so the fact that i can't sleep at night, and the fact that everything ( i mean absolutely everything) reminds me of a random memory of the past has brought me to a conclusion. suddenly, it seems as if i am ready to face the past. i've realized that ignoring that you have a past doesn't mean that you've faced it and gotten over it. it just means you are ignoring it. and as a very good friend once told me, i can't get on with my future, or even have a future, until i stop clinging to and hitching onto the past. i've got to get past it and leave it behind. so it's time to deal. bear with me...