Well... I competed a few months ago at the Indiana State Championships and took home first in Sparring and in Forms and Fourth in Board Breaking. Qualifying me for Nationals in Florida... My school [[Full Armor Martial Arts]] took 21 students. That is the largest out of state group to qualify. 8 adults and 13 students.

Well... Yesterday was the adults competition and at the end of the day we were the 3rd school in points. I came home with first place in forms and in sparring (the only two I competeted in) in my age division for Intermediate ranking. It was truly amazing!!!

The kids are competing today and Ill let you guys know later how that went... but so far...
Tamara-1st is Sparring
Shelly-1st in Sparring and 2nd in Forms
Jim-2nd in Staff and 1st in Sparring
Paula-1st in Forms and 1st in Sparring
Ryan-2nd in Sparring
Nick-1st in Sparring
Melissa-1st in Forms and 1st in Sparring

Yes we kicked but!!! It was amazing... More later...

<3 Meag

Sometimes I wonder what the rush is and why I cant be perfectly content with being single. I have friends and family and goals and God but I still feel like Im missing that intrical part of growing up. It seems high school romance is everyones dream but Its more than that... I want my Dawson Leery, my Troy Bolton, my Danny Zuko, my Johnny Castle, my Rick Blaine, my Cory Matthews. I want a soulmate. But is it possible that out of the millions of people that populate this world that we can actually find that one who is your true love. Or do we just eventually settle... when we know its too difficult to keep looking and keep feeling alone. One's  TRUE LOVE. A soulmate. A companion. Kindred Spirits. Is it possible? Or is it just another fantasy that Hollywood dreamed up to make us hopeless romantics spend the rest of our lives searching for the impossible that only happens on shows like Grease, Boy Meets World, and Dawson's Creek. Maybe it used to be possible but now there just arent any of those guys left. And those that are around want to be your "friend" or are taken advantage of by the Jen Lindley's of this world. Maybe Im just a typical teenage girl watching too much Dawson's Creek and dishing out just another dose of angst but I cant help but wonder where MY soulmate is... and if Ill ever find him. Because so far all Ive found are a bunch of jerks who cant see past the MTV and Hollywood standards that I dont meet and see that maybe Im an OK girl. Sure I mess up but in the end all I really want... is to be like Joey Potter and Topanga Lowrance and Sandy Olsson. Loved for who I am. I want to be a woman who is thought of as beautiful and smart and not just Meagan... trusty old friend. But maybe thats just who I am... the friend. One of the guys.

 

Meag

<b>Green Belt...</b>

I had my green belt testing on Saturday. It was harder than most tests and Im not really sure why. I was pretty drained when it was over but I was really excited. In perspective there are 10 belts before Black. [[White, Yellow, Gold, Orange, Green, Purple, Blue, Brown, Red, Red Senior, Black]] And I just got my Green. Ill be working hard for Purple now and hopefully in September Ill get it. I would probaly get it sooner but I have to go out of town for all of June.

<b>Graduation...</b>

Graduation was yesterday. In itself it was pretty boring but I guess it's tradition. I dont think it's really hit me that that was it. I mean really it... done. no more high school. ever again. College this fall... MTSU. Im pretty excited. I can't wait to see what the future holds for me...

<b>Grandma.... </b>

God I cant wait for her to LEAVE!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow I take her to the airport and Im so freaking anxious. I know it sounds awful but I want to never have to spend time with her again! She's awful to me. She told me my hair is unbecoming.  She told me Im gaining weight and need to get a handle on it or [insert that boy's name here] would never ask me out and that Ramen Noodles are the reason Im fat. She is so cruel to me and mom. OK yes Im overweight, yes Im not really pretty but I dont want to hear it over and over again! I already have low enough self esteem. I already struggle with depression so if you dont ave anything nice to say to me... DONT SAY ANYTHING!!!

<b>The Gathering...</b>

The Gathering had a barn party tonight. It was fun Im glad I went. I met a couple people I guess. I just dont know. I feel too young. like I dont really fit in with them yet cuz im not old enough. Maybe Ill wait till next year to start going? I sat there in cried just searching for answers on what to do next. Im so lost. I dont know if Im ready for the Gathering but I need something. I want to make friendships that MEAN something you know... I just want to fit in and be cared about! I want to meet people who will help me grow towards God and not keep running in the total opposite direction.

<b>Boys...</b>

OK. so although I think you all know who <i>that </i>boy is by now.... Im still not saying any names. But I really like him and its absolutely driving me insane. He's going away for a month and so it's not like we can even start a relationship... plus I dont really know how he feels about me. I mean I know he likes me... but i dunno... ugh. Plus EVERY time we try and make plans something comes up... and he leaves NEXT WEEK... then I wont seem him till July. UGH why me??? why me??? I dunno I guess if something is meant to happen it will but by then I might have driven myself entirely insane!

&hearts;meag

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are
overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours
fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions
because it must be that they that are doing something wrong. This is for the
girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play
mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for
a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who
understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're
interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and
worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because
somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this
time he'll have understood. This is a homage to the girls who laugh
loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat
boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their
attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who
have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and screw up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the
girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite
words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time
heals all wounds."

