" "Any day now, I'll be found out" is a pretty common theme among us guys.  Truth be told, most of us are faking our way through life.  We pick only those battles we are sure to win, only those adventures we are sure to handle, only those beauties we are sure to rescue."

I couldn't have said that much more effectively.  I feel so trapped sometimes, so limited by what I can and can't accomplish, that I simply give up.  I can't tell you how many times I've settled for something that is easier to obtain.  And now that I've found that route mainly successful, I'm having a hard time reasoning with myself why I should risk rejection, exposure, or pride.  I can't explain in words the amount of regret I feel for some decisions I have made.  Sometimes I simply want approval.  That's it.  Yet approval is so hard to achieve.  I often find myself posing as someone who I am not, someone who can have more guaranteed success and happiness than I could.  Or simply posing because I don't want to be wounded any more than I already am.  I pretend to not care that you broke my heart, pretend to move on, pretend to not think about it everyday.  I take the convenient option over the one that I know can make me happier.

"Every boy, in his journey to become a man, takes an arrow in the center of his heart, in the place of his strength.  Because the wound is rarely discussed and even more rarely healed, every man carries a wound."

Moving along...

I don't feel like I belong at Blackman.  Not to say that I belong somewhere else, or that I don't belong at Blackman, but I don't feel like it.  I don't feel like I can be me there.  I have few true friends there, and I feel quite lonely sometimes.

On Prom...

To be honest, my first choice is taken.  I was thinking about this yesterday at school, and I don't even know who I want to invite.  A few friends of mine have discussed this subject lately, both in differing views.  I want to go to prom, and I want to have fun.  The problem is I don't want to invite someone who I don't think will have fun.  I have thought about asking a few close friends of mine. 

And in closing...

Carpe Diem.  Risk it.  Don't settle.

Dum Spiro, Spero.


::b

*Both quotations taken from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.