OK so I have been avoiding doing this forever cuz i know ill leave something out.. but o well... lol...

Camp was absolutely amazing... it has 100% changed my life!! I went to camp completely ready to give up on life ENTIRELY.... and now im so filled with peace and joy... Its amazing! Every year i go to camp have this great "experience" come home and forget about it... but this year... its different... Im having that experience EVERY DAY!!! Oh-ma-gah! Its crazy....

OK so i went to camp and i "got rid of  my evil influences".. then i came home... and they were still there.. there is this one situation that has been affecting everything about my life for about a year now.. and i ditched it at camp.. BUT... i came home.. and it was still here.... so i had to work soooo hard to overcome that.. and its still a struggle but things are getting sooo much better and i feel sooo much peace... WOW....

Camp was sooo much fun... I really got alot closer with some of the FWC crowd.. like Ashley, Alicia, Meghan, Justin and Hannah!! Also I started hanging out with Turning Point kids and I love them to death!!! Im starting to go to TP on Sunday nights now... Im really excited about it.. even though i had a rough start there.. lol....

The evangalist was the best speaker i have ever heard... he was amazing!!! If you ever get the chance to hear Ron Rhoads speak.. drop everything and GO... God has a hold on that man's life like no other!!

The games were fun...

I took a millions pictures...

And oh yeh. .the girls kicked butt toilet papering the place even after Kenny caught us... PLUS... none of the guys know about everything we got away with. .hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

anyways.. yes camp was amazing and i cant wait for kids camp now.. lol

love you guys!!!!

meag

PS Do any of you believe in ghosts?? (this is in reference to a camp devotion....)

PSS

• Who needs scented candles?? WE.. have rotting brains... FORGET the TV!! WE... can count maggots squirming on that silver platter!!
  


• he has just killed a dead kid!!
  


• Yea... come hear me preach! Ill literally preach you to death!!
  


• There is just something about dead people- they can't do anything for themselves- I mean she just laid there like she had nothing to get up for!!!
  


• Man, God, aren't you glad you've got me??  I can't believe you didn't think of it yourself!!! God, you are SO blessed to have me!!!

OK now i want to briefly say something to a few friends...

Hannah Breaux- ok so i went to camp thinking how amazing you are and how i wish you were my friend but i kept seeing you as this unnaproachable perfect freak! lol (sorry) anyways.. you became a great friend of mine last week and i love you to DEATH!!!!!

Meghan Breaux- ok so i already loved you and you were already one of my best friends but im really glad we got to bunk so close and hang out together... your amazing..

Alicia Amirian- did you know you are beautiful and funny and just amazing?? i loved getting to spend time with you... thanks so much for listening to me..

Becca Hicks- my bestest friend... even though you left me for Turning Point.. its ok.. i still love you... i had so much fun with you.. and i loved practically living in your dorms.. lol thanks for not kicking me out.. your amazing...

Allie- I had met you before.. but i really got to hang out with you this past week and you accepted me soooo well... you really are amazing and talented and beautiful and funny.. lol... thanks for being amazing.....

BJ- ok so from what ive heard.. your a nerd.. lol BUT you really brightened my week and then my day again sunday night... you remembered my name after i had spent ALL week feeling soooo lonely and invisible then sunday night you attacked me with a hug and asked me to come back... your amazingly sweet... thanks so much for being you!!!

Cherry Harris- wow.. ok so i went to camp expecting to hate you.. alot like you did with me.. and i know that we dont have the best of terms on how we know each other... but you are truly and amazing girl... slate is soooo lucky to have someone like you... you are absolutely beautiful and dont let anyone ever tell you otherwise.. also your funny. you kept me laughing all week even went i felt soooo down and invisible... (UGH) you are amazing.. and i really do love that we became friends... i love you!!! oh and thanks for not kicking me out of your dorm.. lol!! (ps guess who's cute? guess who i like??? hahaha... gah im pathetic!!! lol)

anways.. gotta run.. i have sooo much for to say but ive gotta go... ttyl...

love always,

meag

ps fifty seven-seven is AMAZING.. check them out!!!!

Well fine arts was great... my choir and ensemble took first and advanced to nationals... my drama, human video and solo didnt... i was really hoping to make it with my solo.. but life... happens..... im really excited about nationals.. i cant wait to see jon.....

i held zay's hand.. *giggle giggle* lol... (rebbecca.."noooo, not.... DRATS!)

thank you sooooo much those of you who came to hear me sing... stephen.... THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU..... marybeth thanks for making a point to be there too.. your amazing... there were a couple other people i reeeeeeeeeeeeallly wanted to be there but couldnt make it because of paul and linda's duet... but yeh... i guess it happens.....

i cant handle life.....

really...

i

just

cant.......

rebecca jensen's hv solo sums it up for me... it had me in tears... but what is new lately for me???

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

CHORUS
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

CHORUS 2x

But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

CHRIS YOUNG DAY KICKS BUTT!!!!

everyone watch nashville star next tuesday at 9:00 ill be on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IM SIXTEEN.... there is no difference... ugh not fair!

and yes that is the FIRST pic of me bieng 16.....

love you all, meag

ps i miss my best friend.... alot

I wonder how come when you think you have something but realize you dont.. it hurts more than never having it at all?

