corner

Back of one of my closet doors

Umm... i know theres SOMETHIN else thats new... but its like 2 in the morning or somethin and im tired...

good night

=)--Chris

photo from Future_Auther
This is yet another of my favorite pictures.This weekend is good so far except my hackysack was taken up by Mrs. Krocker, so that sucks. But other than that it has been the rest I have needed to recoop for the last full week of school. I AM SO READY FOR IT TO BE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!You guys have no idea how ready I am for the summer to get started. I need it So Bad.

wow.. five days till summer.. cant waittttt!

Be back late Thursday afternoon. Behave yourselves.

My cousin got married today! It was a beautiful wedding and she was a beautiful bride. It was good to see everything... it helped me see what needs to get done for mine and it helped remind me what I am waiting for. So yay for that.

Here's some pictures:


Cindy

My sister, Cindy and I

My sister and I


So yay for that. I am tired. I am going to bed. Goodnight. I hope everyone has a great night!

so years what i've been thinking lately. High school sophmore year is almost over. which means most of it's drama is over too. All i want for the summer is one thing  UNITY. i want unity between my family, my friends, and my mind! life is absolutely crazy.

today i helped out with a spring carnival at my friends church. i stayed from 11-3. it was tiring, but i got paid and i really needed the money. after that i spent a few hours at my friends house playing old games, such as "red light, green light", "mother may i?", "freeze tag" ect, and making movies with her and her little brother. it was fun, brang back some pretty good memories. the problem is, we were in the grass a lot and apparently im allergic to grass or sumthin cuz it ruined my legs and made them all rashy. and i wanted to wear a skirt to church tomorrow! hmph.... maybe it'll be better in the morning. i did get slightly tanner!

okay so i thought i should update one last time.. i was getting sick and tired of looking at the last entry wich is full of shit. welll.. at least the first part.

=]

www.myspace.com/ohh_hollyyy

me & my bf Marcus Lee Nichols

sam and me. yes.. i look different than i did before in all of my other pics.

goodbye forever.

wow! so west side is over and i have nothing to do. which is great is a good way. so yea my weekend has been fun played some capture the flag and then i went to the yard sale and then me and my band pacticed for the fca rally. i am really sicted. it was me and coppage but it sounded AWESOME! so yea! church is tomorrow and i can't wait. so yea i figured out no guys in the sophomore class are going to m-fuge except for yours truly so i am really having some second thoughts about it. so i am looking foward to it but i would rather go to new york but whatever. so yea i guess i need to talk to the facilities manager and see when i can start working again. so yea i think i have rambled enough. later- stephen

I'll be back Thursday!!! Don't forget to leave me a comment if you can help out with my video next week. Thanks and see y'all later! I'll be sure to take pictures! 

                    Well i had a very interesting weekend.  Too much to talk about so i don't feel like typing it.  Anyways our yard sale was a great success.  I got my nails done professionally for the first time in my life with mccall.  Anyways only one more full week of school.   Oh yeah............so excited.  Anyways got to go love yall.

                 *Katie*

Mother's Day is tomorrow.

I got my mom some pansies and a cute crock pot.

I love my mom.

and

I love my dad.                          He and I went to Sushin for dinner and shared a Salmon Teriyaki Bento Box. it was amazing! i love veggies, fish, and exotic food! i also bought some Morinaga Hi-Chews while i was there (itz a candy Ayu endorses)

"It's true, isn't it? It seems as though
we're headed for a new century. It's miraculous:
This is something you can only taste once."
-Ayu (evolution)

