Untitled

April 04 2006

find out who you are,


&


do it on purpose.




in the last 72 hours,
considering that I havent been able to sleep
I have thought about many things.
since sunday,
I've only been able to sleep
three or fours hours out of the night
the rest of the time,
I lay there and think
or listen to music.


I asked God a lot of questions
and I got some answers to some of them.
I feel Him there next to me at night.
I say, it's a good feeling.


I thought about my family.
I love them, but oh how I need to get away
even if it's for a day.
when I thought about this,
I mostly thought about my sister
because I am close to her.
and when she gets older, I hope she
doesnt turn out anything like me.


I thought about my friends.
we've changed, much
good in some ways, bad in some ways
a lot of love lost, a lot of love gained.
but I love them no matter what.
even if we laugh and talk all day
or we dont see each other for months
I love them.


I thought about chad,
and how happy I have been since september.
especially now, I like that I can talk to him
I love that he's my bestfriend, not only my boyfriend
and what I like knowing the most is,
he's there and that he loves me.
I know he's right there by me when I struggle.



then I thought about me.
I've changed a lot, I know this
I'm just not quite sure if it's for the best
or for the worst.
I'm not any stronger
yes in my faith, I am
but, not towards other things.
I thought yesteday,
I dont want what my parents want.
I know, I know, "what kid does?"
they push me to do things
and it only pushes me away from them
and I hate that because I want to be close.
knowing I have so many fears,
I officially thought of something.
I want a day full of crazy.
one day, I'm going to just go full out crazy
and I'm not going to second guess anything I do
I'm just going to do it.



I'm just going to do it..