It Is Well (I Think Therefore I Progress, If But One Small Step)
April 30 2006
After opening my buzzport email inbox for the hundredth time, I've realized junk mail, from the source of your education or not, is the plague of humanity. Whoever thought email lists and mass emails were a good idea needs to be tortured and killed.
My remarks have been down as of late, probably due to the more esoteric posts than normal; however, as I believe I've said before, I'm under strict watch not to divulge any supposedly classified information to people, although I did to Mai earlier today simply because I had no one to talk to and was angry.
Whether esoteric or not, most things posted on here have meaning (if not all). Take, for instance, the last post: although I won't go into the nuances of the lyrics (people debate what they really mean anyway) or the morality of the band (b/c it's not Christian by any means), I was listening to this song yesterday and realized how good the lyrics really were because, I believe, it's my problem. You may not agree with me as to the source of my problems--Hell, my parent's don't so why should you, the reader?--but I think it's a very important step to understanding what's going on here.
In my opinion, a lot of the nonconformist movement, as I call it, is founded on the principles of rejection and misery. You'll often here the statement from people, "People just don't get me," or, "You haven't been through what I've been through"; and while those statements may be very true, the underlying motive falls short of a good life--that is, that because that person has suffered they have the right to make themselves and others suffer. Now, this doesn't necessarily mean the torturing sense of suffering; rather, it's the idea the unique is embraced to an extent beyond its capacity. If one feels rejected, they have to rejected everyone else indiscriminately. I didn't used to ascribe to that belief, but somewhere along the line, self-progression was replaced by a sense of selfishness.
God doesn't give us the right to wallow in the mud of misery, no matter how bad it seems or feels, and trust me, it feels pretty shitty at times. It's the question I believe the Spirit posed to me: "If I gave you the solution, would you even accept it?" That's a funny question, if you think about it. Why not reject misery and hatred and bitterness and accept joy and peace and love? It's easier to wade in the former as an excuse for not living appropriately.
Living is difficult, but it's difficult for all of us. We all must surpass through the blood of Jesus Christ and the power of His resurrection, regardless of what we've been through or who's hurt us and so on and so forth. We all must progress.
I'm not attempting to rehash everything. I've fallen a lot and will probably continue sometimes to post the most depressing poetry this side of eternity. At this point in time, for this small moment, though, I can say it is well with my soul, and I guess that's comforting, even if it's brief.
My remarks have been down as of late, probably due to the more esoteric posts than normal; however, as I believe I've said before, I'm under strict watch not to divulge any supposedly classified information to people, although I did to Mai earlier today simply because I had no one to talk to and was angry.
Whether esoteric or not, most things posted on here have meaning (if not all). Take, for instance, the last post: although I won't go into the nuances of the lyrics (people debate what they really mean anyway) or the morality of the band (b/c it's not Christian by any means), I was listening to this song yesterday and realized how good the lyrics really were because, I believe, it's my problem. You may not agree with me as to the source of my problems--Hell, my parent's don't so why should you, the reader?--but I think it's a very important step to understanding what's going on here.
In my opinion, a lot of the nonconformist movement, as I call it, is founded on the principles of rejection and misery. You'll often here the statement from people, "People just don't get me," or, "You haven't been through what I've been through"; and while those statements may be very true, the underlying motive falls short of a good life--that is, that because that person has suffered they have the right to make themselves and others suffer. Now, this doesn't necessarily mean the torturing sense of suffering; rather, it's the idea the unique is embraced to an extent beyond its capacity. If one feels rejected, they have to rejected everyone else indiscriminately. I didn't used to ascribe to that belief, but somewhere along the line, self-progression was replaced by a sense of selfishness.
God doesn't give us the right to wallow in the mud of misery, no matter how bad it seems or feels, and trust me, it feels pretty shitty at times. It's the question I believe the Spirit posed to me: "If I gave you the solution, would you even accept it?" That's a funny question, if you think about it. Why not reject misery and hatred and bitterness and accept joy and peace and love? It's easier to wade in the former as an excuse for not living appropriately.
Living is difficult, but it's difficult for all of us. We all must surpass through the blood of Jesus Christ and the power of His resurrection, regardless of what we've been through or who's hurt us and so on and so forth. We all must progress.
I'm not attempting to rehash everything. I've fallen a lot and will probably continue sometimes to post the most depressing poetry this side of eternity. At this point in time, for this small moment, though, I can say it is well with my soul, and I guess that's comforting, even if it's brief.
Russell Rodden
April 30 2006
Wow amazing post. I understood it all too. Either you're making things more understandable, or I'm just getting a little more wise. ;)
Josh Morgan
May 01 2006
Brief, eh? Like your exoteric moments? :) Seriously, though, I have always somewhat resented it when I was told "you can't understand, you haven't...." I don't think understanding another person is a yes/no thing. We understand others by considering what we know about them and extrapolating based on our own experiences and personality. In this way, I think knowledge of another is a matter of degree. Some people understand me better, some people understand me worse. I doubt anyone that knows me understands me completely OR not at all.
Mai White
May 01 2006
It's really kind of an unecesarry thing for anyone to say they're misunderstood. Kind of like what Josh said, no one is really completely understood by any other human being. We don't even fully understand ourselves. I suppose that's where God comes in - He has the capacity to understand things about us we couldn't even falthom.
Anyways, sounds like you're doing better, or becoming more content with things. That's good. Hope it lasts.