     So... >>> my weekend has been great so far.  :D  I've done NOTHING but smoke out w/ Felisha, Hannah, Jaleah and Jinny.  :D  *I love those girls SO much* :D  omg... >>> no wait... we went swimming today... omg... the water was SO fucking COLD!!!!!!!  *my nipples hurt SO bad*  omg... >>> "POTHEADS CAN'T LIE!"  (lol) <<< that's from Felisha earlier today... (she says that a lot when she's high).  omg... >>> we've been high since last nite... oh man... and then we were fuckin BLAZED!!!!!!!  omg... >>> Jordan and Ronnie came over to smoke w/ us, too (but only Jordan smoked anything) and this motherfucker was fuckin GONE by like 4 hits.  and man... >>> he had those good hits, too.  *is jealous* (lol)  the rest of us didn't get high until WAY later b/c we were waitin for Jaleah... (except for Ronnie)
     There were some things that happened that I'd like to put on here... but I can't.  So... >>> I'll put up what I did so everyone can still get a good laugh... (lol)  I made out w/ Hannah T.  *uh!!!!!* Anycows... >>> I guess I'm out.  Take care, kids, and remember:  I don't smoke MARIJUANA or CIGARETTES... (lol)  I'm STRAIGHT!  (lol)  *inside joke* 

*one more thing: TRINA!  TRISHELLE!  TRISHA!*

i love lamp

40 bars - 4/4

1 bar- 2/4

10 bars - 3/4

1 bar - 2/4

5 bars - 3/4

16 bars - 4/4.........

do you see this??

i bet you do

its what my week has been made of

plus things like this...

cue on 3

1 handed

haevy on one

6 ct. crescendo

cue on 1

hammer cut to one hand

bounce off on four .......

i love it its a blast

this weekend has been fun with a little bit of interesting thrown in there

love you kids

-emily

class of 06,

don't leave me with 07.
i don't like them.

Class of 06: "A senior's time as ruler rises and falls like the sun.  One day, juniors, the sun will set on our time here, and will rise with you as the new seniors.'

Class of 07: "And all of Siegel will be ours?"

Class of 06: "Everything the parking lot touches."

Class of 07: "What about that random lake along Siegel Road?"

Class of 06: "That's beyond our borders.  You must never go there."

Class of 07: "But I thought seniors could do whatever they want."

Class of 06: "There's more to being a senior than getting your way all the time."

Class of 07: "There's more??"

Class of 06: "Yes.  Everything at Siegel exists in a delicate balance.  As Seniors, you'll need to understand that balance and respect all the classes, from the crawling freshman to the leaping senior."

Class of 07: "But, don't we eat the freshmen?"

Class of 06: "Yes, juniors, but let us explain.  When we graduate, our bodies become the grass.  The freshmen eat the grass.  And so we are all connected in the great Circle of Life."

It's a stretch.  But I like it. 
Goodbye, seniors.  I'll miss you. 
But I'm ready to take your place.

(Tuesday I turn seventeen, and don't you forget it!)

so my mom and grandma wanted to go "girl shopping" so they dropped me off at Kent Stanton music store.  I got to play some gorgeous taylor guitars:

My personal fav being the one on the top right of this pic:

yeah that would be a 614ce...currently my favorite acoustic guitar on the market though ive havent played the new gs series yet.

good times...

Ok, ok. So I promised a blog on Saturday to talk about the Friday night celebration.  It was absolutely fantastic ... wow, Valerie decided to cook the meal ... so all I did was provide the 48 year old port ... and the 48 year old man.

Food was great. Dinner was great. Conversation was great.  Everythng was great.  Even caught my second wind and did karaoke unitl 3am .... until Franck and Decy got tired.

So, what about pics. Well, Decy says she will download them tomorrow (Sunday).  In the meantime, remember that I told you about our Monday dinner with the Indonesian Ambassador?? Well here are a couple of pics from that event.

Left to right:  Indonesian Ambassador, Decy, me.

 

... bet you don't need me to tell you this is NOT the ambassador .. .nor me ......

Ciao Ciao

Dance Competition Today at MTSU 's Tucker Theatre!!!

Laura and I will be there...so you should come and cheer us on!

"Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
I Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me"

i had a party at school yesterday.

i woke up at 5 am to meet my friend at her house so we could buy food. never doing that again.

i want to go to the beach today. last time i was at the beach was choke time ago. and it was waikiki and it consisted of me walking through the sand. so it doesnt count.

i am so bored. i don tknow why. i did a lot of cruzing with my friends this week. and it was at the grocery store. sad, yeah?  iapplied for a job at mcd's, and baskin robins, but i dont want to work at baskin robbins. scooping ice cream? not my thing.

i read an article in the paper today, it was talking about theives stealing the copper wire that allows the signs on the freeway to lite up. so the lights have been out for months.

i have to go. bye

so many things going on at one time....  i am so ready for summer. but it seems as though everyone is leaving me!

have a happy summer everyone.

                     Be 16 with all of your spirit--
                              Embrace each day. Laugh often.
                         Smile like you mean it.
                                    Play.
                                     Let the lovable little girl
                                  you were shine through.

                                 Be 16 with all of your creativity--
                                          Seek your own style.
                                                   Think in your own way.
                                              Dare to be different.
                                                        Dance.
                                                     Dream.
                                   View the world through
                                                          you-colored glasses.

                                       Be 16 with all of your confidence--
                               Believe in how strong you are.
                                            Speak up.
                                   Hold firm.
                                              Make things happen.
                         Know you're trusted, supported, and loved.

                                        Be 16 with all of your integrity--
                                    Stick by your friends.
                                                      Questions your values.
                                             Trust your gut.
                                    Ask yourself, "What do I stand for?"

                   Be 16 with all of your pride--
                                     in who you are, what you believe in,
                             how much you've achieved,
                                            how lovely you are, inside and out.

                                                 Be unique.
                                                           Be yourself.
                                                    Be sweet.
                                                                 Be sassy.

  5/12/06

Be 16 with all of your heart!

as you can see im not a happy camper. i had my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday and boy does it suck. this pictorial was taken about 10 hours after i had taken them out. my head is as big as a basketball because it is very swollen. im just glad this is a one time deal. so if you ever have to get your wisdom teeth taken i would advise strongly to get all of them out one time. im gonna go lie down. peace.

I knew that cramming the words "naked"  "tapdancing" and "ice cream truck" into the same sentence had to get me some kind of reaction.  Good, good.

Applied for a job at Toys R Us last night.  Wooohoo!  Hope I get a call back *crosses fingers*

Today is a partay at my grandmother's house (the one who lives here).  My Dad is turning 42 tomorrow, my cousin Diana is turning 1 later this week, and tomorrow is Mother's Day.

Yippidee-freakin'-do.  I'm in a rotten mood.  I can't help it.

Blech.  I feel like something not-good.

...And according to my internet, I'm missing the first few minutes of the Auntie Em marathon I promised Grace I would tape.  Ciao!

i get to see my little cousins today for our "mother's day lunch".

they are going to be soooo big.

"it hurts to want everything&nothing at the same time"-Michelle Branch
i get that line now. haha

people people people. if you've tried calling me on my cell...SO SORRY but it's been acting..odd. so just keep trying? and once my phone goes back to normal yeh....lol.

today+me=m-day shopping, cleaning, entertaining Mary (bri's g.f) and Richard

*sigh* it's not going the way it should

Last night was SOOO much fun... after about 30 minutes of a cry fest it got so much fun.

We played Lemur Rave and tiki mini golf on madagascar's video game. then we went to chef wangs for dinner just me, malinda and my mom. Paige was at a dance and chad was at a friends house.

then we went and picked up paige and went to hollywood video and got come movies.

came home built our "fort" which was really some chairs and my brothers tent and watched movies.

Last night was really fun... besides the crying part but it was needed.

ashely

well people i am tried and i am ready for school to end
listening to Rock 'n' Roll Soldiers
they are good
at least i think soo...
well i am treid
i cleaned my room
yep nothing much so yeah later

           meg

I'm not doin fine
i'm desicratin lives
i boned a phone booth on a lady shaky heinous crimes
mailin heads i do for bored, singin "psyc on over board"
and
I'm bored
still bored
i'm so bored

i've got a funny little feeling (feelin)
my arms are shaking like a lighning rod, yeah
I cannon ball right though the ceiling
and sink my teeth until the feelings gone, yeah

