I did it! What do you think? (P.S. It looks better in person)

I am sick of my own face, voice, manner of doing things. Does anyone else get sick of themself? Really, I see mysef every day. I hear my voice every day. Ugh... I am so boring!

I DDR-ed and saw that it was good.

So, I found out that I have to take a personality test and a physchological test before I can go on the mission field. I wonder if Sandy can help me study... I'll never pass on my own.

Now, if only someone can help me cheat on the physical... No amount of studying will help on that one. I am going for the complete cheat.

I took a class this semester simply for the fun of it. The two hours credit really do nothing for my collection of hours I need, but I just felt compelled to take this class.

Theological Reflections from Africa ISP292...

We had a guest speaker. A man named Mandla from Swaziland. Or, as he would say it, "Swazlnd." He told of his father (a polygamist) and of Zionist baptisms. We went to our prof.'s house to eat "African" food (Mandla toned it down for us) and hang out. We tried to explain to Mandla and his wife Sne that being fat (or "fluffy and good" as he said) was bad in America. I don't think it clicked.

"You must be like a ti bik." If you don't know what a "ti bik" is, you are not alone. He meant tea bag, but it came out funny. Everything he said seemed to be a sermon. I loved it.

His five-year-old son Sbo ("S-B-O") was adorable and latched onto my hand. He drew me a picture on the back of one of my assignments. I didn't mind.

Do you ever have those experiences that make you feel a strong connection with another human being totally unlike you, and you have no idea why? Thank God for them.

I am fed up. I no longer want to pursue my goals, dreams, aspirations or supposed talents. My goal in life is going to be to have good conversations. Forget everything else. I am giving up.

::sigh:: I feel better, sort of.
P.S. Not venting. Announcing.

(Strawberry Fields Forever= New Motto)

Is it delision or perseverance to pursue what one thought one was good at even though one is rejected often? American Idol comes to mind... Heh...

This is just something on my mind... Humor me.

If I were to go out in public in a bra and panties I would be arrested. If I were to go out in public in a bikini, it would be fine (well, not ME in one, per se...). Discuss.

Hey guys, go to the site and fill it out before Tuesday! It's a letter to Bush...help stop the genocide in Darfur! You can make a difference. This is really important and it takes a minimal amount of effort.


http://action.savedarfur.o
rg/dia/organizationsORG/da
rfur/campaign.jsp?campaign
_KEY=6526

My mom brought me a Nebulizer today! I am very happy to have it. That means that I can keep my asthma under better control. And it hopefully means that the little episode on Sunday isn't likely to happen again. Yay! I never thought I would be so pleased with medicine that takes forever to take and makes me feel gross! I didn't even think that we had an extra one I could use at school. Thanks, God.

"If society was like a human body, I would be the appendix."

I went to the church of my senior AP English teacher on Sunday. The church isn't affiliated with any denomination that I know of. They were intellectuals. We sang old hymns, but they weren't just dead words. When the pastor prayed, there was reverent silence. It wasn't that people didn't care or weren't "responding" to the Holy Spirit. They were just listening. The pastor spoke with intelligence and poise. By the end of the sermon, I was hoping he would stop so that my mind could catch up with him. I adored it.
The Sunday School was like a lecture at Lee, but in a good way. There were some laughs and such, but there was also hardcore study. The teacher opened with a quote from Shakespeare, analyzing it as an example of existentialism and humanism. I was delighted.

Sometimes it is nice to take a break from charisma. I enjoyed quietly singing words penned so long ago, letting them seep into my soul. I felt the Holy Spirit in the way he is often not thought of by Pentecostals: the Comforter... the Teacher. I was surrounded by Christian Intellectuals who believe very strongly that how one understands God greatly affects one's life as a Christian. The mind... The focus was on the mind as much as the soul. It was so refreshing.
I sometimes feel so alone, but now I know that there are whole churches made up of people like me. Thank God.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for...

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him...

By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country...

And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own...

Instead, they were longing for a better country--a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them...

He persevered because he saw him who was invisible...

The world was not worthy of them...

God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."

Humanity makes me cry.

Everyone should look at my new pictures. I wanted to try some make-up designs for fairies and my cousins were visiting. A plan brewed in my mind! They really enjoyed it, though. My friend Anna and my sister Christy joined in, too. Christy's was supposed to look like branches or roots, but it didn't really work out. I have a LOT more pictures, if anyone cares to see them.
I have realized that I cannot do regular make-up to save my life, but I really love doing stage make-up. I think the old age make-up is my favorite. If anyone wants to know what they will look like when they get old, let me know!

"Newsies:

We need a good assassination!

We need an earthquake or a war!


Snipeshooter:

How 'bout a crooked politician?


Newsies:

Hey, stupid, that ain't news no more!"

"Jack:

Santa Fe

Are you there?

Do you swear you won't forget me?

If I found you would you let me come and stay?

