GirlFriend Application

March 14 2006
#1 Are you female?



#2 If you aren't, do you look good in hose?

#3 If you are, can I have your address & phone number?

#4 Do you mind if I play with my hard drive? My floppy drive? How do you
feel about large capacity storage devices with large transfer rates? (CD-ROM)

#5 Does computer dorkishness bother you?

#6 Will you psychoanalyze me?

#7 If you do, will you please leave me alone?

#8 Do you have a kleenex, a fishing bobber, a mathematic book & a purple
pen on your desk too? (Yes, its a desperate attempt at a pickup line.)

#9 Do you like Josh & John's Ice Cream?

#10 Do you go there at least once a week?

#11 Do you go there more than once a week?

#12 Do you see me there very much? Do I look funny with dutch chocolate
ice cream all over my face? If so, its my roommate you saw.

#13 Do pocket protectors excite you?

#14 How about checkered hunting pants and taped glasses?

#15 Do you know how to program in more than one language?

#16 Do you know how to program in more than two languages?

#17 Can you program in Swahili?

#18 How about Yiddish?

#19 Speaking of yiddish, did you like the movie YENTL with Barbara Streisand?

#20 How do you feel about cross dressing jewish girls then?

#21 Me too..

#22 Do you shut up when people hit you? Will you hit me very much?

#23 Are you available Friday night?

#23.5 How about next Saturday?

#23.7 How about Sunday?

#23.9 Ok, the Friday after that?

#23.999012 Ok, any time soon?

#24 What brand of pocket calculator do you prefer?

#25 Do you have more hair on your upper lip than I do?

#26 Do you eat Chili? Do you burp chili? Can you burp chili in Utah?

#27 Ok, now can you classify your burp as a Slickrock Toad's mating call?

#28 Do you like REM?

#29 Do you like INXS? PSB? ACRONYMS?

#30 How do you feel about the Northern League's party stance for the
secession of Italy into three separate nations?

#31 Can you add more than two numbers simultaneously?

#32 Can you do my Calculus homework on series for me then?

#33 Can you play racquetball?

#34 Can you play it really well?

#35 Can you lose to boost my ego?

#36 Do you drink?

#37 Do you drink a lot?

#38 Don't you think you should drink a lot in order to avoid dehydration?

#39 Do you find drooling on pillow attractive?

#40 I don't really drool on my pillow, but isn't it a good way to meet
people?

#41 What is the ln(2). How about ln(|2|)?

#42 Do you have a better computer than I do? Can I play on it?

#43 Will I have more fun with

          a) going on a date with you

          b) gnawing my arm off rather than risk waking you up by moving it

          c) run for a political office in a remote third world country

#44 Can you come up with long lists at random seemingly out of thin air?

#45 How about at sea level where the air is thicker?

#46 Do you feel that PV=nRT is an appropriate equation when we really
don't have an ideal gas that it can model?

#47 If you only have one M&M is it just a M? Or is it M&M/2?

#48 What's the fastest land mammal?

#49 How do you feel about premarital holding hands? kissing? sex? wild
passionate orgies involving lime green jello and rice krispies coupons?

#50 with Cheerios coupons?

#51 How much do I have to pay you to go out with me?

#52 Do you know the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

#53 Is that an African or a European swallow?

#54 (Bonus Points) Can you quote Monty Python from heart?

#55 (Major detraction) How about Yentl?

#56 Do you brush your teeth with denture cream?

#57 Do you brush your teeth with New Crest bubblegum for kids?

#58 If answer yes to #57, would it be considered statutory rape?

#59 Do you find hemmerhoid commercials that air during dinner appetizing?

#60 Do you have more than one computer?

#61 Do you wear glasses?

#62 Are they bifocals?

#63 Do they get in the way of kissing?

#64 Do you have your own protective case for them?

#65 Do you tape them?

#66 Do you clean them with spit & your shirt tails?

#67 Do you mind if I clean my glasses with your shirt tails?

#68 What exactly is a shirt tail? Where's the head?

#69 Do you think that it should be termed a head or a restroom?

