Optimism sucks.

**Edit** Oh yeah, check out the pictures I took the other day. They're on facebook in the album "April Showers." You know, if you have spare time.

I usually hate it when people post lyrics, but I just wanted people to see my strain to be optimistic. My old theme song (yes, I actually pick theme songs for life stages) was "Strawberry Fields Forever." Which, by the way, does not refer to drugs; Strawberry Fields was the name of a cemetary (at least that is what I heard). I have changed it to "Santa Fe" from the "Newsies." I won't post the whole thing:


When I dream

On my own

I'm alone but I ain't lonely

For a dreamer night's the only time of day

When the city's finally sleepin'

All my thoughts begin to stray

And I'm on the train that's bound for Santa Fe

And I'm free

Like the wind

Like I'm gonna live forever

It's a feeling time can never take away

All I need's a few more dollars

And I'm outta here to stay

Dreams come true

Yes, they do

In Santa Fe


Santa Fe

Are you there?

Do you swear you won't forget me?

If I found you would you let me come and stay?

I ain't gettin' any younger

And before my dyin' day

I want space

Not just air

Let 'em laugh in my face

I don't care

Save a place

I'll be there

Optimism... Let's try this one out.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=QxLL4HmBv-s


Hello, friends. Watch this video and tell me what you think. It's really short. Turn the sound up.

I thought it was hilarious (mostly because I dislike the man to begin with).

I love Africa! The whole continent! The more people I meet from different places, the more I love it. I love Swazi food, South African music, Nigerian clothes (my friend Gori gave me a shirt his mother made), Zambian babies and Pastors from Tanzania. I just... I don't know. Maybe this is God's way of telling me He wants me to go somewhere in Africa. He is turning my heart's gaze to this rich continent... And I can't help myself.

I don't know who, if anyone, was wondering why I was feeling so sickly and gross over break and such. Tests are in and I am "iron deficient." Not all the way anemic. This doesn't make sense, because I am supposed to not feel sick at all if I am borderline. I guess my body just loves iron...

Anyway, some iron pills will fix me up just fine, and I only have to take them until I am back to normal, if there is such a thing with me.

I did it! What do you think? (P.S. It looks better in person)

I am sick of my own face, voice, manner of doing things. Does anyone else get sick of themself? Really, I see mysef every day. I hear my voice every day. Ugh... I am so boring!

I DDR-ed and saw that it was good.

So, I found out that I have to take a personality test and a physchological test before I can go on the mission field. I wonder if Sandy can help me study... I'll never pass on my own.

Now, if only someone can help me cheat on the physical... No amount of studying will help on that one. I am going for the complete cheat.

I took a class this semester simply for the fun of it. The two hours credit really do nothing for my collection of hours I need, but I just felt compelled to take this class.

Theological Reflections from Africa ISP292...

We had a guest speaker. A man named Mandla from Swaziland. Or, as he would say it, "Swazlnd." He told of his father (a polygamist) and of Zionist baptisms. We went to our prof.'s house to eat "African" food (Mandla toned it down for us) and hang out. We tried to explain to Mandla and his wife Sne that being fat (or "fluffy and good" as he said) was bad in America. I don't think it clicked.

"You must be like a ti bik." If you don't know what a "ti bik" is, you are not alone. He meant tea bag, but it came out funny. Everything he said seemed to be a sermon. I loved it.

His five-year-old son Sbo ("S-B-O") was adorable and latched onto my hand. He drew me a picture on the back of one of my assignments. I didn't mind.

Do you ever have those experiences that make you feel a strong connection with another human being totally unlike you, and you have no idea why? Thank God for them.

I am fed up. I no longer want to pursue my goals, dreams, aspirations or supposed talents. My goal in life is going to be to have good conversations. Forget everything else. I am giving up.

::sigh:: I feel better, sort of.
P.S. Not venting. Announcing.

(Strawberry Fields Forever= New Motto)

Is it delision or perseverance to pursue what one thought one was good at even though one is rejected often? American Idol comes to mind... Heh...

This is just something on my mind... Humor me.

If I were to go out in public in a bra and panties I would be arrested. If I were to go out in public in a bikini, it would be fine (well, not ME in one, per se...). Discuss.

Hey guys, go to the site and fill it out before Tuesday! It's a letter to Bush...help stop the genocide in Darfur! You can make a difference. This is really important and it takes a minimal amount of effort.


http://action.savedarfur.o
rg/dia/organizationsORG/da
rfur/campaign.jsp?campaign
_KEY=6526

My mom brought me a Nebulizer today! I am very happy to have it. That means that I can keep my asthma under better control. And it hopefully means that the little episode on Sunday isn't likely to happen again. Yay! I never thought I would be so pleased with medicine that takes forever to take and makes me feel gross! I didn't even think that we had an extra one I could use at school. Thanks, God.

"If society was like a human body, I would be the appendix."

I went to the church of my senior AP English teacher on Sunday. The church isn't affiliated with any denomination that I know of. They were intellectuals. We sang old hymns, but they weren't just dead words. When the pastor prayed, there was reverent silence. It wasn't that people didn't care or weren't "responding" to the Holy Spirit. They were just listening. The pastor spoke with intelligence and poise. By the end of the sermon, I was hoping he would stop so that my mind could catch up with him. I adored it.
The Sunday School was like a lecture at Lee, but in a good way. There were some laughs and such, but there was also hardcore study. The teacher opened with a quote from Shakespeare, analyzing it as an example of existentialism and humanism. I was delighted.

Sometimes it is nice to take a break from charisma. I enjoyed quietly singing words penned so long ago, letting them seep into my soul. I felt the Holy Spirit in the way he is often not thought of by Pentecostals: the Comforter... the Teacher. I was surrounded by Christian Intellectuals who believe very strongly that how one understands God greatly affects one's life as a Christian. The mind... The focus was on the mind as much as the soul. It was so refreshing.
I sometimes feel so alone, but now I know that there are whole churches made up of people like me. Thank God.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for...

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him...

By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country...

And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own...

Instead, they were longing for a better country--a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them...

He persevered because he saw him who was invisible...

The world was not worthy of them...

God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."

Humanity makes me cry.

Everyone should look at my new pictures. I wanted to try some make-up designs for fairies and my cousins were visiting. A plan brewed in my mind! They really enjoyed it, though. My friend Anna and my sister Christy joined in, too. Christy's was supposed to look like branches or roots, but it didn't really work out. I have a LOT more pictures, if anyone cares to see them.
I have realized that I cannot do regular make-up to save my life, but I really love doing stage make-up. I think the old age make-up is my favorite. If anyone wants to know what they will look like when they get old, let me know!