I ain't gettin' any younger

And before my dyin' day

I want space

Not just air

Let 'em laugh in my face

I don't care

Save a place

I'll be there"

"
ALL:

I gotta be either dead or dreamin'

'Cause look at that pape with my face beamin'

Tomorrow they may wrap fishes in it

But I was a star for one whole minute "

This film really makes me love men. I mean, the solidarity those boys exhibit, the brotherhood, the strength. I know that isn't really how it is, but I love it anyway. It is people uniting for a cause. I don't see a lot of that anymore. Not like this film shows. People don't really unite this strongly. You have a core group that soon burns out and  then a lot of floaters who come in when it is convenient. This film makes me sad and exhilarated at the same time.

I am an evil stealer of other people's pictures. Some of you take such pretty ones and I have to just swipe them. If anyone cares, let me know. You can slap me as punishment. But I get to keep your pictures. Sorry, I have already taken them, and there is no way you can get your hands on them. My dragon is keeping watch. And yes, dragons do exist. Anyone read Job 41 recently? Come on! It's a fire-breathing dragon! Since believing in such a thing has no consequence to my salvation and life as a Christian or the salvation and lives of other Christians, I have deemed it a happy delusion. Just like my theory on the dream world...

Goodness me... That is a whole conversation. If anyone cares, this is a very shortened version of my Dream World Theory:

Things that happen in dreams actually do happen in another reality that we can only access through the workings of the subconscious. Now, for people like me, this is both an extremely disturbing truth and a rather comforting one. On the one hand, the Dream Stacy is severely traumatized and should be dead by now. And on the other hand... Well... I guess I haven't thought about that hand.

That would be a good hand to think about.

Christmas in the hospital was interesting, but not bad at all. Those poor nurses had to step over all of our presents and stuff. We did Christmas last night. Today was spent watching stupid hospital TV and napping. The nap was wonderful, even if the nurse was loud and annoying.

Christmas can be lovely wherever you are.

Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.

Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.

Strawberry Fields forever.


Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.

It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out.

It doesn't matter much to me.


Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.

Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.

Strawberry Fields forever.


No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low.

That is you can't you know tune in but it's all right.

That is I think it's not too bad.


Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.

Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.

Strawberry Fields forever.


Always know sometimes think it's me, but you know I know when it's a dream.

I think a "No" will mean a "Yes," but it's all wrong.

That is I think I disagree.


Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.

Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.

Strawberry Fields forever.

Strawberry Fields forever.

Strawberry Fields forever.

Pray for me, please. Life gives me headaches.

About Santa. There is a lot of evidence, but I will show you one that is pretty concrete. I will highlight the major evidence.


You better watch out

You better not cry

Better not pout

I'm telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town

He's making a list

And checking it twice;

Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice

Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you're sleeping

He knows when you're awake

He knows if you've been bad or good

So be good for goodness sake!

O! You better watch out!

You better not cry

Better not pout

I'm telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town

Santa Claus is coming to town

First of all, the language is harsh: "You better" do this, "You better" do that. Pushy, I'd say. Like the Man. He sees you all of the time and knows your movements. Now, Big Brother was an idea from Orwell's 1984 which wasn't published until 1949 while the song was first performed in 1934. The idea of the looming government materialized long before that, however. With Roosevelt's New Deal, the government became much more involved in regulation than it had before and some people felt very threatened. As I write this, I think that this could also apply to communism or the Nazis, which would make sense for the time (more Nazis than communism, sort of).

Then again, I could just be a crackpot. But I love these theories!

So, Friday I had a lot of time to myself as my sisters and mom went shopping (they took Sam, too). I did my laundry, read a book, watched shows on Discovery Health about babies and cooked dinner (and made rice crispy treat shapes--giant C-mas tree and a wreath). Then yesterday I watched Sam for a long time and made egg rolls. Yes, that is MADE: I cooked the stuff to go inside and rolled them, thanks. I also taught him four or five of his colours in Spanish. We were both excited about that one.

What is happening to me? As soon as Chris leaves, I turn all domestic. I was taking baby steps before, but now I just jumped for it. Oy vey... I want to go back to being an irresponsible college student. That was fun.

There is now sufficient evidence that Santa Claus is the government's code for Big Brother. It's coming. You just wait. More on that later.

Chris and Paul are probably flying over dangerous countries at the moment. I never get time changes right, so I have no idea if they are in the air or in a foreign country. Either way, they are far too close to commies for my comfort. I will miss Chris more than I care to think about, so I won't. So there!

I went to have coffee with my sis tonight after a lovely Wal-Mart trip. We talked for about an hour. I go to school with the girl and I never see her... How messed up is that one?

I am about to make a decision that will stay with me for the rest of my life (literally, the REST of my life), so pray that I make the right one, Oh Reader Of My Post. It is not exactly life-changing, but it is important. I'll probably let you (whoever you are) know how it turns out if you ask. Oh dear... Good times.

I love you, Oh Reader Of My Post. So much. You don't even know. Yeah, that means you.

I just realized that I have two "Number 8" posts, so this one will have to skip. Numbers hate me, and the feeling is mutual.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

::sigh:: I feel better

I have no idea what that was, but it was nice.

Pied Beauty

Glory be to God for dappled things-
    For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;
        For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches wings;
    Landscape plotted and pieced--fold, fallow, and plough,
        And all trades, their gear and tackle and trim.
All things counter, original, spare, strange;
    Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)
        With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;
He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change:
                                      Praise him.

-Gerald Manley Hopkins