Leona Lewis.. Keep Bleedin

April 10 2008

I don't care what they say..

I'm in Love with you

They try and pull me away

but the don't know the truth,

my hearts crippled by the vain

that I keep on closin

You cut me open and I...

Keep Bleedin, Keep Bleedin,

In Love. 

I recomened

April 02 2008


by ellen Hopkins

read the book over 500 pages in one day,

you won't want to put the book down,

it'a frigg'n amazing man.


super bored!

February 28 2008

1. How many people have you held hands with within the past month?

2. What's your middle name?

4. Will you have a valentine this year?

that passed, and I did have one


5. Is it easy for others to make you feel intimidated?


6. Do you have unlimited texting?
technichly yes, but never use it?

7. Wheres your girlfriend/boyfriend at?
somewhere when I'm ready

8. Are you on a desktop or laptop?

9. Do you have fast reflexes?
nope, except when I fight.

10. Can you make yourself cry?
No? why would that be an accomplishment?

11. What are you planning to do today?:
chill with kenneth, emily, fuzzy, robert, lauren, dustin s., etc. Maybe go eat at strattons...

12. Do you have a crush on someone?

13. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
No, I've come to realize we all make mistakes. I just so happen to waste a fraction of my life I'll never get back

14. What are your favorite colors?:
rainbow/tie-dye (yes they are colors)

15. Have you ever had your nails done?

16. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing right now?
The Childrens Shop

17. Have you ever kissed someone who's named starts with an M?
Matt :)

18. Have you ever passed out?
yessss. haaaaa. amazing

20. Are you easily confused?:
when it comes to the opposite sex; yes

21. Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?:
nope. I'd leave him. It's in my blood to leave. So I'm just gonna live in sin with the love of my life? when I find a new one. Or I'll get a male-order man.

22. What's your favorite kind of ice cream?

23. Have you ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
Plenty, controlling is like crap too right?

24. Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?
mostly yea

25. What color are your socks?
hate socks

26. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it?

27. Do you fall for people easily?
nopee. it takes alot for me to say "I Love You" it's not just three words you throw around?

28. Everything happens for a reason?

29. Have you ever dated someone more than once?:
nope, try not to. second chances never matter, people never change. Unless Rehabs involved.

30. Who have you texted in the last 24 hours?

32. In your last relationship did you break up or were you broken up with?
I broke up with him.

33. When is the last time you talked to number 1 on your top friends?
a while

34. What are you listening to right now?:
Spongebob... brothers are watching it extremely loud

35. What does your last incoming text say?
i miss you

36. What stands out about the person you like?:
his tats. lol

37. Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can't?
nope, I've already told everyone what I've needed to say.

38. What is your biggest turn off?
when someone tells me about another girl; when i like that person? stupid.

40. Who was the last person to stay in your bed?

Dustin Hoggatt. not fun. 

41. Do you prefer being single or taken?
I'm not sure? I've realized right now datings not my thing, since I like someone and I don't know if he likes me back? happends alot. I usually have feelings for someone who doesn't like me back?

42. Do you love anyone?

kinda? it's a feeling of love but I'd never be with him?

(Hugh Laurie a.k.a HOUSE!) amazing isn't he? 

43. Last person of the opposite sex you said I love you to?

Tim, the first person in a long time, but as a brother.

44. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?:

45. What is it you truly want right now?
a nuclear explosion. destroy a certain state. mwa ha ha ha.


1. Do you like blue cheese?

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
uh no I do not believe so

3. Do you own a gun?
yep, just incase he comes around.

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
sweet tea

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?

6. What do you think of hot dogs?(animal-scrap)
I don't eat hot dogs, or hamburgers.

7. Favorite Christmas song?
uhm "i wish every year there wasn't christmas?"

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

9. Can you do push ups?

10. Can you do a chin up?
whats it gonna prove? nothing.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
my gages.

12. Favorite hobby?

13. Ever been in a car wreck?

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
uhm no.

15. What's one trait that you hate about yourself?
my face.

16. Middle name?

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment..
1. I wanna chill with kenneth
2. I don't care.
3. I think this one guy is kinda pathetic

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
1. chicken
2. a shirt
3. coke... a cola.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
1.) coffee
2.) amp
3.) sweet tea

20. Current worry?
acuna matata= no worries

21. Current hate right now?

22. Favorite place to be?
my yard

23. How did you ring in the New Year?
I don't remeber

24. Where would you like to go?

25. Name three people who will complete this?
tyler (already has), grace, i think carmen

26. Do you own slippers?

27. What shirt are you wearing?
tree huggers are better than baby killers shirt.

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
uhmmm no

29. Can you whistle?

30. Favorite color?
rainbow & tie-dye again

31. Would you be a pirate?
nope. A ninja, they're better than smelly pirates.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
free style

33. Favorite girl's name?
Williow, Godsisters name "Willow Robyn" she's 1 and amazing

34. Favorite boy's name?
Kadyn Shay

35. What's in your pocket right now?
I don't have pockets.. HA HA HA!

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
not having pockets!

