random thoughts (i wrote this on july 25th, but it never posted)

July 25 2006

im in the mood to either read and get lost in another world or write and make up my own.

got a massive effin paper cut today...by massive i mean this one might need stitches.

went to the pyramids today and climbed one.  by climbing i mean walked up 236 stairs.  yes, that is the accurate number.  no, my obsessive complulsive mind did not click on and count...alexis did...A:  dos cientos treinta y seis..como se dice, oli?  O:  en ingles? A:  si  O:   236

keiry (prounounced katey)-the two year old- kicked me today because she was mad that i took the roll of double-sided tape from her (thats how i got the paper cut).  then her mom smacked her hand.

i realize that i listen to my ipod when i most need to escape what is happening around me.

i usually hold on to my wadded up napkin for at least 15 min after i eat.  it must be some sort of security for me.

i find myself really wanting to buy a book of poetry by nikki giovanni.  if you dont know any of her stuff...FIND IT AND READ IT.  shes amazing.

you know your in a foreign country when your excited about eating pizza.

i played a game on facebook today.  i clicked on a friend from high school, then kept clicking on mutual friends.  its cool to see where everyone is.

i cant wait for classes to start back.  i really want to dive into a new english class.  this semester its shakespeare and then some.

decorating for vbs tomorrow.  will get to see some familar people. 

my mind is as full as a ticks swollen body right now.  its not fun.  i think it might pop at any moment...

hence the reason to get lost elsewhere



July 12 2006

question of the day:

¿Que comes,mujer? 

translation:  what do you eat, woman?!

she asked me this after i turned down a hotdog for breakfast.

well, funny you ask...eggs, bacon, cereal, biscuits...NOT fried cheese quesadillas, hotdogs with onions, tomatoes, ketchup, mayonaise, peppers.

hahaha, i love it here.

mexico city

July 10 2006

so ive been out of the us for 2 weeks, and i have to admit, i havent really done a great job of embracing my time here.  its been difficult.  at times i feel as though the world has fallen and landed on my shoulders.  at other times i feel as though there is no where else i would rather be. 

i remember flying into mexico city thinking, ohmygosh, i cant believe im here.  this is it.  i have to use spanish as soon as i step off this airplane.  goodness was it hard.  for the first week and two days i felt like the biggest fool ever created.  see, when it comes to learning a foreign language you can know everything but still lack something.  what is it you lack, you might be asking.  everything.  the ability to talk.  the ability to hear the language.  i spent the first week and a half trying figuring out just how long 6 weeks is.  i began counting down days so quickly.  i was so discouraged.  not only did i feel like an idiot, i also got sick about a week into my trip.  apparently i had too much chili (jalapeños).  fever.  head aches.  cramping stomach.  not fun at all.  for days all i wanted to do was cry.  what do you do when you feel like that.  call your mother of course.  so i called my mother and cried. 

on thursday of last week i went and stayed with another couple for the weekend.  we walked and shopped some.  went to an amusement park and rode roller coasters.  talked about god and ministry.  visited neighbors.  we basked in true community.  its been a long time since i have experienced true community like this.  neighbors call on neighbors to visit with new babies.  eat snacks.  play games.  have bible studies.  its beautiful.  however i was still discouraged.  my spanish will never get better.  my heart is being walked all over.  im hurting.  im sad.  im homesick.  im physically sick.  i have no friends here.  these were my discouragements.

saturday night i returned with my family.  it was like someone changed the burned out light bulb in the lamp.  all of a sudden i could hear.  i could communicate.  i could translate quickly.  i had more confidence in myself.   i could have conversations.  i have no idea what happened, but all i can say is gracias a dios.  (we say that when we leave the table:  thanks to God). 

god is doing so much in my heart.  ive learned in life that gods movements are processes.  he doesnt usually choose to push a button and let things happen.  god is an orchestrator.  a composer.  a writer.  a builder.  hes not a magician.  he could be if he wanted to be, but for our sake and his glory, he doesnt just snap his fingers.  god is teaching me to let go.  LET GO.  he is writing a story about a young girl who needed to have her hands pryed off of everything she ever wanted and put into contact with what her father wants for her.  he is writing an amazing climax about a young girl who needed to fall head over heels in love with her maker.  of course there are conflicts.  there always are conflicts.  hurts, pains, sadness, lack of desire, etc.  but, you see, he has already written the ending as well.  only the author knows when his main character changes for the good.  only the author knows when the young girl will truly let go and love with everything simply because she allows herself to. 

i was walking through the grocery store today overcome with frustration.  i only have 4 weeks left here, and i do not want to return to the states as the same girl.  i need to hurry up and grow!  i dont want to have the same worldy desires.  i want to be overcome with love for my maker and discontentment with what anyone else offers me.  and i was reminded, as i was trying to exchange the money from pesos to dollars in my mind, that i cant get frustrated.  god has already drawn out the plans for this process in my life, just as he did when he freed me from doubting my salvation (i doubted my salvation for 10 years.)   this could only take the next 4 weeks.  it could take another 10 years.  it could take 3 months for all i know.  but i have to admit, i find joy in the process.

look back at the past year of your own life.  youre not the same person are you.  neither am i.  what a beatiful, intentional god we serve.  what a beautiful novel he has written.  ill let you know how the process pans out.


June 23 2006
    so i leave in 4 days for the great city of mexico city, mexico.  i will be gone for 6 weeks.  by myself.  living with two different families.  learning spanish.  teaching english.  it's going to be a wonderful experience. 
anway, i say that just to tell you all that i will be posting random updates about what i'm doing and where i am. 
keep your eyes open.
see you all in august.


April 17 2006

controversial just for the sake of being controversial?!

November 10 2005
this is something that really ticks me off.  i hate when people decide to be shocking and controversial just because of the effect in has on other people.  the source of my rant today is MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE UNIVERSITY.

i passed by tucker theatre today and there was a sign up advertising the fall musical:  The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  now, i'm not going to lie and act like i've seen the play, i haven't, but i do know the controversy of which it contains.  now, one might think, ahh, great musical.  however, i think...another musical like this?  last year the musical department did cabaret (which by the way, was far from exceptional.)  so here we are dealing with another musical that contains controversial stuff, for lack of a better word.
there are better  musicals out there that can be done:  42nd street, les mis, shakespeare plays with a modern twist,  hairspray, pippin, joseph and the tecnicolor dreamcoat, etc.  but they seem to choose differently.

that's all i feel like talking about right now.  that's my rant. 


November 07 2005
by the way....juniors did win the lip sync...AGAIN.  WOOT WOOT. 

ladies and gentlemen, IKE TURNER

and wife, Tine Turner

rollin on the river...thanks snuz for the blue shirts.

EVERYBODY....proud mary keep on burnin'

yep, we're proud.  see you next year.


November 06 2005
"When i stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind:  Paul Newman and a ride home."

" 'Hey,' I said suddenly, 'can you see the sunset real good from the West Side?'
She blinked, startled, then smiled, 'Real good.'
'You can see it good from the East Side, too' I said quietly."

"Stay gold, Ponyboy.  Stay gold."

What book is this from?

i remember....

October 31 2005
i remember one afternoon at school, i was in kindergarten.  i went so fast down a slide that i couldn't stop and i tripped over a log.  i sprained my arm.

i remember Christmas eve one year.  my brother got a timex watch and i thought it was so cool.  that night we made pallets in the floor in the den upstairs and went to sleep anticipating santa claus coming.

i remember one year for my birthday a bunch of my girl friends came over to spend the night, and we watched 101 dalmations.

i remember at the skating rink once, a boy came up behind me and tried to hold my hand.  the song that was playing was "i saw the light in your window tonight" by wynona judd.

i remember the first time i rode a roller coaster.  it was the rockin' rollercoaster at opryland.  i was scared out of my mind!  i didn't ride another roller coaster until my senior year of high school.

i remember one time when we visited my great grandmama in the nursing home.  there was a mentally retarded man there.  his name was ray, and i always played with him.  i would hide behind his wheelchair and jump up and scare him.  we had fun together.  i loved him.  i wonder if he is still there.

i remember when my brother was in boy scouts.  one night his troop came over and camped in our woods.  i remember walking in the woods and my dad showing me the place where they slept.

i remember this big yellow van my dad used to drive.  it had a bed in it, and it was huge!  he always used it when he went hunting.

i remember one thanksgiving night sitting in my bedroom watching home alone 1 on an little black and white television.

i remember the night i plotted to run away.  i wrote a note for my parents and everything.  it was before my brother and i switched rooms.  i never ran away.

i remember when my brother and i would play american gladiator with a blanket and a 3-liter mountain dew bottle.

i remember a time in kindergarten when i went up to my teacher and said, "you can call me hairy since my arms are so hairy."

i remember when mrs. meador the librarian read the book "junie b jones and the big smelly school bus."  she was so good with the voices that i immediately checked the book out and read it myself.

i remember the first night i had stuffed crust pizza from pizza hut.  i  still remember who was there.

i remember one afternoon i went to the place where my mom got her hair cut.  the girls gave me a makeover.  they curled my hair and put make-up on me.  then that afternoon, my dad and i watched the indian in the cupboard.

i remember the first time i said a cuss word.  my dad was lighting a big fire in the wood stove, and i was watching.  i was so amazed that i said, "oh s**t!"  my dad sat me in the corner.

i remember when i had ear surgery.  i looked at my brother after i came out and said, "who are you?"

isn't it neat how God gave us the capacity to remember so many things?

