And What I Really Meant To Say.

September 17 2005
So life is good.
Not bad but not exactly estatic.
I'm bored and lonely.
And hungry.
So I guess I'll go eat.

Chicken Lo Mein And Eyes Full Of Tears.

September 12 2005
So yeah all was good.
Until I had to go and act like I was five again.
I'm spoiled and I have a hard time getting over that.
I just wish he was here, it's always better when he's here to comfort me.
It's weird how when we're together, he's always holding me if I cry.
But on the phone he either gets worried or gets annoyed.
I guess I shouldn't go on my little emo trips when he's tired.
He's my everything, my absolute best friend.
I need to strengthen myself as a person.
Maybe then I'd show people I'm not all emotional and spoiled like before.
I want to be happy all the time and carefree.
I want all this stress just to go away already.

'Come baby,
Just let me hold you near.
Come on baby,
I'll chase away any fear.
Come on baby,
Please don't cry here.
Come on baby,
I'll wipe away each tear.
Come on baby,,
Smile for me from ear to ear.
You;'e my only one, every day of every year.
Come on baby,
Just let me love you, my dear.'

Just wrote it.

Paint It Black.

September 09 2005
Again, things have gone to hell quicker than you can say it.

When we're together it's usually pretty good.

But when on the phone, we fight about alot of stuff.

I cry alot and usually I don't know why.

Sometimes it's school, other it's me or him.

I'm just so stressed sometimes and I wish he'd understand that.

He says just forget it and don't worry about it.

But it always comes back to haunt us.

I really don't mean to over react about some things. Others I just let everything go and I cry and cry.

I'm trying to be a better girlfriend but I feel like a failure.

I'm afraid to lose him, that's the biggest fear.

As long as I have him with me, I'll be happy.

Whether I show it or not.

Because Of You, I Am Afraid

September 05 2005
My fears:
Being alone
Being unloved
Raw meat
Talking to new people
Not accomplishing my goals
Being buried alive

That's all I can think of at the moment but I have some really strange fears. :-\

But anywho...things are better and I'm happy.

yay for happy!

I Will Remember You, Will You Remember Me?

August 26 2005
I think my life is one big overly dramatic movie.

And I have a soundtrack to every freakin-drama moment it seems.

Like tonight....the song 'I Will Remember You' by Sarah McLachlan (sp?) could have easily fit in with me and Sean standing under the bleachers. It was just him holding me, trying to get me not to cry. I'm just one big wreck right now.

I'm not a bad person, really I'm not.

I'm changing my emotional dilemmas the best I can. I'm trying my hardest and I hate being told I'm not trying hard enough or I'm not changing fast enough.

I just want things to be okay.

Kill Me Softly.

August 22 2005
mmm so i broke my toe.

it's red and purple at the moment.

not much more to say.

That's Me In The Corner, That's Me In The Spotlight.

August 16 2005
Okay things are much better.

Everything is wonderful again.

I'm Going Crazy Crazy Crazy Just Thinking About You Baby.

August 11 2005
Everything feels different.

School feels different.

People are different.

He's obviously different.

But I'm the same it seems.

I'm emotional and crying again.

Stubborn and afraid of heartbreak.

Don't Go.

August 05 2005
I think I just had the worst dream I have ever had.

You Do You Kill Me Well.

August 04 2005
I want school to start more than ever.

I'm really excited to see what the Battalion will be like this year.

The freshman are all pretty cool too.

And school also means seeing him.

And if I see him, I know that everything's okay.

What's The Point?

August 01 2005
mmm hardly anyone comments me anymore. So my updates may be random. Ha.

mmm leadership meeting tomorrow for JROTC. Then I'm hopeing SGT will let me help with mini-camp. Then again, I'm just worrying about getting a ride. Heh.

Other than that nothing much to say. Summer reading still isn't done but it's going at an okay pace.


We'll Hide Under The Covers All Afternoon.

July 28 2005
mmmm so everything is much better.

We're back together which is the most important thing.

I'm really happy right now.

Went to see War Of The Worlds on Wednesday. Even though I don't like most movies like that, it was very good and I want to see it again. Not to mention it was funny to see me clinging to Sean when the aliens showed up. Haha.

So my mom's birthday is this weekend. She's gonna be 44. Wow that woman is old. Hehe. But she's not going to be here most of the day since Friday she's going to Nashville with my dad to go 'bar hopping.' Then on Saturday she's going into work at seven then off to the NHL draft party till two or something.

So I think my weekend is going to be boring. I'm hopeing my mom will let me go to the movies on Sunday or something. I'll probably see War Of The Worlds again. :-)

Well.....that's about it now. I'll be gggoooiinngg.

How Can I Help You To Say Goodbye?

July 25 2005
I don't really understand.

How you can fall in love then feel no emotion at all.

I really don't want to get over this.

Because I feel like I caused it.

And For A Moment, She Isn't Scared.

July 24 2005
This girl is confused.

She doesn't know how to feel.

She doesn't know if it's over or if he's still holding on.

How she wishes he will hold on.

He didn't hold on....

What Can I Say To Change Your Mind?

July 22 2005
This hurts.

My heart is about to break.

I don't want this to happen.

'There you are, giving up the fight.
Here I am begging you to try,
Talk to me, let me in.
But you just put your wall back up again,
Oh when's it gonna end?

How far do I have to go to make you understand,
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are,
So I'm gonna walk away,
And it's up to you to say how far.'

Just Believe In Yourself.

July 17 2005
mmm. This weekend was good in a way and ultimately bad in others.

Pretty Sure I'm Tired Of People.

July 14 2005

Check me out!

Stupid drama.

I'm tired of people and their bullshit.

Fast Cars And Freedom.

July 10 2005
Everything is wonderful.

She Thinks My Tractor's Sex-ay!

July 07 2005
Haha, don't ask about the title.

So I think things are better.

Me and Sean were going through a bit of a rut and it felt like a break up was imminent. Thank god we talked about it.

Mucho love.