This is for the girls who have
spent their weekends playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy
friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just
before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over
but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls
who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to
make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who
have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint
after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a
skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good
or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of
breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only
wanted as a friend.

I honor you for the night
his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his
car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just
right, or said the right words
then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for
the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you
saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the hugs you've received from your friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are
beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a
great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the
aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship
you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls
who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving
because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of
the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing. This is for the
girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned
never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they
deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept
the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don't
understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only
attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them
and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and
think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men
complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely
interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and
beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives,
that girls play mind games, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet,
men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested,
thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and
beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait
for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next
day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward
nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and
attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from
which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not
immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd
met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve
and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make
plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to
the  party scene and search once more for this "nice
girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth,
guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice
girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your
intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that
argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick
fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another
human

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys,
when you pass us up on every step you take.You don't want the nice girl. so don't say you're looking
for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent,
three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking
for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem
willing to express.

Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the
race they're running they're chasing after the skank and
the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with
water and towels and a congratulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice
girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping
against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you
want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last
forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their
running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're
waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that
silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a
concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

Hey guys!

I wanted to wish you all a Happy New Year!!! And share a couple things...

This
new year I want to challenge every one to put God first in your life.
Ok... So yeh guys, I know this time every year (along with camp time)
all of us get all excited about what we are going to do for God... We
all set out with these huge expectations of how we can affect our
entire school!! Well how about at the beginning of 2007 we start by
just changing OUR lives... For most of my friends this year we
graduate... Its an exciting and yet entirely frightening time for us!
But statistics say that like 75% of students walk away from God once
out of high school. This is crucial for us to get our relationship with
Christ on track now... while its still relatively easy to be a Christ
follower!

The first thing to
consider when setting out to know God is to put him first... One of the
biggest problems in Christianity and any religion for as long as time..
is putting traditions before God... In Judiasm some people are more
worried about blowing the Shofar than celebrating God. Well OK so youre
thinking.. who cares... we dont do that in Christianity... no but we do
each have our own traditions... Some of us are used to worshiping in a
certain way, with certain music, with a certain worship leader, sitting
in a certain pew, with your routine.... and when something changes that
you throw a fit.... and your like "no this is wrong! Im leaving!" ok
ok.. fine.. leave your pacifier at the door then... It isnt about how
we worship.. Its simply THAT we worship and thank God for everything he
has and will do for and through us! Sunday is no holier than Tuesday or
Saturday...The whole calendar belongs to God... we should give every
day full of worship to God... Not just our sunday mornings... We have
so fully invested ourselves in the routine of Church that we are
missing the relationship with the Head of the church (Jesus Christ) we
need to follow Ephesians 4:15 when it talks about growing up in Christ.
We all need to establish spiritual maturity.. and that doesnt come from
going to church for 25 years... that comes from establishing a true
relationship with the Head. You can track your maturity by the fruits
you are bearing in your life... Along with putting God first.. he has
to be the ONLY thing you follow... you cant follow two leaders... My
pastor said this morning "Anything without a head is dead, but anything
with more than one head... is just a freak!" You have to have that true
relationship with the head because without Jesus, no matter how
religious or moral you are... you are still dead in sin. You will NEVER
defeat the tendency of Godlisness with just your will! When you
establish spiritualy maturity you are made alive in the spirit...
Colossians 2:13-17 says "...He forgave us all our sins, having canceled
the written code, with its regulations, hat was against us and that
stood opposed to us, he took it away, nailing it to the cross..." There
are dark spiritual forces on this earth CONSTANTLY working against
us... and with this maturity comes the power to fight those forces!
Whether or not you believe there are demons against us heare on
earth... THEY ARE STILL THERE... You could say there is no such thing
as a virus... you are still gonna get colds! When we see something in
the bible we dont like.. its our child like mentality that comes
through when we say.. well i just dont believe that! It is kinda like
when we are little and we are sitting in bed and we think there is a
monster under our bed.. so we put the quilt over our head.. yeh.. like
thats going to really protect us... Well in the end... it all comes
down to you and me... what we choose to believe. God has done what he
is going to do... now we have to decide wether or not we want to follow
him....

So as the in Judaism on Yom Kippur Ill end this by saying...

"May your name be inscribed in the book of life!"

hey there!

i havent posted in awhile.

so yeh.. life is boring.. basically.. school sucks... tae kwan do is amazing and thats the jist of my life these days.. lol

meag

i can. i did/am.

so ha!

anyways... God is truly amazing...

He broke me tonight and i think im finally going to be able to heal.. after all this time.....

wow... i feel so peaceful...

meag

trying to keep busy...

to avoid realizing....

that growing up means everything you love slowly slips away...

and that its starting...

now

meag

 

A favorite toy.

A stuffed bear name "Teddy".

It’s missing left eye.

