Cleanin out m closet!

March 12 2006
I found this today while cleaning out my closet. It was given to me my sophmore year by my Sociology teacher at Northeast.

He's Been Faithful
By: Carol Cymbala

In my moments of fear
Through every pain, every tear;
There's a God
Who's been faithful to me.

Whem my strength was all gone,
When my heart had no song,
Still in love
He's proved faithful to me.

Every word He's promised is true;
What I thought was impossible
I see my God do.

He's been faithful, faithful to me.
Looking back His love and mercy I see.
Though in my heart, I have questioned,
Even failed to believe,
Yet He's been faithful, faithful to me.

When my heart looked away
The many times I could not pray,
Still my God
He was faithful to me.

The days I spent so selfishly
Reaching out for what pleased me,
Even then
God was faithful to me.

Every time I come back to Him,
He is waiting with open arms;
I see once again.

He's been faithful, faithful to me.
Looking back His love and mercy I see.
Though in my heart I have questioned,
Even failed to believe,
Yet He's been faithful, faithful to me.

Today I came across many things that have caused many moments of reminiscence; some happy, some sad, but mostly bittersweet. Sweet in the fact that they showed a period of spiritual growth, maturity, and responsiblity. Bitter in the fact that they are only just memories, no longer a part of my life. Over the past 5 months or so I have been living in a drought. I could probably count on my hands the number of times that I have actually prayed. I've only been to church maybe 4 times and read my Bible probably less than that. I don't want to live like this, but saying that simply isn't enough. Over the weekend I have pondered many things, this being the main one. I've come to realize that it is simply not enough for me to make that statement simply because I know its wrong. I have to say it because I mean it, because I sincerely want to see rain again. However, when it comes to sincerity I can honestly say that I have enjoyed my life over the past few months. Like any other time, its had its ups and downs, but as a whole I have enjoyed it. That is really sad, being able to say that I have enjoyed my life sans a relationship with God. I've begun to worry that my heart has been hardened as I feel that I have become almost completely desensitized to the Holy Spirit. I want to ask that you pray with me for God to pierce my heart and in doing so to create a heart that truly yearns for Him. I know I need Him, I just need to want Him.


August 29 2005 is going to kick my butt!

Because of You

August 26 2005
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break, the way you did, you fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way to never let it get that far

Because of you I never strayed to far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust, not only me,
but everyone around me, Because of you, I am afraid

I lose my way, and its not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry, because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can’t possibly break, when it wasn’t even whole to start with

Because of you I never strayed to far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust, not only me,
but everyone around me, Because of you, I am afraid

I watched you die, I heard you cry, every night in your sleep.
I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me.
You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain.
And now I cry in the middle of the night, doin the same damn thing

(chorus, but slightly different)
Because of you I never strayed to far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don’t know how to let anyone else in

Because of you I’m ashamed of my life, because its empty
Because of you, I am afraid

My name...

August 26 2005

God is salvation : Hebrew

You are a charismatic individual with a dynamic and attractive personality. Probably not known for your caution or patience you are a risk taker who hates to be restricted in any way. Freedom is very important to you. Your thinking and intuition is strong and you have a talent for communication. You enjoy the sensual and material pleasures of life and with the application of care and wisdom you can achieve wonderful worldly success.

I'm not really sure????


August 24 2005
So, Kelly Clarkson is single handedly one of the most talented acts in music today! The girl has a voice that is out of this world! I saw her in concert tonight at Mud Island in Memphis. Needless to say, I am in love!

Standards and Accountability (yes, its the same one as my livejournal!)

August 23 2005
I've come to realize that I too often rely too much on self! I began reading the Ragamuffin Gospel last night and I realize that I have fallen into the misconception that Christianity is a selfish attainment. That, through my own efforts, I can earn the grace, approval, and forgiveness of God! HA! Now that I realize how ridiculous that is, I scoff! Ephesians 2:8, "For by GRACE you have been saved through faith; and that NOT OF YOURSELVES, IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD." Romans 2:4, "...GOD'S kindness LEADS YOU to repentance". If we could earn these things ourselves then what would be the need in a God? And if we could earn these things then what standard would be used to justify your receiving these gifts? I am thankful that I don't have to answer these questions.

However, through meeting with Bro. Eric today, I also realized that this doesn't allow me an excuse to be lackadaisical. We still have standards. Matthew 5:48, "Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." As Brennan Manning points out in the Ragamuffin Gospel, Christianity is not an instant transformation into perfection. It is a goal we, by the grace and faith of God, work towards. It takes a great practice of self discipline/control and sacrifice. 2 Peter 1:4-8, "For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, in order that by them you might become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust. Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in our faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge; and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness; and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

I am excited about the community that God is brining together and has allowed me to be a part. I pray that we can be a true community and hold each other accountable to the standards that we are called too. Its not always fun, easy, or nice. But, I believe accountability is an integral part of our growth. I want you guys to hold me to that standard, to challenge me. I love you guys more than you will ever know and that I will ever be able to show you.

I quit!

August 22 2005
So, I quit my job this morning! Its kind of a relief. Anyway, I put in a request to go part time to allow me to go back to school to work on my english degree. However, they told me Friday afternoon that it was work full time or no time at all. So, I took that home and to God over the weekend. And, now this is what we came up with. So, I am very excited to be doing what I feel God leading me to do. Now, the part that has always proven most difficult for me: waiting and trusting in His provision! Yeah, thats a tough one for me. But, I'm excited about the possiblities and the idea of knowing that I don't have to worry about it, its all taken care of. Its all going to be okay. Anyway, so, I gotta go get myself ready for my first class: Intensive Elementary Spanish! YIKES!!! Sounds like fun, huh?

Ok, I'm out! I love you guys and I miss you so much. I can't wait to come back to New York! Maybe it won't be too long!

My arm

August 10 2005
Well, I'm sure you have all heard by now that I finally broke down and went to the doctor. After a week, the knot had yet to go down any. So, I figured, for a variety of reasons, that I would go ahead and get it x-rayed. Well, we were correct in assuming that there were no broken/fractured bones. I wish you could have seen the looks on the doctor's face when he saw my arm. It really has looked gross.

Anyway, the emergency room doctor couldn't explain the knot. So, he referred me to an orthopedic doctor. The knot is merely a collection of blood and fluids that have collected in that spot to try and heal the muscle, which I apparently bruised pretty badly. Anyway, he now has me in therapy to try and work out the soreness and in hopes of working out the knot. I was given silly puddy to play with at least 3 times a day! Even after 2 weeks my arm is still significantly swollen. So, therapy right now is still considered majorly conservative. I have another therapy appointment tomorrow (Thursday) and another meeting with my orthopedic on Friday. If something hasn't happened by Friday we are apparently going to do something different. So, its been interesting. I will need to take another picture for y'all to see how little progress we have made in the week and half that I've been home. It has changed a lot since the picture that is up there now. Its weird because since therapy the bruising has become more noticeable. Anyway, just thought I would let y'all know how it is progressing.

You should be happy Tag, now that I have gone to the doctor. I'm glad I didn't waste time doing all this in NY though. Later y'all!

To my peeps...

August 09 2005
To my New Yorkers: I don't know if I will ever be able to adequately express what each of you have meant to me. I know I have only known you for a very short time. Some of you I have only had limited interaction with. However, even the few short days, hours, and minutes we spent together carry lasting impressions on my heart. There is no doubt that this was part of God's plan for my life. I miss you guys so much. I wouldn't be too disappointed if a return trip to New York was in my future! And, you all know that there is an open door policy in Mississippi, so come visit!

To all my friends from O-Town: you have touched my heart in ways that are immeasureable and innumerable. I love you guys so much and I am excited to see how this year unfolds. I thank my God daily that He allows me to be a small part of each of your lives.

I love you guys, all of you! You all mean more to me than words will ever express and actions can ever show!