I'mma be

16

tomorrow!!

yay <33

i don't know really what to say
things are hell right now
might have to go back to east tennessee for a bit
my great grandmother isn't doing well at all
i hate death
i'm almost 16 and i've been to more funerals than most people i know
what 16 year old has been to atleast 6 funerals?
gah death leaves such a void in life
i broke down at lunch today thinking about my papaw
he died like four or five years ago
just thinking about his funeral made me cry
i guess that's just one of the things i have to keep bottled inside,
it just hurts so much sometimes

'listen up,
and try to understand
i wish i could explain
but the words are lost at hand'

yeah i don't know
here is my update for those waiting for it.
i think im sick
i'm shaking, i have a headache and i'm tired
so i guess imma go curl up and go to sleep

oh man

this happy thing makes me smile

<33

yeah single life is still kinda odd
amber is here and we're goofing off
'AHH THEY'RE COOKING LAMBCHOP!'
and i spilled lemonade on my pants
it was really cold
yah she's cheered me up a lot
we watched a cheesy chick flick
and it ended all wrong
damn them!
i've tried to talk to sean,
ended in tears and fighting
blah blah blah
damn him
but anyways
my five slices of pizza are coming back to haunt me
i think i'mma throw up
hahahaa
yeah so i'm expecting a call in exactly 20 minutes and ten seconds
AAAHHHH

<3

single....again.
why am i so damn unloveable?
i thought i was a good person
but no one ever sticks around long enough to see
or even give it a chance

so this means:
no date to military ball yet
no escort down the attendant line either

i think i fail



i miss those days
and him

:-(

Is it possible to just up and stop loving someone?

military ball is in one month exactly (Feb. 4th)
i don't have a dress yet
the one from last year is torn and it's too big
yeah i really don't want to wait until last minute to get a dress
but i'm pretty picky about dresses
it has to be perfect
i've settled for a mediocre dress once and now i hate it
(the dress i wore to oakland's ball in '04)
so yah i'mma go crazy if i don't go dress hunting soon
gargh
well enough about that
school is purty good
i understand almost all my subjects
biology and algebra II the best,
which actually amazes me
hehhee
but yeah that's it
byeee<33

So I didn't have that good of a Christmas.
It was pretty boring.
Learned that Ambien makes me all drunk-like
And I don't remember much after that.
But you know what I love?
Me and Sean dancing in the middle of my room to our song.
Yeah we're cheesy.
But it feels so good to just be in love.
And I don't want to lose this feeling, ever.

so we're going to east tennessee for christmas
kill me now
sean is going to babysit my georgie porgie (my guinea pig)
the great dane and dad are staying here
some christmas, eh?
but i do get to see my mom's friend's baby
(who is so incredibly adorable)

yeah...still haven't gotten any pictures of my new haircut

parade is tomorrow, which i'm not looking forward to
it's going to be incredibly cold
but it does earn me my beret at the end of the year
major yay

i'm hungry but if i eat now,
knowing my parents, they'll bring lunch home when they get back
yeah

i found out yesterday that i am a total loner in 2nd period
most of my algebra II class probably doesn't know my name
we had a party yesterday and no one noticed i didn't eat
it was pretty odd
but i made a D on the test i took in there on tuesday
which really upset me because i thought i aced it
and my english quizzes/ tests, i also bombed

i need to get more organized
and stop freakin procrastinating

but yeah here i am on a saturday, bored as hell
i wanna go see a charlie brown christmas tonight
but i don't know if my parents will let me
and i want sean to go too
i duno i may be going to the movies with amber and some people
so i guess i'll see how that goes

this was a really long update
i guess i'll shut up now

much love <3

i love him so much

and i really hope this lasts

<3

i thought i was doing pretty well
but around the end of fourth period and lunch time, i lost it
i cried harder than i've cried in awhile
and amazingly he was there to hold me
he called me baby again and it calmed me down
i always loved how he has that effect on me
he just about had to force me to eat
but i'm probably going on a diet anyways
i wish i were with him
i still want to cry
i hope i get a second chance at all this
i want to be with him so badly, it hurts.

I miss my baby.

Just about my favorite picture.

So I'm single as of yesterday.

It hurts.

I want to get out.

Maybe date and get to know different guys.

So if you have a friend, a brother, or your a guy who wants to hang out sometime, remark me.

Wow, I sound pathetic.

But I'm just trying to meet new people.

I've been sticking to my cramped little group of friends.

It's time I get to know new kinds of people.

But yeah I gotta go get ready for Colorguard.

random picture

bitch, puh-lease

So there's this boy.

Who met this girl

They are kinda odd...

Okay, they're really odd

Sometimes they don't understand the world

But in the end....

Love always prevails.

mWaH*!*!*!

I give up on everything.

But I just can't let go.

Even though he did so long ago.

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more

It's true.

I just wish he felt the same way.

I hate when he's confused.

God, please help him realize his feelings.

Only six days till our one year.

I don't know if we'll make it.

</3

If this ends,
There goes my life.

What the hell is going on?

I'm stuck in the middle of melodrama and I don't even know it started.

One person doesn't know how he feels towards his girlfriend, my friend.

She comes to me thinking I know all about it.

I know fucking nothing.

She goes to my boyfriend for comfort, possibly?

What....in....the....hell?

My boyfriend asks me what the girl's boyfriend said.

And I still don't know what's going on.

He didn't tell me anything.

So why do they think he did?

I am lost.

Now it feels like everyone's against me.

My friend is gone for the weekend.

My boyfriend won't talk to me.

And the girl's boyfriend says there's nothing to say.

I fail, again.

I think my life is just going to crash.

I hope it doesn't.

But it feels like it's going to.

I feel like I need to start over.
Just cut my hair, dye it, change my wardrobe.
Change my name if need be.
The old Jessica was too uptight.
Now I need to be free and fun.
I'm trying to break the chains that hold me down.
I just want to break free.

I gotta get out here,
And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape.