It's good to have Phusebox back.

Happy New Year everyone. Late Merry Christmas as well. I've done alot of thinking and I've come to this:

This post is going to be a combo of my last 2 Xanga posts (I had to find somewhere to write everything down while Phusebox was out..heh) so enjoy it and if you actually get through the whole post then you deserve a cookie.

Enjoy..

Saturday, December 24, 2005

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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I added a few things ..by that I mean 2.. to my Christmas "list".
Things asked for this Christmas: 2.

I don't need alot of new things to make me happy or make Christmas worth while. It's never been like that for me. I was a spoiled little kid ..most of us were.. and I think it funny to think how excited I used to be on Christmas morning. All the toys my brother and I would get would make us so happy and we would play with them until they broke. As I grew older, my prespective on things changed.

Ever since I started giving more presents ..family, friends, girlfriends.. than I was getting, my mom has said "It's not about what they want. It's about what you want them to have." I disagreed with it because my train of thought was always about me and what I wanted ..I was selfish.. and it made no sense about why a gift someone wanted me to have would be exactly what I wanted.

So I was a selfish little kid ..and teenager.. but now I realize she's right. I joke with her and everyone else about how it's about what the person wants but she's right.

Christmas is the time when people run over each other for toys and other gifts and it seems to me that if we all just stepped back and looked at what Christmas is supposed to be about, it would be a whole lot more cheerful around this time of year. Take this for example: if someone were to ask you what you think of around Christmas time would you say..

- Jesus, Christmas trees, snow, Santa, and presents

..or..

- Traffic, crowded malls, credit card debt, and crazy people

It's just something to think about. I mean after all, Jesus is the reason for the season.

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The first semester of college has long been over. Wanna know my grades? Have fun with it..

- Communications 150  B+
- Geology 101  B+
- English 101  A
- Math 123  C+
- Spanish 150  B

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I've all but given up on writing like I used to. On my old xanga [[squirrelly203]] I would just sit down and type whatever I felt like typing and somehow it all made sense. Yeah, it ended up being 6 or 7 pages worth of thought and opinion but it was entertaining. Lately I've felt like I've lost my edge. I can't make an argument without going off on a rant or ending with something completely different than what I started with.

My mom always thought I would be a writer. I said there wasn't any money in it so I would pass. Then I thought about this: money shouldn't matter as long as you love what you're doing. I used to love to write. Maybe I will again someday. Who knows? In a week of two there could be this gigantic Xanga entry like the old days. If it happens, I promise it will make sense.

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People change. Life changes. Death, taxes, and change are probably the 3 most guaranteed things in life that we all deal with. The first two we tend to stay away from (obviously) but the latter is almost more positive than you might think. Take your group of friends in middle school. Now take your friends from high school. How many of them are still close to you? Which ones have changed? Moved? Died even? Thinking back on life before responsibility presents us with so much that we almost took for granted. With growing up comes less (sometimes more) drama, daunting responsibilities, and trying to find a job that will support you and your family.

Have you taken your life for granted? What about your childhood? There are so many what ifs and they are nothing more than what causes regret. The changes in life happen for a reason. The friends we had when we were younger might not even live near us now but they will always hold a special place in the memories we tell our new friends, family, and someday our kids. Change may not always be good but most of the time it is extremely beneficial to how we grow and learn.

All those girlfriends who lied to you or cheated on you cause you to be more selective and cautious about who you date. They changed your perspective. The times when your "best friend" told all your secrets to their new "best friend" shows you just how decietful people can be. They changed what you consider to be a "best friend."

Long winded as I sometimes am, what I'm getting at is you simply cannot move forward without some form of change. Change teaches us, helps us in our lives, and can even define who we are.

On a side note, we all have or will have a defining moment that is caused by some form of change. If you try to think back on your life to find it, then you haven't had one. It will always be fresh in your mind no matter how many years go by.

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When I talked about a best friend, it got me thinking of who I call my "best friends." Over the years my list, like everyone elses, has changed some. After 18 years, here are my best friends:

-Lyndi 8 months
-Kelly 3 years
-Genna 2 years
-Amy/Rachel 9 years
-Chris 4 years

I went over to Kelly's the other night to exchange presents between her, myself, and Genna. It's been a while since I've been to her house and when I got there I saw her mom, aunt, and grandparents. She and her family have found a special place in my heart ever since Kelly lost her dad nearly two years ago. She's got all of her friends that she's known for years longer than I've known her to support her and be there for her when she needs them but when I see her mom and family all together, it's like something completely different. I've always been made to feel like I was a part of their family and Kelly has become like a little sister almost. It warms my heart whenever I see them laughing and smiling because that let's me know they're doing alright. The whole point of me saying all of this is because when I was getting ready to leave, I hugged her mom bye and she told me she loved me. I said I love you too . After leaving the house, I sat in my truck for a minute and thought about how close I am to them. I'm not in town as much as I used to be but I always know that Kelly and Genna are two of my best friends and they will always be my family. She's there for me and I'm there for her and she's one of the few people I can still trust. That's friendship right there.

Amy and Rachel..good Lord..I've known them for it seems like forever. They're my little, yet older, sisters and their family welcomes me like I'm a part of it as well. Being able to just show up and joke with them like we did back in high school always brings a smile to my face and no matter what happens to me or them, the 3 of us will always be close because they are my older, shorter (heh) siblings. Sorry Amy,

I've only known Chris since high school but I can tell you he's German, awesome at video games, and can rebuild an engine in 29 minutes. We've been through alot over the past couple years and if I ever needed anything ..like someone to fix my truck or build me a cooler radio or anything actually.. that I could count on him.

Lastly, certainly not least-ly, I come to my girlfriend, fiancee, wife, and soul mate. Its been 8 months but it feels like 8 years. We can fight, argue, and smile over absolutely nothing and no matter what we do, we can count on each other for anything and everything. She knows every thought, feeling, and opinion my little mind could put out and that is more than any of my friends will ever know about me. There's not been a stone left unturned. I love her with all my heart and I will love her until the day I die. On top of everything, she is my best friend. There is and will never be another person quite like her. She's done so much for me and the biggest task she's taken on has been just putting up with me. I haven't made it a walk in the park but without her here to keep me straight I don't know where I would be. Nothing would make me happier than to see her face light up on Christmas morning considering this will be the first Christmas without her Grandfather. All I've wanted from the time of our first date was to see her smile and for 259 days straight  she has smiled at least once. I'm sorry for all the trouble I cause you and I love you to death beautiful. You're my life and my whole world.

To death do us part?

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ESPN: The Worldwide Leader in Sports.
Maybe one day, you'll hear these words..

"Welcome to Sportscenter, I'm Kyle Cantrell along side.."
..or even..
"Coming to you on ESPN Radio I'm Kyle Cantrell. What do you guys think about.."

Can dreams really come true?
If you asked me 3 years ago if I wanted to be in front of a camera doing news, sports, etc. I would have said no.
Now it's my life's goal.
Wouldn't that be something for a high school reunion?

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I've gone on long enough for now.

I <3 LRC

cantrell.out

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Sunday, December 25, 2005

I wasn't sure how this Christmas was going to go because alot of things changed. Let's just say that this Christmas was awesome.

As always, I went to Alabama yesterday to be with my family. For the first time, I brought someone with me. Lyndi came and I do believe she had an awesome time becoming part of my family

Ever since I've had a Xanga, I always post what I got for Christmas. I don't know why but I'll continue that little tradition this year.

Enjoy..

- Digital Camera (my parents are the coolest)
- Webcam
- Garth Brooks Box Set
- Gift Cards to American Eagle and Hastings
- Jacket
- Hoodie
- Candy, Cash, Cookies
- Talking Ron White doll thing
- White UT hat
- VOLopoly (we played, I dominated)
- "Fill'er Up" Antique Gas Pump Liquor Pump (my little brother gave it to me, yes it's meant for liquor, no, I'll use it for water)

Lyndi's parents got me something, too. We were at her house late Christmas Eve and they were all opening presents and they gave me one to open. I rip the paper off, open the box, and the only thing inside is this sheet of computer paper. On this sheet of paper reads:

"This page is your ticket. Blue Collar Comedy Tour 2005, Gaylord Entertainment Center, February 16, 2005"

I had no idea what to say, think, or do. I did what any normal person like myself would do in that situation: I freaked and kept on smiling like a moron. Tickets to see my absolute favorite comedy show..holy freaking crap..I almost cried. That's not even the best part of Christmas, though.

Lyndi and I had our first Christmas together and that in itself was enough to bring a smile to my face. Bless her heart though..she saved her money to get me something I've been wanting for a good while and when I opened it up I almost cried. My wonderful girlfriend bought me a brand new Fossil watch. It's got a silver band and a silver face and it is unbelieveable. It's probably the nicest and most thoughtful thing someone other than my parents or grandparents has ever given me. My face lit up even more after I looked at my new watch and ever since I saw her open up what I got her, my heart feels like it can't quit smiling.

This has been one of the best Christmases ever. Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you all got to spend it with your families and your friends and had as good a CHRISTmas as I did, inside and out.

I love you Lyndi Rose (soon to be) Cantrell.

cantrell.out