Iono lately I have been feeling like I need something to take care of. To have something to depend on me. And no don’t think about me getting a pet. This feeling is bigger than taking care of a cat (that’s what I have). For a while I have thinking about a baby. I know I’m crazy for wanting on so young. But I’m thinking about me in the long run. I’m pretty close to ugly. I just don’t consider myself attractive due to the experiences I have with men/ boys.

I attract users. Maybe I am too trusting. Then I think I should have never left Super F. At first he made me feel like I was one of the skinny girls. I guess at things got comfortable he started to change. Then I decided it was time to leave (which my mother said was a bad decision and I semi agree). Then I met Osita (ß not the real name . I gave him that cuz he acts like a pussy sometimes). I think I took to him because I had Super F for so long and I don’t like sleeping alone L . Osita in a way was giving me all the things that I was getting from Super F. Osita is how Super F was in the beginning x2. Then the pussy was getting to me so I had to cut off Osita. I met Kricket (this boy looks like he‘s about 12 but he’s 21 and ripped as hell -drools- ). I don’t think I should even count him cuz we just fucked around.

_____________________***will ***finish***later***_______________________

Peace and heart

<3 Keele

Date: 11-28-06   Time: 1:51 pm

I have another troubling** complex.. Men.. (which are really boys in grownup bodies). I always wonder why they like toying with you. Emotionally. Physically (that sometimes can be fun hehehe 9:) ). Mentally.

I just don’t understand why people like to mess with you on that level. Especially when they know that you are a trusting person and they just fuck with you until you want to quit. Until you cant take it anymore and want to bust the fuck out (in a relationship I have never been to that extreme but with people sometimes I wish crime was legal for 5 minutes).

Sometimes I also consider that it is my fault as well. Because I like to mess back and I also provoke some shit that happened like 3 months ago just to see the other mad. I don’t know why I like to make people annoyed…. Ohhh yeh I do it started with “The Man” a.k.a. “Super F”. He would get so cute when he was mad/ annoyed. It made me purr. He was sexy when he was mad…. Oooh and when we’d fight… then came the make up sex =^__^= MEEEOWW!!

Okok I think now we have found the root of the problem: ME. Now I don’t even know why I started this rant..

Peace and heart.

<3

Keele

*_^ *_^ *_^ *_^ *_^ *_^ *_^ *_^ *_^ *_^

Men are still little boys!!!

Date: 11-26-06   Time: 8:06 pm

I just don’t understand why people have to be non-listening? Why is it? Do they figure that they know everything that there is to know about certain things? Shit I don’t think so. See I have a friend that has been a great friend to me ever since we have been amigas (which has been a while but that’s a different story). All I’m trying to do is be a good friend and she isn’t letting me. Ok I think it would be better if I explain the situation just a little bit…. Ok long story short…

She got pregnant by a nameless man (we will dub him “Sperm Donor”). They decided with the council of her mother (I think I‘m not to sure about that part) to get married for the sake of the unborn babe. Then they are together for 2 year with the ups and downs of a married couple. Duuur-dur-duur! All is happy go lucky… whoopee whoopee. I know this chick for about (guesstamation here) 7 months and she starts talk about how Sperm Donor is starting to change… not acting the way that he used to-- all sweet then just to blah (like I mentioned before my then boyfriend was acting the same way). Don’t you hate it when people change for the bad? Anywho she was feeling distant from him… I think that brings us up to date.

Lol! That was a “long story short”. I got a little carried away. q---^__^---p Hug to make up for it?

Well they were arguing a lot about money… well mostly how she was spending “his” money. à Iono what that’s got to do with anything.

Well she left him cuz she told him her true feelings. I thought he was going to flip out but she said he didn’t (I heart her like a sister and if he ever EVER raises a hand to her I will WILL cut his dick off and feed it to him between 2 slices of rye bread). She said that he started beating himself then started talking crazy to her (i.e. “when I first knew that you were pregnant I was going to leave you”). I was like: >:O!! Then I was like: >=| grrrrrrr!! But what can you do? She was doing bueno for herself… got another job and was talking to another man. Life was going good… until people started to get in her head. Once again long story short…

She’s with a man she don’t love to make the “right” decision for the son. But I tried to tell her that it isn’t in the long run. Plus Sperm Donor thinks he has control over her because she can back to him. And I can sense something is going to happen my feels are usually (96%) not wrong especially when it comes to something bad. I DONT want anything to happen to her or the boy. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a 10 x 5 cell counting days till evaluation day. But if I have to I will. That motherfucker won’t see another day. Oh shit my blood pressure is up. I need to calm down.

Shit people need to listen to advice… Yes yes yes I know that there is a lot of bad advice but most of its good. But what’s the point of making a relationship work when you aren’t happy and there only a one sided love?

Shit people need to listen to advice… Yes yes yes I know that there is a lot of bad advice but most of its good. But what’s the point of making a relationship work when you aren’t happy and there only a one sided love?

Well enough of this… I will just sit back and watch this unfold. And when what I have predicted happens I will stand by as “the good friend”.

Peace up A-town down (even though I‘m not from there or been there. I like to say that).

<3 Keele

Date: 11-26-06   Time: 1:14 am

if it seems like i'm posting a lot of entries this is why: 

i dont have the net at my apt so i write my thoughts in word. then when i get time i go to moms and post them. so i will write the actual date and time i finished them. 

ok ciao.

<3 keele

well since i have graduated a lot has changed in my life.

i went to CNT school and got licensed to wipe old peoples asses. i got a used piece of crap car (which i heart! dont get me wrong!). i felt with the car i had freedom porque i was 8 fucking teen and i was able to do what the fuck i pleased. so i stayed out late (living with parentbots you have rules i.e. a curfew**)... stayed out late many times and my mom "says she was tired of it" and the heffer kicked me out. first i stayed with my then boyfriend for about a week. his uncles were getting pissed off. then another  friend let me stay with her and i started seeing the boyfriends brother... so that ended the 2 yr relation i had with my boyfriend (to tell the truth, the relation was over a year and a half ago). these nosey neighbors got me into trouble at her apt so i had to leave. thank goodness that my other friend had a place! woot woot! i stayed with her for a mintue until her mom got back from vacation. my mom (feeling sorry) let me stay for the week until i got an (my current residence) apt. i got it and its been good. now im on my own. its been good. but i miss being at home but i wont admit that to my mother (she would get a kick out of that). the apt is like 5 mintues away from her and i kno she a mighty big kick out of it but she dont have a key!!! hehehehehehe im an evil genius!

i wish people would quit bugging me about school. i will go in my own sweet time. i just got out of high school. id like a little break from teachers and such. but i will go before im 21. i think i will keep myself in the old folk business and become a LPN. the course is only for 18 months and i kno it will fly by, which will be great! yeh monday i will go apply for whenever they have an opening.

i have been wondering what my school buddies have been doing.. i believe (well i KNOW) more well off than myself. like Rachel C., Chelsea K., Rachel R., Shane (that sexy beast!), Carol N., Cathy, Karen S., Christine, Germani, Jill A. and some others i will probably mention later. i hope what they are doing is making them happy and i want them to kno im thinking of them. i hope they have a merry christmas and a happy new year! i heart you all!

well i guess thats it for now. peace and heart. <3 keele