How come people turn on you so fast?

Why cant people be honest with you?

How come the people that really shouldnt matter to you.. matter the most?

Why are adults so stupid?

Why do  people hate me so much?

meag

i need you guys more than ever.. just being honest here... i really do!

meag

WOW...i can't believe it is almost faf... last year.. wow... it seems like an eternity again..i WAS another lifetime.. wow...

i love you guys!

life is passing by soooo fast... wow...

meag

I LOVE KATIE KIMBELL!!!

she makes me very happy!!!!

meag

*grins!!!!*

Today made me miss LaVergne.... Missing... like what it seems the people at Oakland don't do.... ah such is life...

meag

Wednesday...I passed out in fourth period.... It was terrifying... i've fainted before but not around people who are all freaking out and i cant respond... i cant even see them.. i could only hear them... ugh anyways..i stayed at school.. somehow.. dunno how i made it! and then i went home and got in bed and stayed there...

Thursday.... I tossed and turned all night.. but i stayed in bed all day cuz everytime i sat up or stood up i got really dizzy and i had spells every so often where i couldnt breath ( my chest got REAL heavy), my face would pale, and i couldnt see anything without it spinning and it was horrible.. but i stayed in bed all day and slept on and off for most of the day...

Friday.. well at 2:30 i woke up and needed a glass of water so i tried to get to the kitchen but i got really dizzy and every thing was spinning and i couldnt breath... so by the time i got to the kitchen i fainted... didnt lose conciousness though.. anyways..i finally got up after a few minutes but was still really dizzy so i got a cup of water and sat down to drink it... then after i felt i could make it to the room again i headed back to the room... i did make it but i collapsed in the bed.... At 5:30 i had the worst spell ever...i couldnt breath i was sweating but i was freezing cold..i was PURE WHITE pale!, the whole room was spinning, and i had the worst migraine EVER.... i just banged on the wall trying to get my parents attention.... they got up and came in gave me motrin and tons of water and after like a half an hour i calmed down.... i slept on and off again until 9.... at that point i had to SIT in the bottom of the shower to shower off because i couldnt stand long enough without getting extremely dizzy..

then mom took me to the ER (we got there a little after 9)... once we got there they immedietely admitted me and we were there FOREVER... they put an IV in me, took 5 tubes of blood, made me pee in a flippin cup, did a CT scan on me, EKG test on my heart, testing to see if i was anemic, checked my electrolytes, took my vitals thirty billion times, and gave me drugs through my IV.... once all that was done they told me to rest awhile to let the drugs kick in and then they came in with results... so basically things werent so bad.... the dizziness was due to a very serious  ESTENSIVE sinus disease that if they cant get the "fluids" moving then surgery MAY come... and also i have tract infection... UGH! anyways. they couldnt explain the headaches and the spells or the blacking out... until just before it was time to go they were checking my vitals and a spell hit... and he realized what was going on... i ws having panic attacks... so stress and anxiety was what was causing all this crap... yeh... so i got lots of meds to come home with... one to drain my sinus crap and another was my antibiotic and the last one is loritabs!!! lol im supposed to take them temporarily everytime i have a panic attack.... the doctor said.. "they have street value" so keep the hidden.. i was like great now im drug addict to put on top of all this.. so i got home early evening on friday and this is the first time ive been allowed out of bed since.. and once im done posting then i have to go back to bed... i MAY get to go to church tommorow... but no night service... great huh? anyways.. i gotta go ... im feeling kinda dizzy so im going to bed..

ill see you guys tommorow..

love you all,

keep me in your prayers.

meag

ps you know what the worst part was???

I MISSED PAINTBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well... I love to hear from you guys.. and i like to HEAR your advice and i do consider it BUT please stop TELLING me what to do.. im sorry but i dont know how i feel or think or what i want or need so i cant take in what you think... ok im sorry.. thanks you guys.. i love you to peices

meag

down days... save me....

meag

let me tell you all something.. i have the best boyfriend ever... i promise!

meag

So.. there is this kidd.. and its weird.... (and no in no way do i like him...) but everytime he looks at you its like his eyes focus.. and his eyes seem to relay to you this message...

you... you.. you..

its like he may not even know you exist but when he speaks to you.. its like your his world... i wish everyone looked at you like this.. because he makes you feel very special...... and this may all seem very stupid.. but its true....and this kidd is amazing..... anyways.. im really bored...

i love you guys...

meag

ps please keep me in your prayerers... im really down lately..

