So today Melissa in the office let me watch her baby Joshua while she ran to the bank. He is the most precious little boy. Cutest dimples and smile. Eyes the color of gray-blue marbles. As soon as she left, I began to feel myself panic. I took Joshua upstairs and played with him for a few minutes and then put him to sleep. She told me to beware if he makes faces like he is going to the bathroom, I can catch it in time, but if I hear it then it is too late, it will be all over the place. I think that is when I truly began to have the panic attack. I am certainly not ready for motherhood yet.