Looking Back and Looking Forward

January 02 2006
So I definitely just tried to sit down with my journals and remember what this year was like, but I got tired with that because I wrote a whole lot. So I'll tell y'all what I remember.

January-May: I anxiously awaited graduation and college. I was stressed out often, but I also had a lot of fun. Both proms were great. Other senior activities were great. I was pretty mature, but as I look back, I was pretty darn immature compared to who I am now. (Not to say I'm always mature now, but a semester in college does a lot to a person). I grew closer to people at Riverdale, oddly enough. I loved being on yearbook staff, as crazy as it was at times. In May I finally graduated.

June: Big Stuf was good. A couple weeks later, however, a big dip in the road occured. It was one of the toughest internal struggles I've faced, but it made me a better and stronger person. I really sought God and He taught me a lot.

July: I went to Paint the Town, and it was an amazing experience. I think I was a different person afterwards. God showed me a lot through putting me in uncomfortable situations, painting for long hours, and getting lost in the Bronx at 2 AM.

August: I don't remember anything about it except starting college. I hated my first day of school but enjoyed the second. I began to grow nervous about the new expectations that would be placed on me.

September: I tried to adjust to college life. It wasn't always easy. I met a ton of people in AO and it finally began to feel like home. I instantly fell in love with my J-group.

October: I can't remember specifics, but I guess this was when I began to thrive in school and in friendships.

November: My goodness! The semester is almost over! Where has the time gone? Will I ever make an A on a paper in Dr. Therrien's class? And she's really gotten me to think a lot about my identity and who I am, about thinking for myself and not letting others tell me what to think. I realize that what I am learning in her class and in my Understanding Mass Media class is not just trivial knowledge, but lessons about life. And I decide that is why college is way better than high school.

December: School wraps up, and I'm sad to see some classes go and so happy about the others ending. I realize what I am capapble of when I see that I ended up with an A in Dr. Hardcore Therrien's class and end my first semester with a 4.0. I see God blessing me in so many ways and I finally seem to grasp the silliness of worrying. I also notice the continous struggles that I deal with over and over again, and pray and ask God to help me. I end the year realizing that I really and truly have a long way to go before I am "complete in maturity, not lacking anything". I end the year feeling happy and blessed, and wanting desperately to live a life for others and not myself. I also met Michael W. Smith the last day of the year, and that was pretty cool.

I must also say that after ninteen months with Garrett, we've both grown a lot as individuals and in our relationship. It indeed has been a blessing.



Looking forward...

This new year I want to love God first and foremost, more than anything or anyone. I want to passionately pursue Him and see His glory and live His glory.

I also want to love people with a zealous, selfless love.

I decided last night that I also want to finish (really finish it and be satisfied with) my novel (that I have been writing and rewriting and rewriting and rewriting since I was about 14) by the end of this year.

Kaylei

January 02 2006
awesome goals for 2006 :) Hope you have a great New Year

Ben

January 03 2006
hey, thanks for the comment, that did help. there is just a lot going on now. thanks God bless

Garrett Haynes

January 03 2006
yeah sorry about that i must have taken u off by accident or something. i just sent u another friend request. have a great week God bless. - Garrett