john is getting a cellphone.

well, this is my first 4th of july without either of my grandfathers.

i miss both of them, but they did leave me something:

their stories.

i remember stories about getting seasick on a transport across the south pacific, being one of the first troops to land in japan, and crying at the sight of an utterly demolished hiroshima.

i remember stories about pulling unconcious shipmates from the inside of a burning ship . . . and going back inside 4 more times to look for more.

i remember stories about giant killer mosquitos, mail call, and air raids.

and i remember the story of a best friend being shot down over vietnam.

and do you know what?

i'm proud.

of my grandfathers, my family, and my country.

and i hope you're proud, too.

have a wonderful 4th of july.

and, if you still have your grandfathers, give them a big hug (for me).

so . . .

if you found a lamp . . .

rubbed it . . .

and a genie popped out . . .

what would your three wishes be?

i have freakin' mono.

i would just like to fall over dead, now.

and right before potc2, too . . .

maybe i'll get better . . . SOON.

(you should pray for me)

yesterday was 30 hours long for me. no joke. stupid time zones.

and my first words back on US soil?

"grande mocha frappuccino, please."

three cheers for the starbucks in the cincinnati airport.

and now that i'm here? yeah, i'm sick. REALLY sick. as in, the doctor told me i should go to the hospital sick. but i really don't want to go to the hospital, so i don't have to go if i feel better by tomorrow.

i really hope i feel better.

but yeah, i had a great time across the pond and i have a few pictures on a cd somewhere (i haven't unpacked yet . . . ha), so i'll tell you all about it as soon as i get off my death bed.

ciao for now,

the brian

i don't want to go home.

first round of post cards went out today.

still not too late . . .

if you would like a postcard, remark or message me your address.

p.s. it's amazing here.

the world is at the same time far smaller and far more imense than you could ever imagine.

all over the world people are living their lives. most of them will never meet, never speak, never become friends.

most of them will never even see each other.

but at the same time, all of these people are far closer than they at first appear to be because they all share in the great human experience.

each one will love, hate, hurt, be hurt.

each one will sit in a circle and laugh with friends or family.

each one will cry until their eyes turn red.

each one will fall in love.

but the thing every person has most in common with every other?

each one must die.

and that is the single great link that holds this vast world together.

I'M IN EUROPE AND YOU'RE NOT!!!


that's all for now.

TOMORROW

CRACKER BARREL

6 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING.

LAST CHANCE TO SEE ME BEFORE I LEAVE.

BE THERE OR I WILL CRY. OR KILL YOU. OR CRY AND KILL YOU.

THAT IS ALL FOR NOW.

I WILL SEE YOU TOMORROW OR AFTER THE 26TH.

CIAO.

life isn't about how much you do . . . it's about how much of yourself you put into what you do.

you may never take over the world, but if you can take over your world, then you've done the best you can.

and who could ask for more than that?

june 7:

nashville to atlanta.

atlanta to ROME.

ROME to belgrade.

-two and a half weeks in MONTENEGRO-

june 26:

belgrade to PARIS.

PARIS to cincinnati.

cincinnati to nashville.

i will be on those flights.

*EDIT*

I'M NOT JOKING.

love is a feeling.

loving is a decision.

never stop loving.

so i woke up at 6 o'clock this morning. and was wide awake.

this surprises some of you. the rest of you are merely shaking your heads. (actually, all of you are probably shaking your heads, but that's neither here nor there.)

so i got out of bed, fixed myself a lovely plate full of french toast (oui, oui!), poured a glass of milk, and set about brewing a steaming cup of coffee.

finishing my breakfast, i put my dishes in the sink and sat alone (no one else in this house ever wakes up before 7:30) with my warm cup of glory, thinking.

in my short 18 years on this fair planet, i have found that the most profound thoughts usually come to people in one of the three following places:

1) the shower (i have no idea why . . .)

2) anywhere with friends at any time between 2 and 3 o'clock in the morning. (these profound thoughts, if recorded, are generally far less profound the following morning.)

and . . .

3) sitting alone over a cup of coffee.

this post, if you haven't guessed already (and if you haven't given up on reading my rambling thoughts), deals with number 3.

as i sat drinking the aromatic brew some of us have come to call "liquid Jesus," i did, in fact, have a very profound thought:

if God wanted you to be like napoleon, you would have been born napoleon.

now, before most of you say "what the heck?!" allow me to rephrase it so that it is applicable to the general public who couldn't care less about my beloved french (well, corsican, really) emperor:

if God wanted you to be like someone else, you would have been born someone else.

there's a lot in that.

if God wanted everyone to be the same (to think the same, to hold the same beliefs or convictions) there wouldn't be such diversity on our little planet.

basically, if God wanted us to all be the same, we would be.

and how boring would that be?

(the appropriate answer at this point would be, "pretty darn.")

so my advice to you this morning:

be yourself.

there's only one of you. and there's only ever going to be one of you. (unless they start playing around with this whole cloning mess, but that's another post entirely.)

so don't be afraid of what other people will think. don't be afraid to share what you think. don't be afraid of who you are.

because God made you that way.

and if anyone's going to love you for who you are, He is.

and who else matters?

this has been caffeinated wisdom with your host, the brian. thank you for reading.

what if i die and no one cares?

what if no one comes to my funeral?

what if i don't matter?

all i want is to save the world.

(is that too much to ask?)

i want my own chapter in the history books.

(i would settle for a paragraph.)

what if i spend my entire life in tennessee and my bones spend forever rotting away in a country graveyard?

(forgotten by everyone except the man who mows the grass.)

what will my headstone say?

who will bring flowers year after year?

anyone?

all i want is to change the world.

(am i that selfish?)

to be loved.

(what is love?)

what if even God forgets me?

(impossible.)

i really need a hug.

(or at the very least a phonecall.)

where did my senior year go?

did you take it?

is absolutely amazing.

and all the hott kids are about to be at party after prom.

and probably at church tomorrow.

what an amazing night . . .

anna and i are booty-licious dance partners. the hottness part deux.

and with phusebox still blocked i can never get on here, so . . . who wants to share the loophole with me? *puppy face*

ciao, hos

rutherford county blocked phusebox from school computers today at approximately 2 o'clock central standard time.

across the county there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

so sarah moore, kelsey shearron and i got bored at starbucks today and did a mad lib with a newspaper article. here goes:

AFGHAN [TEA] KILLS 4 CANADIAN [MINIVANS]

A [cheese] bomb killed four [weird] soldiers yesterday in the [homosexual] attack on that nation's troops since they deployed in [Hot Topic] four years ago, and commanders blamed loyalists of the former [flatulent] regime.

The [cellphone] came as Afghan President [Kelsey Shearron] said "foreigners" are [spelunking] his country's [table]. He didn't [hoola hoop] any countries or [napkins].

[Retarded] officers said the bomb destroyed one of four armored [trashcans] in a convoy and killed its four occupants in [JC Penney], a village about 25 miles north of the southern [underwear] of Kandahar, a former Taliban stronghold.

A[n] [argyle] [coffee mug] moved into southern Afghanistan to [lick] U.S. troops. Canada has had forces in the [dress] since the U.S.-led offensive that toppled the [wall] at the end of 2001, and at least 16 [babies] have been killed.

i shaved my hair off.

je veux seulement

d'etre moi et

d'etre content

avec moi-meme

 et ma vie.

so . . .

what's the first thing you remember/noticed about me?

the greatest day EVER.

i'm alternating between making out with a tub of chocolate fudge icing and a mug of coffee. reeeeally strong coffee.

that's not the only reason easter is amazing, of course.

but it does make me happy deep down in my soul.