i can't contain myself

October 23 2005

bless the Lord for His power...the magnificence of autumn is among us.

fun time at samford

October 16 2005

hey kids.  it's sunday afternoon and les and i are kickin it at the harding house.  actually, she's taking a nap.  i just woke up from one and actually i think i might go back to sleep. 

fall break has been GREAT so far.  les and i left thursday afternoon at 3:30 and went to samford university.  there we chilled on thursday night.  i stayed with my best friend jennifer and got to spend some time with her.  then friday night we went to a fraternity party/semi-formal with some guys.  les's best friend from home and a good friend of mine from home are in the same fraternity, so we were their dates. here's some pictures.

the boys cooked steak (that's my date on the right)

and potatoes.  meat and potatoes...hmmmm

then we ate.

then we got all dressed up and decided it was time to party.

but first, the boys gave us flowers.

then we partied.

the band was amazing.  they were an 80s rock cover band.  you name it, they played it.  go to their website at www.flybyradio.com to see more pictures.

they had this really cool fan that blew our hair everywhere.  that was fun.

me and my date at the end of the night.

we had a blast.  it's been a while since i've had fun like i did that night.  ok, more later.


i like

October 12 2005
i like hoodies in the fall.
i like cheese and crackers.
i like naps.
i like to play football.
i like to watch football.
i like silence.
i like humming birds.
i like children who talk like adults.
i like a hug from somone i haven't seen in a while.
i like feeling missed.
i like nights in the city.
i like to lay in my bed and watch tv.
i like roadtrips with friends.
i like to dress up.
i like calendars.
i like my grandaddy.
i like puppies.
i like not wearing makeup.
i like genuine people.
i like clouds spread across a bright blue sky.
i like to hear the birds sing.
i like the utter beauty of the ocean.
i like when someone knows my heart.
i like skirts.
i like sunsets.


September 30 2005
there has been no shortage of beautiful days lately. that is for sure. God's creation is gorgeous.

here is a quote from a card i bought in hillsboro village the other day: "you're the strangest person i ever met, she said & i said you too & we decided we'd know each other a long time."

sometimes i think the people that live above me wrestle. sometimes it sounds like they're going to fall through the roof. one of these days they just might. i don't think i'd be too surprised

i slept through the night last night. no parties outside my window, either that or i slept through it. praise God. i needed the sleep.

my favorite children's book right now is olivia. read it. oh yeah, and i also like the giving tree.

love you all. be sweet.
O "i see skies of blue...."

school work shmoool work

September 27 2005
so here i am. in the library. why is it that papers are due in groups? i remember this time last year, i had FOUR papers due in one week and three tests. now i have THREE papers due in one week. ahhhh, well. take one for the team. i guess.

so i am playing an organized sport. i know. laugh. i am too. no, really. i'm playing intramural flag football. for those of you who have seen me play basketball (maria)...i like to think that i'm better at football than basketball. maybe i'll even score a few goals. i mean, touchdowns. i keed. i keed.

the weather today....A MAZE ING. no other words to describe it. the sun is gorgeous. the sky is dep blue. the temperature is perfect. i really want to sit outside...but i never get anything done outside.

actually, i take that back. i refuse to sit in this library. i'm going to go get food and sit outside. yessssss.



September 23 2005
have you ever had that one friendship that meant so much to you? it meant so much to you that you could almost be content with just that, but then you remember the rest of your amazing friends and shrug off that thought.

i felt like this today.

my best friend jennifer and i got to talk today after a two and a half week hiatus. i can't put into words how much this conversation meant to me today. she is truly my sister in Christ. we struggle through the same things at the same time. we were seperated this summer (me at ridgecrest, her at home) so we only had 10 days to spend time together when i got back home. i was thinking that our relationship reminds me of one's relationship with Christ. she loves me despite who i am. she doesn't judge me. she encourages me. she tells me the truth whether i want to hear it or not. she doesn't get mad and walk away from me. she prays for me. she is absolutely precious to me.

we've been friends since junior year of high school, best friends since....i guess senior year of high school, and we will be friends til the day we die.
there's just something about sharing your heart with someone knowing that they aren't judging you, and that chances are, they are (or have) struggling with it too. she knows everything about me. EVERYTHING. she's the only one in my life that i have told everything to.

i will see her in a little less than a month.

one night at the end of the summer, we were out at the end of my driveway looking at stars and just talking about the happenings (physical and spiritual) of the summer when we saw a meteorite. at first we thought it was a really low shooting star, but it had a tail, so it had to be a meteorite.

neat story.

for those of you who don't revel in deep relationships...you are missing out on one of the biggest blessings from God himself. tear down your walls and open your heart to someone. it's totally worth it.
goodnight all.