oh i'm the slow move guy
no time for swatin flies
a fleas and
beeze neeze, eze
and g string season
leaves them funny little feelin
lick it dry
wonderin
just who am i
busy morning
teenage boys
transvestite with high heels on
hey where has my life gone
ain't done anything i want
according to my list
i still got so many musicians to kill
we'll kill until i fill my last bill
for finally standin still
i've got a funny little feeling (feelin)
my arms are shaking like a lighning rod, yeah
I cannon ball right though the ceiling
and sink my teeth until the feelings gone, yeah

i've got a funny little feeling (feelin)
my arms are shaking like a lighning rod, yeah
I cannon ball right though the ceiling
and sink my teeth until the feelings gone, yeah

i've got a funny little feeling (feein)
my arms are shaking like a lighning rod, yeah
I cannon ball right though the ceiling
and sink my teeth until the feelings gone, yeah

i've got a funny little
i've got a funny little
i've got a funny little
i've got a funny little feelin
i've got a funny little
i've got a funny little
i've got a funny little feelin
feelin
feelin

O you know the feelin!

last night was Nick and Kelley's wedding!! ^_^ it was beautiful. i'm so so happy for them.
saw a lot of people i haven't just sat and talked to for a while. Mona, Emily, Shannon, Meagen (who looked garjuss), Mellie, Genny, Ross... i met Cole, Kelly, and Mollie too. you know me, always makin new friends.

and Mrs. Kelley Paison was stunning. it was good to see those kids. i couldn't stop smiling during the wedding. ^_^

and ... Stevie has a crush on a punk rocker. ::giggle:: i don't wanna say too much though.

<3

so i really only use this thing because of my pictures....maybe some day i will get a new camera!!!:)

Last night was my sports banquet, and I got an award, the first three hours were pretty boring, but after that it went pretty fast.  Bruce Pearle the head coach for UT baskettball was our speaker and he did really good, he was really funny.  My award was for most improved cheerleader, and mrs. bassham (my coach) gave us all a shirt and a scrapbook, which I was not expecting, but it was so sweet!! The scrapbook was all about my year, and everyone elses was about their year.  All in All it was alot of fun!!  My friends and I had a blast!!

Hi, guys. I don't know if you see a lot of mosquitos in your place. Anyway, there are thousands of at this season in my country. I cannot help thinking the movie Alien. Mosquito? it might be the prototype. The difference between them are slim: one big, one small, one pretty, one plain...Oh, no, both of them are f..ing  ungly. I was scared out the hell when I watched Alien series. How could I be beaten by that goddam mosquitos? I am such an idot.

When I wrote this artical, one mosquito bite me and flew away, I swear I'll shatter it if he dare to come again!!!

I sigh a lot...

Sometimes, I get very frustrated with stupid people.  I like to classify stupid people into three different categories - Religious, Anti-religious, and Everyone Else.  Let me give an example.  The Da Vinci Code movie is coming out soon.  The Religious Stupid People (RSP) are bitching because it's "heretical" or "Satan-worship" or something else to that effect.  The Anti-religious Stupid People (ASP) make claims such as "this disproves Christianity."  The Everyone Else Stupid People (EESP) say things like "That's why we don't even need to bother about religion."  Meanwhile, the others who are not stupid (OWNS) say "That movie looks interesting" or "That movie does not look interesting" or something else like that.  Basically, what I'm bitching about here, is that every single piece of popular media that comes out, be it book, movie, music, or something else, is always viewed as an attack on something.  I could write a book called "Love is a good thing" containing one page saying "Love is a good thing." and I guarantee that someone would bitch about it.  It's just moronic that everything has to be used in argument.  Bleh.

On a side note, I'm having one of those three-party internal conflicts.  I just love trying to resolve my destiny, don't you?

For those of you celebrating this Sunday...do it with all your heart. You could never fathom how special she is till it is too late. Your friends can wait, there is no need to rush the day. This is the day set aside, one day in 365, spend it if you can with your mom and give to her all that you can. She deserves so much more. Don't wait, you never know if you will have another year, or even another day.

I wish that I could....

