"Do everything in love." -1 Cor. 16:14

Possibly the most fundamental of all Bible verses. Could also be one of the most important.

Love. It's what the entire Christian faith is based on. God sent His Son because He loved us. Jesus died on the cross because He loved us. Every single Christian idea is based on the act of loving one another. So why do people today have such a hard time doing it??

People always tell me that I have one of the biggest hearts they've ever seen. I would do anything for anyone that needed it. I will cause myself pain so that others may avoid it. It's just what I've always done. It's all I know *how* to do.

God has blessed me with this massive heart with so much love inside to give that I could explode. So what happens when that huge heart puts everything it has into loving someone, and the person runs away from it.

I believe with all that I have that Josh is the one for me. I know it in my heart and not a single thing could make me believe otherwise....Not even him saying he no longer believes it. I know that he loves me, and I know that he knows what we have together. Someone extremely important in my life told me that while Josh and I were togther, everything else just seemed to fit. And now that we're not, everything else seems not so perfect anymore. But Josh needs to figure that out for himself, and he needs to quit running away from it just because he's scared.

I knew that God had something to teach me through all of this. I knew that He wasn't just causing me to go through this pain just for the heck of it. I just hadn't figured out what that lesson was until this morning at church.

Maybe Josh and I aren't meant to be with each other right now. He and I both have a lot of growing up to do, and my part of growing up needs to be done before I bring another person into it. Like I said earlier, with my huge heart comes this incredible amount of love to give. And even though my heart will always belong to Josh, it needs to have another focus for right now. My heart needs to be focused on getting my spiritual life where it needs to be. I need to put my heart into my faith and it needs to be focused on figuring out what God has planned for this heart He blessed me with. I've got to focus on that for a while, and I'm not able to do that with my focus being elsewhere. And then, when God believes I'm ready, my heart's focus will return to Josh while still putting everything I have into my faith.

Even though I've realized all of this, not being with Josh is still harder than I ever thought imaginable. The pain intensifies more each day and the tears still flow at their own free will. But I'm trying to learn to be okay without him for a while, because I know in my heart that we will be together again. Though most everyone else has stopped believing in us, I still have faith in Josh and I. I just wish that he would allow himself to believe it also.

Love Always: Me