September 22 2005
i'm alive, i swear! well, life....LIFE. that's all i can say. life is in full swing. classes are crazy. friends are amazing. so i went to the coldplay concert the other night with some friends....IT WAS PHENOMENAL. that's all i can say. this is short, but oh well. homework is calling my name. love you all.

"it's nighttime in brooklyn"

July 12 2005
there's a girl here that i work with that is an english major, and she said something last night that still remains with me. she was writing herself a reminder about something and had spelled one of the words wrong. a girl with us pulled the "english major" card. you know..."but you're an english major..." (side note: it's actually a very legitimate excuse for many things: i don't know how to divide. that's ok, i'm an english major, blah blah blah)
anyway, on with my story. so after the "english major" bat was swung, emily said, "actually, i'm not that much different other than i like words slightly more than the average person."
what a neat statement. maybe not to you, but to me it is. i love words. i might not be very good at using them myself ( i have to work hard at it), but i love the ways other people use them.
for example, one of my favorite devices used in literature is imagery. the use of imagery is merely to paint a picture with words. i love phrases that i can immediately picture in my mind. here's a list of my favorite:
-"like a cloud on the chicago skyline, these things will pass" (sandra mccracken, "sunday morning")
-"it's nighttime in brooklyn" (ryan horne)
-"Atticus was right. One time he said you never really know a man until you stand in his shoes and walk around in them. Just standing on the Radly porch was enough." (to kill a mockingbird)
-"Thou watchest the last oozings hours by hours." (John Keats "To Autumn" referring to a sunset)
-"I could not see my favorite mountains from where I sat, but opposite my chair, on the far wall of the dining room, was an antique oval mirror, a gift from my father, and in its reflection, I could see the mountains capped with snow, even in summer, and watch the trees change color. That censored view intensified my impression that the noise came not from the street below but from some far-off place, a place whose persistent hum was our only link to the world we refused, for those few hours, to acknowledge." (Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran)

that's all for now. i have to count my money box and get out of here.
it really wouldn't hurt to brush my teeth right now....


July 07 2005
hooooooooooooly cow, i am so sick of rain! apparently there is a tropical storm somewhere around us, and it is wreaking havoc on the blackmountain area. not really, it is just pouring. i want to be able to go outside and sit on the rocking chairs, or go play volleyball, or go play ultimtate frisbee, which, by the way, is a new favorite game of mine.
i've been playing a lot of games this summer. one, in particular, is killer. it is a mobile version of mafia. there is a killer and a detective. we usually play in spillman auditorium. it's pretty big and it's got annex buildings back behind it. so you run and hide, the killer kills, the townspeople yell "dead body", everyone comes running, and the detective asks questions to the townspeople. after a while, he/she is able to make an accusation and the game is over. it's a blast. the fun part is being the killer. which reminds me, it's about time to play another game of that.
so i have recently purchased seasons 3 and 4 of saved by the bell. yesterday evening i was in the "i don't want to be around people right now" mood, so i went and got dinner, went to my room and watched saved by the bell. it was a glorious occasion.
i just want to go back to bed....

another morning at work

July 06 2005
so here i am, sitting at the front desk. there's not much to do today at all, so i will probably just read/play on the internet/look over bible study material.
i keep thinking how i am super excited about the fall. i'm excited to be back with the amazing friends i have. i'm excited to get back to belle-aire and kick off the semester. i might even be excited about writing english papers. i guess i should be, though. i'll be doing it for the next 589 years. will school be over soon?? (sigh of impatience)
i have made some priceless friends here at ridgecrest. we all went out and saw fireworks the other night. we got as close as we possibly could and just laid on the ground and looked up. amazing bonding time. i got some great pictures of the fireworks. the finale was great. i couldn't handle it. i got too excited. one right after another. (if you know me well, you know how true this is.)
ooh, saturday a group of us went to Paramount Carowinds in charlotte, nc. it was amazing! perfect weather. great roller coasters. i'm never good at putting memories or emotions into words. i've been reminded how much i love people, deep relationships, and quality time. so, this summer has been amazing so far. i'm not quite ready to be gone from here nor gone from these people, but i am also excited about the fall and the people and tasks that await me there. here's to what's now and what's next. i love it. love you all.

gorgeous day

June 30 2005
so far today (it being 10:44 est) it has been gorgeous. the sky is bright blue. quite a change from the storms and downpours we've been getting the past couple of days.
so for those of you who don't know, i am in north carolina for the summer working at ridgecrest conference center. i am working on the front desk checking guests in and out, dealing with bills, answering phones, answering questions, etc. i've been told that we here on the front desk are "the face of ridgecrest." not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
i've had a great time so far. i am leading bible study for a group of 7 girls so, not only am i working, but i am also learning and growing.
ahh, it's great to be back here at ridgecrest. it's my third summer, and it has definitely been engraved on my heart as a place i will never forget. not sure that it will be easy when the time comes that i'm not able to come back.
anyway, i guess that's all for now.