I want school to start more than ever.

I'm really excited to see what the Battalion will be like this year.

The freshman are all pretty cool too.

And school also means seeing him.

And if I see him, I know that everything's okay.

mmm hardly anyone comments me anymore. So my updates may be random. Ha.

mmm leadership meeting tomorrow for JROTC. Then I'm hopeing SGT will let me help with mini-camp. Then again, I'm just worrying about getting a ride. Heh.

Other than that nothing much to say. Summer reading still isn't done but it's going at an okay pace.


mmm...yeah.

mmmm so everything is much better.

We're back together which is the most important thing.

I'm really happy right now.

Went to see War Of The Worlds on Wednesday. Even though I don't like most movies like that, it was very good and I want to see it again. Not to mention it was funny to see me clinging to Sean when the aliens showed up. Haha.

So my mom's birthday is this weekend. She's gonna be 44. Wow that woman is old. Hehe. But she's not going to be here most of the day since Friday she's going to Nashville with my dad to go 'bar hopping.' Then on Saturday she's going into work at seven then off to the NHL draft party till two or something.

So I think my weekend is going to be boring. I'm hopeing my mom will let me go to the movies on Sunday or something. I'll probably see War Of The Worlds again. :-)

Well.....that's about it now. I'll be gggoooiinngg.

I don't really understand.

How you can fall in love then feel no emotion at all.

I really don't want to get over this.

Because I feel like I caused it.

This girl is confused.

She doesn't know how to feel.

She doesn't know if it's over or if he's still holding on.

How she wishes he will hold on.


He didn't hold on....

This hurts.

My heart is about to break.

I don't want this to happen.

'There you are, giving up the fight.
Here I am begging you to try,
Talk to me, let me in.
But you just put your wall back up again,
Oh when's it gonna end?

How far do I have to go to make you understand,
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are,
So I'm gonna walk away,
And it's up to you to say how far.'

mmm. This weekend was good in a way and ultimately bad in others.

Check me out!

Stupid drama.

I'm tired of people and their bullshit.

Everything is wonderful.

Haha, don't ask about the title.

So I think things are better.

Me and Sean were going through a bit of a rut and it felt like a break up was imminent. Thank god we talked about it.

Mucho love.

I need a hug, real bad.

Nothing is going right anymore and I'm afraid I can't do anything to prevent the worst.

:-(

I wish he would understand that he's everything to me.

This can't end, it just can't.

I want to die.

End of story.

I sometimes wonder how some people are so popular and always get to hang out with their friends and have fun.

Then I look at myself and I feel so completely and utterly stupid.

'Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you.'

'I'm begging you, i'm begging you, to be my escape'

I

"Forgive Me"

'Can you forgive me again?
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you

I heard the words come out
I felt that I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you

Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken

I'd give anything now
to kill those words for you

Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."
But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.

'Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see
How happy you make me

I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive

So stay with me
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you'

This song reminds me of the past. It seems to describe everything perfectly.

Join my group: Kidz Bop ruined the music. Cause you're cool like that. ;-)

Okay maybe I lied.

Life may seem too good to be true.

But why is there always a lingering fear in the back of my mind?

I never want to lose the best thing in my life, I would absolutely die.

I'm sorry I'm such a horrible person.

I don't mean to be such a pest, I just don't want things to end all wrong again.

And I realize I am an absolutely ugly person when I cry.

'It's not what it seems
Not what you think
No I must be dreaming
It's only in my mind
Not in real life
No I must be dreaming'

I think life is too good to be true.

So I guess I now know how it feels to cry myself to sleep.

I feel so utterly stupid.

I feel ugly.

I feel like a failure.

I hate being so emotional. I ask my dad to take me into town to Sarah's so I could hang out with her and he says no. Of course I feel very stupid and I feel like crying. I always do that. Each time my parents say I can't do something or they scold me I always end up getting angry or wanting to cry. I'm so pathetic.

I mean I haven't been out of the house since last week. All I want to do is be able to hangout with my friends and have a good time. All we were gonna do was probably lay out and then go to the car show.

I hate letting people step all over me. I always let people make fun of me and I do nothing about it. I am so effin emo. I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of being bored. Every day is rountine. For once I try to break out of that rountine, it gets shot down. Gah.

Sorry for such a whiny post.

I feel like an awful girlfriend.

I need a hug.

'So here we are again
Same old arguement
And now I'm wondering
If things will ever change'

Okay, pretty sure I want to flippin shoot someone. I fucking hate being jealous but I fucking hate it when people piss me off.

I started out freshman year hardly knowing anyone in my choir class very well. But soon me and Sarah became friends. We always IMed each other right when we signed on and we always hung out. I'd go to her house and we'd hangout. We were best friends.

Now here we are, freshman year has ended and we don't even talk. I fucking hate her sometimes. We stopped talking about two months ago maybe. She says I'm too dramatic and she's trying to stay away from drama. EXCUSE ME! She's the one who fucking cut herself to feel the pain because 'she likes pain.' So much fucking bullshit!

I am a very jealous person and she knows that. But she has claimed Sean, MY boyfriend, as her new 'best friend.' It pisses me off. I know she claims not to have real 'best friends,' but it pisses me off that she IMs me and tells me all this funny stuff Sean says. I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR ABOUT IT! If he is her best friend, then what the fuck ever. She tries to have a good girl persona but she isn't! She talks about going to church and realizing that she's not living a good life but she still continues to do stupid shit! Gah I want to fucking scream!

I know this may sound harsh, but I wish Sean wouldn't talk to her. Me being jealous, I tend to follow comments and the such on people's Xangas. I read all the comments she leaves him and the ones he leaves her. It kills me inside to see him say 'Love ya' or 'Hey babe.' I know they're 'friends.' But I want to be the only one he says he loves. I know I am selfish and I'm being a big whiny emo baby about this but I just wish I still had that friendship with her that we used to have and I want my boyfriend to know that I find it weird that they're so close.

Okay that was a major venting post. If I offended anyone I'm sorry, but get over it because those are my feelings.

Ciao

This is going to sound weird but, I really never want to end up like my sister. Since she started high school in 1999, she's lost atleast six friends that I can recall. That's aleast one a year and I know there is more. I don't think I could ever deal with all that. It seems really stressful. I just hope I don't have to go through that. Mrph.

I guess this post was kinda random. I'll update when I get home.

Ciao

Don't ask about the title. I'm addicted to watching Cartoon Network and right now I'm watching the Grim Adventures of Billy And Mandy.