Are you afraid of being alone?

July 07 2005
I need a hug, real bad.

Nothing is going right anymore and I'm afraid I can't do anything to prevent the worst.


I'm Lost Without You.

July 06 2005
I wish he would understand that he's everything to me.

This can't end, it just can't.


July 05 2005
I want to die.

End of story.

Perfect By Nature.

July 05 2005
I sometimes wonder how some people are so popular and always get to hang out with their friends and have fun.

Then I look at myself and I feel so completely and utterly stupid.

Getting These Songs Stuck In My Head.

July 05 2005
'Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you.'

'I'm begging you, i'm begging you, to be my escape'

Just Some Lyrics.

June 30 2005
"Forgive Me"

'Can you forgive me again?
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you

I heard the words come out
I felt that I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you

Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken

I'd give anything now
to kill those words for you

Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."
But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.

'Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see
How happy you make me

I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive

So stay with me
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you'

This song reminds me of the past. It seems to describe everything perfectly.

Join my group: Kidz Bop ruined the music. Cause you're cool like that. ;-)

So I Lied.

June 28 2005
Okay maybe I lied.

Life may seem too good to be true.

But why is there always a lingering fear in the back of my mind?

I never want to lose the best thing in my life, I would absolutely die.

I'm sorry I'm such a horrible person.

I don't mean to be such a pest, I just don't want things to end all wrong again.

And I realize I am an absolutely ugly person when I cry.


June 28 2005
'It's not what it seems
Not what you think
No I must be dreaming
It's only in my mind
Not in real life
No I must be dreaming'

I think life is too good to be true.


June 26 2005
So I guess I now know how it feels to cry myself to sleep.

It's Just You And Me.

June 24 2005
I feel so utterly stupid.

I feel ugly.

I feel like a failure.

I hate being so emotional. I ask my dad to take me into town to Sarah's so I could hang out with her and he says no. Of course I feel very stupid and I feel like crying. I always do that. Each time my parents say I can't do something or they scold me I always end up getting angry or wanting to cry. I'm so pathetic.

I mean I haven't been out of the house since last week. All I want to do is be able to hangout with my friends and have a good time. All we were gonna do was probably lay out and then go to the car show.

I hate letting people step all over me. I always let people make fun of me and I do nothing about it. I am so effin emo. I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of being bored. Every day is rountine. For once I try to break out of that rountine, it gets shot down. Gah.

Sorry for such a whiny post.

I Deserve This.

June 22 2005
I feel like an awful girlfriend.

I need a hug.

'So here we are again
Same old arguement
And now I'm wondering
If things will ever change'

Just Pull The Trigger, Must I Beg?

June 20 2005
Okay, pretty sure I want to flippin shoot someone. I fucking hate being jealous but I fucking hate it when people piss me off.

I started out freshman year hardly knowing anyone in my choir class very well. But soon me and Sarah became friends. We always IMed each other right when we signed on and we always hung out. I'd go to her house and we'd hangout. We were best friends.

Now here we are, freshman year has ended and we don't even talk. I fucking hate her sometimes. We stopped talking about two months ago maybe. She says I'm too dramatic and she's trying to stay away from drama. EXCUSE ME! She's the one who fucking cut herself to feel the pain because 'she likes pain.' So much fucking bullshit!

I am a very jealous person and she knows that. But she has claimed Sean, MY boyfriend, as her new 'best friend.' It pisses me off. I know she claims not to have real 'best friends,' but it pisses me off that she IMs me and tells me all this funny stuff Sean says. I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR ABOUT IT! If he is her best friend, then what the fuck ever. She tries to have a good girl persona but she isn't! She talks about going to church and realizing that she's not living a good life but she still continues to do stupid shit! Gah I want to fucking scream!

I know this may sound harsh, but I wish Sean wouldn't talk to her. Me being jealous, I tend to follow comments and the such on people's Xangas. I read all the comments she leaves him and the ones he leaves her. It kills me inside to see him say 'Love ya' or 'Hey babe.' I know they're 'friends.' But I want to be the only one he says he loves. I know I am selfish and I'm being a big whiny emo baby about this but I just wish I still had that friendship with her that we used to have and I want my boyfriend to know that I find it weird that they're so close.

Okay that was a major venting post. If I offended anyone I'm sorry, but get over it because those are my feelings.



June 19 2005
This is going to sound weird but, I really never want to end up like my sister. Since she started high school in 1999, she's lost atleast six friends that I can recall. That's aleast one a year and I know there is more. I don't think I could ever deal with all that. It seems really stressful. I just hope I don't have to go through that. Mrph.

I guess this post was kinda random. I'll update when I get home.


Destory Us All!

June 17 2005
Don't ask about the title. I'm addicted to watching Cartoon Network and right now I'm watching the Grim Adventures of Billy And Mandy.

Something New

June 15 2005
So I guess I followed the trend and got one of these things. They're cool I guess. And not as open as Xanga which is good. I'll probably update every-so-often. So I guess this is the beginning to this whole thing...

Today was partly good and partly sure hell.
Went riding around with Justin and soon got bored to death. Only saw Sean for roughly five minutes then Justin wanted to follow a girl who he is still head over heels for. Annoyed the hell out of me. Ended up walking almost half a mile in the woods so he could find a place to fish and spy on his eye candy. I was really mad and it was scorching out there so I stomped back to the truck. I was itching all over from the woods and found a tick on my leg. Bleck. Got home and finally cooled down.

I hadn't slept in over 26 hours so Sean finally convinced me to go to bed. Slept from seven to around midnight. Not that bad. I'll probably go back to sleep soon since my sister isn't awake.

Only real good thing that I accomplished today, besides seeing Sean, was probably getting an application for Kroger. I doubt I'll fill it out though. I really need a job, but:
A) I really don't like working around lots of people.
B) I want to get a job I actually like, not a job that bores me for hours on end.
But I guess I'm going to have to forget my stubborness and apply anyways. Bleh.

Well, Kirk is calling. I'll update sometime soon. Ciao.