user: pass:



Send a Message

Web Presence


Email

Last Active:

May 01, 2012

Relationship Status

Highschool

College

Interests

shopping, camping, four-wheeling, shoes, running, anything fun!

Bands/Artists

The Used, My Chemical Romance, The Killers, LifeHouse, Ryan Cabrerra, Kenny Chesney

Movies

Fight Club, Moulin Rouge, Seven, Finding Nemo, Princess Diaries 2

Books

Thunder of Heaven, Left Behind Series, The Notebook, anything by Nicholas Sparks

Other Website

10 total entries
12Next »

Changes

I think I\'m finally starting to be okay. A lot of it had to do with the events of yesterday. I guess I\'m realizing that he\'s not the person he used to be. And this new person that he is doesn\'t really give me butterflies like the old one. Yesterday was the first time I\'d really talked to him in almost a month, and for the first time in that month, I really was okay. The things he said to me, the horrible things he said at work the other night about me, the person he\'s become, made me just want to completely forget everything between us. Yeah, I still love him, but the person I love isn\'t there anymore. And suddenly, I\'m okay without him. For the first time in over three years, I don\'t want to be with him. And it\'s a good feeling. Maybe one day he and I will be together again, but that is completely up to God, not me.
On a different note, I\'m \"talking\" to someone. lol Man I hate that term! :) He\'s a political science major at MTSU. I\'m taking it *really* slow, but he seems really sweet. So we\'ll see what happens!

Love Always: Me
1 remark
Quick Remark:

The Morning After

So I figured I had better update and let you guys know how everything went yesterday. Well actually, I can\'t give you guys a really good synopsis of how things went since I was out of it until 3:00 that afternoon. :) But from what I\'m told, the doctors said everything was fine. Pathology said it wasn\'t cancer, which is some fabulous news. But apparently I was making jokes in Pre-OP and was showing everyone there how the heart rate monitor could fly. :) But I guess that\'s it. I\'m still pretty sore, and the stitches look nasty, but I\'m alive!!! Thanks for all the prayers- you guys are *amazing*!!!

Love Always: Me
2 remarks
Quick Remark:

Tomorrow...

My surgery is tomorrow at 8 AM, and I am absolutely terrified. Everyone keeps telling me that it\'s a routine procedure and nothing ever goes wrong, but still, what if something does go horribly wrong?? For goodness sake, they are cutting me open in only 18 hours! I\'ve never been more scared in my entire life. And there\'s only one person that has ever been able to calm my fears, and they are no longer by my side because they didn\'t want to do it anymore. I wish with everything I have and more that that person was here. I want him to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. But he\'s not here, and I\'m in this terrifying place without him.

\"God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.\" - James 1:12
3 remarks
Quick Remark:

Untitled

Today would be Josh and I\'s two year anniversary. I wonder if he\'ll think about me today. I wonder if he remembers at all???
1 remark
Quick Remark:

Losing Faith

I\'m beginning to lose faith in the idea that I can do this. Of course, to other people I\'m happy and doing okay without him. But the minute I\'m alone, I completely fall apart. I know that God is doing this with all the faith in the world in me, but I\'m doubting myself. I miss him more and more each day, and some days it takes everything I have to just get out of bed. And what makes it even harder is the fact that I\'m doing this all by myself. Because the only person that I can talk to about absolutely everything has suddenly become too busy to notice that I am not okay. It\'s the absolute hardest thing in the world to lose the person you loved more than anything, but it\'s even harder to lose them without a shoulder to cry on. I miss him more than I thought it was possible to miss someone, and no one even knows it. Like I said, I\'m not sure that I can do this.

Love Always: Me
3 remarks
Quick Remark:
10 total entries
12Next »

my friends


my pix


advert