I apologize for the length of this post.

Last night, I went to Barnes and Noble and saw a book that caught my eye - it was subtitled "The Loner's Manifesto."  I figured that this would be a satirical look at misfits in society, but it is a serious book about the subculture known as "loners" which addresses unfair stereotypes as well as the basic needs and tendencies of loners.  The reason I bought it, read half of it so far, and am posting about it now?  The book is written for me.  I'm not the stereotypical loner in that I hate everyone and lock myself in a room, but am a loner by the definition of being an introvert.  I've gotten so used to Connie's MBTI references that I really forgot what it's like to be introverted out in the real world.  Also, I've spent so much time feigning extraversion at TTU (especially during SOAR sessions), that I have, to a large part, forgotten about my roots as an introvert.  This book has helped me to remember who I was and realize why it's not a bad thing to be that way.  I reccomend it for everyone, but especially so for those who feel that they may fall into the "loner" category.

In other news, I'm feeling better than yesterday.  I still have the persistent nose-drip and the plaguing cough, but other than that I'm fine.  Those should be gone in the next few days.  Should.  Not will.  Should.

Further, I finished my song about suicide this morning when I finalized my accompaniment music.  I think it sounds ominous and slightly frightening because of the minor chords and the half-awkward chord transitions.

Just randomly, how awkward does the word awkward look?  They couldn't have picked a better word for the feeling.

Anyway, tomorrow, I'm heading to lunch with a dude from my church.  I'm sure that, among other things, we'll talk about destiny/predestination vs. free will in the realm of open theism, girls, and the nature of evil.  You know...girls may be a large part of the nature of evil...I'll have to explore that more in the future.

Furthermore, this book is helping me (sorry to change topics to abruptly...this is how my mind typically works - many ideas floating around, randomly surfacing) come to terms with the fact that I don't feel a sense of belonging with the masses of society.  Be it advertisements or just popular culture in general, I don't cope well; that is, I don't see what the big deal is about a black guy talking about prostitutes and drugs while a drum machine and a $20 keyboard play in the background.  And let's face it: advertisements?  What in the world do people hitting golf balls off of a boat before diving into the water have to do with a brand of clothing?  The advertisers imply that, by wearing their particular fashions (which differ from none of their competitors other than logo), you will enjoy yourself with attractive members of the opposite (or same) sex with crazy hijinks in a world of no obligation or responsibility.  This stuff is crap.  Why not show the guy strung out on drugs wearing those fashions?  How about a destitute mother living in the ghetto, raising 6 kids on her own, finding her escape in the Smirnoff Ice?  That makes more sense than Russians in Antarctica having a party in bathing suits.

And while I'm ranting about stupidity in modern society, how about we look at some of these movies?  Here's a brilliant idea!  Think up a plot that doesn't have the guy get the girl!  Let the bad guys get away!  I mean, really...think about it:

Arguably one of the greatest love stories of all time was Casablanca.  Did Bogart get the girl?  Hell no.  She got on the plane and left him.  Now THAT'S love - giving up what you want so that the one you love can be happy and safe.  None of this "Let's revel in sexual ecstasy for a few years.  I'll leave you like I left him, but that's after the movie, so it doesn't matter."

In the Godfather, Part II, Michael Corleone, who was not at all a good man, got away with murder and perjury.  Even though he was the protagonist, you find yourself wanting him to be arrested so that justice may be served.  At least, those of us who aren't conditioned to always root for the hero do.  Bad guys nowadays always get caught or killed in the movies.  If movie makers looked at real life, they'd see this is not the case at all.  In Memphis so far this year, there have been 103 homicides.  How many arrests were made?  Not 103.  I don't have the number, but I know that very few of the murderers were arrested or killed.

Of course, movies are the escapes for people from the real world.  This is another reason I don't like many newer movies.  I go see movies either because I liked the book, I believe that I may find some principle to apply to my life, or a friend tells me to watch it.  This is how I've seen movies ranging from "From Justin to Kelly" to "Casablanca" to "Pride and Prejudice."

Speaking of books, why do so many people not read?  I realize that not everyone has time to sit down to read Jane Austen or Joseph Conrad, but come on!  Spend a little less time watching the tv or movies and grab a book!  They can help you quite a bit.  While I've been sick the past few days, I have managed to find time to watch a bit of tv, write a song, practice some other songs, and read three books on Buddhism, seven books of the Bible (Genesis through Judges), and now half a book about Loners.  I am also a good deal through Training in Christianity by Soren Kierkegaard and The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis.  Sorry for the italics and underline there - when I tried doing the second in italics, it kept rearranging text to put the titles side by side.  Anyway, that's existing in roughly 15-hour waking periods.  During these days, I also have nap times ranging from half an hour to two or three hours.  I don't know...maybe I push myself too hard, but I don't feel exhausted.  I feel good about myself.  Imagine that!  I'm not depressed not because I've been rewarded for doing work, but because I did the work!  If only educational systems would work like that, too (but that's another topic for another long-winded rant).  Tomorrow, besides doing lunch and going to church, I plan to read a few more books of the Bible, finish the loner book, and get more read in Lewis's book.  Thursday, I should finish the Lewis and Kierkegaard books.


My grand point with all of this?  People would prefer to lie to themselves about who and what they are, relying more and more on allowing outside forces to tell them who they are, than find out on their own who they are, and this frustrates me.  I'm going to go read some more.  Maybe I'll read Heart of Darkness again this week...that should give me a pick-up.