So today has been slightly insane. This was my last day of high school, and considering that, I did really good. I only cried at the middle of 1st period, the end of 5th period, and as I left school. Which for me, is pretty good. Then I went to a wedding, and watched one of my friends who isn't even 18 yet get married to the guy she's been dating since 8th grade. Cried again. And then after that I went out to dinner with a friend and such. That was by far the best part of the night....for various reasons. but yea. Really enjoyed tonight. It's nice to kinda be stress free for once. Graduation in 8 days!

I bumped my head on the table today.  I haven't seen it, but Mommy and Daddy claim I have a big red mark on my face.  It hurt.  I cried.

That kitty is SO fast.  Today I got a handful of hair, but he slipped away before I could eat him.

What is maturity?

well today i slept until noon.  it was very nice.  went to the mellow mushroom with some kids & drank a whole bunch of diet coke & lots of fun.  between the 6 of us we had 31 drinks.  its just good i dont drink alcohol, because i would be an alcoholic. 

when fat people attack me i dont know what to do. but when i attack old people all hell breaks loose. i was fighting an old lady just the other day and she hit me so hard it felt like getting hit by a pruny grape. so i took a chair and hit her so "soft" i thought i killed her. i fell on the ground and put the cookie on the floor and apoligizied to my grandma. i said i was sorry for eating a cookie before dinner!

                                            -Justin Barnes

Justin, you have got to be the craziest guy i know. It's too bad i love you to death.

so today was the seniors last full day...it makes me very sad! i cried. its sad but hey i wouldn't have had little miss morgan not started it...but we ended up laughing so its all good. still working on planning my b-day party its coming on good.

well later dayz...

yeah, i know i'm black. that's how i roll.

so....on a less retarded note, SCHOOL'S OUT FO SUMMA! (almost)...i think i'mma have to take my algebra dos final...which means i'm gonna have to kill myself. ha. nah. i'll be fine. but i'm gonna miss mrs. simmons next year...movin on to Mrs. "You- gotta-change-your-running-shoes-every-4-months" Carr....she's a hoot. nayways, it's really funny how much you can grow to just love someone to death, (in a non-romantic way) in a rather short amount of time. like, i really love being around this kid. but he worries me a lot. and makes me really sad a lot of the time, but not cause he's mean, but because he seems so sad....gahlee. cheer up emo kid...knit yourself a sweater and buck up. oh well. went back to the ol' alma mater (ha), McFadden...had to get a little choked up when i saw the loft in ms. conatser's room. i miss those days. wow. things really change quickly.

ok...so. rant of the day (i'm trying to refrain from these lately, but i just can't resist, and it's been on my mind like a mug lately):

PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE ANY ORIGINAL THOUGHTS OR OPINIONS ABOUT ANYTHING! drives me c-razy...geez...it really stirs my apples ( props to holly) when people grow up  and somehow decide that they are so much more enlightened because of what their professors or friends or whoever spoon feed them. GAHLEE! (i deal with this kind of crap @ school everyday) and then, because they're so "open-minded" and "tolerant" they decide that they should force their opinions on everyone else...granted, some tension in political matters is a good thing, because absolute unquestioned power on either side is not a good thing, but i think it's rather stupid to decide that everyone else who doesn't agree with you is wrong...especially when one is sooooooo open-minded...enlightenment is not forsaking everything you were raised on just because you were raised on it...and just because you grew up believing something doesn't mean it's wrong either....and ppl seem to think for some reason that it is. on the other hand, another thing that bothers me is fundamentalists that try to "convert" me...I AM A CHRISTIAN! a Bible believing, Jesus-worshiping, conservative Christian. i am not a harlot because i wear a little bit of mascara every once in a while, or because i cut my hair and don't always wear skirts. and Belle Aire Baptist is far from a "liberal" church. i am so done with all of this legalistic crap that i am fed on a daily basis. GOD DOES NOT CARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE ON THE OUTSIDE! granted, you should be modest, and you should act like a Christian and remember that you are a representative of Jesus Christ, but He does not care whether or not i wear a skirt. i am not going to Hell for wearing eyeliner. Man looks at the outside, but God looks at the heart. so many different Christians seem to miss the whole point, because they are so wrapped up in these man made laws regulations. i am for the 10 Commandments and such,  but you CANNOT take one scripture/ passage out of context and call it a rule. also, the whole speaking in tongues thing. (?) people trying to convince me that i'm not saved because i don't speak in tongues. what about this verse : "If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing...But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away..." --- 1 Corinthians 13:1-2, 8

