Do you ever have one of those days when you don't know how you feel or what you're supposed to feel or what's going on? I mean when you want to do something so bad, or you don't want to do something, but you don't know what. I know this is not making much sense at all. Have you ever cared so much that it hurt and wanted so desperately to stop caring? Or missed someone so much that it was killing you just to think about it, but you couldn't stop no matter how hard you tried. And then in the end you really don't want to stop caring and missing because that person means so much to you. Have you ever cried so many tears that you couldn't cry anymore, but still wanted to cry because crying is the only way to get it all out. Have you ever tried desperately to stop thinking about someone because everytime they crossed you mind it broke your heart, but you couldn't?

Funny how life works like that. You know, I made myself this stupid promise that for once I wouldn't let my heart get me into trouble and get me hurt. I promised that for once in my life I was going to use my head before it was too late. I'm scared out of my mind that I really screwed up somewhere, and I don't know how to fix it. As my cousin once put it: "The great Laura Nicole has fallen. She has been conquered by a Yankee city boy." I'm so afraid that I've lost him, that when he comes back things won't be the same. Or maybe I'm scared that things haven't changed, and everything will fall back into place and then he will leave without telling me what's going on. Or maybe I'm afraid that things have moved forward, that there was something there besides friendship and I'll get hurt, or hurt him, or have some other problem. I pride myself on being at least somewhat intelligent, but for once I can't think myself out of this problem. Maybe that's what really scares me.