The twelth time mom sewed his tail back on.

A child’s love.

A shove on the playground.

Poking in class.

Getting framed for his mischief.

A stolen snack at lunch.

That impish little grin.

A young boy’s love.

A touch of the hand.

Sweet hidden glances.

Kisses goodbye.

Caution thrown to the wind.

A heart handed away.

It’s puppy love.

Purring incessantly.

Jumping up to greet you.

A wake-up pounce at four a.m.

Tails swished in your face.

A cold, wet kiss.

A kitten’s love.

A few dollars to go to the movies.

An embarrassing public kiss.

The push to do better.

Yelling that never seems to end.

"Unfair" rules.

A parent’s love.

Forgiveness beyond comprehension.

A hand to always help you up.

A peace to pass all understanding.

Loyalty no matter what.

A promised forever.

My God’s love.

forgive me if i should pass you by,
nothing personal, just trying to save me

a good friend of mine wrote that in a poem of his... and i havent been able to get past those two lines... i like them.. dunno why?

i miss my life

meag

dont think im causing drama guys.. im actually pretty happy... what can be expected at least

Last night was better... probaly because I had an unexpected emotional breakdown near the end of worship.... I dunno what happened... The past few weeks all hit me at once I think. But anyway.. it did make a few people notice me. lol Especially the most precious Audrey Miller who left stage to come to me... lol.  anyways... I went out to eat afterwards... felt a little more like i belonged... guess itll be up and down until i get settled in... im figuring i expected it to be like FWC... id just walk in and get the routine and love it..... i just need time to adjust!....

love you guys,

meag

ps i love maggie miller!

wow...

so i went to Turning Point...

It's weird starting over again.

BJ said "Hey look it's Meagan"

Allie said "Im back!"

Laura asked"How was your weekend?"

and

Matt Hicks said"Fine Meagan! Leave without saying Goodbye!"

yep.. that was the total of times I was spoken to...

Weird? Yes... very....

I miss you guys already...

Meag

yes today was my last sunday at FWC and yes Wed. is my last wed.

no i am not angry at anyone at FWC. i adore all of the youth and the leaders you guys have meant alot to me the past couple years

no this was not entirely my decision

yes i already miss you guys

yes i am excited about what God has in store for me at Turning Point!

hey guys... i havent posted in awhile... but anyways im praying alot about churches... so keep me in your prayers.. school is great... my friends are great...im trying to change a few things about myself and im doing pretty well!!! God is amazing....

meag

weeeeell... I started siegel monday! Its really not bad. Everyone has been really nice and friendly. Plus alot of people from church are there. God was amazing and gave me lunch with Hannah and Meghan, so we are doing a bible study during our lunch. Our verse this week is Acts 4:12. I still dont have my permanent schedule yet which is frustrating but ok. It means im getting to meet alot of people!

encounter was last night.. and it was great. Dan spoke on being moldable and the service was really cool. God has really been working on me about being distracted too easily. And Im really struggling with it but Im excited about where im going!

Last night was Paul, Chris, and Stacy last encounter and tonight is their last Relentless before they go to Lee. Im really sad...  especially that Stacy is leaving.. she was the very first friend i had here. Im going to miss her like crazy!! Plus im gonna miss Paul... Im not extremely close with him but he's a cool friend and he was my buddy at OHS! ugh.... not to mention Cherry and Travis left for college too!!! AAAH! too many changes!

im not ready to grow up.....

i love you guys.....

meag

fine arts... was amazing....

not much drama either... wow!

i really enjoyed having a room with jessica!!! ( and having some GREAT conversations!! lol ) I got to spend alot of time with Stacy building on an already great friendship. BUT i am quite happy to be home about to get in my OWN bed!!!

Allie, Laura, Maggie, and Audrey took first for small vocal ensemble.. and they SO deserved it! Amanda made the top 15 for drama solo... wow! isnt she amazing?

So I think i'm never going to tell Paul what i think of him again.... ugh!! lol jk

well gotta run..

love you,

meag

ps I GOT TO SEE JOOOOON!!!!

BLIM BLAM

He just heard from God through a crossword puzzle!!!

lol that movie was great... today was pretty much amazing... i love alicia, ali and ariana (ARI--ana)!!

love, meag

ps for anyone that didnt know... i dont think anyone is stupid.. i was so just kidding! lol....

my party was amazing...
cause all the cool people showed up...
and the stupid people stayed home...
except randy had a good excuse...so i still love him...
the rest of you are stupid...

but i love...
meghan breaux
hannah breaux
jeremy zajas
stephen slate
chris slate
jessica hunter
becca hicks
beckie jensen
julie pyatt
danie stoffer
josh griffiths
josh dyer
chris morgan
stacy cohl

love to some of you...and pity to the rest...for missing the best party ever...lol
meag
poop

save me....

im falling....

well... jumping...

help....

Every penny in a well,every broken wish bone, every 11:11 on a clock, every crossed finger, every turn of a necklace pendant, every star in the sky, every fallen eyelash, every blown out candle, every wish I could make....will never give me you.