i don't think that it's wrong, but i hardly think that it is the definitive mark of the Christian..."There are different kinds of gifts, but the same spirit. there are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men." ---I Cor. 12:4-6

also, these "Christians" who say to me things like, "AIDS is God's punishment for gay people, " or, "God hates fags..." or "that's what they get for being sinners" or anything along those lines...that is hardly a Christ-like attitude. now don't get me wrong, i DO NOT believe that homosexuality is acceptable, right, anything....or that certain other things are acceptable...but i believe that i deserve to get AIDS just as much as any gay person...and you certainly can't tell me that children and ppl who get it without from things other than sex/drugs deserve it for any reason...if we really want to talk about what we deserve, we (including myself) all deserve hell. it's only by God's grace that we are or can be forgiven and spared from that.and in case some of us have forgotten, Jesus didn't hang out with the Pharisees. He hung out with the tax collectors and the prostitutes, not because he was "low-class" or going for good PR...He came to heal the sick. anyways, just some thoughts. and i am by no means trying to come across all "holier-than-thou" or pretend that i am some amazing Christ-like example for everyone else. these are just some thoughts that have been nagging me lately. so. yeah. i still love you all, and i hope that you love me despite my many, many shortcomings. much love to all of you!---Cari

yeah, i know i'm black. that's how i roll.

so....on a less retarded note, SCHOOL'S OUT FO SUMMA! (almost)...i think i'mma have to take my algebra dos final...which means i'm gonna have to kill myself. ha. nah. i'll be fine. but i'm gonna miss mrs. simmons next year...movin on to Mrs. "You- gotta-change-your-running-shoes-every-4-months" Carr....she's a hoot. nayways, it's really funny how much you can grow to just love someone to death, (in a non-romantic way) in a rather short amount of time. like, i really love being around this kid. but he worries me a lot. and makes me really sad a lot of the time, but not cause he's mean, but because he seems so sad....gahlee. cheer up emo kid...knit yourself a sweater and buck up. oh well. went back to the ol' alma mater (ha), McFadden...had to get a little choked up when i saw the loft in ms. conatser's room. i miss those days. wow. things really change quickly.

ok...so. rant of the day (i'm trying to refrain from these lately, but i just can't resist, and it's been on my mind like a mug lately):

PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE ANY ORIGINAL THOUGHTS OR OPINIONS ABOUT ANYTHING! drives me c-razy...geez...it really stirs my apples ( props to holly) when people grow up  and somehow decide that they are so much more enlightened because of what their professors or friends or whoever spoon feed them. GAHLEE! (i deal with this kind of crap @ school everyday) and then, because they're so "open-minded" and "tolerant" they decide that they should force their opinions on everyone else...granted, some tension in political matters is a good thing, because absolute unquestioned power on either side is not a good thing, but i think it's rather stupid to decide that everyone else who doesn't agree with you is wrong...especially when one is sooooooo open-minded...enlightenment is not forsaking everything you were raised on just because you were raised on it...and just because you grew up believing something doesn't mean it's wrong either....and ppl seem to think for some reason that it is. on the other hand, another thing that bothers me is fundamentalists that try to "convert" me...I AM A CHRISTIAN! a Bible believing, Jesus-worshiping, conservative Christian. i am not a harlot because i wear a little bit of mascara every once in a while, or because i cut my hair and don't always wear skirts. and Belle Aire Baptist is far from a "liberal" church. i am so done with all of this legalistic crap that i am fed on a daily basis. GOD DOES NOT CARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE ON THE OUTSIDE! granted, you should be modest, and you should act like a Christian and remember that you are a representative of Jesus Christ, but He does not care whether or not i wear a skirt. i am not going to Hell for wearing eyeliner. Man looks at the outside, but God looks at the heart. so many different Christians seem to miss the whole point, because they are so wrapped up in these man made laws regulations. i am for the 10 Commandments and such,  but you CANNOT take one scripture/ passage out of context and call it a rule. also, the whole speaking in tongues thing. (?) people trying to convince me that i'm not saved because i don't speak in tongues. what about this verse : "If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing...But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away..." --- 1 Corinthians 13:1-2, 8