37. Best bed sheets as a child?

ninja turtles

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
dog bites

39. Do you love where you live?
nope.. not one bit

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?

41. Who is your loudest friend?

42. How many dogs do you have?

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Honestly I don't care?

45. What is your favorite book?
too hot too handle

46. What is your favorite candy?
skittles twizzlers

47. Favorite Sports Team?

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Bright Eyes Land Locked Blues "And we can trade places play musical gaves, until we're free start runnin away"

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
and you are?

Robert Frost

February 27 2008

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."


my favorite poem, random.

but i saw it.

and it made me smile.


February 26 2008

"Desperate for changing,

starving for truth.

I'm closer than where I started

chasing after you.

I've fallen even more in love with you

letting go of all I've held on to

I'm standing here until you make me move

just hanging by a moment here with you."

-life house-

"hanging by a moment"



i'm ready to give up...

i'm tired of hurting and longing for comfort.

it's annoying to think you're gonna

have your old life back when you

wake up in the morning but in reality your not.

But the brightside is i'm dealibng with it.


you know life....

February 25 2008

I've realized that life is kinda scary.

me and matt broke up.

because of my fear of being hurt again.

i feel like crap.

but life goes on.

Devils Eye

February 19 2008

(i was there when this video was made)

This guy is amazing.

He gave me his cd when me and emily went

to this christian rave thing.

so cool!


He doesn't beat around the bush he's striaght forward.

And he talked about Clinton in one song

he goes

"The systems a lie I mean

When our Presidents smoke weed and Cheat on their wives"

and when i heard that i screamed "CLINTON!!!"


hope you guys like him

so about yesterday

February 15 2008

So here's what happened:

So have you ever heard of soul tithes? Well a soul tithe is bad.

It's where you have a heart ache for someone you shouldn't be thinking about. In order to break a soul tithe you have to be honest and tell that person how you feel. It was my way of clearing the air so I could breathe again. Well I pour my heart out to this person whop I am attempting to break my soul tithe with, and you know what happened? It turned into a conversation I would never have with anyone. I mentioned something I shouldn't have and it turned around to reflect on "what a bad person I am" Which honestly the things that were said hurt me very badly. So I just avoided everything and turned off my phone and left my house. Here's what happened after I left my house, I went to a friend, who would maybe try and talk some since into me about just forgetting about it but instead here's what happened. I told him WORD FOR WORD about the conversation I had with this previous person, and instead of getting the whole yelling speech here's what he did, He hugged me and said "That guy isn't right for you. You did the right thing by telling him how you felt, but he's the one who's missing out." Which he showed me compassion, and understanding. NOT YELLING, NOT BRINGING ME DOWN, NOT MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I WAS ALONE AGAIN. NOT MAKING ME FEEL LIKE IT WAS MY FAULT!!!!! Which was a big deal. But you know it doesn't always happen. But I'll be fine. I just decide to erase a fraction of my life from my memory. I now realize his opinion of me doesn't matter. That I am now a very different person. I am now a much more viberant person. That I am now very independent. I now realize that the person who makes me want to die is just another person, another face in the crowd. And I'm one of those faces too. We all make mistakes? So that does't mean you can make yourself perfect for one person. I mean you can't controll someone you don't even care about. You can't be paranoid about something you're never gonna fix.

So get over it.

my flickr.

February 10 2008

check out some of my pictures on the web.


I've been randomly checking it but you should check it out.




bored out of my mind.

February 09 2008

1.What are 3 emotions you are feeling right now?




2. What time did you wake up this morning?
5 I thought I had school today.

3. How many hours of sleep did you get?
9 hours

4. What are you currently doing?
This survey, having a headache

5. Have you kissed someone within the past week?

6.Have you told anyone you loved them today?

7. Have you ever been in love?
Yes... But time changes.

8. Do you like anybody?

9. Do you miss anybody?

10. Do you have plans for tomorrow?
nope, I don't think

11. What is the last thing you ate?

12. Is there a member of the opposite sex in your life who means the world to you?

sure, but doesn't feel the same about me "/ as usual.

13. What are you listening to right now?

14. Are you a generally clean or messy person?

15.Have you kissed 3 people on your top ?
No, their all chicks? weird

16.Have you ever liked anyone on your top ?
not the current top no?

17. Would you currently start a thing with your top ?



18. Do you Love your ex?


19. Do you find members of the opposite sex confusing?
oh yea

20. What was the reason behind the last time you cried?
the notebook

21. Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now?