So... This is one of those tragically typically normal dreams.. but still... So..I was walking this road.. alone.. and it was beautiful out... perfectly serene.. but i was crying... and i just couldnt walk anymore literally i was stopped dead in my tracks... i fought to move.. but i couldnt... and it scared me.. and i dropped to the ground and cried... unable to move... it felt like i was there forever.. but then i felt someone take my hand and pick me up.... i could feel God with me.. but that wasnt who had my hand.. and i looked around and my friends.. my real friends surrounded me and carried me on.. and all the while i could hear God whispering in my ear.. :I love you, your gonna make...:

i woke up so incredibly comforted... I have not felt this calm in a VEEEEEEEEEERRY long time!!!!!

i love my friends... and

im.. happy...

at least now i am..

later guys..

meag

1.Woke up to find it was a snow day....

2.Got to do the tragically neighborly thing of asking my neighbor for *gasp* an egg!  it was so leave it to beaver!

3.Found out the valentines day plans with david, tyler and brady are gonna be pretty cool

4.Got out of cleaning the house today...

Pretty Good huh??

love you guys,

meag

ps OH and...

5. My grandpa had ANOTHER stroke.... and my uncle who is a pastor and another lady had a vision from the Lord of my grandma in church without my grandpa.... and he has a feeling he has DAYS to live....and im falling apart...

so yeh that was my day.....

HeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeY Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiids!!!

Snoooooooooooooooooooooow Daaaaaaaaaaay!!!

lol! Well not much to say really.. just wanted to post... you should all call me...... lol!

love you guys, meag

ps VALENTINES DAY IS TOMMOROW!

OK... I wish people would learn some respect... Yesterday was the worst day ever and i hope NOTHING like that EVER happens again..... I was shaking and crying and I felt so i dunno dirty... ugh..... I hate people..... anyways... i guess i just wanna forget it...

so... here are some of the pics i took at the Lewis'...

there are more in my photobox....

love you, meag

so the game was waaaay to much fun.. waaaay to crazy.. and seigel sucks!!!! we sooo should have won and number 44 SUCKS too! lol

it was too much fun though!

meag

i in math... i hate math.. lol... im on my way to a dance showcase so its prolly gonna be gay but yeh i dont wanna go to class.... anyways....i guess i should go cuz mrs carr is yelling repeatedly...

*i need the keyboard and the mouse!*

lol... so yeh.. bye bye keyboard and mouse.....

love you guys... and love you buttons!!!

cant wait till tommorow and friday!!!!

love you, meag

Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? yes
How old were you? 14
What was your outlook on the world? it was horrible
How were you doing at school/your job? sucky
What did you most look forward to? absolutely nothing...
Did you make New Year's Resolutions? no
What was your biggest worry? that i would never escape depression
Who was your best friend? danie stoffer
What did you do with your spare time? read
What did you do for fun? hung out with danie and josh(when i dated him)


IN THE MIDDLE OF 2005: SUMMER

Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? yes but a different one
Had your outlook on the world changed? no
What things happened during summer? summer camp, and a trip to VA!!! thats ALL that was good.. oh yeh and i developed an crush on david
Did you get a tan? yes but its gone
Who'd you hang out with? noone
Did you go visit anywhere? Denver, CO, Hampton, VA, and Hoopeston, IL
What was your biggest worry? that i was going to lose one of my best friends
What was the most fun event that happened? summer camp and finally finding friends and home (FwC)



AND AS THE YEAR DRAWS TO AN END...How old are you? 15
What major changes have happened since the year began? im happy and became a christian or at least more than JUST on sunday....
Is your life any different from when it started this year? heck yes!!!
What thing that happened stands out in your mind? i decided on a career, and i became close to God
Did You Fall in Love? no but i learned what love was... and i loved someone...
How have you changed? in too many ways
Are you happy with how the year went? with the changes..



FOR 2006...
Do you think it'll be better or worse than this year? better.. ive got God by my side now
What do you plan to do next year? 2007? graduate and enlist in the air force
What are your New Year's resolutions? didn't make any, and i won't
Who are you spending New Year's Eve with? Brady and her parents and some drunks.. lol


AND TO WRAP IT UP...

What one thing would you like to say as the year is almost done????? i duno

hm... yeh life is boring.. ok boring is a bad choice of a word.. cuz its stressful and confusing definetely not boring... but not really all the great... ive had alot of ups and downs lately.... ugh.. pray for me..

love you, meag

Again... I really dont have anything to say... but im sure i will at some point... so i will post again then...

like i said on xanga...

i miss lavergne...

i love oakland...

i have the two best fiances EVER

Adam and Tim....

yeh they rock.....gah!!!!

more laterz... life rocks lately...

life seems more and more like a roller coaster lately... ugh...

take the good days as they come i guess....

laterz...

meag

aka squirt or sunshine or msteve

Im in math class and i really have nothing to say.. but i figured i would post simply for Katie Kimbell

so yeh...to add to my other three new friends at oakland i shall add Katie Kimbell...

i love katie kimbell to death.. and we are friends on phusebox AND at oakland so HA!... lol sorry Katie.. but i do love you... hehe

also

i would like to post this...

I MISS JONATHAN WYLER HATTER!!!!

i cant wait to see him this summer.. heis the most amazing person ever.. and i miss him dearly... GAH! so yeh.. .cant wait to see you jon... love you!!! LOOK WHAT YOU DUN DID NOW!!

meag