i don't think that it's wrong, but i hardly think that it is the definitive mark of the Christian..."There are different kinds of gifts, but the same spirit. there are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men." ---I Cor. 12:4-6

also, these "Christians" who say to me things like, "AIDS is God's punishment for gay people, " or, "God hates fags..." or "that's what they get for being sinners" or anything along those lines...that is hardly a Christ-like attitude. now don't get me wrong, i DO NOT believe that homosexuality is acceptable, right, anything....or that certain other things are acceptable...but i believe that i deserve to get AIDS just as much as any gay person...and you certainly can't tell me that children and ppl who get it without from things other than sex/drugs deserve it for any reason...if we really want to talk about what we deserve, we (including myself) all deserve hell. it's only by God's grace that we are or can be forgiven and spared from that.and in case some of us have forgotten, Jesus didn't hang out with the Pharisees. He hung out with the tax collectors and the prostitutes, not because he was "low-class" or going for good PR...He came to heal the sick. anyways, just some thoughts. and i am by no means trying to come across all "holier-than-thou" or pretend that i am some amazing Christ-like example for everyone else. these are just some thoughts that have been nagging me lately. so. yeah. i still love you all, and i hope that you love me despite my many, many shortcomings. much love to all of you!---Cari

yes, today is a happy day. i have finally reached 100 photos! i could have done it a long time ago, but im too lazy to download all of my pictures onto phusebox.... hmph.... well..... it's friday! tomorrow means sleeping in and running a booth at a carnival. yaaaay. maybe i'll run a cotton candy machine or sumthin and i can get (yum) free cotton candy! mmmmm..... but i dont wanna think about candy right now. i went to the mall with alicia today and i got a snickerdoodle cookie, a chocolate truffle, a gourmet delight cookie, and a lemonade. then i came home to find that my mom went to jack-in-the-box and got me an oreo cookie shake. being nice and taking her offer, i ate a jumbo jack burger and the shake. i feel gross. like i need to run a mile or sumthin. oh, congratulations, mary beth! you did the best on my test! 80/100, pretty good, pretty good. if ur confused, take this test. it was in my last post, but only 4 ppl have taken it so far.

http://www03.quizyourfriends.com/takequiz.php?quizname=060506181204-878624&a=08

ok? will u take it? oh and here's a hint to the test: I WILL DIE FOR YOU!

well i cried in 5th and 6th period today. .... i cant believe today was our last full day of highschool! ahhhh! i cant believe its really over. i definately know now that theres gonna be some waterworks and graduation.....

hello everyone.  only a week of school left for me!  hooray!  seniors last day was today. im gonna miss all my senior friends.  its a good thing that most of my good friends are juniors or lower though.  otherwise id be terribly depressed right now.  well ill talk to yall later!

OOOOH also....

June 7th is the brown bag concert series kick off

barlow girls and stellar cart are playing at the people's church in franklin.  i definantely hope i can go to it!

OMG today was Seniors last full day!! its really happening! its so crazy i mean i seems unreal. I know im gonna be sad Wednesday and Saturday lol thank god for waterproof makeup :p well i love all you guys and im gonna miss you :

Elizabeth K. ; Hannah Good ; Brandi B. ; Dash P. ; Aaron M. ; Kim V. and to all those i forgot!! im gonna miss you all soo much!

oh job applications, interviews and having to look nice...

*sigh*

all in time...

[np:Weezer- the pinkerton record. woop.]