Well it is Labor day weekend, My birthday is on Tuesday, and My grandparents do something for me every year. So i am going home, it will get me away from a lot of the crap i am going through here, and i think that i need to some time for my self. I will be coming back for church tho, no place like home and Bell Aire Baptist Church is about to become my home. So i guess i catch you up later.

Au Revoir

Ok it is the next morning, and i'll tell you the truth, i didn't sleep well at all. I went to bed around 12:30, right after i blogged for the first time, and i was almost in a deep sleep, when my aim started sounding off, all it really did was scare me a bit bc waking up to it i didn't know what it was. This guy, and this is the one that the friendship has been smugged just a little bit, he wrote to me telling me that everything was going to be ok btwn us, and it was a bit of a relief to know that bc i really needed to hear someting like that, with the state i am in. ( to him i say that i appreciate the message, and i know that in Gods time things btwn us will be normal.) But normal is not what we have right now, and i completely understand. On the other subject it was what i was thinking about as i was going to sleep, so i had this horrible dream about it, the guy i like was being so mean to me, and like a mean that i haven't incountered in my life, he was also rubbing this new found relationship in my face like it wasn't going to hurt me. Oh i was so glad to wake up from it, that would be about the time that one of the many girls in my support group right now text messaged me, so once again i was jerked awake by a shocking noise, The text included the verse Phillipians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Which is a verse that i am going to carry with me through this very exausting trial.

so i went back to sleep only to dram of this horrible dictator, runnung our country, and kicking my gradmother out of her home, in this dream i was running around trying to gather all her stuff for her so he wouldn't kill her, and i was standing right next to this girl that he just decided to shoot in the head, what a random dream i am glad that it was only a dream!!!

so the forcast today, still broken hearted, slowly moving on with my life, trying my best to be strong, putting it all in Gods hands, todays out look :(. ih and i think i am getting SICK, hince the soar throat.

So i never knew that i could be going througth so much crap rigth now!!! I know that everything happens for his Glory and that God will carry me through all of it, but man do i need to vent about so much!!!! I am sitting here almost in tears because i am being stretched to my limits. I have made mistake along the course of the last few days, and have endured so much heart ach! Why do we have so much emotion that runs through our body, that makes us feel as if we can't breath anymore? Why do i feel like a horrilble person and a jerk over something that i accidentally let slip? Now i have hurt this amzing friendship over a silly slip! Why do i punish my self over it all. Why is it that i completely still like this Guy, and it has just been revealed that he like this other girl, and i am CRUSHED!!!! He knows or he did know that i liked him, it has been a long summer, and things have changed, but my heart still has these feelings for him, and now the reality of him never really feeling the same has hit, and now i feel hopeless!! why does this always happen to me? ALWAYS IN THIS ORDER/ WILL IT EVER BE MY TURN? Now i have to sit back and watch as this relationship develops and hurt. Why does it hurt? I also have to act like it doesn't hurt like i am ok with it all bc i don't want to weird him out, plus i know that it is all in Gods Plan for him, and i want him to be happy, there i am, always putting others feeling b4 my own!! God i just pray that you will give me strength to get over this carry me through the next couple of months,and help me grow closer to you and Glorify you, Lord, and I hope that you bless this new developing relationship between these two People, Lord, let it all be for your Glory!!!!
And we know that God causes everything to work together[a] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 29For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn, with many brothers and sisters. 30And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And he gave them right standing with himself, and he promised them his glory.
Romans 8:28-39 (New Living Translation)

Well that is all for now just to let whoever reads this know that my heart hurts so much now, and i can't breath, but i trust that God will lift me up, and take care of me!
GOD BLESS!!
rEnEe