It is a very dismal rainy night, and the world seems to be very bleak and almost depressing. I don't know why, but rainy days seem to make me sad. They used to be days that I'd revel in because it meant I could curl up with a book, my journal, or some of my writing books. There was not so much to do so I could relax and and be at peace. Sounds corny and silly, I know and do not care. But lately the rain seems to leave me feeling dejected. I wish I knew why. I don't write much because everything seems to come out all wrong. I still read, but the thunder and sound of the rain always seems to become a distraction. And I don't like to write in my journal because there are too many sad entries. I really shouldn't be so depressing and dismal sounding. I just don't feel all happy and bouyant sometimes.

The rain reminds me of the quiet tears I cry sometimes when I think about the way things are right now. While all the couples go out on Friday and Saturday Nights, I sit at home and do nothing. I don't have very many single friends and they go out, so I don't have much to do. My boyfriend lives in another state, almost 1500 miles away. Thats a pretty big distance if you ask me, but I'm determined to make it work. The difficulty is knowing that, for who knows how long, we have to be apart. While other couples get to go out and make memories and be together, we can't. Two months have gone by, and I have sat waiting. It's so hard to be patient when I have see the couples together or listen to my friends talk about their recent dates. And sometimes I just feel like screaming out "Shut up and think about who you are talking to." I want to be the good friend who listens and smiles and is happy for her friends, but sometimes I don't want to hear it. Or when I hear people complaining about the little things about their boyfriend/girlfriend or about how they only get to see them once or twice a week. I mean come on. At least it hasn't been two freakin' months and at least they have some idea when they will get to see them.