22. Are you going to be alone tonight?

23. When is the last time you saw a movie in theaters?
About a month ago I think?

26. Is there something you wish you could tell someone, but can’t?

27. What're you doing tonight?


28. What is one thing you can't wait for?

29. How has the week been?
a roller coaster, boys are stupid.

(not all of them but a large portion)

30. Do you have a best friend?

I quit this

February 08 2008

I'm done.

I quit loving.

I quit hating.

I quit missing.

I quir hoping.

(^ I quit hoping)

I quit life.



This is gone on far enough.

If you can't man up; don't do anything that has

to do with me.


If you're going to be a panzee


Right now I have so much negative

energy flowing from me right now.

I'd appreciate if EVERYONE left

me alone for the next 3 days.

atleast until I'm just chill again.

(for you)

February 07 2008

"If you're a Bird, I'm a Bird" -My next tatoo ^-^

I can't wait for it.

I'm doing because it's love.


That movie gives me hope?

Sounds weird but even after all that time you know?

Maybe I'm stupid for thinking this but maybe I'll be

fortunate enough to be with someone who will always love me.


It's funny how he found her with another guy

after she knew she didn't love that other guy?

And he told his girlfriend that if she ever came back

he was going to be with her.



But being alone isn't so bad,

I'm really not alone?

I get love.

Just not the kind I want you know?

I know I'm Queer.


It's contagous.


If Love was a battlefeild, then that would explain why we always get hurt, why we always lose?

kast thought

February 05 2008

Course of Nature

"Caught in the Sun"

Listen and learn how I feel.



Soulmate (last thought)

January 11 2008

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone


January 11 2008

so yea man, how's life?

I figure I'd say hi while I was on here,

and tell you guys that I think you're amazing.

I miss all of you,

so I haven't been around much.

I'm finding myself a job,

because I've been talking to this social worker about emancipation.

It's really not that Big of a deal, I'm working super hard in school, and I'm selling a bunch of my stuff.

I seriously am Happy.


Oh and I was up at like 3 o' clock last night and I heard a song by natasha beingfeild called soulmate and check it:

"Someone Longs for someone to hold,

who KNows how to love you

without being told

Somebody tell me why I'm on my own

If theres a soulmate

for everyone?"



I'm so glad I'm Independent.

June 12 I should be in Mexico,

But in Febuary I'll be in Indiana for Three Days

May I'll be in Florida for Srping Break.

I'm Livin the Good Life.

photo from


January 04 2008

1. last cigarette?
around 4?

2. last beverage:
sweet tea

3. last phone call:

4. last text message:

6: last BUBBLE bath:
ha ha ha ha Like when I was 8

7: last time you cried :
Last night I'm sure

SEVEN have you's:

1. have you ever dated someone twice?:

2. have you ever been cheated on?:

3. have you ever kissed someone & regreted it?:
Yea but it was against my will

4. have you ever said I Love You?
ehhh yea

5. have you ever lost someone?:

6. have you ever been drunk and threw up?
ha ha ha Yes.

SIX things you did in the past three days:

1. talked on the phone 

2. Went over peoples houses?
3. spent the night at someones house
4. went to a party
5. went to another party
6. went to another party..

list FOUR people you can tell pretty much anything to --
1. Carmel
2. myself
3. myself
4. and Curt. although?

list THREE favorite colors ---
1. yellow
2. blue
3. green

This month have you...

Laughed until you cried:

Went behind your parents back:

Found out who your true friends were:

2. Gay Marriage?:
go for it?

3. Lowering the drinking age?
it doesn't matter? 

4. Straight, Gay, Bi ?
Straight. not bi. Like sooome people. -lol-

5. Who are the best huggers that you know?

6. Do you believe in love at first sight?

7. Is there something you want to tell someone?
yes... GoD why am I such a panzee?

10. did you know 9 is gone?
and number 8

11. How many kids do you want to have?

13. Do you wanna change your name?:
nah I'm good.

14. Last time you saw your father?

about 6 months ago.

15.What time did you wake up today?:

16. What were you doing at midnight last night?


17. Name something you CANNOT wait to do:
tell somone something and say "there are you happy that I need you? huh? well....."

so check it...

January 04 2008

my mood is melonchaly...

I think this whole new year new me thing isn't really what I wanted.

I want the old me back.

Ecxept for the whole dating part.

I'm happy with being single,

since I'm traveling alot more I'll meet new people,

and as long as that persons happy.... naaaaw. just kidding.


But anyway.





December 31 2007
I love life.Sheya. 

Alright.. well?

December 18 2007

So I can't take this,

Like I mean you. It's complicated?

Everytime I see your picture my heart hurts.

The worst case of missing you ever.

Like, In my stomach theres a pain.

And then I feel like crying.

You know for a fact I still love you.

So much that it's killing me.


I don't know how to get rid of you,

I know it's not hard to love a free spirit.

But when two free spirits love,

it gets sorta messy.

But when you Love and the other one doesn't,

it sucks.