#69.1 If its a restroom, why don't people rest there?

#69.2 Do people get lots of rest when they die?

#69.3 If you die, does that mean you can't go to McDonald's any more?

#69.4 Why did McDonald's stop using animal fat on their fries?

#69.5 Do you like ketchup? (On your fries)

#69.55 How about other condiments?

#69.6 how about mint flavored condoms?

#69.7 Who came up with that idea for the stealth condom anyway?

#69.8 Doesn't the Stealth Bomber carry nuclear bombs?

#69.9 Did you know that nuclear bombs cause lower SAT scores from low
level radiation fallout that invades cow's milk? They also cause nuclear
war, which as every good debater knows, restrooms cause nuclear war!

#70 Did you ever debate in high school or college?

#71 You are in college aren't you?

#72 Ok, past junior high?

#73 Do you know my friend Scott? He's got red hair. He lives down the
hall from me. His dad and my dad went to school together too?

#74 Do you know any of my friends named scott? I know three scotts,
except two spell it scot.

#75 If something has a scot type nature to it, does that make it scottish?

#76 Do you shoot people for having bad puns?

#77 Will you laugh at my bad puns in order to make me think that I might
stand a chance at going out with you again?

#78 Do you find diversions like this one humorous if not a good way to
avoid working on homework?

#79 Can you name the five cardinal directions of the compass? What if
there really were five, what would the world be like?

#80 Will you hold past relationships over my head? Can I hold past
relationships over your head?

#81 Are you a bigger nerd than I am?

#82 Close to the same?

#83 Actually normal?

#84 Popular enough not to be seen in the same time zone with me?

#85 Can you tie cherry stems in knots with your tongue? Can you tie a
bowline with it?

#86 Do you like Meatloaf as a musical group?

#87 Do you like meatloaf as a dinner dish?

#88 Do you think that both Meatloaf and meatloaf could use a little
seasoning and that both are pretty much despised by the civilized world.

#89 Do you think Yentl is a good movie? Wait, I already asked that. Never
mind. Do you think that a remake of Yentl with the lead singer of
Meatloaf taking the lead role as the cross dressing jewish woman would be
a good flic?

#90 Do you ever find yourself staggering to come up with a question #90?
#91 How about a question #91?

#92 Please explain in 1000 words or more, with the advent of the medium,
fine, and thick point ball point pens, how will this impact reindeer
trade in Scandinavia?

#93 Is 42 really an appropriate answer to Life the Universe and
Everything? Don't you think 34 would have been better?

#94 Do you ever find people staring over your shoulder? Does it bother
you when they get drool on your sweater?

#95 How about a question #95?

#96 Asphinctersayswhat? Was it better in the first movie or the second?

#97 I think that Saturday night live was much better in the past. That's
a statement, not a question. Just thought I might share that.

#98 Do you use a jig, a fly, salmon eggs, or live bait when fishing?

#99 Would it bother you if I told you that I really was a fish in the
ocean that was a toaster imagining it was god? Would you send me for
psychiatric evaluation, or just tell me that a rose by any other name
would still be called Ray Charles?

#99.5 What if I just suggested that I might tell you that? would you
still suggest psychiatric evaluation?

#99.7 What if it was a carp?

#99.9 Did you know that 9^9^9 is the biggest number you can represent
with only three digits?

#99.99 Did you know that $0.32 is about the biggest number I can
represent with my check book?

#100 Hi, I'm Michael What's your name?




That's it. If you scored over 3245.678*10^32, chances are you'll be
perfect. Write me E-Mail.

If you scored around 100, write me E-Mail

If you scored around 50, write me E-mail

If you scored around 10, write me E-mail

if you didn't answer a single question, write me E-mail

if you got them all wrong to the point of getting the federal deficit as
a score, but you still think I'm more attractive than Alan Greenspan,
write me E-mail.




Or, if you like, you could write me E-mail.









AHAHA
funny and all, but im not kidding

Elizabeth

March 14 2006
thats funny, easily one of the most intersting blogs i've read in awhile