sometimes my life sucks
right now
its ok...
i had the best day in the world yesterday with jessica hunter, jessica gaines, and kylie walker... heck.. even got a private dance from kylie and jess g... lol... (you woulda had to been there)

i just started oakland this year... im a junior...
people there are so.... interesting
i love it

iv kept it really really quiet (like 3 people know) but i had to have blood tests done becasue according to the doctor and my mom (who used to be a doctor for 7 years) say that i may have epilepsy... not good

amanda... she stresses me out... shes like "i want to talk to you"... "no we cant walk and talk"... and then... "hey paul" or "hey adam" or "hey chris morgan" "walk with me... i need to talk to you"
she never involves me with what shes doing
whats going on
anything
she dramatizes things... and yes.. it gets her attention...
she doesnt realize it... and few people do... but she treated me like any other person
not like her boyfriend
and as u all know... we broke up

lindsay... dont even get me started... she tells me she still loves me... that she thinks we were meant to be together... that she wants us to be together forever... but blows me off and stands me up for Evan Milby.... whatever... she can live her life... with out me

sara romans... this is one cool chick.. she seems to cheer me up... a lot... even when shes not around... she makes me happy and yeh... well shes just cool

friends.... some of them seem like there stabbing me in the back
like they have been lying to me ever since we met
complete hyprocrites... liars... arrogant stuck up pricks who think they know it all...
some have been my life... jessica g jessica h and kylie w... i love you people... u rock

ok so im looked down on... a lot... im pushed away... a lot... im shot down... a lot... abandoned... ignored... mistaken... misunderstood... broken... and yet... u people all see me as "Chris the arrogant know it all"
do me a favor... one of these
either A: give me one example of when iv been arrogant (there has rarely ever been a time i dont think of other peoples wants and needs before my own)
or B: shut up... get out of my life... and leave me alone (iv got enough goin on... i dont need you)

sometimes i want to run away... i greatly considered it a few weeks ago... i literally packed a suitcase... hid it in my closet and was planning to leave that night... but i was on the phone with the girl that had my heart in her hands and i forgot all about my plan...
i just want to be free... no parents telling me im wrong.. that im useless... no people stabbing me in the back... no relationships that end in heart break... i want to be happy... and right now... im not that happy...

take me away from here... please... move me thousands of miles away... move me to the moon... i want to be gone... away from anyone and everyone... for a long long long time

i was at sports com... we were playin volleyball... and i picked up some sand... a little fell through my finger... i began to pass it... right hand... then left... the sand got smaller and smaller and smaller... until i had just grains left.... thats my life... i seem to be passed back and forth... like an old antique ragdoll... like yesterdays news... like just anyother old useless piece of crap... never even so much as hearing the words "i love you"... and it be true... so from all the hands iv been at the mercy of... im now left to mear grains... little pieces of my soul.. my body being tired... bruised... bloody... broken... my heart being devoured at your will... my mind, my emotions, my everything... fading away before my eyes... and i cant do anything about it...

maybe im just a lonely emo kid wanting more love and attention... i dont even know myself anymore... maybe im just making stuff up... who knows... honestly... who cares... i could probably post on here that i love cheese and u people would feel the same way... its like i mean nothing to you people... and u know it... i was starting to write a song... it was just a song.. now its becoming the story of my life


Dreams end, souls fade
Hopes die and hearts break...
And your to blame for everything... thats happening
So here we are again
Same old argument...
And i am wondering
If things... will ever change

Cuz i want... you to know.... who I am...
Cuz all that I have is in your hands...
IM AT THE MERCY OF YOUR STRENGTH

I am yours, here i am...
Im waiting... waiting
Each and every time i stand...
You push me in the dirt...
Only to extend ur open hand...
You help me up and blind my eyes
Foolish me
I fell... for you...
Again...


thats the first verse... prechorus... and chorus... and its said enough... thats exactly how i feel..
the first 2 lines.. thats me... my dreams have ended
my my soul is fading... my hopes have died... and my heart... its been broken one to many times

I only wish those 3 words were true